


Noémie et Adèle

by PierreQuiberon



Category: Portrait de la jeune fille en feu | Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) RPF, Portrait de la jeune fille en feu|Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) RPF
Genre: Adèle Haenel - Freeform, F/F, Noele, Noémie Merlant - Freeform, PierreQueberon, Portrait de la jeune fille en feu - Freeform, portrait of a lady on fire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 77
Words: 101,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24450910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PierreQuiberon/pseuds/PierreQuiberon
Summary: Just a series of vignettes. No disrespect meant in any way.Fictional imagining of the relationship between the 2 actresses Adèle Haenel and Noémie Merlant from the movie "Portrait of a Lady on Fire" -  before, during, and after making the movie.Totally made up scenarios with references to real events.Also, lots of picspam.
Relationships: Fictional relationship on real people
Comments: 264
Kudos: 148





	1. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:
> 
> 1\. I read the study in the prologue - (there were more recent studies that yielded the same result) a long time ago - that prolonged gazes could induce strong positive emotions in the people doing the gazing
> 
> 2\. With that study in the back of my head, I couldn't shake the thought that, empirically, the actors who spent almost the entire Portrait movie gazing at each other, would eventually find themselves attracted to each other. After all, it's been scientifically proven
> 
> 3\. My theory was (maybe) supported by their interactions during the few Q&As and interviews I saw; or maybe they were just being French, I don't know
> 
> 4\. I have been writing the story for a while now, after March 29 when the movie became available on Hulu. One of the very few movies that I sought fanfics for. Not many out there, so I just started writing one for myself; amid work and school, I would write one or 2 chapters at a time, hence the relatively short chapters. That's all I could handle
> 
> 5\. Until 30 May, I did not know what an "RPF" meant. Now that I do, I cannot help but wonder why people find them as the "dark side" of FF. After all, Shakespeare wrote a slew of them: The Henrys, Richard III, Antony & Cleopatra, Julius Caesar. Then you have the more contemporary ones: Network, Judy, Theory of Everything, The Favorite, Bohemian Rhapsody... the last Oscars were give to actors and actresses who played real people. I also understand that some RPFs have gone beyond simple story telling to indulge the darker side of humanity. This RPF is not one of them. As I said, this is just a story, given what I read in #1, and I sincerely hope that no one, especially the real folks who bear the characters' names, will be offended, but will be gratified that they have inspired others. I owe them a sincere thank you.

**Prologue**

> _Researchers Kellerman, Lewis, and Laird (1989) set out to explore the effects of mutual eye contact on participants' feelings of romantic love. In two experiments, participants were randomly paired into (opposite-sex) couples and given the instructions to either gaze at their partner's hands, gaze at their eyes, or count the number of eye blinks for two minutes. After completing that task, participants filled out various questionnaires to assess their feelings about their assigned partner._
> 
> _Results of the questionnaires indicated that couples who participated in mutual eye contact reported stronger feelings than any other group. Specifically, couples who both looked into each other's eyes reported significantly higher feelings of affection, passionate love, dispositional love, and liking for their partner. Thus, as the researchers note, "subjects induced to exchange mutual unbroken eye gaze for 2 min with a stranger (of the opposite sex) reported increased feelings of passionate love for each other"_

Noémie had just received the call from her agent that Céline Sciamma, the writer and director of a new project, and Christel Baras, the casting agent, would like her to come in for a second audition, but this time, with Adèle Haenel, the lead actress, present. Sure, she had seen Adèle in several films, and with two César gongs, it was not hard not to know of her. Noémie always thought there was this certain innocence and honesty that Adèle brought with her in every role, even when she was playing an enfant terrible or a quirky character. They had never met before – they moved in different circles; she among the models-turned-actress set while Adèle was with the crème de la crème and avant-gardes of French cinema. She was doing okay in her career; not Marion-Cotillard great, but okay. She had her modeling gigs and a decent body of work tucked under her belt, but nowhere near Adèle’s, whose films had been screened at Canned for five years in a row.

She was nervous.

She called her husband of just over a year, Simon, to tell him that she made it the second round. He was in filming in Hollywood and would not be home for another three weeks or so. And maybe it was the distance, but he sounded dismissive of her news.

“Adèle Haenel would be there for the screen test,” she told him.

“ _Oh, that dyke? What a waste. When is it?”_ he said curtly.

“ _Day after tomorrow,”_ she replied.

“ _What? Who do they think they are to give you such short notice! Make them wait!”_

“ _I already told them I would be there. Anyway, hope your film is going well,”_ she said.

 _“They guys and I are having In-and-Out burger. We’re taking a break and driving down to San Diego and maybe cross over to Mexico,”_ he said, already forgetting his wife’s news.

_“D’accord. Ciao, Simon.”_

_“Ciao.”_

Noémie decided to cut the call short - he was in one of those moods, when the whole world should revolve around him and nothing was more important than what he was currently doing.

She decided to sit by the window to have a cigarette, her mind already far away. Later, she got her iPad and watched some clips of Adèle on You Tube, particularly the interviews. What a smart woman, she thought, with very jagged edges. And funny even without trying! She made a salad, poured a glass of wine, and settled on the couch to watch more clips and videos. Before she knew it, it was almost bed time. She had been watching Adèle for almost 5 hours!!!

That night, she had a dream that she had the screen test with Adèle, who laughed at her derisively.

“ _You want me to act with that?!”_ Dream Adèle mockingly said.

It was just a dream, but she woke up with tears in her eyes. As an actor, she was already used to rejection, it’s a part of the job. But this rejection from Adèle was something that hurt very much, even if it was only a dream. She was not sure why, they had never met, for fuck’s sake, but it was almost a nightmare. Lying in bed at 3 in the morning, her chest still recovering from the dream, she thought that maybe she should just say “thanks but no thanks.”


	2. Audition

Noémie’s second audition was at 10 am. She already knew where to go – the office of Lilies Films on the 3rd arrondissement and not very far from her flat near Place des Vosges. She had been up early, did some yoga to ease her anxiety, and was deciding what to wear: should she go for something fancy or casual? She thought of everything she had seen of Adèle and chose a smart black suit, perfect for this crisp spring morning, just enough to complement her co-star’s style, which could range from super elegant to something resembling a 12-year old boy. Today, Noémie guessed Adèle's attire would be somewhere in between.

Céline and Christel were already there at the audition room. They gave her the script to read – a minuet of tête-à-tête between the painter and the subject – with last minute instructions from Céline before she went behind the camera. The door opened and in ambled Adèle Haenel.

 _“Sorry, I’m late. But not that much, I hope,”_ she said, with her trademark smile that could launch a thousand ships, whilst scanning the room and making mental notes of who were present. She stopped to look at Noémie, quietly smiling. Adèle bounced to the chair, introduced herself, and gave her a hug and 2 kisses.

 _“Here is the script. Do you want to take some time?”_ Céline said, getting up from behind the camera.

 _“No. This is the third audition this week, I have already memorized the lines,”_ Adèle said as she walked to where Noémie was and sat on the chair next to her.

Knowing that there were other actresses being considered, Noémie resigned to the unknown. _Do your best. The rest is no longer under your control_ , she mumbled to herself.

 _“Do you want to get something to eat after this? I’m starving! I did not have any breakfast,”_ Adèle whispered to her, disarming her. She smiled and nodded her head slightly _._

 _“Okay, ladies, we start from where Marianne says that she cannot make Héloïse smile,”_ Céline said as she put her hand up to count silently to three and start filming. An assistant dimmed the ambient light a bit to get the maximum exposure.

> _Marianne: I can't make you smile. I feel I do it and then it vanishes._
> 
> Noémie stared at Adèle, who stared back at her intently.
> 
> _Héloïse: Anger always comes to the fore._
> 
> Noémie softened her tone.
> 
> _Marianne: Definitely with you. I didn't mean to hurt you._
> 
> _Héloïse: You haven't hurt me._
> 
> _Marianne: I have, I can tell. When you're moved, you do this with your hand._
> 
> _Héloïse: Really?_
> 
> Adèle smiled very slightly.
> 
> _Marianne: Yes. And when you're embarrassed, you bite your lips. And when you're annoyed, you don't blink._
> 
> Noémie did not break her gaze.
> 
> _Héloïse: You know it all._
> 
> _Marianne: Forgive me, I'd hate to be in your place._
> 
> _Héloïse: We're in the same place. Exactly the same place. Come here. Come. Step closer. Look. If you look at me, who do I look at?_
> 
> Noémie turned towards the imaginary place that Adèle was pointing out. She then slightly touched her forehead, following the script.
> 
> _When you don't know what to say, you touch your forehead. When you lose control, you raise your eyebrows._
> 
> Noémie turned back and was met with those piercing blue-green eyes that just about took her breath away. She unconsciously gasped for air. She was not acting anymore.
> 
> _And when you're troubled, you breathe through your mouth._

They continued staring at each other, almost like a game of chicken: whoever broke her stare lost.

 _“And CUT! That was wonderful!”_ Céline said excitedly before turning to Christel and talking in very low voices.

Noémie looked down, blushing. For a few moments, she was lost in the eyes of Adèle Haenel.

 _“We’re going to get something to eat. Do you want to join us?”_ Adèle said very nonchalantly as she stood from her chair.

 _“Christel and I have to a few things to discuss, compare notes. You two go ahead,”_ Céline said, before turning to look at the girl with her head bowed down, still recovering from a very intense experience. “ _Noémie, are you free the rest of the day? Can you come back here with Adèle?”_

 _“I am free the rest of the afternoon. Yes, I will come back_ ,” Noémie said, bouncing out of her reverie.


	3. Casting

_“I think we have found our Marianne,”_ Céline said to Christel, smiling, as they watched the scene they had just filmed.

 _“I totally agree. It is a perfect symmetry, totally complementary,”_ Christel said. _“And I know you hate this word, but their chemistry is palpable.”_

 _“I knew you would say that, but this time, I agree with you,”_ Céline said _. “We tell her agent then I will call our lawyer to draw out the contract.”_

_Buzz_

_“Oh, it’s a text from Adèle,”_ Céline said as she picked her phone from her desk.

> I like Noémie. Please hire her.

Christel read the text the same time as Céline, and they both started laughing.

 _“Oh dear, Héloïse has spoken. I know Adèle, and I can almost guarantee that before the end of the shoot, she would be head over heels in love with Noémie,”_ Céline said with a bit of concern in her voice.

 _“Straight and married. Adèle will get her heart broken. And the production might suffer,”_ Christel said.

 _“She is very professional, she will not let anything happen to the film,”_ Céline replied. _“I’m more concerned about the emotional toll it might take on her later on, and she is still with Julia, remember. They are still engaged.”_

 _“They will not be engaged for long,”_ Christel quipped.

 _“This gives me an idea – we would not rehearse with the two of them. They would learn their lines separately, and all their scenes will be authentic. You cannot fake chemistry. **You cannot fake the way they looked at each other. No director is that good,** ” _Céline said, thinking out loud.

 _“Then I don’t think Noémie will be married for long either,”_ Christel said, half-jokingly.

\----

> How would you like to play Marianne?   
> Let’s discuss when the two of you are back.

Noémie was just finishing her salad and having coffee with Adèle when she got the text.

 _“I think I got the part,”_ she said, showing the text to Adèle, who smiled knowingly.

 _“Awesome!”_ Adèle said, with a big grin on her face, a smile so bright that Noémie had to turn away lest it burns itself into soul. And then she realized: she had not thought of Simon the entire day.


	4. Marriage

__

_“They start pre-production in the summer, then we go to Brittany in early October,”_ Noémie told Simon _._

 _“We start filming my project in the summer, the one about the Paris bombing,”_ Simon said.

They were both lying in bed. Simon had just flown in from America a few days ago and claimed that he was still suffering from jet lag, so he’s wide awake at bedtime. Not hearing any response, he looked over at his wife who was already half asleep. He reached out to touch himself then climbed on top, and with one thrust was inside of her. No foreplay, no kisses. He did not feel the need to do the work, and he knew she did not wear anything under her nightgown. He continued with the motion until he was done, rolled back to his side of the bed, and went to asleep.

She usually guided him in and position herself so he could easily enter because the faster he could do that, the sooner it would be over. But tonight, he was particularly brusque, staking his territory, and she was not in the mood to engage. She got up, went to the bathroom to clean herself, and cried.

She loved Simon; she really did. And he could be very charming when he wanted to. But she was bringing most of the income while he chased projects that he swore would make critics finally recognize that he was the next Truffaut. With her modeling gigs, product endorsements, and steady film and TV work, she could support both of them. But she did not sign up for this. And she was tired. What if she wanted a child? Would she be able to stay home and rely on Simon’s income alone? His parents helped pay for the flat in Marais, but all household expenses fell on her. Their joint bank account was healthy, but she had learned to keep a separate one for herself. 

Simon had big dreams. That’s what attracted her to him in the first place. He was going to be the next big thing to come out of France. But none of his films had turned a profit, and if not for the French Ministry of Culture grants, they would have been bankrupt by now. 

So Noémie trudged along because she made a vow and intended to keep it. Maybe after the filming, she and Simon could go somewhere, she thought. Find whatever had been lost along the way. A touch, a glance, a conversation.

Right now, they lived in the same place but there could very well have been an ocean between them.

She had not seen nor heard from Adèle since the audition, but they were not really friends. Not yet. She had no idea what Adèle’s current projects were, or what she did during her free time. She was not even certain if they were in the same time zone.

More and more, Noémie found herself thinking about the audition, those piercing eyes, that beautiful smile… and she would smile back to herself. It took her awhile to admit that she was really looking forward to filming and getting lost in Adèle’s eyes again. She was crushing hard, and she knew it.


	5. Bathtube

There was a lot of pre-production work involved: they had costume fitting, research, one-on-one meeting with Céline and her Assistant Director to go over the script. Most of the work was done in Paris. Sometimes, she and Adèle would see each other, but it was all business now. Gone was the playful kid and in her place was a consummate actor, focused on the script and the tasks at hand. 

Noémie was busy on her own. She spent a few weeks in the artist’s studio outside of the city limits, where she observed her body double, the painter herself, at work. Being left-handed, she had to train to mimic the flicks of Hélène’s fingers, hands, and arms, just enough to fake it. She learned the choreography of painting, the glances, when to step back, when to go back to the canvas, when to stop and ponder. In between sessions, she would read books: about the lost women painters of the 18th century, Greek mythologies, French history. She learned to play the 3rd movement of “Summer” in Vivaldi’s Four Seasons - on a keyboard, and later on a real spinet.

She was so busy that she hardly had time to ponder her now-fading Adèle infatuation. She dismissed it as something to keep her mind off the reality of life and Simon’s insensitivity, and it did its job.

She had not been home much lately, and neither had Simon. They would spend time during the weekends, when they were both at home. Simon in small doses was perfect for her, and she would laugh at his jokes, listen to his dreams, and accommodate his sexual needs. They went out to meet friends, watch concerts, visit her folks, and visit his folks. _This new gig might very well have saved her marriage,_ Noémie thought one night. The physical distance made her forget the gaping metaphorical chasm when they were together. He was not very interested in her new work; if she had to venture a guess, she would say that he was either jealous or intimidated by Céline. He had not asked to see the script, which he always did with her other projects.

So Noémie read the script in the solitude of her bath. She wanted to memorize every instruction, every little detail. Away from Simon and the rest of the world.


	6. Filming in Brittany

Noémie was familiar with the northern coast of France – she had spent many summers there with her mother’s family. Filming was over a period of 8 days, and from what she had heard, Céline and her skeleton, 5-person crew maintained a very tight ship. There were only 3 trailers on set: one each for her and Adèle and another one for Céline and her team. 

The first scene on the call sheet was when Marianne went running to find Héloïse after a fight and the realization that, with Héloïse’s mother coming back the following day, they were on borrowed time. Noémie watched Adele’s intensity and focus – she insisted on being left alone for an hour right by where Marianne would find her. It was like watching a person morphed into another totally and it was magical.

But Noémie had her own preparation rituals too, especially for a scene that would dictate their interactions for the rest of the film. She went on solitary walks, marveling at the ferocity of the sea as waves after waves slammed into the jagged rocks. She felt small, she felt insignificant, she felt that she could disappear any moment to let Marianne inhabit her.

It took four takes, not because they were lousy actors, but because Noémie insisted on doing better. In the very last take, she could feel her heart being ripped out of her chest, ready to die for the woman in green. And all her frustrations and fear just broke like a dam and poured into those luminescent pair of blue-green eyes before her. Unable to avoid the emotions being poured out onto her, Adèle felt the swell of her chest and caught all of Noémie’s emotions into her hands. The tears were real, the kisses were felt, the acting was no longer acting but an amalgamation of whatever pain and hopelessness were buried deep within.

 _“CUT! That was beautiful,”_ Céline exclaimed from behind the screen, before turning to her cinematographer, “ _They are still crying. Do you think we should let them be? It was a very heavy ask of two people who hardly know each other.”_

 _“No, let’s give them some time,”_ Claire answered back _. “I have to prepare the reflectors for the following scenes.”_

Adèle and Noémie took their time to get their bearing back. Wiping away their tears, they slowly stepped back, until they were facing each other. Not as Héloïse and Marianne anymore, but back to their own selves. Noémie smiled first which was duly reciprocated. Then they started laughing – about what, they were not sure.

_“Whew! That was exhausting,” Adèle said._

_“You’re exhausted? You did not have to run 4 times on the sand wearing a heavy wool garment,”_ Noémie answered back with a smile, her response eliciting laughter from her co-star. _“I’m going to my trailer. I think we have a break of a few hours or so before the next scene_.”

 _“I’ll walk with you. I need to get out of this bright green taffeta dress,”_ Adèle said as they both walked back. “ _Céline, we’ll be in our trailers. I need a nap_.”

 _“Don’t nap too long. Hair and make-up will be coming to get both of you soon,”_ Céline replied.

 _“Allons y, Noémie,”_ Adèle beckoned her to follow and they walked back in silence. Their trailers were right next to each other. An androgynous-looking woman was outside Adèle’s.

 _“Hi darling,”_ Julia said as she greeted Adèle with a slight kiss on the mouth. It was obvious that she was not expected, as evidenced by Adèle’s demeanor. Without looking up, she introduced Julia to Noémie.

_“Noémie, this is Julia, my girlfriend.”_

“ _Fiancée_ ,” Julia corrected as she reached out her hand to Noémie.

“ _Enchanté_ ,” Noémie replied before going up to her trailer and closing the door.

\-----

 _“Hi, Babe,”_ Simon said as he answered his mobile _. “How’s the first day of shooting?”_

_“Not bad, a few more scenes to film today. And how are you doing?”_

_“Oh, I just got up. I’m writing a new script and then going to lunch with Gael later.”_

_“Do you want to come to Brittany? You can hang out in my trailer during shoots. We’re free most evenings, and there are a few decent bars in the area.”_

_“I don’t think that’s a good idea, babe. You need to concentrate on your film, and I need to work on my project. You’d be back before you know it.”_

_“You’re right. On se parle plus tard.”_

Noémie slipped into casual jeans and an oversized sweat shirt. The bed was beckoning and she gave in, closed her eyes, and promptly fell asleep from emotional exhaustion.

She was awakened by a slamming door. Too tired, she did not give it any other thought. And then she heard someone knocking on her door. She told the person to come in, the door was not locked. Must be hair and make-up.

Instead, Adèle walked in, her eyes puffy from crying.

 _“Am I disturbing you?”_ she asked.

 _“No, I was just getting up anyway,”_ she said as she looked at her watch – she had been out for an hour. That’s when she saw Adèle’s face all, red and furious and sad.

 _“Voilà, I am no longer engaged,”_ Adèle said as she sat next to a still-lying-down Noémie.

_“What happened?”_

_“She knew the rules – when I am shooting a film, she is not supposed to call, much less drop unannounced.”_

_“What’s wrong with that? It is actually sweet, I think.”_

_“She is jealous of Céline, that’s what it was. She knows that Céline and I were together for many, many years. And now we’re making a movie about an artist who chooses the memory of her muse instead of the actual person. She doesn’t like it.”_


	7. Julia Part 1

“ _Can you blame her?”_ Noémie asked as she slowly got up.

 _“It is suffocating, Noé. I broke up with Céline many years ago. I already said yes when Julia asked me to marry her. But she has been very disturbed by this movie. She thinks Céline is just trying to win me back_ ,” Adèle said. 

It did not escape Noémie that this was the first time Adèle called her using the typical nickname for her name. She reached out for Adèle’s hand to reassure her that she’s listening, but the gesture was not entirely welcome as the other pulled her hand with the pretext of wiping away dried tears. This did not bother her – she was listening attentively and thought that silence was the best response in this situation. 

_“What about you? Is your husband coming to Brittany during the filming?_ ” Adèle asked and watched as Noémie shook her head lightly and looked down. 

_“Who needs ‘em, huh? Tonight, we get hammered. The hotel bar is fully stocked,”_ Adèle said, now smiling widely. That smile… there’s that smile again.

Hair and make-up soon came and they both got ready for the next scenes. They were going to shoot the walks along the rocky shore.

True to Céline’s initial idea, she did not hold table reads or rehearsed the two actors together, but gave very precise instructions on how to approach the scenes. And the gamble paid off – the two actresses delivered. While there were many takes, they were mostly for artistic license; Claire was the consummate cinematographer and obsessed over every detail. With each take, they started over, improvising and learning each other’s rhythm.

“ _That’s a wrap for the day_ ,” Céline called out. They needed full sunlight but the days were getting shorter as autumn was in full swing.

\-------

There were only ten of them and they all settled in a long dining table. The restaurant served regional farm-to-table cuisine and fresh seafood. The food was good and the wine flowed freely. Adèle was talking to Céline in a low voice so the rest of them would not hear the conversation. Noémie was seated between her and Claire, and while she tried not to listen, she could deduce that it was about Julia and the broken engagement.

 _“Are you sure about this? You can be impulsive, you know that,”_ Céline said softly. Noémie did not hear the reply since sound travels forward and Adèle had her back to her.

 _“I can talk to her if you want,”_ Céline continued, and Noémie turned to Claire to discuss the vision for the film. Claire was a painter but she paints with her camera. She had very specific ideas of how the next few days would be, and Noémie listened intently, mostly because Claire was so interesting but also to avoid hearing any more of the conversation going on the other side.

\-------

Céline asked them to get some sleep since she wanted to start the following day early and film as many scenes as she could. Adèle had other ideas – she grabbed Noémie’s arm and instead of going to their respective rooms, led her to the cellar where the hotel bar was.

“ _I’ll have a shot of vodka. What do you want, Noé?_ ”

“ _Do you have some tequila? I’ll have one with lime._ ”

They settled in a corner table. One shot, another one, then three. Neither spoke of anything of consequence. Noémie could tell that Adèle did not want to talk about Julia or the film. By the fourth shot, Adèle had decided to stare at her co-star; whether to test the “female gaze” or to assure herself that she had not lost “the power of seduction,” she watched bemused as Noé shyly turned away, unable to meet her eyes for a sustained period of time. _I still have it_ , she silently claimed victory.


	8. Brittany Day 5

As the days went on, they both felt more assured and fed off each other’s emotions. It was a silent duet, a harmonization of a song that was being written simultaneously. The first night of sorority drinking was not repeated. It was Céline’s rule that neither actress would rehearse their lines together; in fact, she took extra care in ensuring that she talked to them separately before and after a big scene. The two actresses were under strict instructions to avoid each other outside of filming, something that was not easy to enforce since their trailers were right next to each other. Nevertheless, they adhered and trusted that Céline knew exactly what she was doing. Afterall, Héloïse and Marianne were not friends. They were walking companions, wary of each other’s presence. Céline’s method was devious in its genius. 

_“You will be standing next to Héloïse, both of you looking at the ocean. She is indifferent to your presence; as far as she’s concerned, you’re a necessary evil, someone she has to take with her so she can walk outside. And you know that, but at the same time, you need to get glimpses of her features so you can start painting. The camera will line up, focused on you but Héloïse’s profile is also visible. Claire would need to shoot at an angle while you move back slowly to so she can get Héloïse on the frame. You furtively turn to her, away from the camera and towards Adèle, for maybe 3 seconds or so each time. Remember, you do not want her to know that you are mentally taking pictures. Héloïse will be aware of what you are doing and look back at you, but you very quickly turn your gaze back towards the ocean. She is not happy to see you looking at her, she does not want to be looked at. All she wanted to do is take a walk and you are invading her space. D’accord?”_ Céline’s instructions were detailed and alive and Noémie could actually see the scene unfolding in her head.

Céline would repeat the same instructions to Adèle, but explained the interaction from Héloïse’s point of view. _“You don’t know this woman, she’s a complete stranger that has been imposed on you. She is like a dogwalker and you are the dog. You regard her with suspicion, not because she will be painting you – you’re not supposed to know that – but because she is sharing your solitude. It is not your intention to make friends, you want to be left alone. You are still mourning your sister and aghast at the thought of being offered like chattel to a titled guy in Milan. Those things are all weighing on you, and then you become aware of the furtive glances from this woman, this stranger, and you don’t like it. Remember, this is the first day that you and she take a walk. She’s still an albatross around your neck when all you really want to do is to look at the ocean and get lost in your thoughts. D’accord?_ ”

Luàna came up for a day so they could film her running between the two of them like goal posts in the hope of inducing a miscarriage. After several takes, the poor girl was really so exhausted and the fall was almost real. Claire filmed many angles, from wide shot to ground level. 

With each passing day, Céline relaxed the rules to reflect the growing familiarity of main characters. Adèle and Noémie would sit together for coffee or take cigarette breaks, but the easing of social distancing was still limited. Painfully aware of the growing attraction between her two actresses, Céline tried to keep them reasonably apart up until the final scene they were to shoot: the kiss.


	9. The Kiss

It was the last day of filming in Brittany, after which they would take a break before resuming production in an old castle outside of Paris. They both knew it was the first kiss, and it had to be perfect.

The days were shorter and the sky was gray. Claire thought it was the perfect weather for such a momentous scene. 

Noémie was pacing up and down the shore, unsure of how she felt. By now, she was no longer worried about kissing Adèle but of pulling away after it was over. They had spent hours staring at each other, or staring up ahead. With each look, they had revealed a little of their soul until a sliver of light finally escaped through that window. But at the same time, she knew it was only a movie, pretend kiss, all to tell a story. That by tomorrow, she would be back in Paris and the realization gave her profound sadness. After having been away, she was not exactly excited to assimilate back in. The City of Lights would seem dark and pathetic compared to the majesty of Brittany. She would miss Adèle… and Céline, Claire, and the rest of the crew. But most of all, she would miss those piercing blue-green eyes, whose gaze had now become a daily source of joy.

 _“The feelings have been building between Héloïse and Marianne, and today, they can no longer contain their feelings. Remember your first real kiss, its tenderness, its sweetness, and the way it twisted your stomach and let your heart soar. Everything has been gradually leading up to this moment, and when you kiss, it would be organic, in would be inevitable, it would be scary but there is no more hesitation. You look at each other, and you both just knew_. _Marianne is more experienced and has had her share of lovers, but this kiss will be nothing short of the first real kiss she would ever have_ ,” Céline instructed her on the feelings the two protagonists would be experiencing. She sat down with Adèle separately, repeating the coda of the enthralling scene but from Héloïse’s point of view _._

 _“By now, Héloïse attraction to Marianne is palpable, unlike anything she has ever felt in her entire life. She has wanted to kiss her for a while now, so the desire has been building up, and she has never wanted anything more. She has never fallen in love until now - remember your first love and magnify it ten-fold. Marianne has opened her up, made her love life, made her happy to be alive. She is the first thing that Héloïse thinks of when she wakes up, and the last face she sees when she goes to bed. She has never been kissed, and emotions of love, desire, and apprehension are all knotted up inside her. This is new to her, so the skies will open up and the birds will sing. And like Moses before the burning bush, she will also be afraid and know that she is on Holy ground,”_ Céline said to Adèle. It was a director talking and a former lover remembering, and the juxtaposition was not lost on the eager listener.

\-----

The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes, but Adèle took off her mask too early.

Take two.

The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes and into each other’s lips before taking off their face masks in synchronicity. They kissed but Adèle got carried away, opened her mouth, and let her tongue wander where it shouldn’t.

Noémie had to catch her breath and Adèle shyly laughed like a kid caught stealing cookies from the jar.

Take three.

The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes and into each other’s lips before taking off their face masks in synchronicity. They kissed but Noémie lingered a little too long and Adèle reciprocated.

Take four.

 _“Gaze at each other for 10 seconds, both of you!!! Then pull down your masks. Then another 10 seconds before you break your kiss, you Adèle walk away fast, realizing what just happened, and Noémie, you stay behind and look disoriented!!!”_ Céline was still as patient as ever.

The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes and into each other’s lips before taking off their face masks in synchronicity. They kissed for about 10 seconds before Adèle as Héloïse walked away confused, while Noémie as Marianne stayed behind, looking bewildered at what just happened.

 _“CUT! That was beautiful!’_ Céline finally said. _“And that’s a wrap! You two can change in your trailers and go back to the hotel if you want, or you can hang out here while we review the footage to see if we need more outdoor shots. Dinner at the usual time tonight.”_

Adèle was waiting for Noémie so they could walk back to their trailers together. They ambled in silence, aware that something magical had just happened, afraid that one word might burst the bubble that enveloped them both. As actors, they both knew this was a temporary thing, it had happened to each of them before, and they would be back to normal before they knew it. But right now, nothing more was left unsaid that silence had not conveyed.


	10. Crossing the Bridge

Noémie changed to her jeans and hoodies, put her wedding band back on, and laid down on the couch. She was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. Like she left her heart and soul along the rocky beaches just down below. She tried to close her eyes but the kiss was a phantasm that haunted her. She could still feel Adèle’s lips and the accidental tongue (was it really an accident?), her scent, those eyes gazing at her and through her. She couldn’t escape, there was no escape, she did not want to escape. She stayed on the couch for a long time, replaying the last 3 hours in her head.

On the next trailer, Adèle had also changed to her jeans and oversized oxford shirt. But unlike Noémie who could stay still, she couldn’t. She was just as haunted. She went outside and started going back down to the beach. Maybe talking to other people would pull her out of this fantasy. Her knees still felt weak from the sensation of kissing Noémie. She turned around before she got down to the beach and headed straight for the other trailer.

“ _The door is unlocked! Entrez!_ ” Noémie cried out when she heard someone knocking. She thought it was one of the crew whom Céline asked to fetch them to reshoot a few frames. _Mon Dieu, I don’t have the strength to do this again, she said to herself_.

Until she opened her eyes and saw Adèle hovering over, pacing back and forth, sitting down then standing again, all the while chewing her fingernails – like a hummingbird darting back and forth.

 _“What’s wrong?”_ Noémie asked.

 _“You are married. You are so married,”_ Adèle said, with a tinge of desperation, before reaching out for her left hand to check if she had put back her wedding band. “ _Yes, you are married. What the fuck have I gotten myself into?”_

Noémie played coy, _“What are you talking about? I never hid the fact that I am married. It is not a secret!”_

It was like cold water poured onto her head, so Adèle headed back for the door, _“Sorry for bothering you.”_

 _“Adèle, please stay,”_ Noémie said as she got up from the couch. _“I am married but right now, I wish I wasn’t. You know why?”_

Adèle stopped on her tracks and waited for the answer.

 _“Because I am falling in love with you!”_ Noémie cried out. No response except those blue-green eyes the color of the ocean looking at her. _“And there’s nothing more I want than to kiss you again. Away from Céline’s directions and Claire’s cameras. Not as Marianne kissing Héloïse, but as I, Noémie Merlant, kissing Adèle Haenel.”_ She now had tears in her eyes. They were in an impossible situation because no matter what they did, someone would get hurt.

Adèle slowly walked towards her. The trailer was not large, and she was only about 2 meters away, but Adèle felt like this was the longest bridge that, if she crossed, would not allow her to turn back. But she kept walking towards Noémie, until there they were, probing each other’s eyes, holding each other’s hands, wanting to make sure that the jump was worth the fall.

It was like the scene they just filmed, but this time, there were no counting seconds, no cameras pointed at them, no Céline to direct their actions. They were very gentle with each other, almost afraid of breaking a fragile doll, a chaste kiss. But the second kiss was ferocious. Adèle knew she had crossed the point of no return. They held on to each other tightly, devouring each other as they continued to kiss.

“ _There is nothing more that I want than to make love to you, here and now. But I can’t. We can’t. Not while that ring is on your finger. You do understand, right?”_ Adèle said.

Noémie looked down with tears in her eyes and slightly nodded in agreement and said, “ _But I don’t want to let you go. Not yet, at least. Can you please keep holding me?_ ”

Adèle led her back to the bed in the trailer as they closed the door to the world and held each other tight, at least until it was time to pack, go back to the hotel, and pack some more. No words were needed. 

And they fell asleep until one of production assistants knocked on the door to let them know that it was time to head back to the hotel.


	11. Last Night in Brittany

_“_ _Salut! Now we film the rest of the story in civilization,”_ Céline raised a glass of champagne. It was their last dinner at the hotel and she was holding court. Noémie and Adèle sat next to each other, with Céline on Adèle’s left and Claire on Noémie’s right – pretty much the where they sat that first dinner before they had to sit apart on the director’s orders during the ensuing week.

 _“Listen up! We found this palace outside of Paris. It’s old and austere, almost gothic, which is how we want the set to be. We want the movie to focus on Héloïse and Marianne, not on some grand set. We already have the Bay of Biscay as a supporting character, and she is gorgeous_ ,” Céline continue. _“You can choose to remain on site and we will get a hotel for you, or commute back to Paris every night. I suggest staying. We want to minimize our carbon footprint, and you will be missing the trademark fun of a Sciamma film set.”_

 _“Your body double will be on site Noémie. Yes, Hélène Delmaire will be with us, and I find that very exciting. Your maman, Adèle, will be flying in from Rome. You all know Valeria Golino? Rain Man? I am so looking forward to working with her. Too bad she was type cast in comedic roles in America. Now they do not know what a great actress they have missed. We rented a bus to take us all back to Paris, and we leave the hotel after breakfast. If you want to drive or fly, please let us know so we do not wait for you,”_ Céline concluded before sitting back down. Turning to Noémie and Adèle, she said _, “I need to speak to both of you in private. Shall we meet in my room later tonight?”_

The two looked at each other, unsure of what was to befall them. But whatever it would be, they had each other. They held hands under the table, and that was that.

_\-------_

“ _Sit down, both of you_ ,” Céline motioned for them to move to the little table in her room, with 4 chairs around it. They sat on opposite side of each other, and Céline sat in the middle. “ _We have 3 weeks before filming, but I will need you to do pre-production, so really, I’m only giving you one and a half week of break. I’m very sorry about that. I know the last week has been very intense, and you two have delivered beautifully. I also know that there are emotions that have been building beneath the surface, and that it is okay. We are only human, and it is human nature. I would be more worried if you were not affected_.”

 _She knows we kissed! She knows!_ Noémie and Adèle had the same exact thought going through their head.

_“But after tomorrow, I will ask you not to contact each other. No text, no phone call, and don’t even think about meeting up. We have to start from scratch, temper down whatever feelings you may already have. And only distance can do that. Remember, Héloïse and Marianne did not start out as lovers but as strangers, almost adversaries. So, I want you both to restart the journey. You do understand, don’t you?”_

The two of them silently nodded.

_“Tonight, you do whatever you want to do. If you fancy, sit right next to each other in the bus. But get whatever this is out of your system. Then you say goodbye.”_

They looked at each other, baffled, before Céline continued with her closing statement: _“Having said that, as your friend and collaborator… at least I’d like to think that that’s what we all are… I want to remind both of you of the life you are returning to tomorrow. That is real. This, all this? It’s temporary.”_

That night was like a split screen scene from a movie, with both protagonists shown turning and tossing in their beds, sending text messages to each other.

> Adèle  
> Noé, are you still awake? ❤️ 🛌
> 
> Noémie  
> Can’t sleep either? 😴 😴 😴
> 
> Adèle  
> No. Can I come over? I really want to see you. I won’t stay the night. 😘
> 
> Noémie  
> Probably not a good idea. You just saw me an hour ago. 🤫 🙄
> 
> Adèle  
> One hour? Feels like forever. Can you send me a picture? 😍
> 
> Noémie  
> Just look at Google images. Or Instagram. You have one, don’t you? 🙃 🤨
> 
> Adèle  
> But that’s not you. Those are random images taken by random people. They do not convey love. 🥺
> 
> Noémie  
> You are very cute, you know. 🤯
> 
> Adèle  
> I know I am. But you are too. Now don’t change the subject. Just turn your phone camera 📷 on, take a selfie, and send it to me. 🥺 Et voilà. I will sleep with that picture next to me. 🤩
> 
> Noémie
> 
> Adèle  
> You are adorable. I’m kissing you right now. 💋 Actually, slobbering on my phone.
> 
> Noémie  
> What’s the deal with you and Julia? 😕
> 
> Adèle  
> Darling, that has been over for a while before the broke engagement. How about you and Simon? 🤢
> 
> Noémie  
> Let's not talk about it. 
> 
> Adèle  
> I’m still jealous. 😟 😨
> 
> Noémie  
> One whole week without seeing you! I don’t know if I can bear it. 😢 😢 😢
> 
> Adèle  
> Ditto, Noémie. But after all these years, I trust Celine. She’s not only an awesome technician, she has got her pulse on human nature. 🧐
> 
> …
> 
> Noémie  
> I’m falling asleep. Bonne nuit, mon petit chouchou! 😘 🥱 😴
> 
> Adèle  
> I’m not a vegetable 🥦, but coming from you, I can be anything. Bonne nuit. 🤗 💋


	12. Bus Ride

The trip from Brittany to Paris was about 5 hours. After the porters have loaded all their luggage, Noémie and Adèle proceeded to take a pair of seats near the rear of the bus. Adèle went back to the hotel to get some coffee and pastries to go, and to have one last cigarette before the long trip. Noémie stayed behind to text Simon that she was on her way back, then Face Timed with her parents. Her father had been confined to a wheelchair since his accident in Nantes, and Noémie had vowed to always keep in constant contact wherever she might be.

Other folks started filling in the rest of the bus – it was a large tourist type bus, and with only around 10 of them, there were plenty of spaces for everyone. Céline, Claire, and Bénédicte (the producer) came on board last and each took two seats to themselves up front. Before they went on the road, one last speech from Céline:

_“Just want to thank all of you. We accomplished so much in a little over a week. I hope you have enjoyed our time together as much as I have. We will be moving to La Chapelle-Gauthier in Seine-et-Marne. For those of you who do not know where it is, it is about 55 km from Paris, but it might as well be in another world. We have booked the Nomade Lodge for three weeks. There are only 20 guestrooms, but the food is fantastic. So please let Bénédicte’s assistant know if you intend to drive back to Paris or if you need to stay the night. You know how it is – on paper, we start early and finish late – but sometimes, the world does not cooperate. There will be more people in La Chapelle-Gauthier than here in Saint-Pierre-Quiberon. But do not worry about accommodations, you will always have a place to stay for the night._

_We have pastries and canapés her up front if you are hungry. The drinks are in the refrigerator next to row 3. We can stop at Laval to get lunch to go and then in Paris at about 4 pm this afternoon. Any questions?”_

Nobody raised their hands so they proceeded to leave the rocky coast of Brittany behind.

Noémie sat by the window and put her head on Adèle’s shoulders. Neither of them got much sleep the night before. Adèle motioned one of the crew to get her a blanket which she then very gently unfolded to cover both of them, before putting her arms around Noémie who was fast asleep by now. She kissed her forehead and drifted off to sleep.

About an hour later she woke up to Noémie kissing her neck. And they were not chaste kisses either; they were leave-your-mark-hickey kisses. She turned around and they started kissing, the type of kisses that proved they were French. Adèle put her hands underneath Noémie’s blouse and started massaging her breasts, which to her surprise, was reciprocated with quiet moans. They were full-on rounding the third base, thanks to the blanket that covered them both. Noémie undid her jeans, pulled it down, and put Adèle’s hand inside her underwear.

Adèle looked at her and whispered, “ _Are you sure?_ ” But Noémie’s wetness said it all, who, in between shallow breaths, pleaded, “ _Please. Go as deep as you can. I want you so much_.” Adèle asked, _“Why didn’t we do this last night, in the comfort of your bed?”_ _“Sssshhh… “,_ Noémie was on a mission. After several “ _There, there_ …” and “ _Faster_ ” and “ _More_ ”, they were still, Adèle’s fingers still inside, where they have declared _Mission Accomplished_ and planted the _Haenel Tricolore_. Both pairs of eyes gazing at each other in disbelief and satisfaction. They started kissing again, but this was afterglow kiss. Kisses of love and gratitude.

And then reality. Noémie started crying very softly.

“ _What’s the matter?_ ” Adèle asked.

 _“I just cheated on Simon. I broke my wedding vows, “_ Noémie answered quietly before remembering with a sheepish smile _, “But that was the best fucking orgasm I’ve ever had_. _Can I do the same to you?”_

“ _Not here. Later, when we can both be naked_ ,” Adèle smiled, then said rather sadly, “ _But Simon, not I, will be waking next to you tomorrow. Are you going to have sex with him tonight?_ ”

Noémie did not answer. Because she really did not know. When you stop enjoying sex with your husband, would that still be considered “making love?” She just put her head back on Adèle’s shoulders, who she could tell was very hurt by her silence.

“ _I love you,_ ” Noémie finally said, which was answered by a kiss on the top of her head. And then they both looked ahead in silence, never letting go of each other’s hand.


	13. Back in Paris, Part 1

_This is going to be one long week_ , Noémie thought to herself. During the day, she busied herself by re-reading the script and learning her lines. She also met with friends at night, sometimes alone and sometimes with Simon.

During one of these night outs, one of her friends, Sarah, took her aside and asked, _“Noé, something has changed in you. What’s going on?”_

 _“Nothing, it’s just this film. The script is so beautiful, it just takes my breath away,”_ Noémie replied.

Sarah was unconvinced _, “The lesbian movie with Céline Sciamma?”_

Noémie nodded.

_“Something is going on; I can definitely tell. There’s a light shining from within you. Does Simon know?”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

Her friend looked at her, _“If I were to guess, you have met someone who is not a lump of coal like your husband.”_

It’s a good thing it was dark at the bar; otherwise, she would have seen Noémie blush in a thousand shades of red. She was not sure whether Simon suspected anything, but he really was not introspective _that_ way. Several a times a day, she would check her phone to see if Adèle had texted, but it seemed that she was bent on following Céline’s edict of “absolutely no contact.” Several times a day, she wanted to just send an emoji text just to tell Adèle that she was thinking of her, but she too had to fall out of love within the week. All for the love of film making.

\--------

Adèle had the mess of disentanglement to deal with when she got home. Half of her stuff was still at Julia’s and vice versa. Even though they were engaged, they never really lived together. Being artists, they both needed their space. She had to clean her flat of Julia’s left-over things, although most of her clothes were already gone. Whether she liked it or not, they would have to talk at some point – there were keys and rings to return, stuff to clean out of Julia’s flat, and tie loose ends regarding their business arrangements (she had royalties from recording some of Julia’s songs).

To make things easier, she had asked one of their mutual friends to act as go between – she just did not have the wherewithal to be assume her usual role of the heartbreaker. It was a good thing that Julia disliked drama as much as she did and things went smoother than anticipated.

Like Noémie, she went out with friends, hoping that she would accidentally see a certain brunette with dark hazel eyes. She too checked her phone several times a day. But the thought of Simon having sex with Noémie, _her Noémie_ , was enough to pull her back slowly and painfully from the precipice. _I would no longer be in love with her after this week_ , she resolved to herself.

And yet when she closed her eyes, she could still see those pair of dark hazel eyes, the colors of which changed with the sun. And her heart was torn between falling in deeper or falling out, not only for the film, but for her sanity.

\--------

By the end of the week, away from each other, they slowly emerged from the intoxication of their brief affair. Because that’s what it was, they both thought – just a brief and fleeting affair. After the movie was done, they would go their separate ways. And that would be the end.

And the montage of the next few days was like a movie: side by side scenes of two attractive women going about their lives in Paris, having meals, meeting with friends, putting around their flats, talking business with associates and agents… but every now and then, each one would stop, look up, and wonder where the other was.


	14. La Chapelle-Gauthier

Contrary to Céline’s apprehension, there was plenty of space for her two actresses to avoid each other. She had the same approach as she did in Brittany – she would keep them apart and let her script take them both on the journey. She knew that Adèle had been infatuated with Noémie even before filming started – she was so predictable. She was more surprised that Noémie reciprocated the feelings; Noémie who was straight and married, soft spoken, shy Noémie. If they did not sleep together in Brittany – and they had plenty of opportunities – it would just be a matter of time before they did. And she wanted to save it for the film.

Noémie who was in every frame of the movie, would be on set longer than Adèle, so Céline decided to film the daytime scenes chronologically, alternating with the night time shoots. 

The first scene they would film was when Héloïse and Marianne just got back from the promenade and Héloïse wanted to borrow a book. As soon as they went out to the set wearing their costumes, they were instantly transformed into 18th century maidens who did not know yet that they were to fall madly in love with each other.

 _“Marianne follows her up the steps before Héloïse turns around to ask her about a book. This is the first time you have seen her face_ , _you look at her with the eyes of a painter trying to memorize the features of your subject, especially since this is the first time you really see her face, and it takes your breath away_ ” Céline told Noémie. _“You walk ahead and she follows you to the parlor but does not come in. She still doesn’t trust you.”_

 _I don’t have to act for her to take my breath away_ , Noémie thought.

To Adèle: _“You walk ahead before turning around to ask if she has a book you can borrow. This is the first time you see her face, this stranger hired by your maman to accompany you on your walks. Your gaze will be probing, trying to unravel the mystery of this woman. You do not smile, because she doesn’t deserve it. You have to look at her without betraying any of your emotions. You are still wearing an impenetrable mask. But now that you have seen her face, you are intrigued by her dark features and eyes that can launch a thousand ships.”_

_“Okay, ladies, we will have two cameras, one focused on Héloïse and the other on Marianne. Just go with it. And let’s roll,”_ Celine yelled.

\-------

When Adèle turned around so Héloïse could ask for a book, she saw Noémie’s face for the first time in a few weeks. And all she could think about was how hurt she had been whenever she thought of Noémie having sex with her husband. Her defense mechanism activated and an invisible mask protected her. 

Noémie’s gaze was full of wonderment, not only because Marianne realized how beautiful Héloïse was, but, as Céline instructed (as if she needed instructions), Adèle’s face had always taken her breath away and she desperately wanted to hug her and tell her how much she had missed her. But maybe Adèle had indeed gotten over whatever it was they had and it was ended before it even really began. The thought crushed her heart and it showed through her eyes.

Céline was looking at the camera screen and nothing escaped her _. They are not acting_ , she thought. These were real emotions. There was a lot of hurt showing in this scene. She felt responsible, but at the same time, she believed that nothing but good could come out of love. If it was really love they were feeling. She’s still a romantic, after all.

But after today, she had the job of little by little getting them closer again. With these many people on set, it might not be as easy a task as in Brittany, but she absolutely had to. For the love of cinema.  
  



	15. The Dance Continues

And so, the dance continued. A little closer each day, but not the wide-eyed leap they both experienced in Brittany. Everything was more guarded. Adèle kept her distance off the set, but sometimes could not help but sigh when she saw Noémie’s vulnerability. They still teased each other in between takes, but they were never alone. The crew was bigger and the schedule was carried out by the show runner with military precision.

It was not a 9 to 5 job; they would film in all hours of the day, sometimes for a few hours, others late into the night. Noémie was on every scene - alone or with either Adèle or Luàna or both – and was confined to the set longer than her co-star.

Céline knew the undercurrent was strong: she knew Adèle enough to know that the defenses had been put up. And she was wise enough to know that Noémie was walking around wearing her heart on her sleeves, unsure of what exactly was going on. She saw it when the camera was on her, and she would blush or gulp each time she saw Adèle. Céline understood perfectly; after all, she too fell for Adèle. But she was single at the time and while she was very apprehensive about starting a relationship with someone who was barely 20, she did not really have a choice. Her heart was stolen before she had the chance to protest. Noémie, on the other hand, was married.

In between takes, Céline would see Noémie wistfully looking at the horizon. Adèle was ignoring her, and enjoying it. And it dawned on her that this was the Noémie’s punishment for being married. She also realized that Adèle was misreading the situation big time. Noémie was in love with her, and she was blowing it because she was enjoying the game too much, playing it cool for all the world to see.

\-----

The day of The Kiss was approaching and Céline decided it was time to talk to Adèle about her behavior towards Noémie.

_“What are you doing?”_

_“What do you mean by ‘what am I doing’?”_ Adèle asked, totally unprepared for the question.

 _“C’mon, you know what I am talking about. You know how Noémie feels about you and you are taking pleasure in either ignoring her, or seducing her. I don’t know if anything happened in Brittany, and I don’t care. I am asking you stop acting like a child,”_ Céline said.

 _“She’s married. Do you know how impossible the situation is? Is it too bad that I need to protect myself?”_ Adèle replied.

_“Do you love her?”_

_“More than I would allow myself to be. Don’t you see, Céline? I’m trying to save her marriage. I’m sacrificing my own happiness. I’m being altruistic!”_

_“No Adèle, you’re being a jerk. Do you want to know what I honestly think? You are being a coward. You are being selfish. You have decided everything without asking her. And if I may venture a guess – and you know I’m pretty good at guessing – Noémie would walk to the ends of the earth to be with you. So, stop acting like jerk.”_

Adèle listened intently while the wheels in her head were spinning.

 _“We’re not filming tonight. Everyone needs a break. You do you, Adèle. I have already said my piece. Take it for what it’s worth, but the camera does not lie. When this picture is done, you will see what you are throwing away right now,”_ Céline said before finally adding, “ _because your every gaze caught on film shows just how much in love with her you are_.” 


	16. The Talk

It was one of the few times when everybody was at dinner. Noémie was at the other side of the table talking to Hélène Delmaire. She would sometimes glance Adèle’s way only to find that Adèle’s gaze was fixed on her whilst conversing with Céline and Claire. Which always made her blush.

> _Adèle_   
>  _Can we talk later? After dinner?_
> 
> _Noémie_   
>  _Sure._
> 
> _Adèle_   
>  _Do you want me to go to your room? Or do you want to come to mine?_
> 
> _Noémie_   
>  _I’ll go to yours._
> 
> _Adèle_   
>  _Around 9ish?_
> 
> _Noémie_   
>  _D’accord._

\-------

Noémie was at Adèle's room at exactly 21:00. She did not know what to expect, she did not ask what this was all about. After almost two weeks of meaningful gazes followed by cold shoulders, she had given up on trying to analyze the situation. She sat at the lounge chair while waiting for Adèle, who had not stop pacing, to settle down.

Without thinking, Adèle blurted out, “ _Did you sleep with Simon during the film break?_ ”

 _“Did you ask me to come here to ask that question?”_ Noémie was clearly thrown off guard and annoyed by the intrusion. “ _Well, I am not going to answer that,”_ before getting up to leave.

“ _I’m sorry. Please don’t leave. I was out of line_.”

“ _Yes, you were_.”

Adèle continued pacing restlessly around the room, biting her fingernails, jolting her head to look Noémie, who was clearly looking at her too, before pacing again.

Noémie stood up to pour herself a glass of wine and got a glass for Adèle as well. At least she stopped the pacing for now.

“ _Adèle, what did you want to talk about_?” Noémie asked as she took a sip of wine. “ _You asked to see me, remember?_ ”

“ _I know, I know_ ,” Adèle said before gulping the wine down and pouring herself another glass. “ _Céline talked to me earlier. She said I was being a jerk._ ”

“ _Oh, I agree with her_ ,” Noémie said, taking another sip before going back to the lounge chair. “ _I don’t know what to expect from you, which in a way may be your method acting out of control, but I do not know which Adèle would show up on the set. I thought we were friends, but you try to avoid me_.”

“ _That’s the problem, Noémie, we are not friends_ ,” Adèle said, knowing that it would hurt. “ _And we are not lovers either. And I don’t like in-between spaces. They suffocate me. But that is exactly where we are. In a few days, we will be filming the beginning of the love scenes. I’m dreading them. Because how I feel is not much different from Héloïse, but at least Marianne is single. There, I’ve said it. Voilà_.”

Noémie did not say anything. What could she say? She stood up, got undressed, and went under the covers of the bed.

“ _What the fuck are you doing? Didn’t you just hear what I said?_ ”

“ _I heard every word you said. Now, are you going to join me or not?”_

“ _That’s it? No foreplay? No ‘you are right, Adèle’?_ ”

 _“I’m counting to ten, and if you’re not here by my side naked, I’m going back to my room,_ ” Noémie said, “ _un, deux, trois…_ ”

Adèle shed her clothes in 5 seconds and was soon in bed.

 _“The last time we were together, you told me you wanted to be naked first before I could do to you what you did for me,”_ Noémie whispered. “ _Now, can you please turn off the light so I can start?”_

 _“Didn’t you hear my speech about Simon and you being married?”_ Adèle was hardly able to get the words out because Noémie had started kissing her neck and exploring her body.

“ _Fuck Simon,_ ” Noémie looked up from her perch. “ _And not literally_.”

\---------------

“ _How did you learn to do that?_ ” a very flushed Adèle asked, still coming off the high.

“ _That’s for you to find out later_ ,” Noémie teased. “ _I have wanted to do that since you came to my trailer after you and Julia broke up_.”

“ _That long?_ ” Adèle was genuinely surprised.

_“I know I am married according to the laws of France and the Catholic Church. I know I am being unfaithful right now. I never understood how people could cheat on their partners. I thought it was just a matter of giving in to temptation, and if only they had been stronger or more upright. Unfaithfulness has a such a negative connotation associated with lust. I love you, that is the unequivocal truth._

_And unlike Marianne, I would not choose the memory of you. I would fight to be with you, but only if you would fight with me. Your indifference towards me tells me that you won’t. And that is your choice. But tonight, I have you in my arms. That is all that matters. And if you’re gone tomorrow, then I too will be forced the poet’s choice._

_Like Marianne, I am not asking you to do anything. It has to be your decision. But you have already made it to my heart, and there you will stay_ ,” Noémie said looking lovingly at Adèle’s eyes, which seemed to glow from the light coming in through the window.

Adèle was so full of love that she was speechless. Instead, she kissed Noémie and started to make love to her again. There would be plenty of time for discussions later, but Noémie was right: the evening was theirs and theirs alone.


	17. Inventing Something

Céline and Claire looked at each other. They had just finished filming the kiss by the fire scene and long after she yelled “ _Cut_!”, everyone remained silent, like if one of them moved, this tableau before them would disintegrate. Noémie and Adèle were still holding on to each other. There was not a dry eye in the room, because they knew how the story would end.

After like forever, Adèle playfully vowed and the crew simultaneously broke into applause while Noémie shyly smiled.

“ _Bravo_!” the praise was immediate.

Céline and Claire knew what they had just seen. It was heartbreaking and beautiful. They also knew that their two actresses were no longer acting. While they remained faithful to the script, the gaze, the little breaths, the electricity – one could not script them. They came from somewhere deeper.

\------------

Their playfulness continued on the set, to the delight of everyone around them. While most people knew of Adèle as the consummate heart breaker, this version was full of innocence and wonder. They only had about a week of filming before Adèle had to go back to Paris and Noémie would film the rest of the scenes with Valeria and Luàna.

And so, it happened that when they filmed their “Titanic” scene, when Marianne had to leave Héloïse to her fate, nobody told Noémie that Adèle was leaving for Paris that evening. Céline asked Adèle not to say anything, which was hard because whenever they could, they spent the nights together.

When Héloïse called out “ _Retourne-toi_!”, Marianne’s pain was Noémie’s pain.

Later, Adèle profusely apologized to Noémie for not telling her.

“ _You did not think it important that I knew? We were together all the time! And you did not think I should know?_ ” Noémie was almost in tears.

“ _Céline asked me not to tell you,_ ” Adèle avoided Noémie’s eyes.

“ _You should have told me!_ ”

Adèle did not know what to say, so she hugged her tightly.

“ _Will I see you when I’m back in Paris?_ ” Noémie asked.

“ _Of course,_ ” Adèle replied, with the knowledge that the situation would become untenable. Life would come in between them, and things would become more difficult, and there’s not a damned thing she could do about it.


	18. Back in Paris, Part 2

Adèle was happy to be back in her flat, in her bed, with her books. It’s amazing, she thought, how the TGV was like a time machine. As soon as she got to Paris, the Gothic house, the female gaze… and Noémie seemed like from another lifetime. She was propelled back into the present.

There were emails to answer, phone calls and messages to return, family and friends to visit… she was back to her old self.

As she settled for the evening, she became convinced that La Chapelle-Gauthier was haunted, maybe by the ghost of someone very similar to Héloïse who never saw her true love again and who found in her an unwitting accomplice. _That is so stupid_ … she later told herself, amused at her own wild imagination. 

But one thing she promised she would do and deliberately did not was to let Noémie know that she was home. _What they had was not real_ , she told herself. She had a husband to go home to… while she… well, she’s single, wasn’t she? And she did not remain single for long stretches of time. Noémie was not really her type: she liked older, more cerebral women, of which Noémie was neither. Okay, she did not know enough to gauge the “cerebral” part, but they were only 2 months apart in age.

There were messages from Noémie – text, email, WhatsApp, voicemail – but she did not return any of them. Sure, they had a great time together… but this was the only way she decided their story would end. She needed time and space to get back on _terra firma_. She was no damned home wrecker and if she was being a jerk in the process, so be it, but being alone, she had to get back to self-preservation mode. She ghosted Noémie. 

Her agent introduced her to visual artist Gisèle Vienne, who was staging a 2-women play and wanted her for the part. Adèle always thought that theatre was more prestigious than films and she jumped at the part. And jumped into Gisele’s bed.

And yet… the memories of Seine-et-Marne were never far behind. Sometimes, she would stop in the middle of making love to Gisèle because the memories of those dark hazel eyes would appear in her head and an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness would overcome her. When she went into those moods, nobody, not Gisèle, not Céline, not her friends, not her therapist; nobody could get through to her.

She would go on solitary walks around Paris to clear her head. At least that’s what she told herself or anyone who cared to know. But really, she was looking for those dark hazel eyes among the madding crowd.


	19. Ghosted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This was written before Adele's birthday was corrected in Wikipedia to 11 February._

It had been over a month since she last saw Adèle. Her messages, emails, and calls were unreturned, and after a while, she just gave up. The streets of Paris were all lit up for the holidays – a really lovely sight especially on balmy Parisian winters. And many a night, she found herself walking aimlessly to bask in its beauty.

No, she was not angry; hurt, maybe, but she could never be angry at Adèle for ghosting her. She was in no position to be angry – she was the one who was married. My gosh, if it was the other way around, she would have run as fast and as far away as possible from Adèle. She wouldn’t have even thought twice. In a way, she understood perfectly why Adèle had disappeared from her life. And she did not hold it against her.

Besides, she had projects lined up that would take her away from Paris again. There were post- productions lined up, photoshoots for her modeling gig – the money was still good but she would want to get out of the business as soon as she could – a new film where she would play a female-to-male transsexual. She really did not have the energy to be angry. _If this is how she wants it, so let it be,_ she thought. She led a perfectly mediocre life before they met and she could always go back to it.

But she had changed. Simon’s sophomoric humor no longer amused her, and his millennial bromance projects now seemed like high school plays compared to truly great films, _Portrait_ at the top of her list. He was no Céline Sciamma.

She tried to regain her balance, but Dear Lord, it was unregainable. She had been changed on a molecular level. She was still haunted by those blue-green eyes the color of precious Oriental jade. She doubted if she could ever forget them. But there was really nothing she could do about it.

New Year’s Day – 2019 was also Adèle’s birthday. She was determined to greet her, even if on her own birthday, she did not get anything, not even a text message. Filming was wrapping up the week of her own birthday, and the production team made sure it was celebrated with a cake on set and a private dinner party at the hotel’s restaurant. Many people had by then deduced that the two main actresses were having an affair - but they dared not break the silent omerta that had allowed the French cinema to flourish – and were half expecting Adèle to show up for Noémie’s birthday, but Simon did instead. 

Noémie and Simon were at a New Year’s Eve Party at one of their friend’s apartment near the Eiffel Tower. At midnight, the fireworks would go off to light the city and champagne would flow. After kissing Simon and their friends and toasting for a _Bonne Année_ , Noémie went to get her phone and texted Adèle to wish her a Happy New Year and a Happy Birthday. _Here goes nothing_ , she told herself as she hit “send”.

To her surprise, Adèle replied back with a heart emoji.


	20. Julia Part 2

The thought of turning 30 terrified her. It signified adulthood which did not suit her, the perpetual adolescent. True, she had gone through so much more challenges than many her own age. She was a sexual abuse survivor, but it did not let it define her. She had won many acting awards, thanks to Céline’s calming presence in her life. She had fucked that relationship too… it seemed that she created and destroyed in equal measure.

But 30… man, that depressed her. She had always been a study in contradiction: her mind was sharp beyond belief and she had always devoured every book that interested her, but she remained ignorant of how she could affect other people. She had been independent for a long time, but she needed someone to take care of her. She was kind and generous and she also had very sharp edges and had no tolerance for small talks. She was a badass but a tender one. 

\----------------

She was sitting at the window, smoking a cigarette, watching the fireworks, and looking at her phone. Half of her was hoping Noémie would respond to her heart emoji, maybe they could talk some, or meet up… but half of her wanted to throw her phone away so she would never know if Noémie replied at all.

She was never for going out on New Year’s Eve, probably because the following day was her birthday and she had always had the Capricorn’s introspection about one’s life and death and the futility of existence. She always thought that birthdays should be spent the same way after one came into this world: alone in a sea of strangers.

But she was not alone that night; Gisèle was sleeping in her bed. Things seemed to be moving along – they had a lot of things in common including Austrian roots, love of all forms of art, and ardent feminism. But other commitments had precluded from pursuing their project, which meant this affair would run its course very soon.

But tonight, she allowed herself to think of Noémie, or rather, her text came loaded with memories and on Adèle’s part, an intense feeling of longing. She missed her. She missed what they had. She wished they could have held on longer, but as long as Noémie was wearing that wedding band, the situation was impossible. _I wonder where she is right now_ , Adèle thought as she stared at outside. _Simon, please take care of her of I will kick your ass_ , she mused.

The film would debut in Cannes, and there was no way they could avoid each other. But that was five months away – she had five months to exorcise Noémie’s memories from her head.

So, she did what a person who just got her 30-year old medal would: she called her ex- fiancée and wished her a Happy New Year. And by the end of the phone call, she was already packing an overnight bag to spend the night at Julia’s. She left a note for Gisèle asking her to let herself out and to leave her keys on the table. And wishing her a Happy New Year. _Classy, real classy, Adèle_ … she thought to herself sarcastically as she left the flat and hailed a cab.

 _See Noémie? I am single, and I could fuck whomever I want_ … even the thought didn’t sit well with her.


	21. Spring

She didn’t reply to a trivial heart emoji. If Adèle wanted to get in touch with her, she had all the means to do, and she chose not to. She was busy enough, doing post production on a film called Jumbo, and would start pre-production on her next full feature movie, “A Good Man” where she plays a female-to-male transsexual who decided to get pregnant so he could give his wife a child. She knew Simon abhorred the buzz cut, but there’s really nothing he could do about it. He too fancied himself an auteur, and he understood the sacrifices one must do for the sake of art. Nevertheless, his wife’s masculinity unnerved him, and he would never visit her on set for the duration of the filming.

And inasmuch as he tried to ignore it, he knew that Noémie came back from Seine-et-Marne a changed person. They had been together for a few years before they got married and he, despite his macho obtuseness, felt the distance between them. Even when they were making love, she would close her eyes and he just knew that she was a world away. The most intimate moment, when two people should be the closest, could also lay bare the painful truth. He was not just ready to acknowledge it.

Would Noémie ever cheat on him? _Nah, she was the good girl_ , he would always tell himself. He on the other hand… being a director, he had his choice of wannabe actresses who would stop at nothing to get their big break. His wife had been away and he had needs. And he had absolutely no intention of telling Noémie about his casting couch adventures. French men had always gotten away with such indiscretions, and he was being very discrete. 

He had caught her many times with a far-away look, which he would make light of with an “ _Earth to Noémie!_ ” beacon. She would give him a smile, but she was not really there. But she always came back from her reveries, so he was not worried.

\-----

Noémie was soon off to the south of France to film “A Good Man”. She would be busy enough, and right now, La Chapelle-Gauthier seemed so far away.

She was, as, always, a delight on set and no one would have suspected that her heart was being held together haphazardly by a few Band-Aid strips.

It would be almost spring by the time she got back to Paris, just in time for Fashion Week. She was not walking the runway this year, but she had invitations to almost all the shows. There were some post production work she had to do for Portrait, but thankfully, it would not involve Adèle in any way.


	22. Celine Knows, Part 1

_“Have you spoken to Noémie?”_ Céline asked her when they met up for lunch. She shook her head.

 _“You will need to, sooner than later. Before Cannes. Maybe you two can talk when we have our screening party at Bénédicte’s chateau in the country_ ,” Céline continued while Adèle played with her salad. She finally looked up and simply nodded. This unnerved Céline – they had known each other for a long time and had basically grown up together into the persons they were. She knew that Adèle could be intense, distracted, loving, and annoying, all in one package. But what Adèle was not was a timid person. Not when it was only the two of them. 

She had given her enough space and time, and now was the time to prod deeper. Especially since she knew how hectic the film promotion would be; it had already generated a lot of buzz, had been selected not only for Cannes, but also for several film festivals all over the world. The film would cross the pond, and with it, the three of them. She couldn’t have her two leading ladies barely speaking to each other. That would be a disaster.

 _“Adèle, what happened between you and Noémie?”_ Céline asked solemnly, and Adèle could tell that this tone was serious.

Still, she replied, _“Nothing.”_

The wordless reply from Céline came in the form a piercing glance, and when those blue eyes looked at her like that, she knew that she could no longer trifle with it.

 _“Okay, we kissed.”_ Céline was not having it and had her eyebrows raised.

 _“Yes, we slept together!”_ she finally blurted out, followed by spontaneous tears welling in her eyes. _“We slept many times together! She asked me to fight for her and with her. And I got back to Paris and I couldn’t do it. It was too hard, too complicated. I ghosted her, okay? I’m not proud of it, but it was the only way to end the madness.”_

 _“And what made you think it was madness?”_ Céline was still gazing intently at her.

 _“It was a flight of fancy. It was ephemeral. It was like Christmas decorations that had to be taken down when the holidays are over,”_ Adèle declared, taking a cigarette from her backpack.

 _“You usually do not run away, Adèle. You meet your monsters head on. You have remained friends with all your exes. Case in point – look at the two of us,”_ Céline continued, baffled by the uncharacteristic fluster. _“What makes Noémie any different?”_

 _“She’s straight, she’s married, and she said she loved me, okay, and I could not handle it, because it broke my heart just to look into her eyes. She’s like a unicorn, and I just wanted to hold her in my arms forever and shelter her from any harm,”_ Adèle said, still with chaste tears in her eyes, taking a drag from her cigarette.

 _“So, you’d rather let her go,”_ Céline filled in the blanks for her.

 _“Besides, I’m back with Julia. I’m taking her to the Cesar Awards next week,”_ Adèle added. _“And I still have that play with Gisèle, and Julia knows we slept together. She’s not very happy about it.”_

Now it was Céline’s turn to be speechless. Whenever Adèle had done some bed surfing in the past, it was to fill in a gaping hole. Maybe she was partly to blame, because she had been there during Adèle’s formative years in her 20s, and now she did not really know how to get on with life alone. If she had to juggle girlfriends, she would, and she had enough charm to get away with it too. Noémie was Adèle’s gaping hole.

 _“The screening will be a weekend event, and I’m afraid it’s only for the cast and crew, so you cannot bring Julia or whomever. Adèle, I’m asking you, and as the one who knows you more than anyone in the world… please talk to Noémie. Please do it for me. You will thank me later on, but this is a personal favor, and I don’t ask you for a lot,”_ Céline said.

Adèle had no choice but to acquiesce.


	23. Countryside, Part 1

Bénédicte’s country estate was stately yet homey. Aside from the main house with 5 bedrooms, there was guest house near the pool with two bedrooms, a loft, sofa beds, and a bath. There was plenty of space to accommodate all the guests, around 25 or so. Upon arrival, the staff took each guest’s overnight bags to their assigned quarter. 

Noémie was very happy to see everyone, and they were equally happy to see her. Amid all the smiling faces, she was looking for those jade-colored eyes, and she wasn’t there, which disappointed her greatly. But she was amongst friends who became almost family. Hugs were overflowing, so was the wine. Everyone was genuinely interested in what each other was doing, and Noémie was just happy to share her new projects. She did not see when Adèle came in her motorcycle, her face shielded by her helmet and goggles.

She was talking to Céline about the film launch when Adèle bounced in and gave both of them a kiss on the cheeks. Noémie’s heart just about dropped and all the emotions resurfaced again: love, joy, hurt, anger. Adèle gave them all in equal measure and she was suddenly unmoored, like she did not know whether she’s coming or going. Céline sensed the change in Noémie’s demeanor right away and held her hand reassuringly while Adèle talked about the ride from Paris to the chateau, and maybe other things, but for Noémie, it was like hearing her underwater.

Finally, Céline broke the ice, _“You two absolutely need to talk, and I hope you will find the time this weekend to do so. We are about to embark on a great adventure, the three of us, and you will need each other for support. Adèle, you’ve been in the circuit longer, so please guide Noémie through. But after this whole thing is over, you two will find fame and adulation outside France. That will be a very solemn bond that life would throw at you both, at all of us, so please, talk.”_ Then she walked away to mingle.

It was a crisp spring day and the final cut of the movie would be shown outdoors. The crew had worked the day before to set up the screen and projector in the garden. In addition to lawn chairs, they had also set up blankets and bean bags so anyone could sit on the ground if they wanted, like a picnic. Food was served buffet style and the bar was serving wine and cocktails. There were tiny LED lights strewn all over the garden, giving it a whimsical atmosphere.

Noémie was paralyzed and Adèle was speechless, but they stood right next to each other, waiting for the ice to be broken. Finally, hunger overcame Adèle and asked Noémie is she had eaten, which she hadn’t. They got some food and wine, settled in one of the viewing spreads, and waited for the film to start. It was getting dark, so it wouldn’t be long now. No words were exchanged, just fleeting glances, occasional smiles. _This is awkward as fuck_ , Adèle thought.

She got up to take their empty plates to the kitchen before getting some snacks and a bottle of wine they could share during the screening. Finally, Bénédicte stood at the front of the screen and thanked everyone for coming.

The garden lights went off and the screen lit up with the opening credits. And then everyone was silent, engrossed in the film and its sheer beauty. Unconsciously, Adèle and Noémie held each other’s hand throughout the film.

The ending was a master class in both directing and acting, and almost everyone was speechless and in tears when the end credits rolled in. The string lights went back on, and the standing ovation was universal. Céline took a bow and beckoned her two leading ladies to join her in front of the screen. Noémie was overwhelmed and totally speechless; she had seen something very special, and she was a part of it. Adèle was bouncing around, her go-to means to calm herself.

There they were, the three of them, sharing the stage, portentous of the frenzy that would soon ensue.


	24. Countryside, Part 2

It was inevitable that rooms would be shared amongst the guests, which Bénédicte and Céline arranged before the weekend. Céline put Adèle and Noémie in the most private room on the upper floor, by the attic, with en-suite bathroom and uncharacteristic fireplace. They could scream and yell at each other without nary a person hearing them.

 _“Okay, everyone, why don’t you settle in your rooms. Your bags are already there. Please see Annick – she has the list and the keys. If you need anything, you know where the kitchen is,_ ” Bénédicte announced before going to bed herself. _“Tomorrow, we have some games planned, a little concert from some of the girls in the coven who are here with us, and in the evening, a Q &A with Céline. Have a good night everyone.”_

Adèle’s jaw dropped when she realized whom she was rooming with. Her throat tightened and her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. _What a cruel joke_ , she thought to herself. She looked around but Noémie was nowhere to be found; she thought that she had either gone to the room or gone back to Paris when she realized she would be spending the night with her. She looked at Céline who was busy conversing with Claire and Christel, but turned around and winked at her.

 _“Fuck!”_ Adèle said out loud to no one in particular. It was only 22:00 and she did not want to find out if Noémie was already in the room or had left. She went outside with her cigarettes and vodka, her mind racing only to be outpaced by the beating of her heart. She saw that she had missed messages from Julia, but she was not really in the mood to talk to her right now. Every time she closed her eyes, she could feel Noémie’s hand in hers whilst they were watching the movie, and smell Noémie’s perfume, and hear her soft sobs as the movie ended.

Finally, she gave in to her tiredness and climbed the stairs to the attic room. The door was closed, so she knocked softly before going in. _Fuck, there is only one bed_ , she thought as she silently screamed. Sleeping in that king size bed was Noémie, smelling fresh and clean, wearing her cute green cotton pajamas with little sheep and rainbow prints. Adèle very quietly went to the bathroom to change to her boxer shorts and sleeveless shirt and freshen up. The fireplace was lit, the room smelled of lavender, and Noémie looked like an angel.

She sat on the lounge chair facing the bed, determined to sleep on it even if there was nothing more that she wanted at the moment than to go under the covers and hold Noémie tightly. She started to doze off when she heard that soft voice that had haunted her since October.

 _“Why don’t you get in bed, Adèle? It’s been a long day and you must be very tired,”_ Noémie called out.

 _“No, it’s okay,”_ she responded stubbornly. She was not going to give in to temptation. She was also drunk and did not trust herself.

Noémie got out of bed and walked over to pull her arms. She was in no condition to resist, so she just followed. Noémie tucked her in, kissed her forehead very gently, then went back to the other side to go back to sleep. Adèle could not believe that after all she had done, _or not done_ , Noémie still treated her with so much tenderness. After a few moments, they were both fast asleep while the crackling fireplace softly sang them a lullaby.

\-------

Adèle woke up with an unbelievable headache. She was not certain where she was, until she smelled Noémie’s perfume, but no Noémie, only her pajamas neatly folded where she was supposed to be. She looked at the clock – it was almost 9am. She knew that she probably looked like a wreck; her hangover was killing her and she wanted to throw up, but the room was still spinning.

The door opened – Noémie came in with a carafe of coffee, orange juice, and warm croissants.

 _“Good morning,”_ she said, smiling at a totally disheveled Adèle. _“I brought you food. If you don’t like croissants, I can ask the kitchen to make you an English breakfast. Or would you rather have some cereals?”_

She placed the tray on the little breakfast table in the corner of the room and poured her some black coffee.

 _“Here, this will settle you down. You were snoring so loudly last night and I thought you must have been inebriated,”_ Noémie said as she put the coffee on the night table and helped Adèle get up. _My God, she is so beautiful_ , Adèle thought.

 _“Thank you,”_ that was all she could say to stop herself from falling back to sleep. How many shots of vodka did she down last night? She was not sure.

 _“Adèle, we need to talk,”_ Noémie softly said as she walked back to the lounge chair.

 _“I know,”_ Adèle replied as she sipped the coffee.


	25. Starting Over

“ _I like your hair_ ,” Adèle said, admiring the view. She had already moved to the chair by the little breakfast table, overlooking the back garden.

“ _It’s so short_ ,” Noémie said self-consciously.

“ _I like it_ ,” Adèle said as she reached out and ran her hand through Noémie’s hair.

“ _I’m not done filming yet, so it might get shorter. I will show up in Cannes with shorter hair,_ ” Noémie replied as she moved her head away from Adèle’s hand.

“ _It’s very butch_ ,” Adèle said, smiling mischievously. The room had stopped spinning and her hangover was slowly abating. She knew it would be gone by the time she took a shower. Noémie did not reply and simply looked down on her lap.

Silence.

 _“Can we at least be friends?”_ Noémie finally asked as her dark hazel eyes met Adèle’s. _“At least until Cannes?”_

Adèle marveled at Noémie’s humility. There was no trace of anger or regret in her voice, just honesty, and she couldn’t bear it.

 _“I’m very sorry for acting that way I did,”_ Adèle finally said.

 _“I understand,”_ Noémie reached out to touch her hand. _“We got carried away… I got carried away. We just need move on. For Céline.”_

Adèle mindlessly nodded, all the while wondering if Noémie still felt the same, because she sure as hell did. Maybe now the joke was on her – she tried to get ahead of the heart break, but it only caught up with her. But NO, she would not engage in a diplomatic conversation. She was not very compliant this morning; she still had a headache and still greenish from her hangover.

_“Do you honestly think we can just move on? After everything? I don’t know about you, Noé, but I tried my darndest and I have failed. I think about you all the time. I see your eyes when I make love to Julia. Don’t you see? Cannes, then the whole film promo circuit would not let me get over you.”_

_“You’re back with Julia?”_

_“Well, yes, I am. We are not engaged, we do not live together, but we hang out. Before we got back together, I was with Gisèle. My little theatre side project. And do you know when I got back with Julia? After you texted me to wish me a happy new year and happy birthday. In the early hours of 2019, I roamed the streets of Paris to get to Julia’s flat, hoping that your memories wouldn’t follow me there”_ Adèle said.

Noémie did not know what to say. She was flabbergasted and absolutely dismayed by Adèle’s insouciant attitude towards sex. She had slept with exactly three people her entire life, one of whom was in front of her. She felt her forehead heating up, and before she knew it, she had to go to the bathroom to throw up. When she came back out, her eyes were red from crying.

 _“Is that what you do, Adèle? You go from one bed to another; you change girlfriends like you change shirts? What was I to you? Another notch in your bedpost?”_ Noémie was almost shaking from the pain and anger that she felt at that moment.

 _“No, Noémie, you are different. I could never have the same relationship with you as I do with others. You are sacred to me. If I were to get married, you would be the person I would want to marry. And that was why I ghosted you. You are locked safely in my heart, the same place where I hold all of Céline’s memories.”_ Adèle’s heart was breaking as she saw how broken Noémie was. She stood up and kneeled in front of Noémie, placed her head on her lap, and started softly crying. _This is so difficult_ , she thought.

Noémie ran her hand through Adèle hair, her love rising above the anger and the pain.

Finally, Adèle looked up and asked, _“What about Simon? And the fact that you are married?”_

 _“I would leave him to be with you,”_ was Noémie’s simple answer. _“I don’t know why you make it so difficult. It is not. I love you, and I would walk through fire to be with you. I would call him now to tell him it’s over, if that would stop you from sleeping with every girl in Paris.”_

 _“Oh, Noémie…”_ , was all Adèle could say before she reached up to kiss her. She had missed this, she had miss her. “ _It is never that simple. Don’t you think we should get to know each other more? Maybe go out to dinner sometime?”_

Noémie smiled and nodded. The room always seemed to light up whenever she smiled, and Adèle basked in it.

Finally, Adèle said, _“We should be friends first. Like you said. But friends with benefits. Because right now, I want to make mad love to you.”_

 _“Allons y”_ , Noémie said as she and Adèle made their way back to bed.

\------

 _“And you return my text or calls,”_ Noémie said as Adèle kissed her shoulders. _“No more ghosting me.”_

 _“I promise. But you also let me know when you are out of town. Or when you sleep with Simon. No, erase that. I don’t want to know,”_ Adèle said.

 _“And I won’t ask you about Julia or Gisèle. Or anybody else,”_ Noémie replied.

_“We will go out to dinner. I will take you dancing.”_

_“Are you asking me on a date?”_

_“How dare you, Noémie Merlant! I don’t ask married women on dates.”_

_“Okay, we will go out to dinner and dancing but just as friends.”_

_“I want to meet your friends.”_

_“I want to meet yours.”_

_“They will make fun of me, hanging out with a straight, married woman, who also happens to be very hot.”_

_“A straight, married woman whose best orgasms have been courtesy of you_ , _Adèle_ _Haenel,”_ Noémie said with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes before starting all over again.

 _“You are so beautiful. Your eyes, they haunt me in my sleep and my waking hours,”_ Adèle said, unable to catch her breath as Noémie began to kiss her all over.


	26. Celine Knows, Part 2

If anyone did not know yet that Noémie and Adèle were together, they definitely did that weekend. The two were inseparable. Sometimes, they would be in a group, catch each other’s eyes, and voilà, the rest of the world would disappear. They were very sweet but not in an annoying way. They did not hide but neither did they flaunt.

 _“We are not dating,”_ they would take turns answering whomever would ask. And for some reason, they were very convincing that it was easy to believe that these two attractive women who acted like puppies around each other were simply enjoying each other’s company. How very French of them!

Everyone knew that Noémie was married and most of them had met Simon, but they did not know much about Adèle’s private life. She always seemed so guarded and could shut down a conversation once it turned personal. They knew that she and Céline were in a relationship for a long time, but they were no longer together. Céline was with Judith and Adèle – who knew whom she was dating at the moment.

Everyone rooted for Noémie and Adèle, for many reasons. One was that Simon did not impress them and they felt she deserved better. They also saw what the viewing public might not: that there was really love in those gazes, and maybe it would be apparent to some, but for most, it would just be acting. But they were privy to the knowledge that it had become very real.

Céline pulled them both aside for some piece of wisdom. They loved listening to Céline – she could see through all the pretenses and called their bullshit out if needed.

 _“I would guess that you two have talked to each other. But I would ask that you keep whatever it is on the down low. We do not want any scandal and the French press would eat it up if they realized you are together,”_ she said.

 _“We are not really together,”_ Adèle said. _“Life still needs to happen. Noémie has her projects and I have mine, and we cannot stop each other’s world from turning.”_

 _“And Simon?”_ Céline turned to Noémie.

 _“I would leave him in a heartbeat if Adèle asked me to, but she had not. Our roles have been reversed – she’s Marianne and I am Héloïse. I would tell Simon everything when the time is right and when Adèle is ready to fight for me,”_ Noémie said.

 _“It’s not that I do not want to fight for you, Noé. We choose our battles because we want to win the whole damn war,”_ Adèle replied, before turning to Céline, _“We do not need to be with each other all the time. You have taught me that lesson, and I will not fuck this up. We will meet in the middle of here and now, not to skulk around in the shadows, but to spend some time together.”_

 _“We will make it work, Céline. We will make it work without hurting anyone. Or at least, minimizing the hurt. I will take Simon to Cannes and she will be with Julia. What is important is that we are also friends,”_ Noémie finished.

 _“Okay then. You have not been to Cannes, Noémie. It’s very intense. The press will hound you both, so be prepared. You will have stylists and designers calling you soon enough. I know you will choose wisely. Adèle has her own stylist. We will go to Cannes and show them what we have, and we will have fun,”_ Céline said as she started walking away, a little nervous about her two lead actresses, but comforted by their honesty.

 _“Oh, and start practicing your English,”_ she said with a wink.  
  



	27. Cannes

True to what Céline said _,_ Cannes was beyond Noémie’s expectations. The whole cast and crew were treated to a 10-minute standing ovation after the film’s screening. The press conferences and interviews were non-stop, so much so that Simon and Julia went off to hit the bars together during the day. There was a party every evening, which Simon was eager to attend, mostly for networking. He was convinced that at some point, he would be regarded amongst the best and would get his own 10-minute standing ovation.

Adèle and Noémie were playful through it all, and it was not lost on some journalists who commented about their “ _dynamite relationship on and off screen_.” Adèle quickly got defensive every time and shut any journalist up who tried to venture beyond discussing the movie by saying that she and co-star were “ _colleague and friends_ ”, but not sure if “ _the dynamite extended to their relationship_.” She was not lying either, because she had always associated the word “dynamite” with violence, and that was the last thing they had.

She could not hide her jealousy whenever Simon would put his arms around Noémie, and despite the smile and seeming ease, she wanted to smack him. Julia observed intently and came to the conclusion that Adèle was in love with her co-star. She simply couldn’t hide it. She was like a puppy around Noémie, playful and longing at the same time. Julia also noticed that Noémie, although more reserved, would meet Adèle’s gaze with equal intensity. And even more telling was the way she would tune out during televised events or joint interviews, like the world would disappear and they were both alone somewhere.

\----------

 _“I think my girlfriend is in love with your wife,”_ Julia told Simon during one of their daytime bar hopping.

 _“Really? I didn’t notice anything. Nah. Adèle’s just being her usual goofy self,”_ Simon replied dismissively.

 _“Men are so obtuse,”_ Julia said while shaking her head.

 _“That’s why our lives are so much simpler. We don’t like drama. We do not hear what was not said out loud. It is not our job to interpret female gazes or whatever shit Céline has been talking about,”_ Simon replied as he continued drinking his beer.

Julia was now annoyed that he could not see what was so obvious to her and to so many, so she blurted it out, “ _And your wife feels the same way about my girlfriend. You better watch out because Adèle could be very convincing. She could turn Juliette Binoche or Marion Cotillard gay if she wanted.”_

Simon just totally laughed off Julia’s assertion, “ _I have something that Noémie loves, which Adèle does not have. You know what it is?”_

Julia was sarcastic, _“Let’s see… your charming personality? Your intelligence and sensitivity? Your handsomer-than-George-Clooney face? Oh yeah, you have a dick.”_

Simon was amused, _“You got it. I have dick and Adèle does not. I win. And trust me, Noémie loves my dick. She cannot have enough of it. I just might indulge her tonight.”_

 _“You have so much to learn about life, Simon,”_ Julia said, exasperated.

\-------------

It was their last night, or rather, early morning in the South of France, and Julia was in bed with Adèle and started kissing her, but Adèle stopped her, claiming that she was so tired from the non-stop parties that followed the closing ceremony. Their movie was truly the toast of Cannes, but the Dick Jury did not see it fit to give them the awards they deserved. Nevertheless, Céline walked off with the Best Screenplay gong.

One thing that Julia loved about Adèle was her honesty. She didn’t lie; she might tell half-truths or simply refuse to answer a question, but you knew that she did not, would not deliberately lie. And Julia had learned to choose her questions carefully, especially if she knew the answer could hurt her.

But tonight, she could no longer contain herself. She had to know.

 _“Adèle?”_ She called out to her almost asleep girlfriend.

 _“Hmmm?”_ Adèle acknowledged her.

 _“I need to ask you a question, and I need you to answer me now,”_ Julia said.

That woke Adèle up, _“Go on.”_

 _“Are you in love with Noémie?”_ Julia asked, her voice almost trembling, because she already knew the answer.

Adèle looked her in the eye and said, _“Yes.”_

_“And does she feel the same?”_

_“You have to ask her that. I cannot speak for her,”_ Adèle said with her characteristic evasion technique.

 _“Fair enough,”_ Julia understood that Adèle was just protecting Noémie without lying to her. Then she asked further, _“Are you breaking up with me?”_

 _“No,”_ Adèle was curt. _“Can you live with it? Can you understand that I can love two persons at the same time? Besides, she is married.”_

 _Ah, so no relationship. Adèle still knows her boundaries_ , Julia thought. She could live with that. _Bravo Simon and his dick_.

 _“Yes, I can live with that,”_ Julia answered. She kissed Adèle very gently and hugged her until they both fell asleep.


	28. Cafe Hugo

They really did not have a lot of alone time in Cannes, although they managed to steal some kisses here and there. Less than a week later, Noémie got a text message from Adèle, asking if they could meet up for drinks. She said it was urgent.

 _“I’m going to meet Adèle,”_ Noémie told Simon as she was putting on her coat.

 _“What does she want?”_ Simon answered without taking his eyes off the television.

 _“I don’t know, but it seems rather serious. Don’t wait up for me_ ,” Noémie said as she gave her husband a quick peck on the cheeks.

Adèle was already outside Café Hugo, a small bistro near Noémie’s flat, tucked in a corner of Place des Vosges, away from the promenading tourists. She was smoking a cigarette while pacing away from the door. Her face lit up when she saw Noémie approaching her. _Noémie lights up the dark_ , she said to herself.

 _“Shall we go in?”_ Noémie asked. She knew the manager and had called in advance to reserve the booth farthest from the main area where an independent band was crooning an original French song. The waiter got their order and they both settled in.

 _“You remember when I told you about Christophe Ruggia?”_ Adèle started.

 _“Yes, he was the director of your first film,”_ Noémie said, _“and creepy as fuck.”_

 _“I didn’t tell you the whole story,”_ Adèle said. _“How much time do you have?”_

They spoke in low voices, Noémie’s face sometimes grimacing with disgust as she heard more details. Adèle was telling her the story as a matter of fact, a tinge of anger, but never self-pity; she was never a victim.

 _“I have to tell you because I’ve been speaking to a journalist from Mediapart,”_ Adèle said, _“and she has begun collaborating my story with other people on the set. I also found some letters that he sent me, all of which are now in her possession.”_

 _“Are you ready to tell your story to the world?”_ Noémie asked, very concerned.

 _“I saw that he was going to make another film with young kids, the characters are named after the characters of that film we made. I cannot let him do it, Noé,”_ Adèle answered solemnly.

Adèle had never seen Noémie angry; she had always been even keeled. The calm in the eye of a storm. But at that moment, she saw those dark hazel eyes enraged, burning through the dim lights of Café Hugo.

 _“I will kick his ass. Gosh, I am so angry right now. How could he do that to a 12-year old? Men like him should get the guillotine!”_ Noémie was now almost shaking. _“Get their head or dick chopped off.”_

 _“I am fine, Noé,”_ Adèle tried to diffuse the anger. _“It was a long time ago. Céline saved me, and that’s why she would always hold a special place in my heart. And now she has given you to me.”_

Noémie smiled sadly. Oh, how she wished she could take Adèle in her arms right there and then and keep her safe.

 _“I wanted to tell you because there would be a lot of press when the story comes out. And I need you to be there for me,”_ Adèle continued, reaching out to hold Noémie’s hand.

 _“Of course, I will be here for you. I am here for you now. I will be here for you always,”_ Noémie said sincerely, those dark hazel eyes now back to emanating love. And when she said those words, Adèle had no choice but to believe her.

 _“How’s Simon,”_ Adèle asked, changing the topic. She really wanted to know. She was interested in every detail of Noémie’s day, even if they hardly saw each other. It’s a good thing WhatsApp was encrypted. They had devised a way to let each other know whenever they slept with their respective partners: a nauseated emoji.

 _“I left him in the flat. He’s watching some Avenger shit,”_ Noémie rolled her eyes. _“By the way, we got seats in the Louis Vuitton box next week at Roland Garros. I am telling you now just in case you see a pap picture.”_

 _“You know I don’t go on the internet or read stupid newspapers,”_ Adèle said, visibly bothered by the thought.

 _“Adèle…”_ Noémie knew how she was feeling and tried to calm her down.

 _“I know, Noé. He’s your husband and I’m just a mistress,”_ Adèle now said deprecatingly.

 _“You are not my mistress. Without the sex or possession, you are my best friend. That is a far more important role, if you asked me,”_ Noémie said.

 _“Do you mind sharing the title with Céline? She is also my best friend,”_ Adèle smiled, and whenever she smiled, Noémie felt her heart jumping out of her chest.

 _“As long as she doesn’t mind…”_ Noémie smiled too. _“It would be an honor to be in any category as Céline.”_

Café Hugo was crowded that Saturday night, the band was playing loudly, the patrons were noisy, and cigarette smoke wafted through the place. But at that moment, everything faded, and they were alone. In a world of their own.


	29. Moping

__

_“What is the matter with you?”_ Julia asked Adèle, who was in a particularly bad mood that day. _“You have not spoken to me since this afternoon, you keep lighting up one cigarette after another, and now you’ve progressed to vodka.”_

Adèle just looked at her, did not even acknowledge what she said, and continued sipping her drink and puffing, sitting in the balcony with her feet up the railings, her face a picture of total misery. Noémie sent her a message that day to say that she was at Roland Garros with Simon, and stupidly, she looked for pap pictures, and there they were. What got her was the one with Noémie’s arms around him, almost looked she was licking his ear. She couldn’t get it out of her mind.

Jealousy had reared its ugly head. She was livid at Noémie for putting such a display; did she honestly think she would not see it? It’s plastered all over the internet. She sent her a nasty WhatsApp message with the photo attached: “ _Did you enjoy licking his ear in public?_ ” She was yet to get a response. She had been really good, she thought they were in a good place. Each green emoji made her want to throw up herself, but she got over herself.

 _“Are you just going to ignore me? Then I’m going,”_ Julia was exasperated. She walked towards the balcony, _“Did you hear me? I said I’m leaving.”_

Adèle did not even turn around, but replied absent mindedly, _“Yeah, I heard you. You’re leaving.”_

Julia turned around and left Adèle in the balcony, still smoking cigarettes, sipping vodka, and occasionally looking at her mobile. She did not want to think anymore – she would go down a rabbit hole that she might not be able to get out of. It was almost summer and the days were getting longer. She remained in her perch for what seemed like hours, almost catatonic, smoking her cigarettes and sipping her vodka. Her phone rang; it was Noémie.

 _“I’m coming up,”_ Noémie said. Adèle looked down and there she was, locking her red Vespa across the street from her flat. Noémie let herself in; she already had the electronic codes to both the building and keys to the flat. She went to the balcony, took the cigarette from Adèle’s left hand and the vodka shot glass from her right, and they both went inside. They sat on the couch and the dam just burst and Adèle started sobbing while Noémie held her.

She finally stopped and looked up, comforted by those dark hazel eyes. She held on to Noémie, not wanting to let her go, Noémie gently running her hands on her disheveled blonde locks.

Finally, Noémie asked very softly, almost a whisper, _“Adèle, have you had anything to eat today?”_ She shook her head. Reluctantly, Noémie stood up, got her wallet, and said, _“I’ll be right back. I’ll get us something quick to eat. And I’m emptying this vodka bottle before I leave.”_ Adèle nodded, still heaving from her emotional deluge.

Noémie went to the corner bistro and got some soup, sandwiches, and coffee. Adèle was so drunk she could hardly eat. She must have looked like a complete mess. Her head was spinning and she wanted to throw up. _“Here, at least have some soup. It will settle down your stomach. And some coffee. And then we’ll clean you up.”_

Afterwards, Noémie led her to the bathroom, turned on the hot shower, and proceeded to take off her clothes. It felt good, Adèle thought, as the water drenched her skin. Noémie disrobed, joined her, and ran the soap all over her. She even brought her a toothbrush.

 _“Adèle, I will wash your hair, okay?”_ Noémie whispered before getting the shampoo. Adèle couldn’t help but feel how mystical it was that one person could have the power to turn her day into hell only to come and bring her back from the abyss. And this shower – with their skin against each other – felt like a baptism that washed away all the pain. Noémie dried them both up, got her into her bathrobe, and, wrapped only in a towel, took her to bed. She dressed her up in her favorite boxer shorts and sleeveless shirt.

 _“Are you staying for the night?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Do you want me to?”_ Noémie replied. Adèle nodded her head.

 _“Okay. But I didn’t bring anything with me. Maybe I should go back to the flat to get some things,”_ Noémie said.

 _“No, you can get anything you need from my closet. You can even choose between my stuff or Julia’s,”_ Adèle said.

_“And where is Julia?”_

_“She left. I’m not sure she’d come back. I was a jerk,”_ Adèle remembered. _“And Simon? What did you tell him?”_

_“That I was going to see you.”_

_“And what did he say?”_

_“I didn’t give him the chance to say anything,”_ Noémie said curtly. _“Let me just text him to tell him that I’m staying the night.”_

Noémie held her, rubbing her shoulders to get her to sleep. And as she was falling asleep, Adèle whispered, _“I love you, Noé.”_

 _“You know, this is the first time you ever said that,”_ Noémie said, giving her a gentle kiss.

And tonight, everything was okay with the world.


	30. Moving Out and Moving In

Adèle woke up in the middle of the night and remembered that she went to sleep early because she was totally hammered. Noémie was asleep next to her naked, then she remembered that Noémie did not plan on staying and did not bring any change of clothes with her.

She started kissing Noémie’s lips, neck, shoulders. She took off her clothes and was on top of her, kissing those lips, eyes, ears. Noémie was now awake and returning her kisses passionately. She sucked on those nipples, one after the other, alternating between Noémie’s breasts and lips. She felt her hand being guided down to a very wet place, but she resisted.

 _“Please, Adèle,”_ Noémie pleaded in between moans.

 _“Not yet,”_ Adèle whispered and continued what she was doing. And when she herself was overcome by desire, she mounted Noémie and started grinding their hips together.

\---------

 _“Whoa! Best orgasm yet, so far,”_ Noémie said while trying to catch her breath. Adèle was next to her, a beaming conqueror, sweaty and so proud of herself for the pleasure she had given the girl next to her.

 _“Leave him, Noé. Leave him and move in with me,”_ Adèle said lovingly while tracing those eyes, nose, and lips. _“I’m serious.”_

 _“Right now, it is not that simple,”_ Noémie’s face fell.

 _“You were the one who kept telling me that it was that simple. I’m ready to fight for you,”_ Adèle said, hurt at the response.

 _“He has a film coming out, and I promised to do some promos with him,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“What, that interactive film that comes with its own app?”_ Adèle said, her jagged edges showing up a bit.

 _“Please don’t make fun of him. I am also in that film,”_ Noémie said softly.

 _“I’m sorry. You are right, and that was not nice of me,”_ Adèle said, resigned.

They looked at the clock. It was after 4am.

 _“I am awake now, so I might as well go back home. I’ll call you later,”_ Noémie said as she got out of bed to dress up. Adèle buried her face on the pillow – the conqueror just fell back to earth with a thud – and was soon back asleep.

\------------

She dreamt that Noémie came back, and was holding her. No, it was not a dream! Noémie did come back and was holding her, but was also quietly crying.

 _“You’re back,”_ Adèle said, glancing at the clock. It was 5am. “ _What’s the matter?”_ But there was no answer, just stifled sobs. She felt Noémie’s grimace when she reached out to touch her face. Now fully awake, Adèle turned on the night lamp and saw the bruise on Noémie’s cheek and the dried blood in the corner of her busted lips.

 _“HE HIT YOU!!! I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HIM!”_ Adèle was beside herself. She ran to the kitchen and got some ice, _“Here, put them on your cheek.”_ She then ran to the bathroom and got a warm face towel and used it to clean Noémie’s face, which was still partly hidden by a pillow.

 _“He wanted to fuck when I got home and I said no, and he flew into a rage. I was going to sleep on the couch and he followed me then slapped me,”_ Noémie said in between sobs. _“Then he saw the hickey you had given me earlier, and he slapped me again, so hard that I fell and hit the corner of the sofa.”_

In the light, Adèle saw that the other side of Noémie face was even blacker and bluer and her eyes almost closed from the bruising, sporting a nasty shiner.

 _“Let me take you to the hospital,”_ Adèle was now very worried. _“Or the police station. He cannot get away with this. I don’t care if you had fucked the entire European Union! Nobody deserves this!”_

Noémie was still crying, and Adèle felt so helpless.

 _“Can I stay here for a few days? Don’t worry, it’s not permanent,”_ Noémie asked, those eyes still full of innocence and wonder.

 _“You can stay as long as you want,”_ Adèle said.

 _“No, I have to get my own place,”_ Noémie said quietly. Adèle did not argue. All she wanted at that moment was to shield her from any harm. She got up and proceeded to get dressed.

 _“Where are you going?”_ Noémie asked.

 _“To your place. To talk to Simon. To tell him never to come near you again or I would call the police,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“No, please don’t. Please let me deal with him. He is still my husband,”_ Noémie said, looking at her wedding band.

 _“And what about that ‘to love and cherish’ shit? He surely did not stick to his own vows,”_ Adèle said angrily.

 _“Come back to bed, please. Let’s talk in the morning. Right now, I just want to sleep,”_ Noémie was now pleading. And Adèle did what she was asked.


	31. Julia Part 3

“ _Jesus, what happened to you?_ ” Julia was not surprised to find Noémie in Adèle’s flat the following day, but she was beyond shocked to see the bruises.

“ _Hi, Julia. No, please don’t mind me. I just need to stay indoors for a few days, until all this goes away_ ,” Noémie motioned to her battered face. “ _I don’t mean to invade your space. Adèle is not here. She’s meeting for a play she’s doing with… I forgot._ ”

“ _Oh, you mean Gisèle_ ,” Julia said, slightly shaking her head. “ _Oh, Noémie. Can I do anything? Have you had anything to eat? Adèle is not very good on stocking up on food_.”

Noémie smiled; it hurt to smile. Within a few minutes, she had seen why Adèle fell for Julia. She’s really cool, she thought.

“ _I was just going to get some stuff, but do you want me to keep you company?_ ” Julia asked sincerely.

“ _That would be nice_ ,” Noémie replied. She was worried that Simon would show up and make a scene. Also, Julia was right – Adèle’s refrigerator and cupboard resembled that of a student in the middle of finals week.

Julia went to the kitchen and made tea for both of them, and then sat next to her on the couch. She also came back with more ice to calm the swelling.

“ _Thank you. It actually looks worse than it feels,_ ” Noémie smiled.

“ _I won’t ask you who did this. Because if you told me, I might not be able to stop myself from beating that person up,_ ” Julia was angry.

“ _It was my husband. Or my soon-to-be ex-husband. I don’t think we can come back from this,_ ” Noémie said, tears starting to pool in her eyes.

“ _Fucking Simon! No, you can never go back_ ,” Julia sighed before lighting a cigarette and going to the balcony. Noémie followed her and lit her own. They were quiet for a while. Noémie was well aware that Julia and Adèle were officially together, and she was the outsider. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel jealous. Despite all the upheavals going on in her world, she had the rare gift of keeping calm and centered. It was as if she was almost on a different plane of existence than most people.

“ _I would leave and let you and Adèle be, but I hope you understand. I just can’t. Not for a few days, at least_ ,” Noémie was sincerely apologetic. And Julia saw why Adèle fell in love with her. She was the opposite of everyone and everything in Adèle’s world; she was the one good thing that Adèle could hold onto, like a warm blanket.

“ _No, please don’t make yourself uncomfortable. I really came just to get some of my stuff. I think our course has run anyway,”_ Julia said wistfully. “ _I think that this time, we may be breaking up for good.”_

“ _I’m sorry,”_ Noémie said.

“ _Please don’t. Adèle and I had a good run, but this ending has been coming on for a while now, you know?_ ” Julia said, blowing smokes into the air. _“Also, she’s in love with you, but I’m sure you know that already.”_

Noémie turned very red. It was the first time anybody had said it out loud. Not even Céline had said it to her face. Julia smiled at her reassuringly. She was right, the feeling was mutual.

After a couple of hours of just hanging around, Julia went food shopping; she was the designated food shopper for Adèle, and now she was doing it for Noémie too. _Lesbians are so fucked up_ , she thought to herself, and chuckled at the tangled web of Adèle’s relationships, woven without the intention of deception.

“ _I’ll make dinner_ ,” Julia said when she got back. “ _Do you know what time Adèle would be back?_ ” 

Noémie shook her head. She really did not know, and neither of them had texted each other. Whenever she had a new project, Adèle had always said that she needed space, physical and otherwise. Noémie understood. She knew that nobody could ever be the only person for Adèle; she needed multitudes. Did she feel hurt that Adèle went ahead with her meeting? At that moment, no. Noémie had far too many things to worry about, foremost of which were her bruises: sure, they would heal, but the damage done went far beyond her face.

“ _Then it’s her lost, isn’t it_ ,” Julia smiled and winked at her. _My God, she seems so fragile, I just want to hug her_ , she thought. 

Noémie was setting the dinner table when Adèle texted to tell her she’s on her way back. She got another place setting. “ _It’s a good thing you made enough_ ,” Noémie said. “ _Adèle is on her way_.”

Julia smiled. She was tossing the salad while the Bolognese sauce was simmering. Noémie got a couple of bottles of red wine that would go well with the pasta and proceeded to uncork and air the wine out. She also poured some for Julia and herself.

“ _Cheers_ ,” they said as the clinked their glasses. Adèle came in and was very surprised at the two women in her flat, getting along so well. She did not know whom to kiss first… so she went for whomever was nearest to the door, which was Noémie, who grimaced from pain. She then went to the kitchen and kissed Julia on both cheeks.

Dinner was delicious; Julia was a good cook. Adèle talked about her meeting excitedly. Then the conversation turned to Simon.

“ _Did he try to contact you today, Noémie?_ ” Adèle asked. Noémie shook her head. Despite what he had done, she knew he was very heartbroken as well. Endings had always been hard, no matter who was doing the leaving.

“ _He and I spent a lot of time together in Cannes, while you two were busy being the belles of the ball_ ,” Julia said. “ _I thought he was a goober, but not a violent one_.”

Noémie changed the subject, “ _Are you staying for the night, Julia? Please do. It would be nice to have company tomorrow morning, after Adèle leaves for rehearsals_.”

Julia looked at Adèle, who shook her head ever so slightly.

“ _Yes, I will. And I will make breakfast tomorrow and spend the whole day with you,_ ” Julia said, just to piss Adèle off. Unicorn Noémie was delighted, and Adèle thought it was weird as fuck.

Noémie got some beddings to sleep on the couch. She loved sleeping on the couch ever since she was a girl. She would fall asleep either reading or watching a movie. 

Adèle marveled at Noémie’s calm demeanor, and then proceeded to wonder if it was just because Noémie was not very smart, which was her biggest turn off. After they said their good nights, Julia went to the bedroom while Adèle sat down on the seat next to the couch.

“ _Are you for real? Who would ask their girlfriend’s girlfriend to stay overnight?_ ” Adèle asked, half amused and half annoyed.

“ _Did you just hear what you said? ‘Girlfriend’s girlfriend’? Really? You need to talk to her, and I am giving you tonight to do it. Julia deserves so much better than being ghosted. You decide what you want to do, but you need to decide. You’ve seen what our indecision has done to me. If you decide to stay with her, I will be okay with that. I might need your couch for a few more days, though. I cannot go out in public looking like this,_ ” Noémie said.

 _She is not dumb_ , Adèle thought. But she’s almost other-worldly, and she loved her the more for that. She leaned down and kissed her good night.

\-----

Julia did as she promised: she made breakfast and then kept Noémie company. She beat Adèle to the punch and broke up with her. But it did not mean she couldn’t hang out with her replacement, whose company she really enjoyed. She would get the rest of her stuff, but she would come back to the flat just to make sure Noémie was okay.

And not before long, she and Noémie had become fast friends.


	32. Netflix and Popcorn

Noémie’s agent Grégory Weill came to the flat and was horrified at what he saw. They proceeded to talk about how to handle the press, especially now that Noémie was only to get bigger with the September release of Portrait and the North American blitz.

Grégory had spoken to Simon’s agent, who was equally horrified at what Simon had done and had actually threatened to quit.

Noémie insisted that no press regarding their relationship status would be released. She would continue wearing her wedding ring during the Fall appearances; she was more concerned about the impact of not wearing it and how people would perceive her relationship with Adèle or how her personal life would overtake the film’s importance. She would not take it off until the divorce, which she was yet to file, had been finalized, sometime around winter.

Grégory was worried about more retaliation from Simon, now that he knew the violence he could inflict. His agent Ivan de Labbey assured them that Simon knew there would be consequences.

There would also be the issue of getting Noémie’s stuff from the flat and finding a new place to stay. While Adèle wanted her to stay, she did not think it was a good idea. Not yet, at least, especially given the circumstances. She had some healing to do on her own and she knew she would not be able to give her all to a new relationship.

\-----------

 _“I am okay with that, Noé. I’d rather have you once in a while than not have you at all,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Besides, I will stay the night at least a few times a week,”_ Noémie said. _“I need to make sure your wandering eyes and hands do not wander too far.”_

 _“And we will be together during the fall film festivals in North America, so already looking forward to those,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Maybe we can sneak in a trip or two whilst we’re there,”_ Noémie wistfully thought out loud.

 _“That would be nice,”_ Adèle put her arms protectively around Noémie as they continued watching Netflix. Quiet evenings like this one were Adèle’s favorite, where she could put her feet up, lounge around wearing her pajamas, eat hot buttered popcorn, and drink bubblies. With Noémie, it was even nicer.

And she realized how smart Noémie was: she was better at math than Adèle, her reading list was equally impressive, and she came with an added bonus of singing or playing the piano or both to her. She might not be as verbal or outspoken as she, but when Noémie spoke, her sheer honesty pierced beyond her soft voice. She might not be as political as she, but Noémie had strong convictions and would argue a point to death if needed.

Adèle’s relationship with Céline was passionate and intelligent, but it exhausted them both. Noémie brought calm into her life; not boredom, but peace. With news of the sexual harassment she suffered as a child trickling out to the press, people had hailed her As courageous and praised her for her moral stance. What they did not know, Adèle thought, was the bravery of the woman who was sitting right next to her, innocently eating popcorn and drinking champagne, and simply loving her in a way she had never been loved before.


	33. Summer

It was not a languid summer. Adèle was still rehearsing Gisèle’s puppet play, in German to boot. She grew up speaking the language courtesy of her father who was a translator. Noémie was doing post production on several films slated for release the following year, and the two of them spent a lot of time with Céline on the video release of Portrait. 

Noémie had moved out of the flat she shared with Simon; most of the clothes were at her sister’s and Adèle thought that it was not practical for her to get a new place when both of them were hardly home anyway. That summer, she rented a post office box for her mail but kept her toothbrush at Adèle’s. She finally got around to speaking with a divorce lawyer who assured her that Simon would sign the papers.

It was hard enough to keep track of each other’s schedule; Noémie would be in Paris while Adèle was in Germany, then Adèle would be in Paris while Noémie was in Brussels. No matter where they were, they both made sure they were together from Friday through the weekend.

Until Adèle stopped going to her rehearsals. Her co-star, Kirsten, was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and pre-production had to stop. 

“ _She’s not going to make it, Noé_ ,” Adèle mournfully told her. Noémie did not say anything, but her arms around Adèle said everything. “ _I need the break anyway_.”

“ _That might be a good idea. How is Gisèle taking it_?” Noémie asked.

“ _She’s busy with other projects. She has a production in Japan, another in Argentina_ ,” Adèle said.

“ _Let’s get away. I will clear my schedule_ ,” Noémie said, an epiphany.

“ _Where do you want to go?_ ” Adèle asked.

“ _Give me a number between -90 and 90_ ,” Noémie said.

“ _Minus 50,”_ Adèle said.

“ _Okay, now another number between -180 and 180_ ,” Noémie called up an app in her phone.

 _“78,”_ Adèle blurted out.

 _“Nope, it’s the middle of the Indian Ocean,”_ Noémie said, shaking her head.

 _“I want to go to Asia,”_ Adèle said.

 _“We would stand out. Like literally, because we are taller than most,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“You’re right. I would say Universal Studios in Florida, but I’m not in the mood to go to a place that voted for Trump,_ ” Adèle shook her head.

 _“Or we can just stay in France. Go back to Brittany,”_ Noémie said. “ _My parents still have a place up there.”_

 _“But we would be recognized,”_ Adèle said.

 _“True, but what do they know? As far as people know, I’m still with Simon, remember? Wedding band? Also, the house has a private beach, so there_ ,” Noémie lifted her left hand to show off her ring finger.

_“I would be nice to go back to Brittany, where it all began. And I can make mad love to you right on the beach. I think deep down, Héloïse is really a slut and had been wanting to jump Marianne since day 1_ ,” Adèle laughed.

 _“Marianne would like that,”_ Noémie laughed. _“Oh, and there’s usually a ping-pong tournament in town. Let’s see what you’re made of.”_

 _“Prepare to be amazed,”_ Adèle said as she grabbed Noémie to kiss her passionately.


	34. Back to Brittany, Part 1

Noémie was happy to be back in the cottage by the sea, her parents’ home by the ocean, where she spent many, many happy summers (and some winters too). Nowadays, her parents had been bombarded by AirBnB to rent out the cottage, but they had resisted. It was everyone’s safe place, where everyone could go at the drop of a dime and be instantly transported to a different time and place punctuated by memories.

Adèle wanted to take her motorcycle, but common sense prevailed and they took Noémie’s brand new CITROËN that she purchased soon after she moved out.

 _“Aside from your sister, I have not met your family yet, Noé_ ,” Adèle said as she was looking at family pictures adoring the Merlants’ cottage by the sea.

 _“My parents have been spending most of their time in Nantes, where I grew up. After Papa’s accident, Maman did not think that Paris was for them. They’re simple folks who purposely moved out to the country,”_ Noémie replied as she checked the kitchen pantry. “ _If you want, we can drop by and visit on our way back,”_ she added.

 _“That will be cool,”_ Adèle said as she continued exploring her the new surroundings.

 _“Babe, do you mind bringing our stuff up to the bedroom?”_ Noémie called out from the kitchen. “ _The second room at the top of the stairs, to your right, is the master’s bedroom with en-suite bathroom.”_

 _“And where was your room?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“There are two other rooms. Why don’t you guess?”_ Noémie said teasingly.

Adèle went upstairs as asked. The sheets were fresh and the whole house smelled of heather. The Merlants had a housekeeper on call for when anyone would be coming up to use the house: to clean, change sheets, do groceries, and overall, get the house ready for the family.

 _“I found your room!!! The one with the Titanic poster on the wall!”_ Adèle called out.

No answer.

Adèle went downstairs to find Noémie asleep on the couch. It was a long drive and they left Paris at dawn. She covered her with the quilt that was neatly folded by the chair and went outside to further explore.

\--------------

The cottage was located on top of a hill abutting the ocean. The shore below, around half a kilometer long, was part of the property and had signs on each end announcing that it was private. The rock formations were not as dramatic as in Saint-Pierre-Quiberon, but they did have their charm. There were wooden lounge chairs under umbrellas; Adèle sat on one and soon promptly fell asleep herself. Only to be awoken later with kisses.

 _“I thought you might be here,”_ Noémie said, her face illuminated like an angel.

 _“Hi,”_ was all Adèle could say. It was still light outside even though it was almost 9 o’clock. Noémie put down the beach bag and bottle of champagne that she brought with her on the table right in between the 2 lounge chairs and proceeded to bring out some sandwiches that she had made, along with 2 champagne flutes.

 _“Cheers,”_ Noémie said as she handed Adèle the glass with champagne and a sandwich. She then proceeded to get the beach towel out, before disrobing to run to the ocean naked.

Adèle watched as she frolicked in water, swimming like a fish, looking absolutely gorgeous. The water so blue and promising, that she couldn’t help but run to it as well.

She soon caught up with Noémie from behind and started kissing her all over, her hands finding all the right places. Noémie turned around and they kissed even more, before they got out of the water, and, lying side by side while soft waves sometimes splashed up to their feet, they proceeded to continue what they had started.


	35. Ping Pong

Adèle had been to many places with many lovers, each place filled with memories. But she had never been anywhere where she just let time pass her by. Those 7 days at the Merlant cottage, she would later remember when she’s older, were some of the best summer days she ever had. Not for its packed activities; on the contrary, there were not many except in bed or the private beach, but for the peace and calm it brought her. And she began to understood where Noémie’s tranquility came from – it came from the ocean.

Some evenings, they went to one of the few sports bars in town where, as Noémie had said, a ping pong tournament was in progress. Though a late entrant in the singles division – Noémie had to pay the owner twice the entry fee – Adèle managed to beat everyone.

 _“Championship tomorrow, and Haenel is going to kick some ass!”_ Adèle was pumped as they walked back to the cottage, their arms around each other. The locals welcomed Noémie back with open arms, and took Adèle in with equal fervor.

 _“I have known Didier since we were kids,”_ Noémie said about Adèle’s opponent _. “He was ranked and once made it to the 4 th round of the juniors at Roland Garros. Don’t be so smug.”_

 _“As I said, ‘Haenel is going to kick some ass!’. Woman, where is your faith in your girlfriend?”_ Adèle flashed her smile, which, after a year, could still take Noémie’s breath away.

“ _Wait_ ,” Noémie said, slowing down. “ _Is that what I am? Your girlfriend?”_

The tone alarmed Adèle. _“Good question. Let’s see… we live together in Paris, we have wild sex whenever we can, and we’re going to see your parents in two days. What do you think?”_ Adèle said, side eyeing Noémie as they continued walking.

 _“Bah! But you never asked me to be your girlfriend,”_ Noémie said with those dark, innocent eyes.

Adèle stopped, faced her, and solemnly asked, _“Noémie Merlant, will you be my girlfriend?”_

Noémie kept walking.

 _“You’re not going to answer me? I was very serious,”_ Adèle caught up with Noémie.

 _“I have to think about it,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“Fuck! I can’t believe this!”_ Adèle was now perturbed, when Noémie started laughing.

 _“Silly cow! What do you think?”_ Noémie naughtily said.

 _“That I will get you to bed and make you beg for it,”_ Adèle replied, before running to the gate of the cottage.

 _“Je te déteste,”_ Noémie said as she started to race Adèle inside.


	36. Love is Stiffling

_“Why did you and Céline break up,”_ Noémie asked as they were having breakfast at the local café. They would be leaving for Nantes around noon, spend the night, then head back to Paris the following day.

 _“I was really young when we got together,”_ Adèle said, sipping her coffee. _“I guess we just grew apart.”_

 _“That’s a shame,”_ Noémie said.

 _“As I was getting into the nightlife, she had already gotten past that stage and all she wanted to do was stay for the night, read books, and drink hot cocoa. And while she sometimes went with me, she did not really like staying, so she would leave a lot earlier, just when the party was starting,”_ Adèle added.

 _“So there came a point when your roads diverged and you couldn’t put them back together? It’s like the vines, one row would lean towards the sun as it is still growing and the others were getting ready to produce grapes,”_ Noémie said, thoughtfully. _“But remember, the older vines are the ones that produce the best grapes, and the younger ones eventually grow old as well.”_

 _“I guess. When I went out without Céline, chicks were throwing themselves at me.”_ Adèle looked down.

 _“And you gave in to temptation,”_ Noémie finished her thought for her.

 _“Yeah. More than once,”_ Adèle sadly added. _“I was into rock concerts and she was into opera. For a while, I went with her and she went with me, but as you said, our journeys started to diverge. Then I met Julia.”_

 _“You are still restless, Adèle. You are the croître and Céline is already the cru. A lot of growing and pruning yet to be done, a lot more seasons, before you produce the grapes that will go into those finely aged wines. Right now, you are still stuck with Beaujolais,”_ Noémie thoughtfully said, fully aware of what it meant for their relationship.

 _“And you, what kind of vine are you, Noé?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Just one that is new, but has been in the land forever,”_ Noémie answered, and anticipating the next question, she added, _“And please don’t ask me what it means. Someday, you will understand.”_

\------------

Monsieur and madame Merlant were lovely, Adèle thought as she drove back to Paris, Noémie asleep in the passenger seat. They were regular folks who had been dealt a lousy card when Monsieur Merlant had a car accident and had since been confined to a wheelchair. Through it all, they had remained happy and… normal.

Not the intellectuals that her parents were, although they did have a decent library. Looking at childhood photos of Noémie, hearing stories from her youth, and sleeping in her old bedroom, Adèle was gratified and stifled in equal measure.

\------------

No, it was stifling. Adèle felt cornered. It was a very foreign world from the one she had inhabited. She was out of her elements and she knew it. She was not used to so much goodness and simplicity. It was too perfect; it couldn’t be real! She was jolted by this realization, and she couldn’t breathe. _These few months were but a dream_ , she thought, _and I gotta get out_. 180 degrees from how she felt just a day ago. Even she could not understand it.

Maybe Noémie was right after all: she still had a lot of growing up to do.

\-------------

The call from Gisèle came when they were around an hour north of Paris. Kirsten was dying and might not make it through the night, and if she could come to Berlin.

Adèle hastily packed a bag when they got to the flat, and got an early evening plane out of Orly. 

_“When are you coming back?”_ Noémie asked, knowing that she would not get a fully truthful answer.

 _“Sometime after the funeral,”_ Adèle said absent mindedly.

 _“Call me when you get there?”_ Some parting words from Noémie.

 _“I will. I love you,”_ Adèle gave her a quick kiss and then she was off.

\---------------

Sure, Adèle called. But her voice was already very distant. Noémie cried herself to sleep. She was prescient about these things, particularly with regard to Adèle. And she knew that she had lost her once again. Or would lose her again very soon.

She had already called her sister and Grégory that evening, asking them for help in finding her own place.

 _“What happened in Brittany? Maman and Papa were gushing about her,”_ her sister asked.

 _“Nothing. I mean, really nothing. We had a lovely time,”_ Noémie answered.

 _“Then why do you need to move out?”_ her sister asked.

 _“Our living arrangement was always temporary. I have always meant to look for my own place, then all the projects came and we were hardly in the same city,”_ Noémie said.

 _“You are not telling me something,”_ her sister knew her very well.


	37. Moving Out and Knocking In

Noémie gathered all her things and checked into a hotel the following day. There were still post productions to be done on three films, one of which was being screened at Sundance. She and Céline were redoing some of the extras in the video version of Portrait. The film would be released in France in a couple of months, and then they were off to North America. She would be very busy.

She would then be in Romania to direct a short film that she wrote and would finance with her own money. She always had an affinity with gypsies, probably because she had felt like one herself.

She did not wait for the inevitable: she texted Adèle to tell her that she had started looking for a place and she had moved out. The implication should be obvious – that they were breaking up. Before she closed the door, maybe this time for forever, she wrote a letter and left it in the dresser.

> _Dear Adèle,_
> 
> _The fact that you are reading this letter means you are back and I am gone. It was always going to be this way anyway. Please believe me when I say I love you, because I do. I just cannot, not right now. I need time to find me again, I need time to heal. From Simon, from you. And you need time to figure out what you want from this life._
> 
> _Because it is not a series of comings and goings. Life is not here to cater to you; you have to give to life in order to live. And the way you live your life right now is very different from how I want to live mine._
> 
> _I hope you find what it is you are looking for, Adèle. If Gisèle could love you half as much as I do, then I know that you would be very happy with her. At least I hope you will._
> 
> _Remember when I told you that I was an equally young vine, like you? That is true. I do not have the same worldliness that Céline could offer, or the other-worldliness that Gisèle could give you. I am of this earth, just a simple girl from Nantes. And I know I am not what you need right now._
> 
> _I will always think of you with kindness and gratitude. I hope you will do the same for me._
> 
> _Love,  
>  N_

But Adèle had already checked out. She had been staying at Gisèle’s flat in Berlin, and they would be spending a lot of time together to put the play back. She had missed the intellectual stimulation which Gisèle and her friends provided in abundance. It was like being with the Bloomsbury crowd, Virginia Wolf’s literary set.

A prophet was never accepted in His own home, and a beautiful film like Portrait was not received well in its own country. The French found it tepid, with not enough sex scenes. Or too intellectual and pretentious. The local distributor did not even hold a premiere for the film; it was just released very quietly. No wonder it did not do well at the box office.

The story in North America, however, was totally the opposite. They received standing ovations wherever they went.

Being in such close contact with Adèle again brought back a lot of feelings. They never really said a proper goodbye. The awkwardness between the two of them was evident in all the videos of the Q&A sessions. So was the affection.

One night in Toronto, Adèle knocked on Noémie’s door and kissed her. She had missed those lips. And despite her initial trepidation, Noémie kissed her back and they ended up making love.

They both knew, however, that they were not getting back together. Like the vines, they had grown in separate directions. But they were also combustible together. The passion that had propelled the film into such great heights had also left the two of them constantly desiring each other’s touch and gaze.


	38. Gisele Part 1

> _Noémie_   
>  _You were very brave. I watched the interview and I was very touched. Thank you._

It was the evening after the Mediapart interview aired. Adèle saw the text come through as she was out celebrating with Céline, Marine, and a few other people in a well-known Paris gay club. She was the toast of the club. She received many text messages, including one from Julia and another from Gisèle’s Bloomsbury crowd.

Intermittent screams of “ _Bravo, Adèle!_ ” could be heard from the noisy crowd. Gisèle was out of the country staging one of her plays in Asia, but left her a voicemail.

Was this the time when she could close that chapter in her life? She was not sure.

But tonight, in gay Paree, she was celebrating the culmination of over 6 months of journalistic collaboration with Marine Turchi. She was serious when she said that maybe she would not work again. She would want to teach in one of France’s preeminent conservatories, like Céline and Gisèle do.

She and Céline left the club earlier than normal and went to a quiet bistro near her flat for a night cap. Just like old times, although they would go to separate flats when they said goodnight.

“ _You’re back with Gisèle, I see,”_ Céline said with those probing blue eyes.

 _“Yeah. After Kirsten died, it was the most natural thing to happen. Like we needed each other because of a shared loss that nobody else would understand,”_ Adèle said.

 _“And Noémie?”_ Céline asked.

 _“Well, I don’t know. She moved out of my flat the day after I left for Berlin. When I got back, she was gone. She left a letter on the dresser. Who the fuck still writes letters?”_ Adèle quipped.

 _“A lot of people, Adèle. The art of letter-writing is lost on millennials. Just imagine if Héloïse and Abélard just texted. Where would be now,”_ Céline said philosophically. “ _What did she say? We were together in Toronto and New York, but she never said a thing to me. And I heard you leave her room a few mornings whilst we were on tour. I didn’t want to ask; we were busy enough with all the press and the screenings.”_

 _“Only that she had to leave because she was not ready for another long-term commitment at the moment,”_ Adèle was nonchalant.

 _“And you believed her?”_ Céline was incredulous. _“How can you be so stupid, Adèle? I thought you would have learned some things by now.”_

 _“What do you mean?”_ Adèle was genuinely confused.

 _“She knew you were getting back with Gisèle. The same way I knew you were sleeping around while we were together,”_ Céline replied.

 _“You knew? I thought I was discrete! And they did not mean anything anyway, just quick fucks,”_ Adèle was surprised to find out after all these years.

 _“Of course, I knew. Call it intuition. And having known Noémie now for over a year, I can tell you that her level of intuition is even higher than mine. It’s almost freaky, her level of human understanding,”_ Céline said as she took a drag from her cigarette. _“But you did not notice, did you, Adèle?”_

Adèle shook her head.

 _“Because you always have one foot out of the door, no matter where you are. You are so afraid that you’ll miss something,”_ Céline said sadly. _“You don’t know or care who might get hurt along the way.”_

Adèle was silent. Wasn’t she just celebrated for being brave a few hours ago? Now Céline was laying it on her.

 _“Does Gisèle know? She inhabits a different world from the rest of us – while we rejoice in humanity, she revels in the bizarre. So maybe you two will last,”_ Céline said sarcastically. “ _You two will descend into fearful lows together, I’m not sure anyone of us will be able to pull you back.”_

 _“Is that what you think of Gisèle?”_ Adèle was now getting angry. How dare she speak about her girlfriend that way?

 _“No, that’s what normal people think of Gisèle and her pretentious crap,”_ Céline said.

 _“Fuck you,”_ Adèle was now quite enraged.

 _“And… it took exactly 5 minutes from calm to anger. You have not changed, Adèle. I am relieved that Noémie did not see this very dark side of you. She did not, did she?”_ Céline was still as calm as could be.

 _“No, we had a very calm relationship and it bored me to death,”_ Adèle was now defensive.

 ** _“_** _But Adèle, that is what love is supposed to do. To calm you, to give you peace, to stop you from running around like a hamster. Did it really bore you to death? Be honest,”_ Céline asked sincerely.

 _“Well, no, it did not bore me to death. It was quite nice, actually. She was like the calm in the eye of a storm. But her goodness was sometimes too much for me that I could not bear to look at her,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Also, she can be your booty call whenever you want,”_ Céline said sarcastically. _“How could you, Adèle?”_

Adèle did not realize that she was now in tears, ashamed of herself.

 _“You have chosen Gisèle’s world, you better stick to it and leave Noémie alone,”_ Céline was now lighting another cigarette. _“You do not deserve her.”_

\----------

The following day, Adèle got an email from Céline with a link from the New York Times:

> **THEATER REVIEW | 'JERK'**
> 
> **A Grisly Tale in the Guise of Therapy**
> 
> **Under the Radar Festival: Jerk |** Off Broadway, Experimental/Perf. Art
> 
> **By** [ **Neil Genzlinger** ](https://www.nytimes.com/by/neil-genzlinger)
> 
> Jan. 12, 2010
> 
> If you’ve been eager to spend a truly unpleasant hour in a theater, “Jerk” at Performance Space 122 is ready to accommodate you. The piece, part of both the Under the Radar Festival and Coil 2010, comes with high expectations, but by its end you may add a few other “uns” to your assessment as well, like unrewarding and unenlightening.
> 
> “Jerk” is a one-man puppet show of sorts from France that explores the real-life serial killings by Dean Corll and two young accomplices in Texas in the early 1970s. Jonathan Capdevielle, the performer, and Gisèle Vienne, the director, interpreting text by Dennis Cooper, probably think they’re invading the audience’s comfort zone in the way that bracing theater often does. Apparently, they’re not aware that a zillion other artworks about serial killers have already worked this territory to the point of numbness.
> 
> Mr. Capdevielle uses rudimentary glove puppets to portray Corll, who murdered at least 27 young men and boys in a sexual frenzy, and Elmer Wayne Henley, one of his accomplices. (The puppets are animals, Corll a panda, Henley something less distinct but equally furry.) He himself plays the other accomplice, David Brooks, who is supposedly telling the tale to a psychology class, using the puppets as personal therapy.
> 
> Mr. Capdevielle gives us lots of snorting, slurping and drooling. He has his puppets do nasty things. But at the end of this interminable hour all he has revealed is that life’s ugly side is ugly, which is no revelation at all.

And this note: 

_The Empress has no clothes. But then again, that’s probably how you want her._


	39. Toast to Divorce

Inasmuch as Noémie did not want to see Simon, they had to both appear at the courthouse to sign the final dissolution of marriage. They both came with their lawyers and Simon gave her a kiss on both cheeks. She did not flinch anymore – maybe some of her wounds had healed. Besides, there was really nothing for Simon to complain about: he got the flat that they both renovated lovingly plus all the furniture and appliances, all for a nominal payment. He got their Audi, and he got 50% of the savings which he had not fully contributed to.

Noémie did not care about those things. She just wanted it to be over. After the papers were signed, Simon approached her; she in turn motioned to the lawyers that it was okay.

 _“Well, so this is it. Do you want to celebrate with champagne?”_ Noémie couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic, but she replied, _“Why not?”_ It was after the lunch crowd and the cafes would not be packed. She gave the papers to her lawyer for safekeeping and they walked away from City Hall towards the Latin Quarters.

 _“How are you doing, Noémie?”_ Simon asked sincerely.

 _“I’m doing good, busy. You?”_ she replied.

 _“I am developing a TV series. It’s going to be produced by Judith Nora, Céline’s partner. Did you have anything to do with that?”_ Simon replied, but Noémie just smiled.

In fact, she did talk to Céline during one of their sessions working on the video release of Portrait. They have become good friends after the movie and used to take long walks together on set when time permitted. Céline knew about the circumstances surrounding her separation, and supported her fully, including wearing her wedding ring on tour until the ink had dried on the divorce papers.

\----------

They went to a small bistro near the Sorbonne, a place that Noémie liked because of its unassuming façade and excellent selection of wine. They used to go to this place all the time when they were young and in love, before life had taken over.

The waiter recognized them and led them to the corner booth where they used to sit.

 _“How is Adèle?”_ Simon asked, his voice full of pain.

 _“I guess she is okay. I haven’t spoken to her in a while,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“Wait, you’re not together anymore?”_ Simon was genuinely surprised. _“When did that happen?”_

 _“Oh, a few months ago, in July. I moved out and stayed at the Sofitel for a few weeks, then camped out at my sister’s. I just bought a place in the 15 th Arrondissement and have been there since the beginning of the month. I like it, it’s near a park, and I can walk with Gino,”_ Noémie said sadly.

 _“I’m sorry, “_ Simon said, almost whispering.

 _“Don’t be. It was never meant to last anyway,”_ Noémie said, resigned.

 _“No, I mean I am sorry for everything. You have no idea how many times I cried, knowing what I did. I am very sorry, Noémie,”_ Simon had tears in his eyes.

Noémie shook her head very slightly, conveying that it was okay, and took something out of her Louis Vuitton purse. It was a small jewelry box with her engagement and wedding rings.

 _“Here, someday, you will find a girl who is more worthy than I am,”_ Noémie smiled.

 _“Thank you,”_ Simon replied as he put the box in his jacket. _“Wait, who’s Gino?”_

 _“Oh, he’s my American Staffordshire boyfriend. He keeps me company but he is such a bad guard dog,”_ Noémie was almost laughing. _“He would lick any stranger, good guy, bad guy… to Gino, they are all sources of treats.”_

 _“I’ve seen Portrait several times now. Whenever I miss you, I go to the cinema down the street,”_ Simon wistfully said.

 _“And what do you think? Of the movie?”_ Noémie was genuinely curious.

They proceeded to talk about the nuances and genius of Céline. Unbeknownst to them, somebody was observing from the other end of the bistro, partly hidden by another table. Adèle had come in with Gisèle and some of Gisèle's friends. As they ordered, Adèle heard that familiar laugh, turned around, and saw Simon’s profile and knew right away that the woman across from him was Noémie. _What the hell!_ she thought to herself. She changed places with Dennis, Gisèle’s main creative partner, so she had direct line of sight to where Noémie was sitting. _Of all the fucking places in Paris, we had to come here_ , she was now fuming.

 _They seemed happy. Are they back together? Damn, Noémie, have a little pride! That’s why I could never be with you; you were so complying. You did not challenge me enough. Gisèle challenges me._ Adèle’s head was going at a million miles per hour, she did not hear it when Gisèle asked her what she wanted to drink.

 _“Adèle, is everything okay?”_ Gisèle finally asked.

She looked at Gisèle and did not answer. Instead, she stood up and walked towards the other table.

 _“Hello, Noémie,”_ Adèle said as she was now standing next to them. _“Simon,”_ she later acknowledged him.

 _“Adèle! What a nice surprise!”_ Noémie stood up to give her a kiss on each cheek. Simon simply forced a smile. _“Are you here alone? You can join us, if you like.”_ Noémie said as she turned around, saw Gisèle and 2 other people in a table across the room, before she sat back down.

 _“What the fuck are doing with him, Noé_?” Adèle did not mince her words, always the queen of tactlessness.

 _“Adèle, please lower your voice,”_ Noémie said, still looking up at her.

 _“Seriously, what the fuck?”_ Adèle was beside herself.

Noémie stood up, grabbed her arm, and took her outside.

 _“He nearly killed you! I was there!”_ Adèle was now being self-righteous.

 _“Yes, you were there. But where are you now? Huh, Adèle?”_ Noémie was equally mad, her cheeks burning with all the bottled-up pain she had kept all this time. Adèle did not answer. She had never seen Noémie _this_ angry.

 _“He hurt me physically, and those wounds have healed. You. You have broken my heart, over and over. So please do not come and accuse me of anything,”_ Noémie’s voice was quivering. Adèle put her hands in her pocket and looked at her Doc Martens.

 _“I left him for you! I broke his heart for you! I cheated on him with you!”_ Noémie was now almost screaming.

 _“You left me, remember,”_ Adèle finally said _. “I came home from Berlin and you were gone. What did you want me to do?”_

 _“Oh please, we know full well that it was a formality. You were already with Gisèle even before we got back to Paris from Nantes,”_ Noémie’s face was full of disgust, and it broke her heart. _“You did not call me after that, you did not try to contact me. Why? Because that’s what you do, Adèle.”_

 _“But you slept with me during the North American tour!”_ Adèle tried to defend herself.

 _“I did, because I was weak. Because I was still in love with you. Because I thought you would finally come to your senses. Big mistake. You treated me like one of Gisèle’s stupid puppets! You would not change, Adèle. When you get tired of Gisèle, you would end up with someone else. And before you know it, you would be fifty years old and alone, because you would have driven everyone else away,”_ Noémie was now in tears.

Simon came out with their jackets.

 _“Let’s go Noémie,”_ he offered his arms to steady Noémie, whose knees were now almost buckling from rage and pain.

 _“Sure, go back to him and his dick, Noémie. You were never very smart. You were always insecure to be left alone. You were always desperate to be with someone,”_ Adèle hissed, egging Noémie on.

Noémie slapped her, before saying, _“We just signed our divorce papers, so fuck off.”_

Adèle was left in shock as they walked away.


	40. Winter

_“We have been nominated for the Golden Globes!”_ Céline excitedly told both of them in separate phone calls. _“Pack your bags, we will be going to Hollywood.”_

Adèle and Noémie had not spoken since the fateful early evening in the Latin Quarters. Now that the Christmas light were up again in the City of Lights, Adèle had been overcome with sadness.

 _“How about you come with me to Kyoto?”_ Gisèle asked.

 _“That would be nice,”_ Adèle answered. _“Wait, do you want to come with me to Los Angeles? For the Golden Globes?”_

Gisèle shook her head. “ _Plenty of things to do. We open in March, remember? I’m glad Ruth is on board. She will do justice to Kirsten’s role, but I have to work with her to make sure she’s ready at opening.”_

 _“I will be away for about two weeks. We go to the Golden Globes, then to Telluride, back to New York,”_ Adèle said, sure that this time, there would be no booty calls.

 _“I heard that Noémie’s film was going to be screened at Sundance, the one written and directed by Zoé Wittock,”_ Gisèle said.

 _“I did not know that,”_ Adèle replied. But then again, she hardly knew what was going on with Noémie lately, except for some tidbits that Céline inadvertently disclosed. Céline was now firmly on Team Noémie, determined to save the girl from getting mired in the Adèle Haenel casualty program. _“When is Sundance anyway?”_

 _“The last week of January thru the first week of February,”_ Gisèle said after consulting Google. _“We would be in Japan by then. I could meet you in New York, spend a few days, then fly to Tokyo.”_

Adèle just mindlessly nodded.

\--------------

Noémie and Céline were already in the Air France lounge when she got to the airport. There were a few reporters there and Céline was holding court. Adèle thought Noémie had lost weight, and her eyes were particularly hollow. They smiled at each other, kissed each other’s cheeks. For the sake of the cameras.

The trip was a non-event. A series of stolen glances, pretty much like the first half of Portrait. They did not win the Golden Globe, but they won hearts all over, especially Noémie. _Good for her_ , Adèle thought. Because of budget constraints, Noémie would not be attending Sundance but would go to the Lumières Award with Céline and the rest of the crew.

\--------------

It was a working trip for Gisèle but they managed to soak in the sights and culture of Japan. Adèle had already asked her to be her plus one at the César awards, where it was but a certainty that she would be nominated for Portrait. They were in Tokyo when she found out that Noémie won the Lumières for best actress, and in a quivering voice, thanked her “for the dance” they shared.

Adèle saw the clip the following day and her heart just about fell to the floor. After all that had been said and done, Noémie still had the magnanimity to mention her publicly.

Rehearsals resumed when they got back to Paris. Gisèle was as soft spoken as Noémie, but she was weird as fuck. Adèle realized that after the 30th time of rehearsing with those creepy puppets.

\--------------

What was worse was that Gisèle had started getting jealous of Noémie and it was getting to Adèle.

The Portrait family all attended the César together. Noémie was wearing an off-the-runway Louis Vuitton, which Adèle found unattractive. She was also painfully aware that Noémie was all touchy while Gisèle was watching very intently in the background. Adèle wanted Noémie to stop, but how could she tell this wide-eyed girl who was not used to *this* kind of attention that she did not like the PDA? Not in front of all those cameras. Not with Gisèle present.

Through it all, Noémie was blissfully unaware of Adèle’s subtle actions and evasion. She was at the César and was determined to soak it all up, Portrait’s last hurrah.

The César became _The Adèle Haenel Show_ after she walked out when Roman Polanski was given the gong for best director. Noémie and Céline quickly followed her, but Gisèle did not. 

The moment that Noémie ran up to open the door for her, Adèle realized what Noémie had given up: the chance to network, not to mention that there would always be backlash, because France. Adèle went from annoyed at Noémie to extremely grateful. But the object of her attention, good and bad, the entire evening was not even in the same pitch. All the battle was in Adèle’s head.

Times like this, she couldn’t help but marvel at Noémie’s calm demeanor. There were protesters outside, all calling Adèle’s name. She looked around and Noémie was gone, and she did not even get the chance to thank her for what she did tonight.


	41. Adele's Lament Part 1

It pained her that she and Noémie were not even friends anymore, but she knew she was to blame. As days went by and she was more mired in the bizarre world of Gisèle, she spent less and less nights at Gisèle’s place and more time at hers, watching Netflix with her feet up, eating popcorn, and drinking bubblies. Céline was right – Gisèle’s world was dark and she realized that she did not belong there.

She would give anything to have the girl from Nantes beside her, laughing at her jokes, eating popcorn with her, and loving her like she had never been loved before.

\----------------

 _“Just tell me, is she dating anyone?”_ Adèle was pleading over a glass of wine and a pack of cigarettes.

 _“What is it to you?”_ Céline was evasive.

 _“I still love her,”_ Adèle said.

 _“I have heard the same song and dance a thousand times, Adèle. Pardon me – I don’t doubt your sincerity but I doubt your commitment and your intentions. Now that the whole world is in love with Noémie, you want her back, like a toy you neglected at the nursery,”_ Céline said.

 _“Wait, the whole world is in love with Noémie? **MY** Noémie?”_ Adèle was genuinely surprised.

 _“In a manner of speaking, yes. You need to read the reviews and the trade papers to see how universal the praises for her are. I wrote the movie with you in mind, and I did not realize that I instead gave it to Noémie_ ,” Céline replied. _“As a lot of people said, ‘I came for Adèle and stayed for Noémie’. And you know the wonder of it all? She had retained her goodness and humility,”_ Céline took another sip from her wine glass.

 _“Fuck, Céline. Why are you teasing me like this?”_ Adèle said.

 _“Because you have been a very stupid girl. You are already 31 years old. Older than I when we got together. And yet, you still act like a child. What would it take for you to grow up? You have always gotten every woman you desired. And you had her, and you let her go,”_ Céline replied.

 _“Everyone deserves a second chance,”_ Adèle pouted.

 _“Which you got, more than once. Remember when I told you that Noémie would walk to the ends of the earth to be with you? Well, she did. You fucked up, big time, Adèle, I’m sorry to say,”_ Céline said matter-of-factly.

Adèle put her head on the table, defeated.

The following week, Paris went on lockdown because of Covid-19.


	42. CoVid

**Week 1 of Lockdown**

If Adèle was not sure how to get Noémie back before, the lockdown had made it almost impossible. She was not sure if her calls or messages would be answered, and she sure as hell could not just show up at Noémie’s door. She didn’t know anyway where she was now staying; she heard Noémie talk about her new place until she stopped when she noticed that Adèle was listening.

She had her books and her Netflix and she had turned the guest room into her own private gym even before quarantine – she should be good during the lockdown.

Sometimes, she would smoke in her balcony and sip wine, just thinking. And inevitably, those thoughts always came back to Noémie. Those few months they spent together, in retrospect, were some of the happiest in her life. The love she felt for Noémie was real, but the love she received was 10-fold. Céline was right – she did not deserve it. She had taken so much more than she gave. Noémie sacrificed so much more than she received, and Adèle was ashamed.

If there’s something that the lockdown had forced her to do, it was to be introspective. Without the constant need for stimulation, she was left with only herself to reckon with. She had plenty of time to think about what the past had meant and what the future would hold.

And in between, she had to grapple with the present: Gisèle was still a constant presence in her life. Sometimes, she wondered if it’s really because of the play or she was just clueless. _Oh wait, they had not broken up yet._

She got a call from Céline one early morning.

 _“How are you holding up?”_ Céline asked.

 _“Oh, you know me. I will survive,”_ Adèle answered.

 _“Please let me know if you need anything. I can have some groceries delivered,”_ Céline asked.

 _“Thank you,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Also, I wanted to tell you that Noémie has it,”_ Céline said quietly.

 _“What do you mean ‘she has it’? Has what?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“The virus. She was tested positive for CoVid-19. She has not been feeling well. Fever, loss of smell and taste, the works,”_ Céline said.

Adèle was silent for a while, then asked, _“Is she in the hospital? How bad is it?”_

 _“No, she is in quarantine at home. She has it bad, but she is also relatively healthy, so I think she will be okay,”_ Céline answered.

 _“How do you know she will be okay? Haven’t you read about a lot of people who were okay, only to go downhill and die in the emergency room? How long has she had it?”_ Adèle said in a worried tone.

 _“I think she just got her results when she called me. She wanted to make sure I knew because we saw each other last week. Poor thing was so worried she might have exposed me, but I will get tested just to be sure,”_ Céline said. _“But you are right, I don’t know with absolute certainty if she’ll be okay. Nobody knows. But the best place for her to be is in her own place, with Gino.”_

 _“Who the fuck is Gino?”_ Adèle was surprised. _Gino? That’s an Italian name. A masculine name_ , she thought.

 _“Gino is the dog she rescued after you two broke up. He’s a pretty handsome pit bull,”_ Céline chuckled.

 _“Oh…”_ Adèle was relieved. _“I want to see her. How can I see her? Please, Céline, I’m begging you.”_

 _“She is in quarantine. And you are not allowed out without a travel certificate. Only to exercise within a 1 km radius, go to drugstores and supermarkets, and if you’re essential, to work. Not to terrorize old girlfriends,”_ Céline said.

 _“If she dies from this, she will never know how much I still love her,”_ Adèle said desperately.

 _“Listen to yourself. Grow up! Maybe this is a lesson you will learn in quarantine. That life is short and precious. That somebody we love can always be taken away from us for good. That we should not take anyone or any day for granted,”_ Céline calmly replied.

After a long pause, Adèle finally said, _“Will you let me know how she’s doing? Please?”_

 _“I will, but maybe you can ask her yourself,”_ Céline’s answer surprised her. _“You still have her mobile number, right? The personal number that she only keeps for family and close friends?”_

 _“Are you sure she has not blocked me?”_ Adèle’s question was pathetic in its sincerity.

 _“Not everyone is a child like you, Adèle. Not everyone goes around blocking numbers because they broke up or is pissed with someone,”_ Céline was almost amused. “ _But no, I cannot guarantee that she has not blocked you. Believe it or not, you don’t come up in our conversations frequently.”_

\-------------

Adèle was deep in thoughts, helpless. When Kirsten died, she was devastated and rushed by Gisèle’s side. Why? Did she think she could protect Gisèle from the grief? And really, how long did she know Kirsten? They had been rehearsing for a couple of months. It’s always tragic when somebody died young, and Kirsten was no exception. And she knew it devastated Gisèle and she wanted to be there for her. And then Gisèle and her books – they were intoxicating. And her Bloomsbury crowd – they talked about philosophy and art, of life and death; they mystified the mundane. They were the opposite of what she had with Noémie.

But now, Noémie could die. And how did she feel about that? She was terrified. She couldn’t imagine a world where Noémie wasn’t. 

\----------

Gisèle called a few hours later to talk about the music for the play.

“ _Why didn’t you stay and quarantine with me, my love?”_ Gisèle asked. _“We could have worked more on the play.”_

 _“I guess I was home when the lockdown orders came, and that was that,”_ Adèle did not have time for this.

 _“I miss you and the bed seems so empty without you,”_ Gisèle cooned.

 _Sleep with one of your puppets_ , she thought.

“ _Noémie has tested positive for CoVid,”_ Adèle’s voice was quivering.

 _“Death does not scare me. Not being scared has given me a lot of freedom. Noémie should be thankful for this experience of being close to death,”_ Gisèle said in her characteristic pseudo-philosophical answer.

Adèle was flummoxed, “ _What the hell are you talking about? Are you high or drunk?”_

 _“It will make for a very interesting dance piece: the death of the painter who fell in love with her muse. The contemporary juxtapositions. We will use life-size puppets,”_ Gisèle droned on.

 _“Fuck off, Gisèle!”_ Adèle screamed onto her phone before she hung up. She was furious. And she left Noémie for her? For a fantasist? Someone whose moral compass was lost in the absurdity of her creations? What the fuck was she thinking?

At that moment, she wished with all her heart that she could fly to Noémie’s side.


	43. Julia Part 4

Adèle was getting so restless. She had been sending Céline a text every hour to see if she had any news on Noémie. She even called Julia to tell her; to her surprise, Julia already knew and had actually FaceTimed with Noémie.

 _“Wait, are you saying that you two have kept in touch? Even after both of you broke up with me?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Yes, and I really like her. I liked her from the first time I met her. And believe it or not, there is a world outside of Adèle Haenel. We had met for dinner and drinks before the lockdown. I was one of the people she had to contact trace because I saw her within the 2 weeks before her test result,”_ Julia was enjoying this.

 _“Unbelievable!!! All my exes have become friends! What on earth is going on?”_ Adèle was now getting annoyed.

“ _Your question says everything about you. If you don’t know, I can’t help you. Maybe Gisèle can explain it to you. Oh wait, she can’t, because she’s flightier than a bird during migration. You two deserve each other,”_ Julia was having a good glass of schadenfreude.

 _“I guess I deserve that. But tell me, how did she look when you FaceTimed with her? How is she doing? Please, please, just tell me,”_ Adèle was pleading.

 _“Okay, she did not ask me not to tell you, so I will tell you. But just so you know, I would honor her request first before yours. She’s lost a lot of weight. She hasn’t been able to eat much, so we take turns having soup delivered to her place. Her sense of smell and taste has not come back, and her fever has not abated. Which is good, that means her body is fighting the virus,”_ Julia said.

 _“Has she asked about me?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Oh dear, it’s always all about you. Noémie is going in and out, her body is being decimated by this fucking virus. She sleeps most of the time. We have taken turns walking Gino outside. Good thing it’s an acceptable activity during lockdown. The answer is no, Adèle, she has not even mentioned your name,”_ Julia said.

 _“I know I have been a horrible person to you, but I am asking, no, begging you, to please tell her next time you FaceTime, that I am thinking of her,”_ Adèle was now humbled.

 _“Why don’t you ask her yourself? I don’t want to get in the middle of your drama, Adèle. That is so last year. People move on,”_ Julia answered. _“And if you really loved her, you’d let her move on too. You did a number on that girl, and I’m pretty certain that you have no idea how much. She is literally fighting for her life right now. You decide if it will be good for her to hear from you,”_ Julia said as the call ended.

Adèle felt very defeated. Julia was right – she totally took Noémie for granted. The realization was humbling, enough to bring her down to her knees, and for the first time in a really long time, she prayed.

_Dear God, please don’t let her die. I’m begging you. I love her, I have always loved her. I just did not know how. Please, God, one more chance. And I promise with everything I’ve got that I will never let her down again._

Adèle had no more bargaining chips. And in her helplessness, the layers of her heart were laid bare.

She went out for a walk to clear her head – she was allowed as long as she did not wander too far off – and the gendarme made sure of that.

**Light bulb moment!**

What if she could ask Julia to put her on the list of people who could walk Gino? Is there a rule that could preclude her from doing so?

 _“Adèle, you cannot venture beyond 1 kilometer of where you live. And she lives beyond_ ,” Julia informed her.

 _“But how can you walk her dog,”_ Adèle asked. _“Does she live near you? Is she in 15ème?”_ Julia could not lie and she affirmed that Noémie indeed lived in that Arrondisement.

 _“Thank you for telling me,”_ Adèle was genuinely grateful, and the utter humility in her voice was not lost on Julia. Quarantine had been good for some people, she thought.

Next call: JEM, her go-to jewelry store.

 _“Hi Colette. I know the store is closed, but I wonder if you can reserve a ring for me,”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Of course! What do you have in mind?”_ Colette said.

 _“One of those octagonal things you have, very similar to mine. In platinum,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Do you have a ring size?”_ Colette was writing everything down. She could swing by the store which was not too far from her flat.

 _“We’ll hold off on that, I’m not sure yet,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Gisèle is one lucky girl,”_ Colette replied. Adèle had brought her to the store and got her a nice bracelet. She was very generous like that.

 _“No, not Gisèle. And I won’t tell you. Not yet,”_ Adèle informed her.


	44. Adele's Letter

**2nd Week of Lockdown**

> _My dearest Noé,_
> 
> _I am probably the last person you want to hear from right now, and I don’t blame you. I have treated you so unkindly when all you ever did was love me. Please forgive me._
> 
> _I am very sorry that you are sick. I wish I could be by your side to take care of you. If I could exchange places with you right now, I would gladly do it. You probably think this is yet another one of my half-assed pick-up lines, but you know that I don’t write letters. And I am writing one now. That should count for something, shouldn’t it?_
> 
> _I have literally traveled around the world, and I have come to realize that I only needed to be with you. You are The One, Noé, you have always been The One. The times we spent together were some of the happiest and most peaceful of my life. The goodness and happiness were too much for my self-centered self and I had to hide from them. But looking back, you are really the home I have been searching for. Or maybe the home I have been given. Even restless hearts and unquiet minds eventually reach terminal velocity._
> 
> _I have never stopped loving you, even when I was being an ass. Please believe me. And if you still love me ever so slightly, I will be the happiest person alive._
> 
> _Noé, I’m ready to come home to you. I am a very flawed human being, but you know that already. I will still be flawed, but God knows I am trying to be a better person, someone who is worthy of your love._
> 
> _And you will fight this virus, won’t you? Please fight as hard as you can. The world still needs you. I still need you._
> 
> _Love,  
>  A_

Adèle put a stamp on the envelope and sent a snail mail.

Now she had to wait.

\-----------------

Two days… the three days… And she had not heard from Noémie. Maybe her letter did not arrive. Or maybe she never got it, since she’s in quarantine and, oh, fighting the virus.

Adèle was now a caged animal, unable to sit still. The lockdown was on its 2nd week, and she couldn’t bear not knowing how Noémie was doing every second of every day. Sure, she got text updates from Céline, but they were woefully lacking in details.

She would call. She would never know if her call would be received or not unless she called. She had decided she would call. 


	45. FaceTime

Adèle decided to wait until the weekend to call Noémie – it would have to be a phone call first. Easier to accept rejection that way.

It was early Saturday morning – zero hour – and she could feel her heart beating out of her chest. Dammit! She had not felt this anxious and nervous in a very long time. She had a shot of vodka to steady her nerves, and then she picked up the phone and stared at if for a long time. _If she doesn’t answer, I’m not leaving a message,_ she thought.

 _“Hi Adèle,”_ Noémie picked up on the 3rd ring.

 _“Hi,”_ Adèle’s heart was beating so fast. _“How are you? Julia and Céline told me you got the virus.”_

 _“Yeah, it totally sucks. I feel so tired all the time, but I don’t have the constant fever anymore. I still have the chills, no sense of taste or smell yet. Shortness of breath… the works,”_ Noémie sounded very beaten.

 _“Is there anything I can do?”_ Adèle asked, very concerned.

 _“No, but thank you. I just have to ride it out,”_ Noémie responded. _“I got your letter.”_

Adèle held her breath.

 _“It was very sweet,”_ Noémie said. Adèle was devastated.

 _“Noé, I’m very sorry. I have been such an asshole. Please forgive me,”_ Adèle said very sincerely.

 _“I hope you understand if I cannot respond - I just do not have the emotional wherewithal right now. I’m very busy trying to stay alive,”_ Noémie said.

 _“Can I at least call you once in a while? Can we Face Time?”_ Adèle asked.

 _Okay,”_ Noémie replied, and if only Adèle could see her, she would see that Noémie smiled as she said it.

\----------------

It was a short conversation, and Adèle could hear Noémie struggling to talk. But she was happy. It was as if the sun came out after a very long winter. Her heart was warmed and she went about the day with a smile on her face.

That evening, she called her agent.

 _“Liz, I need a huge favor,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Sure, go ahead,”_ Elizabeth said.

 _“I need you to get Noémie Merlant’s new address for me. As soon as possible,”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Okay, I’ll call Grégory now,”_ Elizabeth answered. Adèle was one of her most important actors and she would do anything to keep her happy.

In about half an hour, Adèle got a text from Elizabeth with Noémie’s address.

There was not much Adèle could send Noémie in quarantine. The florists were closed; she could send food, but she wasn’t sure if the recipient had the strength to receive it.

But now she knew where Noémie lived. She didn’t know why, but she was very psyched.


	46. Noemie Says No

Adèle finally got to FaceTime with Noémie after several tries.

 _“You are a sight for sore eyes,”_ she told a very sleepy Noémie. _“And your hair is getting long.”_

 _“I haven’t done much with it. I think I will just let it grow,”_ Noémie replied. _“You have not met Gino!”_

Noémie turned her phone towards her dog who was sleeping on the couch next to her.

 _“Hi Gino, you lucky bastard! You get to be next to my girl,”_ Adèle said before she caught herself. But Noémie just smiled, and there were many possibilities why: she did not hear Adèle, she agreed, or she was just so beat up. Nevertheless, Adèle decided she wouldn’t push it.

 _“I’m going on IG live on 28 March,”_ Noémie told her.

 _“Wait, that’s tomorrow! Are you up to it? I might just create an account just so I can watch you,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Yeah, Zoé wanted to keep Jumbo in people’s consciousness,”_ Noémie replied. _“Then I talk to Mehdi a couple of days later.”_

 _“I like your wall paper,”_ Adèle was trying to keep the conversation light.

 _“It has this old parlor feel. It came with the flat,”_ Noémie was falling asleep.

 _“I better let you go so you can get some rest. Please let me know if you need anything,”_ Adèle said.

 _“I will. And please keep safe. You will not want to have this sucker,”_ Noémie replied before they hung up.

Adèle saw that they spoke for 5 minutes, not really long. But it was the highlight of her day, and kept her smiling.

\-------------

“Wow, _Zoé talks a lot,”_ Adèle said the day after the IG live, “ _and you were falling asleep.”_

 _“You watched it,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“Every minute. I even sent some hearts your way,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Secret account. Nobody knows it was you. Got it. I’m still sick, in case you didn’t notice,”_ Noémie said flatly.

 _“Oh, I did. And you told everyone that you are alone, and you don’t want to be alone. You broadcasted it to all the people watching,”_ Adèle was caustic. She didn’t understand why it had to be said.

 _“I’ve gotten a hundred marriage proposals since,”_ Noémie chuckled.

 _“Listen, Noé. These are very strange times. Normally, I would just do it, but I don’t think I can,”_ Adèle was being mysterious.

 _“Do what?”_ Noémie asked.

 _“Show up at your door. I’ll take the fine. I don’t care. I really want to see you. Quarantine with you, if you’ll let me. Or just take some soup over and walk Gino,”_ Adèle said.

Silence.

 _“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not even after the lockdown,”_ Noémie’s voice had a finality to it, which left Adèle speechless.

 _“We should not really talk anymore, either. Not now, at least. Not for a long time,”_ Noémie continued.

 _“What are you talking about? I thought we’ve been getting along,”_ Adèle asked.

 _“I was being friendly. I’ve been sick and my defenses have been down. But now, every time we talk, the bad memories come back. I’m not at the point yet where the good memories can overtake the bad. I have been doing pretty well on my own. I’ve finally gotten out of the Haenel orbit,”_ Noémie explained, then continued. “ _We have had more goings than comings, more goodbyes than hellos. I’m a simple girl and you will get tired of me again. We just exist in different worlds.”_

 _“Noémie, please. I love you,”_ Adèle was shocked.

 _“You have Gisèle. Do your play. Forget about me,”_ Noémie was unmoved.

 _“Noé, no,”_ Adèle was now crying.

 _“You’ll get over it. You always do. We’ll see where we are in 6 months or so, maybe we can become friends again,”_ Noémie said. _“Right now, I need to sleep. I feel very cold and I can feel my lungs tightening again. Goodbye, Adèle. Please stay safe.”_

And then she was gone. Adèle was left in disbelief. She would have many days ahead to process what had happened, but right now, her heart was utterly broken.


	47. On Love and Death

**3rd Week of Lockdown**

Noémie was busy trying to live. She could feel herself getting better every day; her sense of taste and smell had even started returning gradually. There were so many things she had to do – auditions were now done via Zoom or Face Time. She still had not finished post production on her 2 films about the gypsy community. Her movie, which was supposed to open in March, had been postponed until who knows.

But during her worst moments, when the virus was ravaging through her, her friends had seen her through. Even newer friends like Julia and Céline had been most attentive.

Did she think she could die from this virus? Of course, she did. And when one was faced with their own mortality, what they would leave behind was the first thing to think about. Not materially – but how would she be remembered?

Noémie realized that she did not have a lot of regrets. Her life to this point had been good. Even the pain she inadvertently caused Simon, she realized, was meant to be. They no longer made each other better; the parting was inevitable.

And Adèle. What could she say about Adèle? That she had absolutely no regret in everything they had been through. She loved her as best she could, and really, that was good enough for her. She became a better person because she had loved and been loved by Adèle Haenel.

True, she did not know how their story would end, or if it had already ended. But if she died today, she would be grateful for what they had.

How many times could one find The Love that was like no other? Not many people could claim that they had found The One. She had, with enough memories to last a lifetime. 

Now Adèle wanted to come back to her life. Her first instinct was to let her in. She always let her in. But she also remembered the ghosting, the unkindness, the goodbyes. It seemed that in order to love Adèle Haenel, one should be prepared to fly to new heights and dive into new depths. She could bring the sunlight with her smile; her eyes could pierce with love and shatter a heart in equal measure.

Noémie did what she had never been able to do before: she said No to Adèle. She had chosen the poet’s path. One day she would only remember the good things, and she would be happy.

If she survived this illness, she was determined to move on, meet new people, take on new projects. And if in the future, should their paths cross again, she would not shy away from it. She would walk right through and find out where that path would lead.

So, she closed the Adèle door. For how long, she was not certain. She trusted in destiny, that there was a purpose in everything, and one could not escape what was meant to be. No matter what it would be.


	48. Adele's Lament Part 2

Adèle had been staring at the wall for a while. She had been doing a lot of staring into nothingness lately.

Did Noémie really say goodbye? Was that FaceTime a dream? Could she just rewind for a few minutes and stop at _“Hey”?_ My God, it did happen and there’s nothing she could do about it. She had messed up badly.

It was a time for reckoning, for really, what else could she do in quarantine? It’s even harder if the reckoning was with yourself, because you would not have the choice of simply walking away. Something she had perfected by experience.

No, this time, she would face herself every day with the full knowledge that she had fucked up big time. She came to the dance with a mask, while her dance partner came wearing her heart on her sleeves. And it was that honesty and innocence that chipped away her armor.

Whenever Noémie looked at her, she could feel the wonder in those eyes, and she knew she was loved. That was Noémie’s greatest gift and greatest fault: to love her unconditionally. Noémie made her want to be kinder. She taught her patience. She learned that love could be given without expecting anything back – because she was the recipient of that love.

Adèle cried for what she had lost, because she had lost that someone who made her want to become a better person.

She heard Noémie’s voice in the quiet of the night. She saw her smile and dark hazel eyes looking back at her. Sometimes, she would hear her laughter, and she would smile. She loved it when she made Noémie laugh.

The pain came in waves and the good memories made her even sadder, because she had realized she threw them all away. The bad memories? She had a monopoly on those. She too had to heal… she had to forgive herself.

\----------

She called Céline, but before she could talk, she would start crying.

 _“You pick yourself up and move on,”_ Céline said. _“You want to honor Noémie? Be the person you were when you were with her. Listen to the waves of the ocean. Listen to others – she was pretty good at that. Enjoy the simple things in life.”_

 _“I’ve lost her, Céline, and it hurts like a sonofabitch,”_ Adèle said in between sobs.

 _“You were foolish to think that she would simply wait for you to get your act together. I think I said that many times,”_ Céline replied.

 _“You did. You knew from the start that it would end with a heartbreak,”_ Adèle was still crying.

 _“And Gisèle? You are still together aren’t you?”_ Céline asked.

 _“Well, technically, we have not broken up,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“And yet you are hysterical for another person when you are technically still dating someone else. That is just so fucked up,”_ Céline always stated the obvious.

 _“I know, it is FUBAR. My life is FUBAR,”_ Adèle started crying again.

 _“Now, do you understand why Noémie has to stay away from you? It is bad enough that she has been battling a killer virus in quarantine, away from the hugs and touch of her family and friends. Then you saddled her with guilt when you told her that you want her back... and all the while she knows that you are still with Gisèle… Why would you do that? Do you understand where she is coming from?”_ Céline said calmly.

More sobs.

 _“Listen, do you really want her back?”_ Céline had to ask.

 _“More than life itself,”_ Adèle answered.

 _“Then you give her time. And you give yourself time. Just go for a few months, without dating anyone. Find yourself away from the influence of other people. Love yourself first. There is a reason why people go on solitary retreats. It is only in the absence of everything that your true self can emerge,_ ” Céline said. _“Can you do that?”_

Adèle was silent. Despite her bravado, she had always been with someone. She didn’t know any other way. 

_“Will you help me, Céline?”_ Adèle whispered. _“Find myself?”_

 _“While we are on quarantine, follow the Travail Spirituel du Saint Ignace. I can messenger my copy over to you today. That’s a start. I will find other books and send them your way. But you have to want to do this. You have to quiet your mind. And you have to be patient,”_ Céline said.

 _“I love you, Céline,”_ was all she could say.

 _“I love you too. And for what it’s worth, I still believe that you and Noémie will find each other again. If not in this lifetime, maybe the next,”_ Céline closed.

And that tiny grain of hope… it kept Adèle going for another day.


	49. CoVid-Inspired Dance

**5 th week of Lockdown**

Noémie was finally feeling better to venture out of her flat. She had been to the supermarket to do some food shopping and had been walking Gino twice a day in the park nearby.

She met up with Julia, who lived a few blocks away, so they could walk together, 6 feet apart.

 _“I haven’t had a cigarette in the last 4 weeks. CoVid is such a cruel way to get one to stop smoking,”_ Noémie said.

 _“Good for you. I need to stop too,”_ Julia answered.

After rounding half the track in the park, Julia asked, _“Have you heard from Adèle?”_

 _“No. I asked her not to contact me anymore,”_ Noémie said.

Julia stopped and looked at her, pulled down her mask a little to reveal a really wide smile, then gave her an elbow bump.

 _“CONGRATULATIONS, Noémie MERLANT! You know you are the first person to ever say that to her! Adèle has not been used to rejection. She is usually the one doing the rejecting,”_ Julia was chuckling.

 _“It was not really a matter of rejecting her, it was more for self-preservation. I felt really bad after,”_ Unicorn Noémie said.

 _“Oh, don’t be. She had it coming. And you did not do it simply to hurt her. You know why? Because you are too good. You know she’s still with Gisèle, right? They never broke up. Gisèle has been complaining to her friends, one of whom I know, why she was not allowed to quarantine with Adèle,”_ Julia was enjoying this.

 _“Oh, I know. She sent me a text to tell me that having CoVid was to experience the mysticism of death and would I collaborate with her later on to create a CoVid inspired dance number. And that she and her Girlfriend Adèle wish me well,”_ Noémie said, before they both started laughing.

 _“Wait until Adèle finds out that Gisèle texted you,”_ Julia thought this was delicious. _“You did not delete the text, did you?”_

 _“No, I kept it. When I received it, I was still at death’s door. But now, I think it is hilarious,”_ Noémie chuckled.

 _“Aha! So, you are mocking her, your ex-girlfriend’s current girlfriend. You are not a saint after all,”_ Julia said.

 _“No, I’m keeping the text for its sheer entertainment value, not because of her relationship with Adèle,”_ Noémie was sincere.

 _“Can you forward it to me? I’ll have so much fun with it,”_ Julia said.

Noémie shook her head _, “I can’t. She sent me the text with the expectation that I would keep it to myself. It’s not my text to forward.”_

 _“And there she is, Unicorn Noémie,”_ Julia said admiringly.

 _“It doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it,”_ Noémie said mischievously and winked at Julia.

 _“Did you tell Céline about the text?’_ Julia asked.

 _“I did, when she called me for my soup order. I was still very sick and asked her if I should respond,”_ Noémie replied. _“She said ‘Hell No!’, then she started laughing. I guess she saw the humor in it first before I did.”_

\---------------

Noémie was used to solitude – she sought it even amongst the company of people she loved. It gave her time to read and think about things, do her knitting, watch English movies. She resolved that during quarantine, she would improve her English. She would not have Adèle to translate for her anymore, and Zoé… what could she say about Zoé? The truth was that she did not trust her. She had been on Team Simon from the beginning, she marginalized her performance in Portrait although her movie would benefit from Noémie’s new found fame, and she talked over her. So no, she wouldn’t let Zoé translate for her either.

\---------------

The email from Céline read:

I _hope you are doing what we talked about. Quiet your mind. Examine your life. Find yourself, blah, blah, blah. I also know you've been wanting to ask, so I'll just tell you now that Noémie is doing much better. That should take away one of your worries, no?_

_And while you are doing your quarantine retreat, I just want to share these tidbits with you:_

> FIRST NIGHT | DANCE
> 
> #  **Crowd review — a wearisome conceit that barely bothers with any actual dancing**
> 
> Donald Hutera
> 
> Wednesday October 09 2019, 5.00pm BST, The Times
> 
> ★☆☆☆☆
> 
> Dance Umbrella kicked off the 41st edition of its annual festival with this big, loud and curiously numbing production by the Franco-Austrian choreographer, director and artist Gisèle Vienne. _Crowd_ lasts 90 minutes, but feels much, much longer. Vienne is, among other things, attempting to derail our perception of time or even stop it dead in its tracks. So intent is she on this central conceit that she barely bothers with any actual dancing.

_Here's another gem:_

> #  **Brickbats and boos as arts festival 'hits new depths'**
> 
> by Colin Randall in Paris12:01AM BST 25 Jul 2005
> 
> The Avignon summer arts festival in southern France ends in controversy and crisis this week after several of its shows received a critical mauling and spectators booed or stormed out of performances described as "plumbing new depths of intellectual obscurity".
> 
> Some French commentators have questioned the future of the event, which receives lavish public funding. They accuse the organisers of showing contempt for mainstream theatre-goers.
> 
> One two-part play by Gisele Vienne entitled A Beautiful Blonde Child /I Apologise, features life-sized models of young girls placed in suggestive poses on coffins, and has been condemned as inciting paedophilia.
> 
> Members of the audiences booed that production, and also shouted abuse when subjected to an excruciating burst of electronic noise during a Christian Rizzo's production, Either The Well Was Deep.
> 
> Several spectators walked out of the Avignon premiere of After / Before, described as a "theatre-dance-music-video" event. It starts with a 40-minute film showing a series of people answering the same question about what they would choose to take into the "next world", and what they would leave behind, if a major catastrophe occurred. For many critics, the 59th Avignon festival is itself a major catastrophe, with excessive emphasis on violence and nihilism.
> 
> The Right-wing daily Le Figaro said the poor quality of many of the festival's offerings had plunged it into its gravest crisis in 40 years. One Le Figaro critic wrote: "You think you've reached the lowest point in mediocrity, pretentiousness and confusion. But no. There is always something worse.
> 
> If Le Figaro, suspicious of the public subsidies that provide the bulk of the £7 million budget, is hardly a surprising source of harsh criticism, the Left-wing press has also voiced disapproval.

_Also, Noémie's short film Shakira will be released after the lockdown. You should see it, and compare it to this:_

> **Scott Walker, Sunn O))), Soused.**  
>   
>  I know, I know. I haven't written a review for lack of time but in a nutshell, I think this is t[he most accessible Scott Walker record in 20 years](http://frenchybutchic.blogspot.be/2014/07/the-audience-is-waiting-on-late-music.html), because, let's not kid ourselves, this is Scott Walker & backing band much more than a real collaboration. Here's Brando, the belter on the album, if you don't find yourself singing OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH THE WIDE MISSOURIIIIIIIIIIII after listening to it then you don't know what an earworm is.
> 
> Only regret I have: this video is ridiculously stupid, Gisele Vienne should stick to choreography I think. Also, I wish there would have been more interviews of Scott Walker and the Sunn O))) people when the record came out, in terms of promotion because this record deserves to be heard and sold and bought and listened to obsessively over and over again.

_Okay, hope you are doing well with the self-discovery thing. Please call if you need anything._

_Love,_   
_C_

_PS - Please don't reply. You shouldn't even be checking your emails._

_"Putain! Tell me something I don’t know!"_ Adèle said to no one in particular. She would have broken up with Gisele, but she's under a strict vow of silence until the end of the lockdown.

Somewhere in Paris, she could hear Céline's laughter.


	50. Adele's Lament Part 3

**7 th week of Lockdown**

The text messages, emails, WhatsApp, and calls from Gisèle had been incessant. This was after Adèle had told her that she would be taking some alone time, in silence. She would have broken up with the puppeteer much earlier, but her retreat precluded her from making rash decisions.

She needed to quiet her mind. She needed to find herself. She needed to heal her heart. And she needed to dress her self-inflicted wounds. She had to get out of the pseudo intellectual trip that she had on been for a while – first to impress Céline, but her trip went on steroids when she met Gisèle. Too much philosophizing, she realized during quarantine, had left her with a very unquiet mind. She loved to throw names like Spinoza and Simone de Beauvoir during press interviews – why? To prove that she was one of the smartest people in the room? To disarm those pesky journalists and put them on the defensive? Céline inspired her to read the classics and the works of the enlightenment, but with Gisèle, she overdosed on intellectual smorgasbord and arrogance. If she did not stop, her mind would break, and she knew it.

In solitude, she turned to the poets. This one by Jacques Prévert was particularly poignant:

> **Les Feuilles Mortes (1945)**  
>  _Oh, je voudrais tant que tu te souviennes,_  
>  _Des jours heureux quand nous étions amis,_  
>  _Dans ce temps là, la vie était plus belle,_  
>  _Et le soleil plus brûlant qu’aujourd’hui._  
>   
>  _Les feuilles mortes se ramassent à la pelle,_  
>  _Tu vois je n’ai pas oublié._  
>  _Les feuilles mortes se ramassent à la pelle,_  
>  _Les souvenirs et les regrets aussi,_  
>   
>  _Et le vent du nord les emporte,_  
>  _Dans la nuit froide de l’oubli._  
>  _Tu vois, je n’ai pas oublié,_  
>  _La chanson que tu me chantais._  
>   
>  _C’est une chanson, qui nous ressemble,_  
>  _Toi qui m’aimais, moi qui t’aimais._  
>  _Nous vivions, tous les deux ensemble,_  
>  _Toi qui m’aimais, moi qui t’aimais._  
>   
>  _Et la vie sépare ceux qui s’aiment,_  
>  _Tout doucement, sans faire de bruit._  
>  _Et la mer efface sur le sable,_  
>  _Les pas des amants désunis._

| 

> **_The Dead Leaves_**  
>  _Oh, how I would like for you to remember,_  
>  _The happy days when we were friends,_  
>  _Back then, life was more beautiful,_  
>  _And the sun burned brighter than today._  
>   
>  _Dead leaves are collected with a shovel,_  
>  _You see, I have not forgotten._  
>  _Dead leaves gather in their hundreds,_  
>  _As do memories and regrets._  
>   
>  _And the North Wind carries them away,_  
>  _Through the cold night of oblivion._  
>  _You see, I have not forgotten,_  
>  _The song that you would sing to me._  
>   
>  _It’s a song that now reminds me of us,_  
>  _You who loved me, me who loved you._  
>  _We were living, with one another,_  
>  _You who loved me, me who loved you._  
>   
>  _But life separates those who love each other,_  
>  _Very gently, without making a sound._  
>  _And the sea washes away on the sand,_  
>  _The footprints of lovers since separated._  
  
---|---  
  
She thought of Noémie. She always thought of Noémie. She was the poem that she had yet to write. The Magnum Opus – just waiting for her heart to heal, just so it could shatter again. Poets were shape-shifters; they lose their heart in every poem only to put it back together again. No wonder the poets’ rate of suicide had been 30% more than the populace.

She remembered a fun challenge that she and Céline did during one of the Portrait interviews; the word association game. Céline said the word “bamboo” and she, without missing a beat, replied “Kung Fu Panda.”

She had been playing the same game by herself. Random words or phrases in her head.

> _Spaghetti –_ _Noémie's_ _favorite food  
> _ _Flowers – something she never sent to_ _Noémie; mental note: she should once the florists open  
> _ _Ocean – no brainer, Noémie  
> _ _Blaise Pascal –_ _Noémie had actually read his book Pensées  
> _ _Puppets – Noémie would always be the real thing, so screw_ _Gisèle  
> _ _Countryside – motorcycle drives she took with Noémie  
> _ _Warm blanket – another no brainer, Noémie_  
>  _Céline_ _Dion – duh, Noémie  
> _ _Ice cream – chocolate, Noémie’s favorite  
> _ _Little Prince –_ _Adèle roaming the universe only to go back to her rose, Noémie_

If anyone asked her how quarantine was going, she would say “the absence of Noémie in her life”


	51. Gisele Part 2

**1 st Day After End of Lockdown**

It felt like V-Day in Paris, as people finally came out of quarantine and slowly but cautiously started to go back to normal. Eight weeks was a long time to be confined, as Adèle could attest to.

Her door buzzed to let her know someone was at the lobby. It was Gisèle – for some reason, she never gave her the codes to her building and the keys to her flat this time. Looking back, she realized how fortuitous it was.

But after almost 4 weeks of self-reflection, she was not wont to turn anyone away – one of the lessons she learned after being been humbled by the girl from Nantes. She was determined to become a better person, file some of the jagged edges away, be calmer. She let Gisèle in, who was so desperate to see her the she that did not wait until she was inside to hug and kiss Adèle.

“ _My love, I have missed you so much,_ ” Gisèle crooned, googly eyes looking at Adèle.

 _Googly eyes are not the same as horizontal gaze_ , Adèle thought.

 _“I understand why you wanted to go on a journey of self-reflection without me. The 5th Paramita of Self-Reflection means to take a look at ourselves very intently. We review carefully our various thoughts, words, and actions. We focus from within and search inside for who we really are. It can also be called as contemplation,”_ Gisèle droned on.

_“Etched onto the ancient Greek temple of Apollo at Delphi are the thought-provoking words: ‘Know Thyself’ ... A wise passage, but in what way or how exactly do we come to access knowledge of ourselves. On the one hand if we are over-analyzing our shortcomings too much, we may punish ourselves harshly for things that don't really matter. But on the other hand, if we are overflowing with self-confidence, we may be making mistakes or harming others in ways we don't know.”_

Adèle just stared at her with a befuddled look, until finally saying, _“Gisèle, please sit down, I have something to tell you.”_

Gisèle went to the couch and waited. She was sure that it was a declaration of love from Adèle; it was the script she had written and the choreography she had imagined.

Adèle sat on the chair next to the couch and looked at her intently. More googly eyes from Gisèle.

 _“Please forgive me for what I am about to say,”_ Adèle started, already an upgrade from her usual break up lines. _“I do not think we should be a couple anymore. I still want us to be friends and collaborators, but not lovers.”_

Gisèle thought she was joking and tried to kiss her, waiting for the punchline. Except there was none.

 _“You have been a very important part of my life, and you came when I didn’t know what I wanted. Kirsten’s death brought us together, but love cannot survive on grief and mourning. Love is life-giving. I will always be grateful for everything you have done for me, but I’m going on a solo flight,”_ Adèle continued. _“Please tell me you understand.”_

Gisèle looked at her for a long time, not sure what was going on, trying to process what she just heard, until she finally said, _“Are you breaking up with me?”_

 _“Yes, I am,”_ Adèle looked at her with apologies in her eyes.

Gisèle simply stood up and left.

It was one of the most heartfelt and humane breakups that Adèle had ever done.

\----------------

She was not in a hurry to go out with the rest of humanity – she was not done with her self-retreat as she realized how little she knew of life. She thought she was a big shot – 2 Cesars by the time she was 27, successive films screened at Cannes, never lacking for a girl in her arms – but really, she was an infant in terms of being a grown up. She needed to be humbled, she needed her heart broken. It was only when one had been in the gutters could one look up and see the sky. And she had Noémie to thank for it.

Her phone rang in the afternoon – it was Ruth, Kirsten’s replacement in Gisèle’s play L’Etang. 

_“She tried to kill herself, Adèle!!! I found her on the bathtub! She had slit her wrist*!”_ Ruth was hysterical. _(*Singular)_

 _“Fuck! Where is she? How bad is it?”_ Adèle was now hysterical too.

 _“They took her to Georges-Pompidou! I’ll meet you there,”_ Ruth cried out.

What the hell had she done? She thought everything went really well, and yet, here she was, biking her way to 9ème. She called Céline on her way there to tell her what happened.

 _“Putain! Putain! Putain!”_ was all Céline could say.

 _“I know. She has always had this strange affiliation with death. She always said it was a most welcomed friend,”_ Adèle said.

 _“But that doesn’t give her the right to involve you in her fantasies. This is emotional terrorism!”_ Céline was not happy.

 _“I don’t think she wanted to die – first, she lives on the 10 th floor with a huge balcony. If I wanted to off myself, I would just jump. That’s a 95% mortality rate,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Should I be worried that you know this statistic?”_ Céline sounded concerned.

 _“No, it was in one of my retreat books. Please don't interrupt,”_ Adèle ignored her, then continued, _“_ _Secondly, she only slit **ONE** wrist! Just enough blood flow to scare the bejesus out of anyone, but not enough to bleed out within a short period of time. And she knew Ruth was coming in this afternoon.”_

 _“Emotional terrorism,”_ Céline repeated.

 _“I’ll call you later. I’m here,”_ Adèle said as she put the locks on her bike.

\----------------

After a few inquiries, she was finally directed to Gisèle's room. Ruth was there and gave her a hug when she came in. 

_“I’ll leave you two. I’ll be outside,”_ Ruth sounded solemn.

Adèle was seething with anger, which she tried to control. _Not now, not now. Put yourself in her shoes. Be kind_. For some reason, the voice admonishing her sounded a lot like Noémie, and she calmed down, sat next to the bed, and held Gisèle’s hand. Gisèle immediately started bawling.

 _“Please don’t’ leave me! I love you so much! I would die without you,”_ Gisèle was hysterical.

 _“I am not leaving you. I am here, aren’t I? I will always be your friend,”_ Adèle said gently.

 _“I want to die!”_ Gisèle continued hysterically.

 _“Really? And what would Kirsten say if she were here? She fought so hard to live, and yet here you are, trying to kill yourself, throwing a life that Kirsten was denied,”_ Adèle said, still very quietly. Gisèle stopped the hysterics. She remembered the friend that brought them back together again.

 _“You are right. How could I do this after everything that Kirsten went through? After the fight she put up? I’m sorry,”_ Gisèle said, softly crying now.

 _“You need help, and I will talk to the nurses to get a good psychiatrist. But I promise you that I will be your friend until the day I die. And that is not a promise I am making lightly,”_ Adèle said.

Gisèle looked at her – googly eyes now gone, only pain and gratitude – and said, _“Thank you.”_

Adèle stayed a few more hours, talking with Gisèle, Ruth, and Dennis about the play, about life. When she left, Gisèle was being transferred to the pysch ward for a few days. Adèle made sure the doctor was a reputable one, and she wanted absolute secrecy. These things had a way of getting out to the press, and she needed to protect Gisèle from that.

\-----------------

 _“And so… that’s what happened,”_ Adèle said as she was biking back to her flat.

 _“That’s good. I’m proud of how you handled it,”_ Céline said.

 _“Something very strange happened though… as I was trying to be calm and then calm_ _Gisèle in the process, I heard_ _Noémie in my head. Her soft voice, her gentle way of saying things,”_ Adèle was serendipitous.

 _“So, the 4-week silent retreat worked then, huh?”_ Céline tried not to gloat. _“You ARE very calm, considering you are you.”_

 _“She was with me all this time, Céline. Everything that was good… it was_ _Noémie_ _,”_ Adèle admitted. _“Throughout my little retreat, I have realized that I want to become a better person for her. Someone who deserves her.”_

 _“Hold on to that for now. If there were 7 circles of self-reflection, you’re probably only on the 3 rd,”_ Céline was blunt.

 _“Oh, I know. I will not go knocking on her door to tell her ‘Et voilà! I have changed. Take me back!’ No, I think it will take a lot more than that. I think she was right – we need time to ourselves. And if we could stand the test of time, then we stand a chance of having a go at it,”_ Adèle was resolute.

 _“I am so proud of you!”_ Céline was beaming. Her girl was finally growing up.


	52. Flashback 1

After the lockdown, Noémie was also glad to be out of the flat and back to work. She had been putting the finishing touches on her short film Shakira and full length picture “A Good Man”. She also had to do post production on Mi Lubita, a micro-budget movie filmed in Romania that she personally financed, co-wrote, directed, and starred in. She still had to find financing to complete the 2nd half of the film, including editing, music, some re-shoots, and then she had to find a distributor. To say that her days had been full was an understatement.

Her flat was her safe space and Gino her refuge, and she was happiest with both.

Because she could allow her mind to wander. Little by little, the good memories had started to rise above the bad. And she often found herself smiling whenever she remembered.

> It was during one of the few nights they got to spend together whilst filming in Seine-et-Marne. Adèle was still smoldering from Noémie’s deft maneuvers, which were nothing short of miraculous. Noémie was a proud mountaineer who just reached the top of Mt. Everest, and as for Mt. Everest… well she was sweating and still feeling the absolute pleasure of being climbed.
> 
> _“Are you sure I am the first woman you ever slept with? Because that was… that was absofuckinglutely awesome,”_ Adèle said as she tried to catch her breath.
> 
> _“I am not answering your question,”_ Noémie teased her, with hands still lingering over her body, lips softly kissing her shoulder, dark hazel eyes looking at her very intently with utter love.
> 
> _“Please don’t look me at me like that,”_ Adèle said.
> 
> _“Why not?”_ Noémie asked.
> 
> _“Because you look like an innocent girl. When in truth, you’re a nymphomaniac,”_ Adèle was teasing.
> 
> _“Bah! But no one would believe you,”_ Noémie smiled, still kissing her shoulders, hands still caressing her body, eyes still fixed on her.
> 
> _“That is true,”_ Adèle was resigned. _“Hhmmm… please continue what you’re doing.”_
> 
> “ _Like this?”_ Noémie’s tongue now going around in circles all over.
> 
> _“Dammit, Noé! What have you done to me? We need some sleep!”_ Adèle’s breath started getting shallow again.
> 
> No answer.
> 
> Noémie was determined to climb all the mountains in the Himalayas. So Adèle took matters into her own ( _literal hand_ ) and reciprocated. She wrestled Noémie and climbed on top of her. Now it was her turn to tease and kiss and feel and hear the purring of the girl with the innocent eyes.
> 
> At last, Adèle whispered, “ _Together_.”

\-----------

> _“Spaghetti,”_ Noémie answered. Neither one of them was sleepy after another round of feverish love-making, so they started throwing rapid fire questions at each other. _“My turn: number of people you have slept with.”_
> 
> _“Pass. I have to count, and it might take a while,”_ Adèle answered with her disarming smile. _“Next question: favorite cartoon character.”_
> 
> _“Mulan,”_ Noémie answered. _“Guilty pleasure as a child”_
> 
> _“Edit Piaf,”_ Adèle’s answer elicited a raised eyebrow _. “Favorite Edit Piaf song?”_
> 
> _“Non, je ne regrette rien,”_ Noémie knew the song by heart, and started singing it to Adèle.
> 
> _“Please don’t stop... you sing like an angel,”_ Adèle felt like she was hearing a lullabye.

And in her reverie, Noémie remembered that very few pleasures in life could compare to waking up to Adèle Haenel’s smile.

\-----------

Adèle had resumed rehearsals for the play and had kept her promise to Gisèle that she would always be there as friend. She even accompanied Gisèle’s and her friends to announce the opening of Air de Paris, a private gallery owned by one of Gisèle’s friends – she looked woefully out of place amid the weirdly styled posse, but she was happy to help.

She had also started a daily “ ** _Notes to Noé_** _”_ journal, because she did not want to ever forget again all the love that she had been feeling for the girl from Nantes.

> _I saw your movie recommendation video. You look like you have lost more weight, but you have been sick, so that is understandable. I’m glad you finally saw Carol – what did I tell you? It was a really awesome film and you reminded me so much of Therese, Rooney Mara’s character. She jumped into a relationship head on, without knowing how to swim. Like you did. She simply loved. Just like you did. And she plodded on after Carol, just like you have._
> 
> _I still hope we will get our happy ending. I am not sure how it is going to be, but a good screenwriter would know how to put twists and turns into a story, like our very own page 28._
> 
> _For now, I miss you, Noémie. I miss being loved by you. I miss your laughter and your smiles. (I miss my little innocent-looking nymphomaniac… those memories still take my breath away. You always knew what to do to me to make me feel the way you did.) I miss your home cooked dinners and my breakfasts in bed. I miss the songs you sang to me. I even miss that corny Charles Aznavour song you used to play on the piano._
> 
> _I miss you, Noémie Merlant._


	53. Gimi Part 1

_“I’m tired of being your dirty little secret,”_ Gimi exclaimed as he got out of the bed where he and Noémie, just a few hours ago, were having sex. _“Why can’t you introduce me as your boyfriend?”_

 _“Because Gimi, you are not my boyfriend,”_ Noémie said, annoyed. “ _Fuck buddy, maybe. Boyfriend, definitely not!”_

 _“But you brought me as your date to the Cesar!”_ Gimi was adamant.

 _“Didn’t I tell you, ‘as a friend’?. And I thought if you’re really interested in a career in acting, you would want to meet the people who inhabit the acting sphere,”_ Noémie explained. _“And you did_.”

 _“Well, we are releasing Shakira soon, and I am the co-star in that film. You need me at your side,”_ Gimi said. “ _And we need to finish La Lubita.”_

 _“Very well. Although to get funding to finish Lubita, I doubt you would be one to help me get it. You have no track record of anything. Your presence does not add any benefit to boost the movie’s potential,”_ Noémie was being blunt.

 _“And you do?”_ Gimi was incredulous.

 _“We shot the film with my money, and its success, I hate to admit, will depend on my name and reputation, not yours,”_ Noémie was now exasperated.

 _“Whatever your say, ma copine. One more time then,”_ Gimi said with a naughty smile and an erection as he jumped back into bed and into Noémie, which made her gulp. Whether she loved him or not was not the question. She enjoyed having sex with him.

\------------  
Summer 2019

Noémie was in Romania with her gypsy posse and some other friends, filming her first feature firm “La Lubita”, or “My Love” in Romany. One of them was this kid, maybe in his early 20s, named Gimi Covaci. He was clearly infatuated with her, and even suggested the storyline which they co-wrote together.

They rented a villa outside of Bucharest that served as both the set and the crew’s lodging. String budget, remember? Noémie was in her directorial mood, almost forgetting that just a month ago, she moved out of Adèle’s apartment, into a hotel, and was now living out of a suitcase. She felt like the people she was working with. She’s a gypsy herself. At night, she and the crew enjoyed the local food and wine. Both of which were cheaper in Romania than in France. The Roma people, after all they have been through, were resilient. In the face of severe adversity and persecution, they rose and danced and sang their way around. It was intoxicating. And Noémie and her broken heart reveled in it.

So when one night, Gimi kissed her, she kissed him back. And the next night, when he knocked on her door, she let him in. And the next night… and the next… Noémie was caught in the moment, and a horny young guy’s wildest fantasies came true.

 _“I just want to make sure you know… what happens in Romania stays in Romania,”_ Noémie told him.

 _“Whatever, ma copine,”_ he answered while climbing up on top of her again. Noémie could not understand it, but he brought out the most visceral response in her. She couldn’t stop him and she couldn’t stop herself from responding. She remembered that Adèle called her “her little nymphomaniac” – oh, and how correct she was, if she could only see her now. 

So she lost herself in her Romanian bubble… confident that it would be over by the time they got back to Paris.

\-----------

But Gimi and his family were relentless. For the Roma people, family was very important, and whether she liked it or not, she was now pulled into Gimi’s orbit. He gave her Gino – a portmanteau of the first syllables of their names – and he frequently invited her over for family meals. “As friends”, she reiterated over and over. 

_“As friends”,_ when she invited him to the Cesars.

 _“As friends,”_ when she asked him to help her move to her new apartment.

 _“As friends and not as his Papa,”_ when she finally took Gino to live with her.

And for a while, that’s what they were: friends.

And then the lockdown was lifted and her short film was going to be released by the same company that produced Jumbo. And just like that, Gimi was back in her life and her bed.


	54. Adele's Lament Part 4

Quarantine had done Adèle a lot of good. She was a lot calmer, her relationships were in order, and she, more than ever, knew what she wanted: she wanted Noémie back and she had never been so sure of anything in her life.

 _“Adèle, we need to talk,”_ Céline called her _. “In person. Before the protest for Adama Traoré next week. I’ll meet you at Kaffeebar_.”

“ _What is this in regard to?”_ Adèle was apprehensive because Céline was being mysterious.

 _“Just meet me this afternoon, around 14:00,”_ Céline replied.

\----------------------

Céline was already in the far corner table, away from the madding crowd, when Adèle came in. After greeting each other with a hug and 2 kisses whilst wearing their masks, Céline motioned her to sit down.

Adèle pulled her mask down and with a face full of trepidation, asked _, “What’s going on,_ _Céline?”_

 _“Noémie is dating someone,”_ Céline said solemnly, deciding that there was no need to sugarcoat the situation. It was what is was: it was a huge punch in the gut. Adèle did not say anything. She was quiet, stared outside, before excusing herself to go to the restroom where she started throwing up.

When she got back, there was a cup of Moroccan tea waiting for her. “ _Take it, it’s good for your stomach_ ,” Céline said.

“ _Who is it? Do I want to know? Do I need to know?_ ” Adèle finally asked.

 _“I don’t think it’s important. He is not important in your personal story, Adèle. Just one of those side plots,”_ Céline replied.

 _“It is a guy, then,”_ Adèle quietly answered. The pre-quarantine Adèle would have cursed and said something very sarcastic, but the post-quarantine Adèle was a lot more introspective.

Céline silently nodded, before asking, _“Are you okay?”_

Adèle shook her head very slightly, tears pooling in her eyes. She had to look away because she didn’t want Céline to see her crying. Too late. She pulled her mask all the way to her eyes to hide the tears away.

 _“Please don’t do that. Here…”_ Céline handed her some tissue paper.

 _“I hope she will be very happy,”_ Adèle said, almost in a whisper. Her heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces and all she wanted was to be alone. But at the same time, she was grateful for Céline’s company. Céline, who had saved her so many times before, from the world and from herself.

 _“She is bringing him to the protest,”_ Céline told her.

 _“It doesn’t matter. Let’s not forget what the real goal of the protest is, and it is not about Noémie and her new boyfriend or me. I will be fine. We will be fine,”_ Adèle finally said, resolutely. The bigger injustice at hand seemed to trivialize everything else, including her broken heart. In the quest to end racism, her broken heart would be a better warrior. Because only hearts that have been broken would know how to mend other broken hearts.


	55. Adele's Lament Part 5

_******* Please read updated Chapters 53 and 54 first ******* _

Alone in her flat, Adèle was left to face the blatant truth: _Noémie was dating someone. She was sleeping with somebody else. Somebody else was kissing those lips, looking into those dark hazel eyes, enjoying that smile. Somebody else was holding **HER** Noémie._

And the truth hurt as hell, and she couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Maybe it was the universe punishing her for her past transgressions, for taking Noémie for granted, for failing to see what was hers all along. And in the midst of this upheaval, Adèle was very surprised at how she found herself centered, right in the eye of the storm. She learned this from being with Noémie; they learned many things together.

How would a broken heart feel? All the clichés were true: the world was a little darker, life was sadder, and the pain… my God, the pain… and there were no painkillers available except for time. Adèle cried until the tears had run out. That cliché too was true. She listened to music – it was the only language that could speak to her broken heart. She read poems, but the words just blurred together. She tried to sleep, but she felt like there was a dagger stuck in her chest, preventing her from breathing. She had broken many hearts in her life – she knew because that was what she was told by the recipients of her heart-breaking modus operandi, and now she knew how they felt

So she wrote… she wrote on her _**“Notes to Noé**_ ” document, each word carrying with it a fragment of her broken heart.

> _You are dating someone. You have no idea how those words have twisted into my chest like a knife coated in acid. I don’t want to blame myself anymore, Noé. Life is what it is. You go your way, and I am left here at the crossroads, looking at you as you walk farther and farther away. I still love you. I will always love you. And maybe that is why it hurts like hell. The mystics talked about ‘loving till it no longer hurts’. I am not there yet. Right now, I can only read about those mystics, I am far from attaining their level of mysticism. I am still a very fallible human being._
> 
> _But I know one thing for certain, and this I say from the heart, from my shattered heart: I hope you are happy. I hope you will always be happy. And I hope he will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Because I did not, and from my failings, the only thing I can do is learn._
> 
> _Maybe this has always been what fate has had in store for us. Maybe in feeling this much pain – and believe me, the pain is so severe that now I understand why some poor souls prefer death – I will be a better person. Inasmuch as I hate to admit it, we came into our relationship in unequal terms. And we parted in unequal terms – I was always the one doing the leaving. And now I am the one left in the precipice, watching you as you walk away with him, away from me. It always comes back to Orpheus and Eurydice, doesn’t it?_
> 
> _The lesson seems clear: it does not pay to turn around. Orpheus doomed Eurydice backed into death and Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt._
> 
> _But I wouldn’t exchange one last glimpse of you for life itself._


	56. Fast Forward

Noémie will be the one making all the bad decisions for a while.  
But before more _sturm und drang_ , a glimpse into their future.

**FAST FORWARD: 10 years later**

_“C’mon, kids, we’ll be late_ ,” Adèle called out, before she turned to Noémie. “ _What are they doing?_ ”

 _“Éric, Cécile!!! Come down here! NOW! Your maman will be late for work, and you will be late for school!”_ Noémie put on her stern mother voice before winking at Adele, who grabbed her waist and gave her a quick kiss.

A 9-year old boy, darker than his blonde, 6 year old sister, came bundling down.

 _“Mama, Maman, look at what Cécile is wearing! It’s cold outside and she thinks it’s still summer!”_ Éric ratted out his sister.

 _“But, but… we are supposed to dress in unicorn colors, and the only purple dress I have is this one,”_ Cécile twirled around wearing a flowery summer dress.

 _“No, Cécile, that won’t do!”_ Noemie said as she took the girl back to her room to change.

 _“Good job, Eric! Your sister is not very smart sometimes,”_ Adèle said as she handed Éric his cereal bowl.

 _“I know Maman. It is hard to be a big brother,”_ he said.

 _“But it is also the best job in the world. Just wait and see,”_ Adèle said as she gave him a quick hug and an unwelcomed kiss on the cheeks. _"If you don't believe me, ask your Uncle Tristan."_

\---------------

Aside from a teaching position at the Conservatoire, near their place in 19ème, Adèle was also working full time as a director at the _Commission Nationale Consultative Des Droits de L'Homme_ , France’s national human rights commission. While she retired from full time acting in 2020, she had appeared occasionally in theatre and had collaborated with Céline on writing scripts and developing high quality film projects.

Noémie had earned a Best Actress Cesar of her own – her string of bad and mediocre works ended with Celine’s 5th movie, and she had not looked back since. She had also been pursuing her college degree at La Fémis, Céline's alma mater, focusing on script writing. She was serious about being a playwright, and the memories of Gimi co-writing anything with her and thinking what they wrote was good – they now made her nauseous.

\---------------

" _Céline, I’m not sure if she’d say yes, but I want to ask her just the same,”_ Noémie told Céline during one of their school walks. Céline was also a professor at La Fémis, not to mention the chairwoman of the school’s Board of Trustees.

 _“You’ll never know until you ask, will you?”_ Céline replied while taking a drag from her ever-present cigarette _. “And what would you do if she said no?”_

 _“I don’t know… nothing, I guess. We have two kids. Maybe marriage is just a formality,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“Then go for the formality,”_ Céline said, smiling.

\---------------------

Adèle was back from work and surprised to come home to a quiet house. The kids would usually run to greet her, along with their dog Noodle. But tonight - only Edit Piaf softly singing, candles all over, and a formally set dinner table with more candles and fresh flowers.

Noemie came out, fresh from the shower, looking as gorgeous as ever.

 _“You’re early,”_ Noemie said.

 _“I love you too,”_ Adèle said as she gave her a kiss. _“Where are the kids?”_

 _“Gisele has Cécile and Noodle for the night and Éric is with his father,”_ Noemie replied. _“I thought we can have a date night.”_

 _“Oh, is this what this is? A date night? Woman, I would rather play ping pong on our date night,”_ Adèle replied mischievously.

 _“Just change. Dinner has been prepared. And yes, I made them, before you say anything smart ass,”_ Noémie winked at her.

\---------------------

The dinner table had been cleaned and they moved to the couch to put their feet up and sipped champagne.

 _“Popcorn and Netflix?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“No, I have something to ask you,” Noémie_ said. And before Adèle could say anything, Noémie was kneeling in front of her with a little box in hand. Inside was the octagonal platinum ring that Adèle had ordered a long time ago, during the Great Lockdown of 2020, from JEM. But it had something added to it: in between the 2 bands was a delicately sculpted and engraved platinum piece in the shape of “P28”, with three diamonds adorning each loop within the letter “P” and the number “8”.

 _“I know you ordered this for me when I had CoVid. You did not come back for it, so Colette called Celine, who paid for it just in case, and later sold it to me. I had it customized a few months ago.”_ Noémie tried to explain to a very surprised Adele.

 _“What is happening?!”_ Adèle finally yelped out.

 _“I am going to ask you to marry me, dumb ass! Why do you think I’m kneeling?”_ Noémie said, before continuing. _“I have a whole speech prepared, so please don’t say anything, don’t interrupt.”_

“ _Okay_ ,” Adèle answered absent-mindedly.

 _“You just interrupted! Be quiet! Now, let me…” Noémie_ took a deep breath before continuing.

_“Adele, I have loved you for as long as I have known you. Your smile takes my breath away. Your heart melts the chill in mine. Your goodness has made me a better person. I know we have taken a very long and winding road to get to where we are now. I know we have walked to hell and back. I know we have hurt each other tremendously. But you… you saved me and Éric and continue to do so. You love Éric as your own, and I love you the more for that._

_I promise never to go through this life without you ever again. I don’t think I can, even if I tried.”_

Noémie's voice was now quivering, **_“So Adèle Haenel, will you marry me?”_**

Adèle looked at Noémie, not knowing what to think or say. She did not grasp everything that was said. And her silence was too much for Noémie to bear.

 _“Are you going to answer or not?”_ Noémie finally asked.

Adèle was jolted from her trance, cupped Noémie's face and kissed her, before saying, _“Yes, Noémie Merlant. I will marry you. And it’s about time you asked.”_


	57. Gimi Part 2

**Back to the Present - and it is going to get very ugly**

Noémie realized that doors could close as fast as they opened. She and Gimi had met with several production companies to try to get funding to finish Lubita with no success. Even Céline politely turned her down but called her later to talk.

 _“Noémie, what are you doing? Why do you insist on bringing your new beau to business meetings? He doesn’t bring anything to the table. No one will take you seriously,_ ” Céline said in her usual blunt manner.

Noémie was defensive. “ _He co-wrote the script with me. Why shouldn’t he see the project through as well?_ ”

“ _Is the sex really that good, Noémie? Because if you were a guy, I would say you’re thinking with your dick,_ ” Céline always stated the obvious.

 _“Is that what you think of me? I thought we were friends!”_ Noémie kept digging herself into a hole.

 _“We are, and that’s why I am being honest with you. But if you cannot see it… well… I wish you luck. Maybe Zoé or Marie-Castille would tell you what you want to hear. When you get some of your senses back and ready to listen to advice, give me a call,”_ Céline replied, before continuing. _“The script was very contrived, obviously written by amateurs. I have seen very talented writers, visionaries. And they are the first to admit if something is lacking in their work. I’m sorry,_ _Noémie, I know this sounds harsh, but you should stick to acting for now. And I really cannot be your friend if you insist on foisting Gimi on me. I’ve met him twice, and I don’t want to relive the experience. I do not want to be unkind, so I’ll just leave it at that.”_

Noémie was in shock after Céline hung up. She was livid! _Who does she think she is? She doesn’t know Gimi and now I know she doesn’t believe in me!_

Zoé wanted to keep Noémie in her good graces because her directorial debut was yet to make its premiere. She needed Noémie to be happy, so she arranged a meeting with the production company that was releasing Shakira and Jumbo.

 _“Noé, please don’t take this the wrong way, but please do not bring Gimi when you do your pitch,”_ Zoé said, almost disdainfully.

 _“And why shouldn’t I?”_ Noémie asked angrily. Zoé did not want to argue, so she just said, _“Well, if you feel very strongly about it, then go ahead.”_

\---------------------

 _“We will win the best screenplay at Cannes, ma copine,”_ Gimi told her during one of their afternoon booty calls. _“That will show_ _Céline Sciamma that she was wrong to underestimate me!”_

 _“Gimi, I know Céline, and you are so way out of her league, you’re not even worthy to clip her toe nails”_ Noémie dismissed him.

 _“I love fucking you,”_ Gimi replied – he had the attention span of a sperm.

 _“Is that the only thing you can think of?”_ Noémie asked. _“How about going back to school? Or finding a real job?”_ But her protests were unanswered because the virility of her fuck buddy was unmatched. And she in turn reciprocated his unbridled lust.

It was a very physical relationship. Maybe someday, she would learn to love and respect him. But this… whatever this was – was the opposite of what she and Adèle had. She and Adèle made love and it was sacred. Every kiss, every orgasm, every trivial afterglow conversation was sacred. She and Gimi? They just fucked. There’s a big difference. They used each other to fulfil a very primal need – he was like a drug that Noémie knew was bad for her but kept taking anyway. He helped her forget.

Noémie was painfully aware that she was no longer the unicorn that Adèle used to know. Sometimes she felt trapped, but Gimi was the only one she’s got. She had lost Simon and Adèle. Even Simon and his sophomoric view of life was genius compared to Gimi. And Adèle… she was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she walked away from it.

\---------------------------

She went to the protest with Gimi, Marie-Castille, and some of her friends from the Roma community. There were thousands of people and it was highly unlikely that she would bump into Adèle and Céline, although she secretly hoped she would. Adèle and Céline were at the forefront of the protest, especially invited by the family of Adama Traoré. Céline invited her to join them, but changed her mind when she asked if she could bring Gimi along.

It used to be the three of them… _Adèle,_ _Céline, and Noémie_. But it seemed like a lifetime ago. Her world now revolved around movies that would benefit from Portrait… so-so movies made by mediocre directors starring an actress on the precipice of greatness… and Gimi.

\------------------------

It was getting dark and Noémie and company were making their way out of the courthouse and onto one of the cafés on the left bank. Marie-Castille seemed to approve of Gimi, which somehow comforted Noémie, and by “ _approve_ ”, it meant MC had not asked her _not_ to take Gimi with her. For every person who told her that Gimi was not a good idea, Noémie’s “ _them vs. us_ ” mentality solidified – _she was doing something good, she was with the Roma people, and she would defend them to death_. And in her twisted logic, she felt it validated her relationship with Gimi – she was the protector of the oppressed and she was Gimi’s protector. She held onto him protectively as they walked the streets of Paris.

But as they rounded the corner, there she was – she could recognize those socks anywhere. Even with her mask on, she would know to whom those piercing blue-green eyes belonged to. Adèle did not see her at first, but Céline did, and Noémie could tell that Céline almost turned around, but thought otherwise. Both of their groups were large, and the meeting was inevitable.

 _“Noémie, good to see you,”_ Céline said, without hugs or kisses. Adèle, who until then, had been laughing and joking with her friends, stopped on her tracks. 

_“Hi,_ _Céline,”_ Noémie replied. The coldness in Céline’s demeanor was undeniable, and Noémie’s immediate response was to hold Gimi even closer.

Adèle did not say anything, but Noémie felt the disdain and pain from her eyes. And before she knew it, Adèle kept on walking away, not even acknowledging her. _She knows about Gimi_ , she thought.

 _“Well, be safe, Noémie,”_ Céline said as she followed her group.

\------------------------

Noémie had been quiet the entire evening. She wanted to be alone but Gimi was not going anywhere. He wanted to spend the night and fuck 4 or 5 times before dawn, and then some more after breakfast. Noémie hated herself for giving in, but he was her drug of choice. And tonight, after seeing Adèle, she was about to go on a binge, and Gimi was more than happy to oblige.

The pictures posted on social media the following day, with the cast and crew celebrating “A Good Man’s” selection for Cannes, had Gimi in them. Gimi was living his best life. Not only did he invite himself to all her parties, he got to go home every night with Noémie Merlant and fuck her brains out. He did not have a real job and he did not need one. La copine paid for everything. He was even decked from head-to-toe in Louis Vuitton, Noémie’s fashion sponsor.

Now if only he could hold on to her, be her real boyfriend… And he would do anything to make it happen: he had started replacing her birth control pills with placebos packed as if they’re the real thing that no one could tell the difference. Noémie hadn’t known it, but Gimi was no longer shooting blanks for a few weeks.

\----------------

Noémie woke up the morning after the “A Good Man” party, saw Gimi lying naked next to her, and as if someone literally slapped some sense into her, woke Gimi up and asked him to leave.

 _“But what about La Lubita_?” Gimi tried to protest.

 _“You know what, I don’t give a shit if it never gets released. I want you out of my apartment and please stay away from me. I feel so dirty, you have used me and my body, and I am done!”_ Noémie was almost screaming. _“NOW LEAVE!”_

Noémie changed all the sheets after he was gone, called a maid service to give her place a thorough cleaning, and felt like the clouds had parted and she woke up from a very long and dark slumber.

It was a new day. It was a beautiful day. All because she saw Adèle a couple of days ago.


	58. After the Protest

Adèle, with Leïla Bekhti, Céline, Aïssa Maïga, Sarah Forestier, and a few other friends were sitting in an outdoor café near the 11th A, away from the main thoroughfare where the remaining protestors and police were gearing up for a showdown. It had been a long day and everyone was tired but pumped from the day’s turnout.

 _“France invented the barricade,”_ Céline reminded everyone.

 _“But these few remaining protestors who burn things and throw stuff – they undermine the cause,”_ Aïssa said.

 _“And the only thing you will read in tomorrow’s papers are the cops in riot gears fighting the good fight,”_ Céline said.

 _“The media is complicit and it is sickening,”_ Leïla added.

Adèle was sitting there, sipping water, smoking a cigarette, and pretending to listen. The truth was her mind was a million miles away. She tried to laugh along with everyone, unaware of what the joke was. But at the moment, she was grateful for the company. They made her feel safe, inside a protective fortress of sorority.

Through it all, Céline knew exactly where Adèle’s head was. And it was definitely not with them at the moment.

 _“Well, ladies, Adèle and I will be going. Be safe, wear your masks, and don’t do anything I won’t do,”_ Céline said as she stood up to beckon Adèle.

 _“Are you sure you two aren’t together anymore? Because you still look so cute together,”_ Aïssa teased Céline.

 _“Sshh… please don’t say it out loud or Judith might hear you,”_ Céline jokingly said.

 _“I don’t see her anywhere. Ladies, do you see Judith Nora?”_ Malika, another new friend said, to the laughter of those staying behind.

 _“Oh stop, all of you. I’m just very tired, and Céline usually tucks me in at night, brings me milk and cookies, and reads me a story so I can go to sleep,”_ Adèle joked sadly before they bid goodbye.

\--------------------

They took the metro to 19ème and stopped by Le Pavillon Du Lac inside Parc des Buttes-Chaumont for dinner.

 _“My treat,”_ Céline said. _“We need to patronize the local businesses.”_

 _“I’m not really hungry,”_ Adèle said.

 _“You have not eaten anything substantial since this morning. We’re going, and that’s that,”_ Céline said authoritatively.

Céline ordered salad, a cheese plate, the entrecôte steak for two, a bottle of 2015 Bordeaux, and settled in for a long conversation.

 _“You are really breaking the bank tonight, Céline,”_ Adèle remarked. Le Pavillon was not exactly cheap, and Céline ordered the most expensive bottle in the list.

 _“We are jump-starting the economy,”_ Céline retorted.

It took some cheese and her first glass of wine before Adèle said anything about Noémie.

 _“So that is her boyfriend. Gimi, right? Her plus one at the Cesar?”_ was all Adèle could say.

 _“They made that movie together in Romania last summer, and before that, the short film about the gypsy girl Shakira,”_ Céline said. _“The one she filmed before Portrait. I advised her during post production.”_

 _“She was always fascinated with the Roma culture,”_ Adèle quietly said, remembering one of their earlier conversations.

> It was the night when Adèle broke up with Julia and the two of them ended up in the cellar bar of the hotel in Brittany to get hammered. They did not know much about each other, and this was before Céline’s social distancing rules for their roles.
> 
> _“I just directed a film about a Roma girl who was trying to just simply tread above water,”_ Noémie said whilst drinking her first shot of tequila.
> 
> _“How did you come up with the idea?”_ Adèle asked as she motioned the bartender for another shot of vodka.
> 
> _“I used to see this old Roma woman on my street, and I wanted to talk to her but never really got around to it. And one day she was gone, and it always stuck with me,”_ Noémie replied, also now motioning the bartender for her 2nd shot of tequila.
> 
> _“Do you know that genetically, the Roma people’s DNA is closest to those of East Indian heritage? Some researchers believe that they were originally from India, many, many generations ago,”_ Adèle was always a well of trivia.
> 
> _“I didn’t know that. But Simon and I have some Roma friends, his friends originally, actually. And they are really good people. It breaks my heart the way society treats them,”_ Noémie looked sadly at her empty shot glass. And Adèle’s heart was warmed by her compassion.

_“How are you otherwise?”_ Céline asked.

 _“Honestly? I wanted to throw up on the street when I saw her holding on to him. I felt like somebody ripped my heart out,”_ Adèle responded. _“I don’t want to say anything mean about him, because you might think I’m just being the jilted lover. But I didn’t like him, his vibe, his energy. I didn’t like him when I first met him, but I thought it was only because Noémie and I were hardly talking and Gisèle was jealous of her… and then fucking Polanski happened.”_

 _“I know exactly what you mean. I met him last week, when he and Noémie came to the office to pitch for funding to finish the film they shot in Romania,”_ Céline recalled.

“ _I guess you said no,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“You guessed right. He spoke out of turn, he had no idea what he was talking about, and the saddest part was that Noémie let him,”_ Céline was shaking her head.

 _“But is the project good? Is it worth a 2 nd look? You didn’t turn her down on my account, did you?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Good? I have seen better high school film projects,”_ Céline said with a chuckle.

 _“Maybe I should fork out the funds, from my own money but I don’t want Noémie to know it’s from me,”_ Adèle was thinking out loud.

 _“And why would you want to do that? Pray, tell?”_ Céline was genuinely surprised.

 _“Because if I did not leave her for Gisèle, she would never have gotten together with Jiminy Cricket. In a way, it’s my fault that he grifted into her life. I should have been there, I should have protected her,”_ Adèle said seriously.

 _“You can’t think that way. Noémie can make her own decisions. She’s a grown up. Yes, you were an asshole, but not every girl you dumped ended up dating somebody like him,”_ Céline tried to talk some sense into her. _“Also, if you fund the project, you would always be linked to him as well, and you wouldn’t want that.”_

 _“I guess you are right,”_ Adèle admitted.

 _“What would you do if Noémie called you tonight or tomorrow, telling you that she’s done with him and ready to start again where you two left off?”_ Céline and Adèle loved this game of _“what ifs”._

 _“First, I don’t think she will. But in the minuscule chance that she did, I don’t know. I’m kinda disgusted at her right now,”_ Adèle replied, then continued. _“But at the same time, I would want nothing more than to scoop her away from him, save her, be her hero. I still love her, Céline. But I am not ready to start loving the real Noémie again. Do you understand?”_

 _“Of course, I do, silly. I invented the poet’s choice, remember?”_ Céline laughed, and Adèle sadly laughed with her.

\---------------

 _“Are you going to be okay? Call me tomorrow?”_ Céline said as she was getting ready to get into the cab.

 _“Yeah, I will. We did a good thing today for the cause. Jiminy Cricket cannot take that away,”_ Adèle replied. _“Thank you, Céline. For always being there for me.”_

\---------------

That evening’s **_“Notes to Noé”_** was in equal parts full of pain and hope.

> _I don’t like him, your Gimi. Not only because he is with you, but also because I feel responsible. He is bad news, Noé, and I would tell that to your face if you asked me. And I was the one who left the back door open so he could claw his way into your life. I know, I am not that all powerful, and this has nothing to do with any misplaced sense of self-importance. And before you say anything, it has nothing to do with his race or his people. You know me better than that._
> 
> _But it has everything to do with your happiness, because believe it or not, I do wish the best for you, even if “the best” does not include me. I am learning to not be too self-centered, and it’s true what they say: love takes you out of yourself. He is not the best. I just have a weird feeling about him. He is not what you need, Noé. He is not what you deserve. I wish you could see that for yourself._
> 
> _Tonight, I am not going to talk about broken hearts and all that maudlin stuff. I have idealized you for so long, and I have forgotten that you too have your shortcomings. I’m writing this in jest, but there’s some trace of truth in it: Your taste has unbelievably deteriorated. How could you go from me – cute, adorable, me – to him? Enough, enough._
> 
> _If you were ever to read this document, this is probably the part where you would start laughing because I would never quote a Bible verse. You’re the good Catholic, I am nothing. But tonight, I hold on to these words, from that misogynistic SOB St. Paul:_
> 
> _“If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing._
> 
> _Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.  
> _ _It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;_  
>  _it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.  
> _ _It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  
> _ _Love never ends.”_


	59. Noemie's Dilemma

_***** Note: I got the idea for this story line from Andrea and Colette in "Call My Agent", Season 2. It's an awesome French comedy series and available on Netflix.**_

> _I will wait for your call, ma copine._

Noémie got Gimi’s text a few days after she kicked him out, and it unnerved her enough to block him. 

She had not been feeling well, but maybe because she had also been working very hard putting her affairs back in order. There were meetings with the distributor of “Shakira” and “Jumbo”, strategy sessions on the marketing campaign for “A Good Man”, and she had started reading scripts again and scheduling auditions.

And now she had to put her life back together – friends she had neglected because of Gimi and their all-consuming fuck sessions. She shuddered now just thinking about it. If she were a superstitious girl, she would have sworn that Gimi had put a hex on her that altered her reality. There had been urban legends about the Roma’s ability to do so. 

When she and Adèle were together, they both put Life360 on their phones, just so they knew where each other was. She had not removed it from her phone, and she checked and realized that she was still in Adèle’s circle. She smiled at the thought of Adèle’s aversion to technology, and thank Goddess for that because now she knew where to find her when the time was right.

And then came the morning sickness. And a week later, the missed period.

She checked her medicine cabinet and realized the slightly altered packs of her birth control pills. Fuck! She bought three different brands of pregnancy tests. All three returned the same result: she was pregnant.

She did not know what to think, much less what to do. She always wanted a child and she was almost 32 – she couldn’t get rid of it. Or maybe she should? Her entire life just flashed before her eyes – and she hated herself for getting into this situation.

> _Ma copine, am I a baby daddy yet?_

The text came from Gimi’s mother’s phone. She had to block her too. Her life was in an upheaval, but she was certain of one thing: if she could help it and if she kept the baby, Gimi would never be a part of her child’s life.

Noémie gave herself one day to cry – her life was about to change and she was alone. And there was only one person in the whole world she would want to raise a child with, and they were not even talking to each other.

\---------------------

Adèle was out running that gorgeous morning. No rehearsals, no meetings, and in the middle of the week, not a lot of people in the park either. After a few laps, she decided to head for home. She did not notice her at first – with a mask, it was hard to recognize anyone at first glance. But there was Noémie, sitting on a bench, looking at her. Waiting for her?

Yes, waiting for her.

 _"Hi Adèle,"_ Noémie stood up and took her mask off. 

And at that moment, a multitude of emotions hit her at the same time, she thought her heart would explode, and not in a good way.

 _“What are you doing here?”_ First reaction: surprise

 _“Can we talk?”_ Noémie asked.

 _“What for? Wouldn’t Gimi be looking for you?”_ Second reaction: anger

Noémie shook her head, _“He’s gone. He’s out of my life. I threw him out.”_

 _“Well, good for you. But what do you want?”_ Adèle was still on the 2nd reaction.

 _“Please Adèle, just sit down for a moment,”_ Noémie was almost pleading, it softened Adèle’s heart, and she sat down. Her heart was beating so hard out of her chest; she was sweaty and probably looked like a wet puppy, and Noémie smelled so nice. She turned towards her, waiting for what she was about to say. A thousand different scenarios ran through her head: she wanted to get back together, she was sorry, she left some stuff in her apartment and wanted them back, maybe she wanted to have coffee… maybe…

 _“I’m pregnant,”_ Noémie quietly said. Well, that surely was not one of the thousand different scenarios in her head.

 _“Uhm… congratulations?”_ Adèle honestly did not know what to say _. “But what does that have to do with me? Surely, it’s not mine,”_ she added in jest.

Third reaction: denial

 _“I just wanted to tell you first before I told anyone,”_ Noémie said sadly, before standing up to leave. _“Well, now you know. I don’t want to take any more of your time.”_

 _“Wait a minute! Sit down, please? Or let’s go get a cup of coffee?”_ Adèle’s heart would always welcome Noémie back, even if the rest of her was not ready. _“Or we can pick up something and bring it to my apartment,”_ Adèle said whilst rummaging through her shorts pocket. _“I have 12 Euros.”_

Now it was Noémie’s turn to be bashful, _“Let’s get some coffee. I’ll even pay.”_

\-----------------------

They sat outside with their coffee and croissant – Adèle insisted on paying. She had enough money with her to afford breakfast.

 _“How far along are you?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“I’m not sure, maybe a little over a month?”_ Noémie quietly said.

 _“What are you going to do? Are you going to keep it? Have you been to the doctor?”_ Adèle’s concern was genuine.

 _“I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do,”_ Noémie replied, before continuing. _“Look, I know you have your own life, and I don’t expect anything from you. We have both changed – I can see from your eyes how calm you are. And maybe you can see how much turmoil I am in.”_

Adèle looked at her and indeed saw how troubled she was.

 _“But I am alone. By choice. And you are the only person I want to turn to,”_ Noémie’s tears were now welling.

“ _Whew. This is too much! I just went out for a leisurely run this morning. I wasn’t expecting *this*!”_ Adèle’s head was spinning.

 _“I understand if you walk away now,”_ Noémie answered.

 _“I didn’t say I would walk away. I just said this is too much. Even for anyone without our history. And lest you forget, you were the one who walked away from me and got herself knocked up,”_ Adèle was still thinking of what to do.

Noémie waited for the other shoe to drop. She really did not blame Adèle; this was such a stupid thing to do, coming over to see her.

 _“Okay, how about this. I would be here if you need me. If you want someone to go with you to the doctor… something like that. That’s all I can offer right now, Noé. I am still reeling from this news. Part of me wants to hate you for being so stupid, but part of me wants to take you home and never let you go. When there are different warring parts, the best thing to do is to let things be. I don’t know if you’re here looking for a friend or your ex-girlfriend, and honestly, I don’t want to know right now. You asked me before for time and space and I gave it to you. Now I’m the one who needs the same time and space, except it’s harder for me, because now, I really cannot just ghost you. You have made me a part of this, all this,”_ Adèle was making circles in the air, _“and that may not be very fair to me, but I will never turn anyone away who needs my help.”_ Fourth reaction: bargaining

 _“But let me be clear: you and I? We’re not anything, okay? When wounds have healed, we would get to know each other again. Start from scratch. But I will give you my promise that no matter what you decide with this baby, I will support you. The baby is not part of our sordid history; it will be welcomed and loved by me, by the world when it makes its appearance,”_ Adèle finished her coffee and started to walk home.

 _“Please text, don’t call me,”_ she said as she headed out the door.

Noémie did not know what just happened. She felt the pain in Adèle’s voice, and it would take everything she’s got to win Adèle’s heart back. 


	60. Big Decision

Adèle had been pacing around her apartment since she got home, beset by conflicting emotions she could not control or understand. She was very upset at the thought of Noémie sleeping with a guy. _This is why I don’t date straight women! They tend to get pregnant!_ As a gay woman, Adèle felt so strongly that what Noémie had done was a betrayal of the highest order. But she was also to blame for the turn of events: she left because she couldn’t stand how calm their relationship was. She was not ready to settle down, and she felt that was where they were headed. And the truth was, she never stopped loving Noémie.

After another hour of pacing around, she did what she usually did – she called her best friend.

 _“Céline, I have a rather strange question, so please bear with me,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Adèle, I have come to expect nothing less from you. Go ahead,”_ Céline said.

 _“When you and Judith got together, you knew she had a son,”_ Adèle didn’t know how to phrase her question; uncomfortable silence.

 _“Where are you going with this?”_ Céline was kinda baffled and rather curious.

 _“How do you get along with him?”_ Adèle thought she should keep the question as succinct as possible.

 _“"Etienne is a great kid and we have a great relationship. We just took to each other, there was no drama. Judith told him that she and I are now together, and that was that. Kids are very resilient and non-judgmental,”_ Céline explained. _“What is this all about? Did you meet someone who has a child?”_

 _“No, no. Remember I told you I’ll just enjoy being single for a while? It’s actually very liberating,”_ Adèle said, almost excitedly, until she remembered Noémie’s predicament and her now presumed complicity.

 _“What are we talking about then? Context please,”_ Céline said.

 _“I’m sorry, I cannot give you any right now. It’s not my story to tell,”_ Adèle answered. It was a standard answer that Céline had gotten used to; Adèle was never in the habit of breaking confidences.

“ _D’accord. By the way, about Saturday’s protest. We have a rather big group by now. Judith is even coming, Gisèle is a yes. We will meet at Perchoir around 11am. When does your Libération interview with Aïssa come out?”_ Céline had completely changed gears.

 _“Tomorrow, 12 June. I think my mother is buying all the issues in Montreuil,”_ Adèle chuckled.

\-------------------

She was supposed to meet up with friends that afternoon to hang out, have dinner, then go clubbing. Although at 31, she no longer went out every night, and sometimes, even came home before midnight! But she cancelled because she wanted to be alone. There were a lot of things to think about and a lot of emotions to sift through. And when Adèle wanted, she could be methodical in her thinking process, not the maelstrom that was her normal state of mind. So she sat on her desk and started writing down her thoughts. Not on her _**“Notes to Noé”**_ document, but handwritten, on her trusted notebook.

The first and biggest question before she could proceed: Did she still love Noémie?

Answer: Of course, she did, she would always love her. She never had any physical tattoo; but Noémie’s name was inked in her heart, with a little arrow through. Sub question: _why would philosophers use the heart as the metaphor for love? If love was all consuming, why not use blood? Or the liver? The liver was a more appropriate body organ to symbolize love, because it’s bigger and more central to physiology._ Enough, first question answered, proceed to the next.

Second question: How did she feel about Noémie sleeping with Jiminy Cricket and getting pregnant by him?

Answer: She was disgusted, but in Noémie’s defense, they were not together when she and Jiminy hooked up. Noémie could have fucked a carnival ride and she would not have had any right to complain. Sub-question: Could she get over her disdain and Jiminy’s overall “yuck” factor? The answer was a hard pass; only time could tell. But her disdain would be an ephemeral thing if she really loved her. Second question answered, proceed to the next.

Third question: If she went all in, how would she feel about the child? Would she want to be involved in its life? 

Answer: The baby would come into this world as innocent as an angel. It would not bear the sin of its parents, nor the twist and turns of her relationship with its mother. All babies should be loved, no matter the race or color. _Yeah, she could live with that. Actually, she was warming up to the idea of raising a child with Noé; they could play ping-pong, build Lego castles and Millenium Falcons, and read plenty of books together_. Sub-question: _Would she prefer a girl or a boy? Why on earth would she ask herself that question? She didn’t even know if Noé would keep the baby._ Third question answered, proceed to the next.

The first 3 questions had been “macro” questions, meaning they could span a lifetime. Now it’s time to look at the present.

Fourth question: How involved did she want to be in Noé’s life at the moment? Because it seemed that that’s what Noé needed from and asked of her.

Answer: She did not have an answer. She was doing so well loving the memory of her – she wasn’t sure she was ready to build new memories. Yeah, she had been a jerk and hurt her, but she had also suffered in return. The balance of the universe would always hold, as Aristotle claimed. _Was it Aristotle? Or Plato? You reap what sow, what goes around comes around, etc. Maybe it was just one of those American sayings and not as steeped in Greek philosophy as she would want_. _Damn, Haenel, focus!_ Okay, moving on. The answer to this question was also a pass.

Tally so far: 2/4 questions answered.

Adèle was at an impasse, staring at her notebook, before she decided to go back many pages. And there it was, her prayer when Noémie was sick:

> _Dear God, please don’t let her die. I’m begging you. I love her, I have always loved her. I just did not know how. Please, God, one more chance. And I promise with everything I’ve got that I will never let her down again._

_“I will never let her down again…”_ Yeah, she promised. And not just to anyone, she promised Le Dieu himself/herself. She better keep the promise.

Fifth question: How could she “ _not let Noémie down_ ” while maintaining her emotional distancing?

Answer: This was a tough one: she could wait for her text messages, or she could send the first text to ask her how she was doing. That would be safe and distant enough, wouldn’t it? _Friendly, but not too friendly. Yeah, she would do that. Today. No, tomorrow would be better. Wait, maybe the weekend. For fuck’s sake, Haenel! Focus!_ That was the answer then: casual communication while maintaining emotional distance. She was just not ready, and if Noémie asked, she would be very honest. Good enough, now proceed to the next question.

Sixth question: What would she be giving up if she were to go all in in the next 8 months?

Answer: To be fair, this question was an imperfect question. She did not know the details of what Noémie expected from her. Was she supposed to give her belly rubs at night before she could go clubbing? Was she supposed to attend the birthing classes? Wouldn’t that be a hoot? _Lesbians everywhere would lose their minds if a picture of her and Noémie in Lamaze class would ever leak out. She would need the facility to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement. She should talk to a lawyer about that_. _Damn, Haenel! Your mind keeps wandering_. This question would need to be discussed with Noémie.

Seventh question: Would she be allowed to date again?

Answer: Why would she want to do that? Please see answer to Question 1. But there was a follow up question to this, a BIG one: How did Noémie feel about her? Did she still feel the same? Did she still love her? Aha, that was the question, wasn’t it? And did she want to know the answer? Another hard pass, because she did not know the impact it would have on her. At the moment, she wasn’t ready to transition from being a poet to being a lover. That she was sure of.

\--------------

After she was done writing all her questions and concerns, she realized that she had used a big chunk of the _Adèle_ notebook.

Conclusion: She would go **all in** while maintaining emotional and social distancing from Noémie. _So wish me luck, world,_ she told herself.

\--------------

Noémie got a copy of Libération with Adèle and Aïssa on the cover. She read the article with so much pride, because once upon a time, that girl on the right was hers. And of all the things she could learn from her, she learned to fuck things up. Good job, Noé.

MC had called her and they both decided to march that Saturday. They would meet at the lobby of her flat and would take the metro to Place de la République. She had not told her; she had not told anyone. Adèle was the only person in the world who knew her condition.

\------------------

MC was already in the lobby and before she went down, she checked her Life360. Adèle was on her way to 11ème, and she deduced that she would be meeting her group at Perchoir. _Stalker!_ she told herself.

 _“MC, let’s have brunch before we go to the March,”_ Noémie asked Marie-Castille.

 _“Sure, where to you want to go?”_ MC answered.

 _“Do you remember Perchoir? Near my old flat in Marais? They have reopened and their weekend brunch is awesome,”_ Noémie said innocently.

 _“Allons y. Your hair is getting long! I like it! And you are glowing,”_ MC remarked. Noémie turned very red, but all she could do was smile.

 _“Where is Gimi?”_ MC continued her clueless questions.

 _“It’s over. C’est finis.”_ Noémie was curt.

 _“Good! I never told you, but I did not like him. I could not understand what you saw in him. He was crass and pre-pubescent. But if you loved him…”_ MC said with a sigh of relief.

 _“I didn’t love him. I never did. We just had sex,”_ Noémie’s answer was so blunt that it was now MC’s turn to blush and change the subject.

\------------------

Adèle and her group were already at one of the outside patios of Perchoir when Noémie and MC walked in.

 _“Should we say hi to them?”_ MC asked. Noémie shook her head, but chose a table where she knew Adèle could see her. But then she saw that Gisèle was also there. Whereas she could stay centered before, she now felt this seething jealousy. Gisèle was the reason Adèle left her the last time. She did not know that Adèle and Gisèle had broken up, because by then, she had started her Gimi-induced sexual haze and did not have any meaningful chat with any of their mutual friends; she was so busy having sex, or planning about sex, or waiting to have sex, or listening to Gimi talk about sex. 

Adèle was having a grand time with the group, and it was a good group. Gisèle whispered to her that Noémie was inside the main dining area. She looked and saw her through the glass wall, which made her heart skip a beat and her knee buckle a little. Gisèle saw it and held her arm to steady her.

But from where Noémie was sitting, all she could see was Gisèle with her arms around Adèle, and she was so jealous that she wanted to get drunk. Screw the protest, she could stay at Perchoir and get slushed. The waiter brought out their drinks first – a bloody mary for her and champagne for MC. She lit a cigarette while waiting for their food to come.

It happened so fast.

Adèle was almost running and then grabbed the cigarette from her hand and took her bloody mary away. She was surprised, MC was surprised, and Adèle’s entire group did not even realize she had gone in.

 _“What are you doing?”_ Adèle asked, not very loudly, just enough for her and MC to hear.

Noémie did not say anything, and after dropping the full glass of bloody mary at the bar and putting off Noémie’s cigarette on the ground, Adèle went back to her group.

From the outside looking in, it was not a remarkable scene – it almost looked like Adèle just went over to say hello to Noémie. And the group outside simply carried on as before. No one saw Adèle when she made the horizontal“V” sign, pointed it towards her eyes then towards the main dining room at Noémie who was also looking at her. Universal gesture to say _I'm watching you, don’t do anything stupid._

MC did not know what to think. Céline was observing very intently and had an idea of what was going on. Gisèle concluded that Adèle still loved Noémie. They were the only 3 people who saw what happened for what it was.

They did not march together – Noémie and MC were in the crowd while Adèle and company were at the front of the protest. Noémie and MC left before dark while Adèle hanged out with her group. The clips and pictures did not tell the whole story. And it was better that way.


	61. Kicking Ass

***** Note: I do appreciate your feedback, please leave comments, so I know you're out there. Future** **updates will probably be once or twice a week, so please keep posting your ideas.**

**Also, Reader _No_Body_ , we have a deal. Where are you?**

It was early Sunday morning, Noémie was in the bathroom throwing up – damn morning sickness – when her phone rang. She did not answer and went back to bed instead, and then it rang again. It was Céline and it wasn’t a phone call; Céline was FaceTiming her. She answered the call reluctantly – she probably looked like a wreck, but oh well, it’s Céline and she wouldn’t mind.

 _“Did I wake you up?”_ Céline was in the outside patio at her house, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette.

 _“No, no, it’s okay. I was already up but went back to bed because I felt sick,”_ Noémie groggily said, puffy hair all over the place.

 _“I see,”_ Céline said. _“Noémie, I have to ask you a few questions, and I hope you don’t mind, but I need you to be very honest with me.”_

 _“Did Adèle tell you anything?”_ Noémie asked.

 _“No, she didn’t. This is all me. First question, are you still with Gimi?”_ Céline had a list of questions.

 _“Not anymore. I can’t say we broke up, because there was nothing to break in the first place,”_ Noémie answered.

 _“So, it was just sex,”_ Céline was as blunt as ever. _“And please tell me if the question is out of line and I will stop.”_

 _“Yes, it was just sex,”_ Noémie admitted.

 _“Are you pregnant?”_ Céline’s coup de grace question. Noémie closed her eyes for a while, not sure how to answer, and without realizing it, tears rolled down her cheeks.

 _“Yes,”_ she finally said.

 _“Are you keeping it?”_ Céline’s follow up question was equally direct to the point.

 _“Honestly, I don’t know yet,”_ Noémie replied. She was now fully awake and sitting in her king-sized bed.

 _“And did you tell Adèle about this? That you’re pregnant,”_ Céline was reaching the end of her list before the big speech.

 _“She’s the only one who knows in the entire world, well, now aside from you,”_ Noémie said.

 _“D’accord. Now, Noémie, listen to me,”_ Céline was staring right at the phone, her gaze so intent that it felt like she was in the room with her.

 _“Adèle has had a tough time with your relationship. Maybe it’s just her growing up and taking things more to heart, I don’t know. But I know how hard she has been trying to be a better person, and everyone around her can see the difference. She is calmer, more centered, even kinder. This business with Gimi tore her apart, but she would never say **No** to you. If you asked her for her left kidney, she’d give you both, and that’s only because she still loves you. But she needs time to heal, Noémie. Both of you need time to heal. You two cannot jump back into a relationship when both of you are broken. That’s not a very auspicious start. And if you kept this child, it deserves better than two broken people raising it,”_ Céline was very solemn.

 _“What are you trying to say, Céline? That I should not involve her in all this? She is the only person I will want to be with me on this journey,”_ Noémie said sadly.

 _“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I am asking you to tread lightly. I’m asking you to please not pull her in completely. Let her come to you, and she will, little by little. You and I saw what she did yesterday at Perchoir. There would be many more small moments like that one, but it will be on Adèle’s time. She is like your baby – they both have their own timeline which is completely foreign to normal people like us. Because you know how she reacts to pressure – she left you because she thought you two were too happy. And if she is forced into doing more than what she is willing, you will completely lose her again,”_ Céline said.

 _“I am not asking her to get back together with me. That’s out of the question, especially with Gisèle still in the picture. I have been making so many bad decisions lately, but I will never do anything to deliberately hurt Adèle. I hope you know that by now,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“I know – you have not done anything to hurt her purposely. But the two of you – you can hurt each other by simply breathing. But for what it’s worth, the pain you cause is directly proportional to the love you feel. And she and Gisèle broke up about a month ago. Adèle has the special gift of maintaining a friendship with women she had dated, because she is so damn charming. You are the exception, and sometimes I ask myself why, but I know the answer full well. Allors, should we have dinner sometime? Is there anything I can help you with while you sort these things out? Do you have a good Ob-gyn? I can ask Judith’s who hers was,”_ Céline was now on her 2nd cigarette.

 _“Thank you, Céline. Yes, dinner would be nice,”_ Noémie finally smiled.

\------------------------

Adèle went for a run that morning – it always cleared her head and she was still angry and very bothered by Noémie’s actions at Perchoir. _Why would she drink alcohol and smoke? Those are so bad for the baby_ , she told herself. _What would it do to the baby if she kept smoking and drinking? That is so irresponsible. Gah! I am so angry right now._

She was going to meet her brother for Sunday brunch near his apartment in 13ème, and she decided that she and Noémie needed to talk. She would not be able to fully calm down until they did.

> Adèle  
> If you want me to help you, we need some ground rules. Can I meet you later this afternoon?
> 
> Noémie  
> Sure. Do you want me to come over?
> 
> Adèle  
> No, I’m having brunch near your place. Can you text me your address?
> 
> Noémie  
> I will. What is your ETA?
> 
> Adèle  
> Probably around 15:00. I will text you when I’m on my way.

\------------------------

 _“Julia lives a few blocks away,”_ Adèle remarked as she surveyed Noémie’s neighborhood from the balcony.

 _“Yeah, we used to go walking out in the park when she’s not touring,”_ Noémie replied. She was sitting on the couch, watching as Adèle continued pacing, going out to the balcony, back inside, to the kitchen to look at the pantry… _“Do you want anything to drink?”_ she finally asked.

 _“I shouldn’t drink around you,”_ Adèle surveyed the wine refrigerator in the dining room.

 _“Then please sit down. You’re making me dizzy,”_ Noémie said.

 _“No, I won’t sit down. I mean… I can’t sit down. I need to walk to put my thoughts in order,”_ Adèle continue pacing, albeit at slower phase. “ _Okay, Noé, I have had time to think and absorb things. **I’m in. All in.** But it’s not unconditional. In fact, if you don’t like the conditions I am about to lay out, we can call the whole thing off.”_

 _“D’accord,”_ Noémie smiled when she heard the words **_I'm in._**

 _“ I will write all these down and email you a copy, so we can both keep our ends, okay?”_ Adèle pulled out a folded napkin from her pocket and went through the list that she created after brunch with her brother.

  * _No smoking. This is an honor system, because obviously, I won’t be with you all the time to police you._
  * _No alcohol. Again, honor system. I know we’re French and we have wine in our veins, but you cannot drink alcohol, okay?_
  * _You will go to your doctor regularly. I will go with you to make sure everything is alright and you are keeping your appointments. So I need your Ob-gyn’s name and number._
  * _You will put me as the person to call in case of emergency, just for the OB-Gyn._
  * _You shall have a healthy diet. I don’t know yet what that will be. I haven’t researched it. But once I have, you and I will go to the supermarket. Or if you can research it, please send me the materials and I will go through them. And if you don’t want me to go to the supermarket with you, that is okay too._
  * _I need a key to your apartment. This is purely for emergency, for when…”_



Adèle was still talking when the door lock turned and in came Gimi.

 _“Ma copine!”_ he went straight to Noémie and tried to kiss her.

 _“What the hell, Gimi? Get away from me!”_ Noémie screamed.

 _“You heard her. Get away from her!”_ Adèle was almost running towards them to get him off Noé.

Gimi stood up and faced Adèle and taunted, _“And if I don’t, what are you going to do?”_

 _“THIS!”_ Adèle’s left hook hit him squarely in the jaw. _“DO YOU WANT MORE?”_

 _“I don’t fight girls,”_ Gimi said as he was trying to feel if his right jaw had been dislocated.

 _“STAY AWAY FROM HER! AND IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU HAVE NOT, I WILL KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD, IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”_ Adèle now had her face up close to his.

 _“You’re a bitch! A lesbian bitch!”_ Gimi said as he spit on Adèle’s face.

 _“DON’T YOU KNOW,”_ Adèle yelled as her right hook caught the other side of his jaw, “ _THAT BODILY FLUIDS CAN TRANSFER COVID?”_ Gimi fell to the ground after Adèle kneed him in the groin and hit him right in the balls _, “AND WHAT YOU JUST DID IS ILLEGAL AND I CAN HAVE YOU ARRESTED? YOU DON’T SPIT ON PEOPLE, JIMINY CRICKET!”_

Adèle didn’t kick people when they’re down, so she helped him get up and then pushed him out of the door.

 _“DO NOT EVER COME BACK!”_ Adèle screamed at him, before turning to Noémie. _“What the fuck Noé! You didn’t have your locks changed? I am not leaving until it is changed! I’m going downstairs to talk to your doorman now.”_

Determined to maintain both emotional and social distance, Adèle waited for the locksmith in the lobby and read a book whilst intermittently chatting with the doorman. The locksmith came after a couple of hours and changed the locks; he handed Noémie the keys, and then gave a spare one to Adèle.

 _“I’m going,”_ Adèle said after the locksmith left. “ _I will email you the conditions, and I need you to sign at the bottom of the page. We will both sign. That way, it will be binding. There will be codicil as needed. And what you did at Perchoir yesterday? That is an absolute deal breaker.”_

Noémie stood up and approached her as she was heading to the door. _"Thank you, Adèle. I'm going to kiss you now, okay?_ "

Adèle just about melted, but she turned so Noémie could only kiss her on the cheeks.

\--------------

Adèle was trying to recall the other conditions she had written before Jiminy Cricket barged in. Maybe she wouldn’t include these in the official list she would send; they betrayed her heart:

  * _You and I will go to Lamaze class together so I can be your breathing coach_
  * _I will be present during labor and will cut the umbilical cord_
  * _The name of the baby will be subject to my input and approval_



No, she would leave those conditions out.


	62. Terms and Conditions

_***** FILLER CHAPTER. Seriously, need your feedback and suggestions. It's not easy to come up with this shit sometimes**_

> from: Adèle H. <Big.Giant.Baby.Adèle.H@gmail.com>  
> to: NMerlant <N.Merlant88@mail.fr>  
> cc: Céline <CSiamma@liliesfilms.co.fr>  
> date: 15 June 2020, 3:05 AM  
> subject: Support Agreement
> 
> This Agreement is between Noemie Merlant (Petitioner) and Adele Haenel (Respondent) and is valid from the date it is signed until 30 days following the safe delivery of the Petitioner’s child.
> 
> The Petitioner has requested the Respondent’s presence and assistance in the course of her pregnancy. The Respondent has agreed to such request, subject to the following:
> 
> PETITIONER
> 
>   * ON HER HONOR, the Petitioner promises to cease smoking during the course of the pregnancy
>   * ON HER HONOR, the Petitioner promises to not drink any alcoholic beverage during the course of the pregnancy
>   * ON HER HONOR, the Petitioner will not engage in any physical activities that may be harmful to the baby
>   * ON HER HONOR, the Petitioner promises to consume only healthy food that will benefit her and the baby
>   * The Petitioner will consult with an Obstetrician within 7 days after signing this agreement, and will inform Responder of when and where all appointments will be held
>   * The Petitioner will inform Respondent on all medical visits regarding the pregnancy
>   * As a precautionary measure and to ensure Respondent’s full involvement, Petitioner will designate Responder as the Obstetrician’s emergency contact
> 

> 
> RESPONDENT
> 
>   * Respondent will accompany Petitioner to all her medical appointments; if Responder is not available, a mutually-agreed upon substitute will accompany Petitioner
>   * Respondent will be available to Petitioner 24/7; if Responder has prior important engagements, a mutually-agreed upon person will take her place
> 

> 
> PETITIONER AND RESPONDER
> 
>   * Both parties agree to inform each other of out-of-town travels, to be communicated via SMS
> 

> 
> This document may not be legally binding, but it is a formal agreement to which both parties have agreed upon. Failure to adhere to these conditions will result in the termination of this agreement.
> 
> Signed on __ of June 2020
> 
> \-----------------------------   
> N. Merlant (Petitioner)
> 
> \-----------------------------  
> A. Haenel (Respondent) 
> 
> Witness:
> 
> \-----------------------------
> 
> C. Sciamma

Adèle was staring at her computer screen, vacillating whether to send the email, thinking of all the ways her life would change, and whether they would be for the better.

\----------------

After leaving Noémie’s flat, she met with old friends and did the usual: hanged out, had dinner, went clubbing.

The bartender at the 3W Kafe club was particularly cute, and Adèle being Adèle couldn’t help but flirt.

 _“Hey, can I have a shot of vodka and your phone number?”_ Adèle said.

 _“I’ll give you the vodka now, you can have my phone number later,”_ Cute Bartender Chick (CBC) said. She recognized Adèle, and she thought that she was even more beautiful in person.

 _“Can I sit here at the bar then?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“What about your friends?”_ CBC replied.

 _“Oh, they won’t mind,”_ Adèle said and smiled her most gorgeous smile that just about knocked CBC to the ground.

It was a Sunday during Pride month, and Paris was filled with rainbow-colored masked revelers, all just emerging from cabin fever, all ready to party.

 _“Well, I will open a tab for you then,”_ CBC said.

 _“I was just joking about the phone number,”_ Adèle retorted, to CBC’s disappointment. She was about to go into introspective zone, and no amount of noise or distraction could prevent her from doing so.

She was scared and excited in equal measure, neither of which thrilled her. She was determined to maintain her emotional and social distance, but how could you do that to someone you had loved with all your heart? Was it possible to compartmentalize? Be the poet and not the lover, when all she wanted was to take Noémie in her arms? And she almost did, until Gimi pulled her back, allowed her to put the armor again. The facts remained: Gimi got Noémie pregnant, the child would always carry half his DNA, and he would always be a part of Noémie’s and the child’s life. And by default hers, if she chose to stay.

 _“You’re deep in thoughts,”_ CBC pulled her out of her reverie.

 _“Yeah… what time is it?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Just after midnight. Your friends left about an hour ago,”_ CBC said.

 _“Fuck them. Let me ask you something… what would you do if your ex needed you to be a part of their life, something long term, and you still love them, but the two of you broke up almost a year ago?”_ Adèle mused.

 _“Hhhmmm, that’s a tough question. Do they still love you?”_ CBC asked.

 _“I don’t know, and I don’t want it as a part of the equation. I do not want feelings, mine or hers to be a part of the equation,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“I don’t think that’s possible, no? We feel things whether we like it or not. That’s what makes us human. May I ask something? Is she The One?”_ CBC retorted, now curious as to whom Adèle was talking about.

The question surprised Adèle and she answered what she knew from her gut, _“Yes, I would say so. But we also keep breaking each other’s heart.”_

 _“You are lucky, and I could tell you answered without hesitation. Listen, so many people go through life without knowing. You do, so that’s already Adele 1, World 0. Sometimes, we have to fight for those we love, even if we fight against ourselves. I can also tell that you are very confused by the whole thing,”_ CBC said thoughtfully.

 _“Really? How can you tell?”_ Adèle was rather curious.

 _“I’m a bartender, it’s our job. So, when I say ‘take your time’, I say that with gravitas. You’ll know when the stars align. We can learn a lot from homing pigeons – they always know when it’s time to come home,”_ CBC said.

 _“Now I do want your number,”_ Adèle joked.

 _“And now, I do not want to give it to you. Vivienne,_ ” CBC held out her hand.

 _“Adèle,”_ she took CBC’s hand to shake it.

 _“I know. As the movie said, ‘everything will be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, then it’s not yet the end’. You take your time, but don’t take too much, and everything will be alright,”_ Vivienne smiled.

\----------------------

Adèle hit send.


	63. Celine Knows, Part 3

_***** Please keep the ideas coming. Thanks!!!** _

To avoid any unnecessary exposure to CoVid and to allow the three of them to meet freely and privately, Céline invited Adèle and Noémie to her place for dinner. The three, who have not been together since the night of the Cesar, finally were in the same place at the same time again. Since her name was on Adèle’s _Pregnancy Terms and Conditions_ document, she wanted to make sure they were all on the same page.

The two arrived separately, and they all settled in the library while a home chef was preparing dinner. Céline popped a bottle of Dom Pérignon. For Noé, Adèle asked for a bottle of Perrier and poured it into one of the champagne flutes.

“ _Allors, cheers! To the three of us! Salut!_ ” Céline raised her glass. She was determined to make it into a nice evening, despite the palpable tension between her two guests. She then printed four copies of Adèle’s email for all of them to sign.

“ _We will all keep a copy, and the last one I will give to my lawyer for safe keeping, d’accord?_ ” Céline said, before asking, “ _Noémie, have you decided whether you will keep the baby or not? Because if you aren’t, then we don’t need to sign anything now, do we? This is not binding and you have the right to choose later, so no pressure._ ”

Adèle turned to look at Noémie, who in turned looked at her. Wordlessly, Adèle’s gaze comforted her, telling her it’s going to be okay.

“ _Yes, yes, I will keep the baby,_ ” Noémie declared. Without thinking, Adèle broke into a big smile and gave her a hug. Céline soon followed. For a few seconds, the three of them were together, just like old times, celebrating life in each other’s arms, tears of joy in their eyes. Words were not needed, and words were not enough to describe the moment, but if Adèle were asked later, after she had recovered from the sheer joy that enveloped all of them, she would say it was like the forces of physics brought the electron, proton, and neutron back into the same orbit to form a perfect atom.

“ _Do any of you want to go over the document? From now on, you are both bound by the terms and conditions that Adèle sent at… 3am? Were you drunk when you wrote this, Adèle?_ ” Céline raised one of her eyebrows, which meant she was seriously skeptical of the writer’s state of mind.

 _“No,”_ Adèle said… and because she couldn’t lie, “ _Voilà. Maybe a little. But I was not drunk when I wrote the original list!”_

 _“She wasn’t. She showed it to me – the original was written on a paper napkin,”_ Noémie added.

 _“I think that napkin should be framed,”_ Céline said jokingly.

 _“I’ve already thought of it,”_ Adèle said seriously. _“And the ‘designated person’ to take my place if I’m not available, that will be you Céline.”_

 _“Oh, believe me, I know,”_ Céline replied and looked at Noémie, who was now blushing in 20 shades of red.

 _“I’m sorry… I had no input on this document,”_ Noémie later said.

 _“But you will not be alone. You have the two of us right now,”_ Céline added.

 _“Which means you need to see a doctor this week. It’s right there on the document,”_ Adèle interjected _. “You will see a doctor within 7 days after signing the document.”_

 _“Hmmm, I have a photo call with Zoé Wittock this Friday. I might not have time to make an appointment,”_ Noémie was going through her schedule in her phone. _“I don’t have an obstetrician yet.”_

 _“I can get you an appointment whenever you want. I just remembered that my cousin is the Head of OB-Gyn at Hôpital Necker in Montparnasse,”_ Céline said. _“Let me text her now.”_

 _“Montparnasse – that’s not too far from where you live, Noémie. Far for me, but it’s okay,”_ Adèle said.

 _“She can see you tomorrow afternoon. Should I tell her around 14:00? Noémie, Adèle, are you free?”_ Céline asked.

 _“I’m supposed to have rehearsals at Gisèle’s, but I can bag it,”_ Adèle replied. 

_“I can make it at 14:00,”_ Noémie said as she started creating a new *ICE (In case of emergency) contact in her phone.

“ _Dr. Marie-Claire Bertillon, her office is in Room 7B in the doctors’ pavilion, and her phone number is…”_ Céline wrote down the information on a piece of stationery.

“ _Can you please write it down for me too?”_ Adèle asked.

Céline smiled… Adèle was really all in. It’s cute, but she’s worried.

\-----------------------

Céline called a taxi for Noémie after dinner, while Adèle went back in her trusted bike. She didn’t realize it, but she was grinning like an idiot. When she got to her flat, she didn’t notice, but she was bouncing. Later on, when she had quieted down, she would recognize the feeling for what it was, something that seemed so familiar yet foreign: she was happy.

Noémie couldn’t sleep – she was also cautiously happy, but at the same time unsure of everything, especially after she found out that Gisèle and Adèle were still working on that blasted play. She was so helplessly jealous, but what could she do? She and Adèle were not together, and she was now questioning her decision to involve her in anything. Not if she would end up with her heart broken again. If anything, time and space and her misadventure with Gimi simply enforced her feelings – that she was still in love with Adèle. But if she felt they were in unequal terms before – she was shy and not very worldly, the opposite of Adèle – they were now in almost a servitude relationship, the _Petitioner_ , as written in the document. They would never be equal: she was the one got knocked up, she was the one who asked for help, and she would be the one indebted to Adèle for the rest of her life.

She didn’t like how the chess board looked.

She laid awake, going through different scenarios in her head. In a few hours, the morning sickness would again kick her in the ass. But tonight, she’s wondering - what happened to her? She used to be able to rise above it all. She used to be at peace with herself and the world. She used to be Adèle’s unicorn, for fuck’s sake. Now she knew how Eve felt when she was cast out of the garden of Eden – she lost her innocence when she got on with Gimi. An oxymoron, since she was older and should have been the worldlier of the two. But she didn’t blame him – she jumped into the situation with full consent. She let him manipulate her, and she didn’t see him for what he was: a grifter. She tried to run away and hide from the one person she loved more than anyone in the entire universe, and got lost in the process.

\-----------------------

Adèle was out for a run when her phone beeped:

> Noémie  
> I can’t make it to the doctor’s. I feel so sick. I will call and cancel when they open at 10am.

Adèle looked at her Apple watch – it was only 8am. She ran to her flat, showered, and was soon on the Metro on her way to Noémie’s flat. The doorman let her in – after bonding together whilst waiting for the locksmith, they were now best buds. She knocked on the door but there was no answer, so she let herself in.

 _“Noémie, where are you?”_ she called out as she headed to the bedroom, when she heard her wretch from the bathroom, and found her on the floor.

 _“Hey, are you okay,”_ Adèle asked as she kneeled to rub Noémie’s back.

 _“No…”_ Noémie tried to get the words out before she started throwing up again. It went on for a while, which left her spent. She sat on the floor and started sobbing.

“ _Hey…”_ Adèle sat next to her, and the dam just burst and she cried and heaved on Adèle’s shoulder.

 _“I never should have involved you in this,”_ she said in between sobs.

 _“Why would you say that? I told you I’m all in,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“But you’re still working with Gisèle, and I just know you would get back together. And where would that leave me again?”_ Noémie was still inconsolable and her hormones were raging.

 _“I broke up with Gisèle, but she and I will always be friends,”_ Adèle was not used to a jealous Noémie, and the suggestion that any relationship she might have from now on would break Noémie made her recoil. She had to set the boundaries as soon as possible.

 _“And you and I will always be friends too,”_ Adèle said, emphasis on the friends. Noémie got the message loud and clear. Despite her fall from unicorn status, she could still understand what Adèle was saying between the lines. She remembered Céline’s advice: _don’t ask for things she’s not willing to give, or you would lose her again_.

 _“Thank you,”_ Noémie said as she tried to stand up, but she was so weak so Adèle helped her to bed.

 _“Please don’t cancel the appointment. You need to see a doctor,”_ Adèle said softly as she tucked Noémie back to bed. _“I’ll be outside, if you need anything.”_

Noémie weakly smiled as she went back to sleep. When she woke up, she went outside and found Adèle with a few bags of groceries in the kitchen. 

_“Some green juice, fresh vegetables, fruits…”_ Adèle said as she was carefully washing the items before putting them in the refrigerator crisper. _“Also got you some fresh croissants… I reckoned you might be hungry when you wake up. Not sure if coffee is in the approved beverage list, I have to look it up. For now, you just have to drink some chocolate milk.”_

Noémie smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek, _“Thank you.”_

\--------------------

 _“Do you want to see the baby? It’s still very tiny, but the heartbeat sounds good,”_ Dr. Bertillon said as she showed them a tiny white blob while moving the ultrasound wand around Noémie's tummy. “ _I think you are 6 weeks along,”_ the doctor added.

Adèle didn’t care about chronology – if she did, it would break her heart. Noémie was counting backwards… but she really couldn’t tell when she conceived, simply because she and Gimi were having sex at least three times a day. At least. She gave as much as she took – it wasn’t just Gimi. She was totally complicit and insatiable herself. The thought made her wince; totally cringe-worthy memory.

 _“For the morning sickness, I’m going to write you a script,”_ Dr. Bertillon continued.

 _“What about diet and exercise? Do you have any literature that you can share?”_ Adèle asked, her focus back on the baby.

 _“I will print out some stuff – but remember, whatever you eat will be what the baby eats too, so plenty of vegetables. Also, drink plenty of water, the baby needs to be hydrated. From now on, you will be eating for two,”_ the doctor said to both of them. _“And I will see you in a month.”_

\-----------------------

 _“Are you going to be okay going home by yourself?”_ Adèle asked after the appointment.

 _“Yes. Thank you,”_ Noémie said sincerely.

 _“Text if you need anything,”_ Adèle said before she walked towards the metro. She did not understand why, but she needed to be as far away as possible from Noémie at the moment. _Shit was real, the baby was real, and Dear Lord, what did she get herself into?_


	64. Inside Adele's Head

* _ **** CHAPTER UPDATED. I had fun writing this. Please keep the suggestions coming.**_

 _“GIRL! Where have you been all week?”_ one of Adèle’s friends called her to try and meet up in another club.

 _“It’s the middle of the week! And I just saw you all last Sunday!”_ Adèle replied. She was in no mood to go out.

 _“Going to church to take communion, are you?”_ her friend teased her, referencing the Portrait movie, which pinched Adèle’s heart a little.

 _“Fuck you! I’ll see you guys later,”_ Adèle said as she hung up the phone.

She just got back from taking Noémie to the doctor, and an unbelievable pall just overcame her. She’s not sure what it was but she had an idea why. Everything was so new, so foreign, all outliers: being responsible for mother and child, still harboring deep feelings for the mother-to-be, wanting her freedom but afraid to venture too far. Fear was something she had conquered a long time ago. After Ruggia, nobody, and she meant NOBODY, could ever make her feel afraid ever again. But now, she was in unchartered territory and it scared the heck out of her.

Adèle had learned to slow the synapses whenever her brain would go at a 100 miles per hour – that lockdown retreat really helped. She put on some soothing music – she chose her Hélène Grimaud playlist – closed her eyes, and emptied her thoughts.

Now if you believed for a second that Adèle Haenel could empty her thoughts, you are utterly, sadly, hopelessly mistaken.

For the uninitiated, Adèle’s stream of consciousness:

> _Hélène Grimaud is hot. And a lefty. Too bad she’s going out with that German guy. But good for her. I need to practice my German. Maybe I should go home to see Papa this weekend, talk in German. I can re-read Goethe. Or Nietzsche. “The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.” “Je höher wir uns erheben, um so kleiner erscheinen wir denen, welche nicht fliegen können.” How on earth did Céline translate it to “fugere non possum”? That was an awesome piece of music… too bad they had to set me on fire. Noémie looked really hot in that scene. The edits only showed the reverse shot, they did not see what I saw. I was already so in love with her then. When did I start loving her? I’m not really sure… it seemed like I was already in the middle by the time I realized it. Wasn’t that a line from Pride and Prejudice? Mr. Darcy and Miss Bennett’s post engagement small talk. The BBC series is so much better than that movie with Keira Knightley. For a short book, 6 hours was not even enough to tell the story. I wonder what Jane Austen would feel if she knew all the book clubs and movies she had engendered? Did she really die a virgin? They said the same thing about Queen Elizabeth I, but I bet that’s not true. Still, for a woman, she ruled England pretty well. Women should be in charge of the world. Except Marine LePen – she should not even be in charge of a kid’s party. What kind of kid’s party would Noé’s kid have? If I could have any say on it, they would be one of those American themed kid parties, like Avengers. Wait, didn’t I say Avengers is shit? I did. Maybe a Lego themed party then. I’m so glad Maman saved my old Legos. I could share it with him. Or her. It’s not important. It will be a little person, hopefully with Noé’s eyes. They are the most bewitching eyes. I don’t know if she knew that she took my breath away every time I looked into her eyes. She thought I was just testing her… especially in Brittany. She was so gorgeous, my heart felt like floating out of my chest. That evening we spent drinking at the hotel... she looked away when I stared at her. I was already drunk so it became a game. Was that when I fell in love with her? I don’t know but that vodka was awesome. French vodka is the best. Grey Goose. Which is really an abomination when you realize that it is made from potatoes and not French grapes. French grapes are the best. Noé called me a croître – growing grape. Baby grapes. Babies… I have to ask Maman if I was a good baby. Well, she did not complain, so I must have been. I don’t know anything about babies. I should talk to Aïssa – she raised two of them. Aïssa is really cool. I’m so happy we became friends. I’m glad I texted her – I just knew it would be the start of a beautiful friendship. I should text Noé to make sure she got home safe. Wait, I shouldn’t. I’m emotional distancing. Why am I emotional distancing again? Oh yeah, because if I don’t, I would fall head over heels in love with her again and it would be like a shooting star that burned so brightly so fast then faded away as quickly. I still do not have full control of my emotions. I’m getting there, though. Maybe this pregnancy thing would actually be a good thing, for both of us. Build a real friendship, not be focused on each other but on that little person we are yet to meet. Dear Lord, I hope he or she doesn’t look like Gimi. But whether I like it or not, Gimi is the father. Why him, Noé? Will I ever be able to look past Gimi? Ugh, the thought of him and Noé naked… barf worthy. Barfing… I hope Noé filled her prescription. She looked so sick and so pale this morning, I just wanted to take her in my arms and protect her from everything. But I cannot do that. We have to be friends. Like real good friends. Like the trolls I call friends. Maybe I should meet them. It’s still light outside and here I am inside my flat, listening to Girl Crush Hélène Grimaud. Wait, I’m gay, so just Crush Hélène Grimaud. I would really want to see her in a live concert. I should check out her website. Too bad she’s a lot older. No, it’s awesome she’s a lot older. She should be gay. I’d date her in a second, and she lives in Berlin, so that’s a bonus. Maybe I should move to Germany. Nah, I could always visit, but France is my home. An apartment in Berlin would be nice though. I would have loved to go through Checkpoint Charlie, but the wall fell on the year I was born. That must have been such a momentous event. If I had a time machine and could witness any event in history, what would it be? The day the monarchy fell? Too bloody. A time machine… what if we just live in an infinite number of parallel universes? And the time machine is what could travel through those portholes? Every second of our lives repeated in another world. A gazillion different universes, where my multiple doppelgangers live every second of my life, but one second behind. Like the last second… when I just thought of the word doppelganger. Then the next doppelganger would be 2 seconds behind the first. A new doppelganger would be created every time I move through the time-space continuum. I would take the time machine to Brittany and replay every second I spent with Noé. But I cannot think like that. I would take the time machine forward when we have become good friends, choosing baby names. Good friends… I’m off to see my friends. It’s still early. Good talk, Haenel._

_  
__Hélène Grimaud_

_\-------------------_

_“You’re pretty quiet tonight,”_ Annalise, one of Adèle’s friend said. They were in a jazz bar near the Sorbonne, where one of her friends was a professor and could not meet them until late.

 _“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just tired,”_ Adèle answered, whilst scrolling through her phone.

 _“Any new projects?”_ Ben, another friend asked.

 _“I’m taking a break this year. Who knows, I might even retire from full time acting,”_ Adèle said. _“Maybe do documentaries, focus on theatre, fight for justice…”_

 _“Well, Olivier Carbone said your career would be dead after you walked out of the Cesar,”_ Jeanne added.

 _“Carbone’s career is dead. He is quote-unquote 'an acting coach'. His last casting gig was in 2013,”_ Ben said, making air quotes.

 _“Oh stop – I have had scripts sent my way. Nothing has interested me yet. Even CAA in America has sent me scripts, but I passed,”_ Adèle said, ordering another shot of vodka, her 3rd.

 _“I have to ask – are you really dating your theatre director Gisèle? Your type is so predictable – older woman, position of power… you are such a bottom,”_ Clothilde replied, to everyone’s laughter.

 _“Fuck you all, bitches! No, I’m not dating Gisèle. I don’t make a habit of dating every director I work with,”_ Adèle joked.

 _“You are a serial monogamist, just admit it,”_ Marcel said.

 _“And you, my friend, are a whore,”_ Adèle retorted, eliciting more laughter.

 _“Hey guys, the next set is about to start. Leave Adèle alone,”_ Annalise implored the group, all friends from Montreuil, all friends who have known each other since they were kids.

\-----------------------

Adèle was on her 4th vodka shot when she checked her Life360 app – the app that she and Noémie put on their phones when they were together, to keep tab of each other. She never uninstalled it, and apparently, neither did Noé, because Adèle could tell that she was home. One thing about being drunk was that the person who was drunk would be the last to admit it. So why not order a 5th shot? For the road.

By the 2nd shot, Adèle’s mind was already stirring her towards Noé. By the 3rd shot, she had resolved that she needed to know about Gimi Fucking Covaci. By the 4th shot, she was intent on talking to Noé about it. They had to or it would always be Damocles’ sword hanging in the air. The 5th shot was for good luck.

Adèle stood up to leave in the middle of the set – her friends all looked up befuddled.

 _“I’m going. See you later, fucktards,”_ she whispered.

\---------------------

15ème was on the same side of the Seine as the Latin Quarters and Noé’s place was a short 10-minute cab ride and Adèle’s vodka-soaked brain decided that it was the time to talk about Gimi.

> Adèle  
> I’m downstairs. I’m coming up.
> 
> Noémie  
> ??? Is everything okay?

Adele knocked on the door – although she had a key, the polite thing to do was to knock. She heard Gino barking and then Noémie walking towards the door.

 _“What’s the matter? Are you okay?”_ Noémie said as she let Adèle in and they sat on the couch.

 _“No, I’m not okay. I really need to know. Why Gimi?”_ Adèle wanted to play it cool but her face betrayed her emotions.

 _“Do you really want to talk about that now? It’s almost 10 o’clock,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“I have all the time. Please talk,”_ Adèle was not going to let the subject go.

Noémie saw that it was futile to resist, so she stood up to go to the kitchen to put the kettle on, before she returned to sit on the chair next to the couch.

 _“It started in Romania – when I shot that film. After I moved out of your place and I was living in a suitcase. I was amongst a wonderful group of people who helped me forget how messy my life in Paris was. And he was particularly thoughtful, he even proposed the storyline. Romania was another world, and I felt like I was another person,”_ Noémie started, as Adèle intently listened.

 _“You did not look for me, you did not call me after you got back from Berlin. You did not even ask me why I left. But please don’t get me wrong - I don’t blame you. I’m just saying that your silence and absence confirmed that we have broken up. I was not in a good place, and Gimi… he filled some of the emptiness. He was funny and shallow, and I needed funny and shallow. And when we had sex… part of it was to prove to myself that I was back to being straight,”_ Noémie continued, until the kettle whistled and Adèle got up to make tea for both of them.

 _“Did you enjoy it? Having sex with him?”_ Adèle’s voice was almost crackling.

 _“Yes, I won’t lie about it. I did. I remembered you calling me your ‘little nymphomaniac’, and part of me thought, ‘why not’? It was very primal. There were no emotions involved. On my part, at least. He might have felt something for me, but I didn’t care to know. It was over in two weeks, when we got back to Paris. I thought we could remain friends, and for a few months, we were. He even gave me Gino – Gi for…”_ Noémie was talking when Adèle interrupted her. _“I know, you don’t have to tell me. Go on.”_

 _"Then I got CoVid, then the lockdown, then you wanting to get back together… my head couldn’t process everything. Gino was my savior. You have no idea how much I cried for you. At some point, I got tired of crying. And when Gisèle texted me…”_ Noémie was again interrupted.

 _“Gisèle texted you??? Putain!”_ Adèle was incredulous.

 _“Yeah, she did. That’s why I knew you were still together when you wanted to get back with me,”_ Noémie smiled when she remembered the text and Gisèle’s invitation to collaborate on a CoVid-inspired dance number.

 _“Fuck me! I was horrible, but hearing it from you, I can now see just how much,”_ Adèle bowed, defeated.

 _“And after the lockdown, my short film was going to be released and Gimi was in it… and after being on death’s door, I needed something to make me feel alive. And Gimi was there. And the sex was good – it was life affirming, on a very primitive level. And we had lots of it. I broke it off after I saw you in the protest, but he replaced my birth control pills…”_ Noémie was very matter-of-fact.

 _“When you say ‘lots of sex’, what number are we talking about?”_ Adèle’s jealousy was palpable.

 _“Lots. Do you really want to know? It’s over now,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“How much?”_ Adèle would not drop the question.

 _“At least three times a day,”_ Noémie said. Adèle face palmed… to hide the fact that she was in tears. But she couldn’t hide it, she just started sobbing. Noémie did not know what to do; she did not know if Adèle was so disgusted at her, because she was disgusted at herself.

 _“For what it’s worth, I feel filthy right now, just remembering. It was very different from what we had…”_ Noémie added while Adèle continued sobbing.

Noémie’s admission felt like a kick in the gut, and combined with the fact that she had 5 shots of vodka, she had to run to the bathroom and throw up. She sat on the floor for a while, exactly where she was that morning when she was trying to console a morning-sick Noémie. But it was cathartic too. The bile that came out included the bad taste that Gimi left in her mouth. And she had to take responsibility for her role in the situation. She was not blameless; she was actually the catalyst that set this clusterfuck in motion.

Her red eyes conveyed the immense sadness she felt when she finally returned to the living room.

 _“I’m very sorry, Adèle. I didn’t mean to hurt you,”_ Noémie said, immediately remembering that it was one of seminal lines from Portrait, which Adèle picked on right away.

 _“We're in the same place. Exactly the same place,”_ Adèle smiled sadly, _“I’m very sorry too.”_

And they both sat there for a while – sometimes, words were not needed. This was one of those moments. Forgiveness could be done in silence. And both of them had a lot to atone for, to forgive within themselves and each other.

Noémie stood up and moved to the couch and sat right next to Adèle, putting her head on her shoulders. Instinctively, Adèle put her arm around Noémie and kissed her hair.

 _“Noé, I’m drunk,”_ Adèle finally admitted.

 _“I know,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“I better go home, or I might do something that we would both regret tomorrow,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Why don’t you just stay here tonight instead of going across town? I have another bedroom, and I’ll bring some fresh sheets,”_ Noémie’s concern almost melted her heart.

 _“Did Gimi sleep in those sheets? Do they have his molecules?”_ Adèle was serious.

 _“No, everything was deep cleaned, sanitized, and exorcised after he left,”_ Noémie was half joking.

 _“Then yes, I will stay. Thank you Noé. To be honest, I don’t know if I could even remember my address,”_ Adèle was slurring some words.

Noémie came out with sheets, pillows, towels, a boxer short and loose t-shirt, and an extra tooth brush. 

_“There’s bathroom in the hallway, right to next to the other bedroom. You can stay there or on the couch, wherever you feel most comfortable,”_ Noémie handed everything to Adèle. _“Good night,”_ she added before kissing Adèle’s cheeks.


	65. Perfect Day

_*******_ _**Enjoy this "perfect day"  
*** Might be taking a break** _ _**  
*** I realized I cannot do "happy" very well - so I have to think of more sturm und drang  
** _

Adèle changed and was soon asleep on the couch – she was so emotionally drained and she slept the sleep of the dead. She did not know it… or maybe she dreamt it… but she thought that Noémie very tenderly kissed her forehead, with the softest of lips, so as not to wake her up. She was awaken before dawn by more kisses, slobbery kisses: it was Gino, maybe calling for her help, because she heard heaving from the next room. Ah, morning sickness.

She slept walk her way to the bathroom to the now familiar sight of Noémie hunched over whilst throwing up, and she did what came naturally – she knelt beside her and started rubbing her back. The morning sickness was not as bad as the prior day, but still left Noé spent.

Adèle helped her back to bed and tucked her in. It was very early, the sky was just turning blue and the birds were just waking up, and she thought she could sleep another hour or so before heading for home.

 _“Adèle, can you please stay with me? Just for a while?”_ Noémie called out as she was going back to the living room. Mindlessly, she did as she was asked and laid down right next to her former lover. Noémie put her arms around her and fell asleep, and at that moment, Adèle felt nothing but love for this sweet, sweet girl who loved her like she had never been loved before. She stretched her arm so Noé could lie on it and kissed the top of her head before she herself went back to asleep .

Noé woke up first – she smiled at the sight of the girl next to her, whose mouth was slightly open, breathing heavily, eyelids fluttering in REM sleep, and probably would be waking up soon to a very bad hangover.

 _“Good morning,”_ Noémie called out from the kitchen. She was making some French toast and bacon to feed Adèle before she went home. _“Coffee?”_

Adèle looked like a wreck: her hair was all over, her face was sallow, her eyes still red from crying the previous night. And it was that look, when Adèle was most unkept, Noé remembered, that she loved best. Adèle went to the Nespresso machine on the counter opposite the stove, and made herself a cup of coffee, before sitting down on the table.

After a few minutes, she remembered what transpired the previous night – the talk, the pain, the forgiveness – and she felt the pall had lifted some. Things would not magically change because they had a watershed conversation, but it was a start, especially now that she knew the extent of her culpability. She also remembered that she had a hangover and her head was splitting in two.

 _“It will be a few more minutes – but here’s some crispy bacon if you want to munch. Guaranteed hangover buster,”_ Noé said as she put the plate on the table, with 2 aspirin tablets on the side. “ _More coffee?”_ Adèle nodded and Noé brewed her another cup.

 _“Voilà, French toast, because we’re French, more bacon, and the strawberries you got yesterday,”_ Noé sat on the opposite her. _“Thank you for being here.”_

 _“Thank you for letting me stay,”_ Adèle answered. “ _Did you fill the script for your morning sickness? You still sounded bad earlier.”_

 _“I did, but Dr. Bertillon said it might take a couple of days before it is fully gone,”_ Noé answered.

Adèle drank more coffee and took a bite of the french toast. They were quiet for a while, but not the uncomfortable kind of silence anymore. This time, there seemed to be more clarity in the air, the kind that encouraged honesty and candor.

 _“Noé, I have been emotionally distancing from you,”_ Adèle finally broke the silence to confess.

 _“I know,”_ Noémie answered.

 _“Hear me out – I have to do it. Before, my reason was purely selfish – I did not want the same emotional upheaval that we seem to cause in each other’s life. But now, I realized that I have to do it because if I didn’t, I would hurt you again. I was an asshole to you as I was constantly reminded by a lot of people, but I was the assholest of assholes. I want us to be friends again, without the pressure of romance or any of those other messy things,”_ Adèle said, the humility in her voice was heart breaking in its sincerity.

 _“If you are blaming yourself for anything, please don’t. I made bad choices. And despite everything, you are still the best thing that ever happened to me. This is my mess, but if it brought you back to me, I will take the friendship. It will be a really great gift,”_ Noémie replied.

Adèle stood up to get something from her wallet. It was a piece of folded paper, about 2 by 3 inches, with a handwritten message:

> _Dear God, please don’t let her die. I’m begging you. I love her, I have always loved her. I just did not know how. Please, God, one more chance. And I promise with everything I’ve got that I will never let her down again._

She handed it to Noémie, who smiled after she read it.

 _“You prayed? That’s probably why I got better. Because God had never heard your voice before, so it was prioritized,”_ Noémie joked.

 _“I made a promise, and if I made that promise to God, I better keep it. I don’t want fire and brimstone,”_ Adèle said _. “I keep it in my wallet to constantly remind me that I promised to never let you down again.”_

 _“Adèle… this is very sweet and all. But I release you from your promise. And God doesn’t engage in quid pro quo. You will not be hit by lightning,”_ Noémie smiled.

 _“I’m released? Okay, bye,”_ Adèle jokingly pretended to get up _. “Seriously, I didn’t show that to you to make you feel guilty. I showed that to you to let you know that you can count on me. And you cannot nullify my promise, you’re not God. That promise was between Mon Dieu and me, not you.”_

“ _You really have changed, Adèle, for the better. I changed for the worse,”_ Noémie said as she looked down sadly.

 _“Now it’s my turn to ask you not to blame yourself. Things happened the way they did, maybe because we both needed to grow up. You were far too good for me, and I couldn’t stand it sometimes, because I wasn’t ready for so much goodness. Now, we’re probably more in the same plane of existence, somewhere between sinners and saints. Does that make sense?”_ Adèle explained.

 _“I still love you… but I know that right now, it’s untenable…”_ Noémie did not know what made her admit but those words made Adèle’s heart skip a beat and she decided to return the honesty.

 _“I still love you too … But right now, I think we are better off as friends. We have to transcend those feelings into Agape, you know, one of the four loves that CS Lewis described. It is the purest form of love, to which the 3 other loves would eventually evolve into. If you have not read the book, I will lend you my copy,”_ Adèle said.

 _“That will be nice,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“Besides, we need to focus on you and the little pea. It is the most important thing right now. You know at 6 weeks, the fetus is the size of a sweet pea, right? There is a chart of veggies and fruits to tell you how big the baby is at so many months,”_ Adèle said. _“Do others know besides Céline and me?”_

 _“No, I thought we’d wait until the 3 rd trimester, 12 weeks, to make sure the little pea grows into the size of a plum,”_ Noémie replied. She too had seen the chart.

They cleaned up after breakfast, and Adèle was getting ready to head home, when she paused then asked _, “Do you have plans today, Noémie? Because I don’t, and if you like, we could just hang out, research stuff on the internet, go to a bookstore, buy baby books…”_

 _“That would be nice. I’m free today but tomorrow I have a photoshoot with Zoé Wittock,”_ Noémie made a face as she said the name of her self-centered director.

 _“I need to meet Aïssa tomorrow – we’re doing a documentary on women’s rights and I’ll be busy the rest of the week. And there’s still the play directed by Gisèle. Sometimes, I think that play is cursed,”_ Adèle said. _“But today will be for our little pea.”_ She glanced at the wall clock – it was only 10:00am. Noé smiled when Adèle referred to her baby as **_our little pea_** but jealous at the mention of Gisèle.

\----------------------

Adèle was feeling pretty generous, so she splurged for a cab from Noémie’s place to the other side of the Seine to her flat to freshen up a bit before they embarked on the day’s adventure. She realized that this was the first full day they would be spending together in a very long time.

Noé looked around Adèle’s apartment: not much had really changed, except for the new couch. A magnet on the refrigerator door was holding a little piece of paper – the prayer that Adèle had shared with her earlier. She sat on the balcony – she remembered all the times she sat there the previous summer. They did have some good times and it helped to remember. Adèle came out after a shower with a book in hand: “The Four Loves” by CS Lewis and handed it her.

 _“It’s a pretty good book on human relationship but can be holier-than-thou. CS Lewis was a late convert and those folks usually turn into Christian apologists. They have to justify their conversion somehow, haven’t they?”_ Adèle said as they headed downstairs. 

First stop - Bibliothèque Fessart, a public library established by the Americans in 1922. 

_“Bon jour, Simone,”_ in her library voice, Adèle greeted the person at the desk before going to one of the computer stations to look for the health section. She and Noé took a table and started taking books from the shelves. Still in library voice, Adèle whispered, _“Let me know what interests you, we can see if they are available in one of the local bookstores.”_

\----------------------

 _“Information overload,”_ Noé finally said after almost two hours.

 _“Let’s get out of here. I have the list,”_ Adèle put the little notebook in the back pocket of her jeans.

 _“I’m not hungry yet. Are you?”_ Noé asked when they were already outside.

 _“Not yet, you made a hearty breakfast,”_ Adèle answered, and then she pointed at a little Asian cafe _. “But I’ll treat you to bubble tea.”_ With bubble tea in hand, they kept walking towards the bookstore near the edge of the Seine. It was the lazy walk of two people who were simply enjoying the journey itself more than the destination. They left the bookstore with a few books on pregnancy and babies before taking the metro to the single digit arrondissements. Another book store, a few more books. Adèle got some classics from the enlightenment period and a few digital books on current social issues delivered directly to her Kindle .

 _“You need to save trees and start reading digital books,”_ Noé teased Adèle.

 _“And then what? Put all the little local bookstores out of business? A good mixture of both should be okay,”_ Adèle said.

“ _Now I’m hungry,”_ Noé finally admitted. It was almost 15:00 and lunch service had finished, so they settled for one of the coffee shops nestled behind the Opera House. Adèle ordered for the both of them and they settled in a corner booth.

 _“Noé, let’s look at the nutrition book,”_ Adèle said as she pulled it from her backpack _. “Damn, you need 300 extra calories a day!”_

 _“Let me see… Move! MOVE!"_ Noé stood up and sidled next to Adèle so they could peruse the book together.

 _“Folic acid… so veggies. Iron, calcium, Vitamin D…”_ Adèle was flipping through the pages too fast. 

_“Wait, wait – it says here that I do not need the extra calories before the 3 rd month! You liar,”_ Noé feigned anger before going back to her seat. _“You just want me to get fat.”_

 _“I was speed reading!!!”_ Adèle said in her defense.

The waitress came with salad and sandwiches and two tall glasses of fruit smoothie and Adèle put the book back into her backpack.

 _“Well, this is nice. You and me, being civil to each other,”_ Noémie finally said.

 _“I’ve always been civil,”_ Adèle replied. _“This is nice, you and me being friends,”_ she later corrected Noé.

 _“It is, it is…”_ Noémie reached out for Adèle’s hand to give it a quick squeeze.

 _“Noé, how much do you want to me to be involved? In your pregnancy? Do I need to make changes to my life?”_ Adèle asked in all seriousness.

 _“I am very certain of one answer - NO, you don’t need to make changes in your life. Not on my account. You have already done so much,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“I am asking you because I want to know what to expect – we have already signed the terms and conditions document. I already said I’m all in. But those are generalizations. It would help to have some specifics,”_ Adèle explained.

 _“Well, doctor’s visit, because sometimes, I forget to ask the important questions. I would always welcome your company, but we also need to tread lightly. We have a history of jumping and then crashing together. Whether we have changed or not, for better or for worse, we have a history, and you know what they say…”_ Noémie trailed off before Adèle continued for her.

“ _Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. George Santayana,”_ Adèle triumphantly said, always a font of trivia.

 _“But our past is not all that bad… we did have our moments…”_ Noémie shyly said as she looked down at her food, nostalgic for the good times.

 _“Yes, we did have our moments,”_ Adèle’s eyes glistened before she smiled the smile that still took Noémie’s breath away. _“But I agree with you, about treading lightly. And you will be all hormones soon enough, so it’s up to me to be the grown up. God help us!”_

 _“Can we go to Galeries Lafayette after? I just want to check out some stuff,”_ Noémie said mysteriously. _“I think we’re about 3 blocks away.”_

They headed for the chain department store and Adèle followed Noémie, not sure where they were headed. They stopped on the 5th floor, and Noémie turned around just to see the look on Adèle’s face. They were at the Toy Department. Adèle couldn’t hide her excitement, her blue-green eyes wide as wide could be.

 _“And I want you to be a part of the baby’s life. You would make a great playmate,”_ Noémie whispered to her, promptly rewarded by another Adèle smile.

\----------------------

After a few more stops including the supermarket to get the grocery items prescribed by the nutrition book, Adèle headed back home around 20:00. In her head, she was singing one of Lou Reed’s [songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wxI4KK9ZYo), of her favorite band The Velvet Underground:

 _Oh, it's such a perfect day_ _  
I'm glad I spent it with you  
Oh, such a perfect day  
You just keep me hanging on  
You just keep me hanging on_


	66. Sabbatical

Hey all,

I'm taking a break. 

**First** , I want to thank **Guest Mystery Author** for indulging me with her own chapters. Unfortunately, our styles are just too different. 

**Second** , I am taking a sabbatical - work, school, and life are just too much right now. I don't know for how long. If there's something worthwhile that I can weave into this story, I will write sooner than later.

 **Third** , the writer's block is real. I am running out of stories to tell and that's why I have asked for your inputs. I've used some of them, as you can tell. 

**Fourth** , I am disappointed in some of the readers of this fic - why would you leave a comment simply to say that "you are leaving"? If you don't like what's been written, you don't have to announce your departure.

 **Fifth, No_body** , even if I don't post any chapter, I am still requesting that you drop me a line, just to let me know that you're okay. We have a deal, remember?

 **Sixth** , I want to thank all the readers who have regularly left comments - you know who you are - your words have encouraged me to come back and to keep writing when I started again. Please do leave comments of encouragement when you read other fan fics - they mean a lot to the writers, all of whom are telling stories because they want to. The least you can do is to acknowledge their work. Even if their work sucks, leave some nice words, then disengage and find something more worthwhile to read. ALWAYS CHOOSE KINDNESS.

 **Seventh** , I always told myself that when this is no longer fun for me or when the story has run its course, I would tie everything with a nice bow, paint three strokes, and together we say "C'est finis". 

That's all. For now, I leave you with these pictures of N with what seems to be a baby bump, and her baby daddy. And if she is indeed pregnant, remember, you read it here first. 


	67. Three Scenes

Surprising even to him, Gimi had been heartbroken. He realized that he really loved Noémi, that it was not just a sex thing, that he really wanted to be with her. He missed her gentleness and her caring, he missed how she took care of him and tried to be a mentor, he missed their dog. _Their dog_. He knew that he was still very young and had yet to experience life, and he was painfully aware that he had nothing to offer. Oh, and there’s Adèle Haenel guarding Noémi like a hawk. He still cringed whenever he thought of how painful her left hook was, only to cringe even more with the thought of getting his balls smashed by her left knee.

He did not know if he had gotten her pregnant – Noémi had blocked his phone and, on Adèle’s request, the doorman at her building would not let him in. Many years later, Gimi would come to realize that Noémi was his first love.

He had been working at his family’s car business where he was in charge of buying then fixing the cars before they were resold, and he was pretty good at it. In his own way - he was charming and personable. The lockdown had essentially grounded the luxury car market to a halt, but things have begun to pick up and the work kept him busy, and he had some famous people amongst his clientele, especially after they added the aftermarket / customization service. His father had the foresight to expand the business beyond resale dealership, and their reputation had grown over the years – and his father was elated when he told him that he was done with showbusiness and trying to be an actor.

His old friend Simon, Noémi’s ex-husband, had ordered some high-end sound system for his car, and Gimi happened to be in the shop when he pulled in.

 _“Hey, man! How are you,”_ Simon greeted him with a handshake.

 _“I’m okay,”_ Gimi replied, still feeling kinda down.

 _“I saw the short film, and you were good. How is she?”_ Simon asked. He had had no contact with Noémi after the divorce, but the French showbiz community was a small one and he knew about Noé hooking up with Gimi. Inasmuch as it pained him when he learned about it, there was really nothing he could do. Besides, he already had a new girlfriend.

 _“We’re not together anymore,”_ Gimi sadly replied.

 _“I’m sorry, man,”_ Simon tried to commiserate and failed badly at sincerity. But before he knew it, Gimi was sobbing on his shoulders and he gave him a manly hug to comfort him. _“Man, get it together! It’s not the end of the world.”_

 _“I really loved her, Simon, and now she’s gone,”_ Gimi said, now wiping his tears, before putting on his business hat back on. _“Let’s get that Bang and Olufsen system into your car, shall we? Can you come back for your car tomorrow? People are getting out of the lockdown and coming for all the orders that were put on hold. There are about 5 cars in front of yours. But we will give you a loaner_.”

 _“Thanks, man!”_ Simon was delighted to see that his loaner was a late model Mercedes Benz. “ _And Noémi has such a good heart. Just be honest with her. Tell her how you feel. I made the mistake of letting her go. Don’t make the same mistake.”_

\----------------

Adèle had been busy with the play – they had been invited for a 2-week residency at Rennes – and the music and sets were still not ready. As with her professional relationship with Céline, Adèle had been more than vocal with her ideas and Gisèle was receptive to them. It was beginning to feel more like a professional partnership, with Ruth completing the triumvirate. Adèle and Gisèle were finally in a good place, and contrary to people’s speculations, they were not dating. They were honest-to-goodness friends, and it took a while to get there, but they made it.

 _“How’s Noémi?”_ Gisèle asked during one of their breaks. She did not know about the pregnancy, although she had her suspicions after Adèle’s guerilla move at Perchoir.

 _“I guess she’s okay. We don’t really talk every day. Actually, we haven't been in touch in over a week. I guess she’s busy with her film Jumbo, and I’m so happy that the cinemas are finally opening,”_ Adèle replied as she mentally reminded herself to ask Noé when the next doctor’s appointment would be.

 _“Do you want to go see the film? You, Ruth, and I can go. Support your friend,”_ Gisèle answered.

“ _By ‘friend’, you mean support Noémi, right? Because Zoé Wittock gives me the creeps,”_ Adèle replied, which elicited laughter from Gisèle.

 _“We will support the French cinema. How about that?”_ Gisèle answered.

 _“Better. You know they are asking me to autograph 5 posters for a Haiku-writing contest. To celebrate the grand reopening of the theatres,”_ Adèle said with a laugh.

 _“And who will pick the winner?”_ Gisèle asked suspiciously.

 _“I don’t know yet. They were talking about picking the best 20 entries and asking me to decide. But how do you decide something like that? My thought is if a haiku made the top 20, then they’re all good and the winners can be randomly picked. Also, I’m not an expert on haiku or poems or anything,”_ Adèle rambled on.

 _“I better start writing some Haikus for Adèle and join the contest. I want those autographed posters,”_ Gisèle teased.

 _“Shut up, G. Oh, I’m having dinner with Aïssa tonight. Do you want to join us?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Nah – I still have to work on the sound, mix some tracks. And we might need to redo some of the lighting. Go ahead and have some fun,”_ Gisèle replied.

 _“We’re thinking of collaborating on an article for the New York Times. I really want to make a difference, you know?”_ Adèle solemnly said. _“And the documentary… we’re hoping to get it ready for the Fall film festivals… “_

She hadn’t really thought of Noé lately, and she realized that forced social distancing was not the way to go. Life would eventually take over, and it had. Noé was no longer a part of her daily life, or her circle of friends, and she did not even notice. She was keenly aware of their deal, and she was still excited as hell for the baby… but the mother, not too much. It was inevitable that their lives would gradually diverge at some point. She needed time and space away from Noémie, and she got both in spades.

\----------------------

The morning sickness had finally abated, to Noé’s relief. Now she could do the promotions for Jumbo and Shakira. She still had not secured funding to finish Lubita, but she was not really worried.

 _“I have something to tell you,”_ Noé said as she walked around the park with Julia. _“I’m pregnant.”_

Julia stopped on her tracks and looked her in the eyes and said, _“Is it congratulations or condolences?”_

 _“Congratulations, I guess. I’m just coming up on 10 weeks, and I’m keeping it,”_ Noé said with a smile as they continued walking.

 _“Who’s the father, if you don’t mind? It’s not Adèle, is it?”_ Julia laughed at her own joke.

 _“No, although I think we would have created a beautiful baby together_ ,” Noé played along. _“It’s Gimi.”_

 _“I see. Well, you can’t spring this on me without the details!”_ Julia exclaimed.

 _“If you’re asking me if he’s in the picture, no, he’s not. Not after Adèle kicked his ass, but that’s a story for another day. And yes, Adèle is in the picture. No, we’re not together. We have become friends finally, I think,”_ Noé said.

 _“And she did not run away. Way to go, Noé! You may finally have tamed the most restless heart in France. Or if not you, then this baby,”_ Julia said in disbelief.

 _“It would seem so. But we don’t see each other all the time. She has her own life, and I have mine. We have a deal that she would come with me to doctors’ appointments, only because she knows the important questions. You know how smart she is, nothing can get past her. I think it’s been almost a month since we last saw each other,”_ Noé replied.

 _“I haven’t heard from her either, and she usually checks in every couple of weeks or so,”_ Julia was not a bit worried.

 _“She’s fine, she emailed some articles to me last week. She’s been busy with Gisèle’s play. Why don’t you text her? I’m sure she would be happy to hear from you,”_ Noé continued.

 _“Oh, she’s still working on that fucking play. She’s been working on it since spring of last year. Is she back with Gisèle?”_ Julia asked.

 _“We don’t talk about her personal life. If they are, good for them,”_ Noé said with a very tiny hint of sadness.

 _“She and Céline should get back together and just leave the rest of us in peace. But Céline and Judith seem very happy, they are even talking about the ‘M’ word. My friend works with Judith, and that’s why I know,”_ Julia absent-mindedly said.

 _“Céline is such a kind soul and she deserves all the happiness in the world, whether it be with Adèle or Judith. And now that we’ve gotten some distance between us, I can see the goodness in Adèle. She is selfless and caring. She’s grown up a lot over the last year,”_ Noé replied.

 _"No small thanks to you,"_ Julia sincerely said.

Julia saw him first and she held Noémie’s arm protectively. Gimi was sitting on the bench near the park entrance with a bouquet of flowers, waiting for them.

 _“Do you want to turn around?”_ Julia asked her.

 _“No. But please stay with me,”_ Noé whispered.

A few feet away, Gimi stood up with the flowers. His shoulders were hunched and he looked like a heartbroken puppy. And from a distance, he yelled, _“I LOVE YOU! I REALLY LOVE YOU!”_ And as he was declaring his love, Gimi realized that he never said those words to Noémie before, which made his proclamation even more meaningful.

 _“Julia, it’s okay. I’ll catch up with you later,”_ Noé said before she started to walk to where Gimi was. Julia’s dismay at Noé’s action was palpable. _Straight women_ , she muttered. Despite everything, she still deeply cared for Adèle and this was a heartache waiting to happen. She told Noé in no uncertain terms, _“Don’t do this, Noémie. He is a child. And you will break her heart."_ Deep down, Julia knew where this was headed. But Noémie ignored her and walked right into Gimi’s arms. 

When Julia looked back at them, they were kissing. She dialed Adèle’s number as she walked home.


	68. Moments of Truth

***** DISCLAIMER *****   
**This is just fiction and I sincerely hope no harm comes upon anyone. Even Gimi.**

“ _Hi Julia, I’m at the theatre rehearsing. Is everything okay_?” Adèle asked as she answered her phone.

“ _I have something to tell you. Can we meet later for drinks_?” Julia had not forgotten that Adèle did not want to be interrupted at work. “ _It’s about Noémie_.”

 _“Is she okay?”_ Adèle’s voice was filled with concern.

 _“Yeah, yeah. I will tell you about it later,”_ Julia answered.

 _“I’m getting off at around 15:00 and was planning to head home before I meet Aïssa for dinner. We’re going to this new Vietnamese restaurant in Belleville. I can meet you before then. There’s a bar next to the restaurant. Let’s say around 18:30?”_ Adèle said, not sure what to expect. Despite their separate worlds, the mention of Noémie’s name still made her heart skip a beat.

_“You’re pretty quiet tonight,”_ Aïssa said during dinner. _“Anything the matter?”_

 _“I don’t know, to be honest,”_ Adèle answered. She liked Aïssa for her grit, her honesty, and for her strong moral compass. They had become good friends when she initiated contact after the Cesar. They had a shared conviction for equality, disdain for France’s misogynistic patriarchy, and the desire to bring about change.

 _“You know you can talk to me about anything, yeah?”_ Aïssa said as she reached out to give her hand a quick squeeze.

 _“I know, thanks. How much time do you have?”_ Adèle sincerely asked.

 _“As much as you need,”_ Aïssa was equally sincere.

 _“You remember Noémie Merlant? We were in Céline’s movie together. I’m not sure if you two have been formally introduced,”_ Adèle started.

 _“I don’t know her personally, but I thought she was great in Portrait. You two sold it so well,”_ Aïssa remarked.

 _“Well… a little too well,”_ Adèle sadly smiled.

 _“No!!! You got together, for real?!”_ Aïssa was truly surprised. _“I did not know that! This town can still keep secrets!”_

 _“Yup. We were together. Then we were not. Then we were together. Then we were not. I’ve lost count, to be honest. Right now, we are not together. But it’s okay. I have always been with someone since Céline. This time, I’m giving singlehood a try, and to be honest, I’m liking it,”_ Adèle continued.

 _“Then what is it? You seem heartbroken. Do you still love her?”_ Aïssa was truly unaware.

 _“In a way, I think I will always love her. But that’s neither here or there. She’s pregnant,”_ Adèle admitted, instantly regretting the betrayal of confidence.

 _“And is it yours?”_ Aïssa couldn’t help it – the joke wrote itself.

 _“Do you want to listen or not?”_ Adèle was serious.

 _“Sorry, go ahead. I’m listening,”_ Aïssa had gotten to know Adèle over the last few months and knew that she had hidden edges that were ready to pounce if needed.

_“She hooked up with this guy… kid, really, he’s only 21 or 22. They made a couple of projects together. He purposely got her pregnant – he messed with her birth control pills. Noé threw him out. She asked me to help her through the pregnancy. Doctor’s appointments, emergency contact, you know, just in case. I said yes, first, because you know I always help whenever I can but I made sure she knew that we were not getting back together. And then I found out that she ended with him primarily because I left her. I didn’t even have the decency to break up with her, I just up and left and went to Berlin to be with Gisèle. We were living together and I left her in Paris, in my flat, alone. I was such an ass. I left because she was too good for me and her diabetic inducing sweetness could put me in a sugar coma. And we are so different – she gets paid to wear Louis Vuitton. Doc Martens or Lacoste does not pay me to wear their merch. She struts and attends fashion shows, and this is the first time I’m saying this to another person, but I hate all those things. The commercialism, the sexism, the bourgeoise luxury class system, and she is smacked in the middle of it._

_Anyway… we’re not together so what she wears is none of my business. Actually, I shouldn’t care at all right now, but apparently, she’s back with Gimi, her baby daddy. Julia just told me tonight. This is the guy who fucked her and her birth control pills, this is the guy who lived off of her for the longest time, and one declaration of love and she ran back to him. I can’t even._

_I should just cut contact with her now, but I promised that I would help and never let her down again. It was one of those promises made in desperation, when she had CoVid. And I do not renege on my promises. Ever. Especially a promise made to the big Goddess in Heaven. So, I don’t know if I should just confront her and tell her I’m out, since her baby daddy is back in the picture, or just go along with it,”_ Adèle finished.

 _“What bothers you then? Why would you focus on things you don’t like about her? From personal experience, I indulge in that exercise when I’m trying to get over someone – you know, focus on their faults and convince myself that they don’t deserve me,”_ Aïssa just put a mirror up to her face.

 _“Well, I don’t like the guy. He got her pregnant under false pretenses. And I do not want him in my life, and if he is now part of the package, I don’t want any part of it. He manipulated her. And the fact the she would now go back to him… what does it say about her?”_ Adèle answered.

 _“That she’s hormonal?”_ Aïssa said. _“Why don’t you give her the benefit of the doubt? Maybe he is what she needs at the moment.”_

\--------------------

It was after midnight by the time she and Aïssa called it a night. Her flat was not too far from the restaurant and it was a nice evening for a walk to clear her head. She still did not know what she should or shouldn’t do. Why did the thought of Gimi most probably fucking Noémie at that very same moment felt like a dagger in her heart? She had been celibate since before the lockdown… and celibacy had its virtues, she realized. But the truth was she wouldn’t, couldn’t be intimate with anyone else. Not then. Her heart had been broken and she was still trying to find the lost pieces. Unknowingly, Noémie had broken her heart more than she had broken hers. She just wanted to be whole again, to love and be loved. She was acutely aware of the baby dykes all over the world professing their love for her – it was flattering, but she had always been wary of strangers. She was aware of her effect on other women, and she knew that if she turned on her charm, it was almost a certainty that she would get laid. But she was done with “simply getting laid”, of waking up next to a gorgeous woman whose name had escaped her… she was done with those banal pursuits.

What did she want from life? She wanted to help others. She wanted to change the world. She wanted to fight for those too weak to take up the battle. She wanted to speak for those without a voice.

She wanted to love and be loved. A face she could recognize and pick among a million different faces. A voice she could hear above the howling of the winds. A touch that could calm her in the middle of a storm. A kiss that would tell her she had come home. Maybe that was too much to ask of the universe. Maybe it was the universe’s way of letting her know that it was her time [_for recompense for what's done_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2HHpQWmJJQ). 

She was so deep in thought that she didn’t realize that someone in a black hoodie had been following her.

\-------------

Raging hormones made for a very horny Noémie. She and Gimi had been in bed since they went back to her flat after her morning walk with Julia, and they had hardly stopped. The first time they made love, Gimi cried after he came. Prior to that day, he thought he had never felt so much love in his heart, but the knowledge that this beautiful woman lying naked next to him was carrying his child was too much for his heart to bear. He nestled his face against Noémie’s neck and sobbed, for at that moment, he was certain that he was the luckiest man on the planet. And maybe for the first time in his life, he knew the real meaning of “making love”. The earth shifted, the rock rolled, the skies parted – Gimi felt all these things and more. And every time they made love – Noémie had been insatiable – Gimi felt like making love for the first time. He resolved that he would never use the word “fuck” again with regard to Noé. He had become a man, and soon a father, and he was determined to prove to her that he was worthy of her love.

Noémie was not used to all the tenderness and show of emotions from Gimi. She was hormonal and she needed human contact. True, he was the father of her child, but she could very well had gone to a sperm bank and it would not have made any difference. If she peeled the layers and set her hormones and horniness aside, she would recognize that she loved him like a little brother (minus the incestuous overtones, of course!), but she did not _love-love_ him. She did not want to think or feel, damn hormones! – she just wanted to fuck – and she needed more than what _**BOB*** _could offer. ( _*Battery-operated boyfriend_ ).

Noémie was certain she would regret this in the morning but she had needs and her hormones had taken over the part of her brain that regulated rationality. After like a whole day bobbing for apples, they were drained and finally fell asleep. Gimi held Noémie in his arms and resolved that he would never let her go again, while Noémie was just exhausted.

But her dreams were restless and played like an LSD-laced movie in her head, until she finally let out a scream and bolted up.

 _“What’s wrong?”_ Gimi asked tenderly, but Noémie started crying. “ _Do you want me to get you some water?”_

 _“Adèle… Adèle… Adèle….”_ Noémie kept muttering.

 _“What about her?”_ Gimi asked with visions of her left hook making contact with his right jaw.

 _“I dreamt something happened to her, and it was so real… and I can’t breathe…”_ Noémie said in between sobs.

 _“It’s just a dream. Come back to bed,”_ Gimi tried to pull her back down to pick up where they left off. _“I love you and I will never get tired of making love to you.”_

 _“No, Gimi. Enough. I need to get up,”_ Noémie said as she put her nightgown on. _“Do you have a cigarette?”_

 _“Darling, you can’t smoke. It’s bad for the baby,”_ Gimi answered.

 _“DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING CIGARETTE? GIVE ME ONE or I will go to the 24-hour store right now to get myself a pack,”_ Noémie scowled.

 _“In my jacket,”_ Gimi was resigned.

Noémie couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened. She looked at her phone – it was 1:30am. She paced around the flat for a while then looked out her balcony. It was too late to text Adèle – granted, Adèle did not sleep much and was probably awake, but she did not want to impose.

She finished one cigarette and lit another, went back to the bedroom to get her phone, and then settled in her balcony. It was a nice, lovely evening. Gimi had gone back to sleep and she would need to kick him out in the morning, but that was not her concern right now. She had the overwhelming feeling of foreboding that something had happened to Adèle. She finally relented and sent her a text.

> _Noémie:  
>  Hey, I hope I didn’t wake you up and apologies if I did.  
> Just checking in._

A few minutes later, her phone rang. It was Adèle, or so she thought.

 _“Noémie? It’s Céline,”_ the voice on the phone said.

“ _Oh, hi. Sorry if I woke you up. I don’t need to speak to Adèle , I just wanted to make sure she is okay,_ ” Noémie said. After what seemed like an eternity, Céline proceeded to talk.

 _“Noémie, something's happened to Adèle. We’re at Saint Louis in Belleville, and she’s in surgery,”_ Céline’s voice was breaking up. _“It’s bad, Noémie. I’m outside the hospital waiting for her family to get here.”_ Silence on her end. _“Noémie, are you there? I know you’re more religious than I, so please pray.”_

 _“Can I come to the hospital?”_ Noémie was crying.

 _“Maybe just wait for my call. I promise to call you as soon as she's out of surgery,”_ Céline replied.

Gimi came out and beckoned her back to bed. She was not going to tell him anything, but she just saved herself the trouble of feeding him breakfast.

 _“Can you please leave? Please, Gimi. I just want to be alone. Today was a mistake. I cannot love you the way you deserve,”_ Noémie said flatly.

 _“But…”_ Gimi tried to protest, but knew that Noémie meant every word.

 _“We will talk later. I will call you. Thank you for being with me today,”_ Noémie quietly said.

Gimi got dressed, gave her a kiss on the forehead, said _“I love you”_ , and left.

Noémie sat in the dark still holding the phone. She did not know what to think, so she went back to the bedroom to retrieve a piece of paper from her nightstand.

> _Dear God, please don’t let her die. I’m begging you. I love her, I have always loved her. I just did not know how. Please, God, one more chance. And I promise with everything I’ve got that I will never let her down again._

It’s was Adèle’s prayer for her, and now, she understood what each word meant because she was saying the same prayer for the one who wrote it.


	69. Perchance to Dream

****Notes:**

**I think we are nearing the end of this story  
** **My birth month + day = 7 and my birth century + year = 7, so it seems Chapter 77 is a good chapter to declare _C'est finis  
_** **I haven't thought that far up yet, though, so please bear with me  
** **I have enjoyed the ride, letting my imagination run wild, and I have enjoyed your company along the way  
** **But this is still an RPF and the farther we get from reality, the more precarious and untenable it becomes  
So I need to end it before it violates any unwritten rules.**

 **Lastly: Reader No_body: where are you? We have a deal, remember?   
** **And if you are not she, don't you dare pretend to be. Because I will know.  
**

**Thanks for coming to my TED talk. -PC**

> _Adèle was in a meadow, green grass and bright, colorful flowers of all kinds as far as the eye could see. There were blue and majestic mountains in the distance. The air was so fresh, almost smelling of camphor and one familiar scent… what was it? Ah, Noémie’s perfume. In the distance was a blonde girl, about 3 to 4 years old, in a pretty summer dress, wearing flowers in her hair, coming towards her. Where was she? She stood up and marveled at how light and breezy she felt, with both feet on the ground but just so. She heard a sweet melody playing from far away, like one of those water bottle melodies in which each note reverberated like crystal. She felt at peace. Utter and unadulterated peace. She tried to meet the little girl halfway and realized she was floating above the ground. This is SO COOL, she thought. Her senses had been magnified infinitely, and she could see that the girl was smiling whilst floating towards her, until they met in the middle and she was greeted with the tightest yet freest hug she could imagine._
> 
> _“What is your name?” Adèle asked her._
> 
> _“Cécile,” the little girl answered._
> 
> _“What are you doing here by yourself? Where are your parents?” Adèle looked around and realized that it was only the two of them in this marvelous place._
> 
> _“Waiting for you,” Cécile said. She had blonde curly hair and blue-green eyes just like the color of the ocean, just like hers. “Come,” Cécile took her hand and they walked through the meadows, the music was getting louder and sweeter, and the flowers seemed to part for them._
> 
> _“Where are we going?” Adèle was curious but felt the love that seemed to be traveling through their hands like electricity, binding them together. Cécile did not answer; she did not talk much. They walked for a long time but surprisingly, this aimless meandering was totally enjoyable. Further down, a puppy came running towards the girl and started jumping and going around in circles, barking a happy bark, and the girl picked the puppy up and gave it to her._
> 
> _“And who is this?” Adèle asked as the puppy licked her with excitement._
> 
> _“My dog,” Cécile was a girl of few words. Further up the road, a little boy with darker features and an angelic face joined them in their aimless wandering._
> 
> _“And who are you?” Adèle asked as the little boy gave her the sweetest smile and the warmest hug._
> 
> _“I’m Éric ,” the little boy answered, as he took her other hand. Like Cécile, he only spoke sparingly._
> 
> _The four of them continued their trek through the meadow and after a while, a smattering of people appeared from the distance. She could hear the bubbling brook, and was now certain that it was singing, the notes like crystal, playing what only she could describe later as ‘celestial’ music which seemed to nourish her._

> T _he sky was gray, like Heaven itself was crying. Noémie was in a church, a Catholic Church. Next to her were Julia and Gimi, and a few pews up were Adèle’s parents, brother, and Céline. The bells were muffled but peeled every minute. The Church was filled to capacity, a sea of people wearing black. At the altar was a casket covered with yellow roses and dendrobiums (purple orchids), and Adèle’s picture further up. Noémie looked around and could see tear stained faces and silent cries; she caught Gisèle’s eyes and they smiled at each other, two hearts joined in pain. The congregation stood up as the priests (for there were many) came out and incensed the altar, the bible, the casket, and the attendees themselves. Someone, probably a funeral director, removed the flowers and the picture on top of the casket and place them on a little white table nearby while the sacristan handed an embroidered white cloth (called a 'pall') to Adèle’s parents, who were instructed to put it on top of the casket as reminder of Adèle’s baptism into the Church._
> 
> _Celebrant : With this water we call to mind Adèle’s baptism. As Christ went through the deep waters of death for us, so may he bring Adèle to the fullness of resurrection and life with all the redeemed. Amen_
> 
> _Holy water was sprinkled on the casket before the main celebrant proceeded to the altar to start the requiem._
> 
> _Celebrant: In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit  
> _ _Congregation : Amen  
> _ _Celebrant : The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all.  
> _ _Congregation : And with your spirit  
> _ _Celebrant :  
> _ _My brothers and sisters, we believe that all the ties of friendship and affection which knit us as one throughout our lives do not unravel with death. Confident that God always remembers the good we have done and forgives our sins, let us pray, asking God to gather Adèle to Himself.  
> _
> 
> _The Kyrie Eleison was chanted, asking God and Jesus for mercy, before the celebrant said the opening prayer._
> 
> _Let us pray.  
> _ _Lord our God,  
>  the death of our sister Adèle  
> recalls our human condition   
> and the brevity of our lives on earth.  
> But for those who believe in your love  
> death is not the end,  
> nor does it destroy the bonds  
> that you forge in our lives.  
> We share the faith of your Son’s disciples  
> and the hope of the children of God.  
> Bring the light of Christ’s Resurrection  
> to this time of testing and pain  
> as we pray for Adèle and for those who love her.  
> Through Christ our Lord.  
> _ _Congregation : Amen_
> 
> _Noémie was hearing the words but was not understanding them. It seemed that everyone was moving and speaking under water, and the Sun had set for all eternity. Finally, it was time to leave as the Final Blessing was said._
> 
> _In paradisum deducant te Angeli;  
>  in tuo adventu suscipiant te martyres,  
> et perducant te in civitatem sanctam Jerusalem.  
> Chorus angelorum te suscipiat,  
> et cum Lazaro quondam paupere æternam habeas requiem._
> 
> _Gimi and Julia held her on each arm – she was so lost. She wanted to scream and tell Adèle how much she loved her, but words wouldn’t come out._

> _Adèle, Cécile, Éric , and the dog sat on the banks of the stream and feasted on some luscious fruits hanging from the greenest and sturdiest trees. They were silent, for there was really no need for words. They sat for like an eternity until Cécile turned to Adèle, her beautiful and innocent face full of love, and said, “You can’t stay here.”_
> 
> _“Why? It is so beautiful here. And I don’t want to leave you alone. You are still so little and you need someone to take care of you, and I will take care of you,” Adèle cried out._
> 
> _“I will take care of her,” Éric answered while puffing his chest a little. On the surface, they could not be brother and sister for they looked so different. But somehow, Adèle knew that they were. Words and confirmations did not seem to be of much importance in this place; it was a place of certainty, of truth which the heart could easily grasp without explanations._
> 
> _“You have to go back, or I will never be able to come, Maman,” Cécile innocently said._
> 
> _“Maman? I am your Maman?” Adèle asked in disbelief._
> 
> _But Cécile was done with words and instead gave her a big hug; Éric also put his arms around her and Adèle was clothed in the purest, unconditional love that flowed through from these 2 kids who seemed to have known her for a lifetime._

Later on, Adèle would not remember the details of the trees and the flowers and the singing stream, or even the faces of the little girl who called her Maman and the little boy who did not call her Maman but loved her like she was. She would not remember anything, except for the love she felt… which would stay with her and would very gently nudge her heart every time she saw a little girl with curly blonde hair or hear the names Cécile or Éric… Afterall, the French did not come up with term ‘ _déjà vu’_ in a vacuum.

_“Noémie, wake up,”_ Julia was trying to rouse her from sleep. _“You have been crying and whimpering in your sleep.”_ It was almost 5am.

She remembered that she called Julia right after she talked to Céline, and Julia came right over. They were resolved to stay up until Céline called back. Julia put the kettle on and despite her misgivings, gave a very anxious Noémie a couple of cigarettes. They were quiet, both deep in their own thoughts. It was around 3:30am when Noémie fell asleep and Julia let her stretch out on the couch and covered her with a blanket. 

_“Has Céline called?”_ Noémie asked while still trying to wake herself up to make sure that whole funeral scene was just a dream. Julia shook her head, and they both sat down again and kept their vigil.

It was almost 6:00am and it was already light outside when Céline finally called to tell them that Adèle was out of surgery but still in critical condition.

\-----------------

The man in the black hoodie walked faster and overtook Adèle. Now, Belleville was not exactly the country and at 12:30am, it was still a hub of activities. The man turned around and faced a very surprised Adèle, and she saw that he was brandishing a hunting knife. Her mind started calculating the angles and physics of this encounter and she concluded that she was at a disadvantage and she had to be smart. The man was at least 4 inches taller and 20 kilograms heavier, and was propelled by anger.

 _“Excuse me,”_ Adèle tried to walk around him, pretending that she did not see the knife.

 _“Bitch! You hate men! You and your feminist lesbian army!”_ the man screamed at her face, which got the attention of a few store owners for they were near Chinatown. _“You are supposed to have babies and stay at home and cook! Now you can never have children!”_ the man growled as he attempted to lunge his knife but Adèle got out of the way just in time. The man was relentless and tried again. She tried to grab the knife which left her with defensive wounds, but this time, the man successfully lunged into her abdomen with so much force that it tore through her uterus. Another lunge aimed for her heart and missed her aorta by half a centimetre. Adèle fell to the ground, bleeding profusely, but surprisingly, she did not feel anything. The body had a way of avoiding extreme pain: it shut her senses and left her in shock.

The man was about to stab her in the neck, which would surely have been fatal, if not for a couple of older Chinese store owners who rushed and hit him with a folding chair. The man stood back up and focused his anger at them, when another person who heard the commotion came up and disarmed him. More people appeared which neutralized the danger when they realized they had to call an ambulance. The SMUR came within 2 minutes and tried to administer first aid while it sped to the nearest hospital.

One of the emergency technicians who happened to be female checked for her ID and screamed, _“It’s Adèle Haenel!!! Mon Dieu! It’s Adèle Haenel!!!”_

They went through Adèle’s phone and dialed the first person in her ICE list – it was Céline – who rushed to the hospital to talk to the doctors before calling Adèle’s family when she realized the seriousness of the situation.

\-----------------

 _“She lost a lot of blood, but we’ve been able to stop the bleeding,”_ one of the surgeons came out and spoke to Celine and Mr. and Mrs. Haenel, _“but we have to perform a hysterectomy now.”_

 _“My God! She’s only 31 years old!”_ her mother cried.

 _“We really have no choice at this point, her uterus had been damaged so much. But we could harvest some of her eggs and freeze them,”_ the doctor said _. “Do you think she would want to us to do that? Does she have any medical directives?”_

 _“DO IT! DO IT PLEASE!”_ Adèle’s mother screamed.

“ _No, she has no medical directives except a DNR. I agree with my wife. Please do it, harvest the eggs. She might not be able to carry a child later, but she could still have children through other means, if she wants to_ ,” Monsieur Haenel said.

Céline was quiet through this exchange – she felt like an interloper at the moment – but she remembered the conversations she and Adèle had about having children when they were still together. They even agreed that Adèle would be the one to get pregnant, which was now an impossibility, and she silently cried for that dream. 

A few hours later, the surgeon came out again to inform them that they had successfully harvested 20 eggs before performing the hysterectomy.

 _“We will be transferring her to the ICU in the next hour and you can see her, but I advise you not to go into the room and I definitely cannot allow you to stay. We still need to take precautions regarding CoVid and we have to control the number of people going in and out of the hospital,”_ the head nurse later came out to give them an update.

 _“How is she? What will happen now? What do we need to do?”_ Madame Haenel had plenty of questions.

 _“We usually have a meeting with the patient’s family to walk them through everything that we did, and answer questions like what you have now. But I know how difficult it must be, so I will give a brief version of our script – she’s okay, she will recover. She had superficial wounds from trying to defend herself, and two major ones that we had to repair. She can breathe on her own but we have her on oxygen. We did lose her for a few seconds on the table,”_ the nurse said as her audience gasped.

 _“But that is not uncommon – sometimes, the body shuts down to heal itself, and she was not out for a long time. We were able to bring her back right away. As far as recovery, a lot of it depends on the patient, and she seems to be healthy. I would say a few days in ICU, another few on the regular floor, and you can take her home in maybe a week,”_ the nurse said.

 _“And the man who hurt her? Was he also brought here?”_ Céline asked.

 _“I’m sorry, Madame, but I cannot answer your question,”_ the nurse replied.

 _“PUTAIN DE MERDE! This man can be recovering next to Adèle and you are worried about his privacy?”_ Céline was justifiably outraged.

 _“The gendarme will be outside his door and he will be cuffed the entire time. I think he might even be arraigned this morning for attempted murder,”_ the nurse remained calm.

Céline nodded, satisfied with the answer. She went outside to have a cigarette – the sun was just breaking through the clouds, and she sat on a bench and started to cry. She had been holding it in for a few hours, trying to be strong for Adèle’s parents and friends, but it was her time to let it out and she gave herself 10 minutes to do so, before she started calling the people that needed to know.


	70. People's Princess

***** Note: 7 Chapters to go after this and it's C'est fini  
** ***** I'm not sure if you're out there**  
 ***** No_Body, where are you?**

At day break, the ‘incident’ about Adèle had slowly been trickling out in social media and various news outlets, courtesy of public police reports. To get in front of what could become a pandemonium, her French agents and publicists, Elizabeth Simpson and Elisabeth Tanner, released a statement and arranged for a press briefing with the police. By controlling the timing and narrative, they could neutralize any monetized paparazzi pictures and unauthorized interviews. They asked for police detail at the hospital against unwelcome intrusion and police protection for Adèle’s parents. By 7am, they had already drafted an official announcement to be sent to AFP, AP, Reuters, and France24. They, along with CAA, Adèle’s representatives in the US, were also posting the same message on their official Twitter Accounts.

> **_*** For Immediate Release ***_ **
> 
> _Adèle Haenel was attacked by an unknown assailant in Paris in the early morning hours of <date>. She suffered life-threatening stab wounds and is currently in critical but stable condition. The actions of strangers who risked their lives undoubtedly saved Adèle from more serious harm whilst helping the police to detain the attacker. The reason for the attack is still unknown. More details will be released as they become available._
> 
> _A press conference will be held at 14:00 at the Belleville Police Station._

\---------------------

An exhausted Céline headed back home to get some sleep, but not before calling an equally sleep-deprived Noémie back to let her know that she would more than likely be turned away should she try to visit the hospital because of the CoVid protocol. To ensure that she would not be bothered that day, she proactively blasted a mass text message to Adèle’s friends telling them of the hospital protocol then turned her phone off. Not even Adèle’s parents could stay by her side – it was the sad reality of the pandemic.

When Céline went back to the hospital later that afternoon to check up on Adèle through the glass door, she was extremely surprised to see Noémie sitting next to Adèle’s bed, asleep. She went to the nurses’ station to get an explanation.

 _“Bon jour. How is she?”_ Céline asked.

 _“The doctors decided to keep her under general anesthesia – the suture is very close to her heart and they want to monitor it for a few more hours,”_ the nurse answered. _“She will wake up later tonight.”_

 _“And Mademoiselle Merlant? How on earth is she allowed to stay in the ICU with Adèle? What happened to your CoVid protocol?”_ Céline was quite annoyed.

 _“We tested Mademoiselle Merlant for the anti-bodies since she already had the virus. She’s got the anti-bodies alright. But just the same, we are requiring her to wear a mask and gloves,”_ the nurse said.

 _“Ah! I see. But what happens when she leaves and comes back? How sure are you that she will not be a spreader?”_ Céline was still skeptic.

 _“She said she will not leave and we followed protocol and cleared it first with M. and MMe Haenel. Mademoiselle Merlant rented one of the rooms reserved for families located within the hospital's sterile area. We have already sterilized the clothes and provisions she brought with her. And it will be good for Mademoiselle Haenel to have someone there when she wakes up,”_ the nurse explained.

Céline smiled to herself. _Way to go, Noé!_ She was impressed at this once-timid girl’s tenacity. Despite her condition, despite the pain she had already gone through… Céline knew that this time, Noé was ready to fight for Adèle. _Way to go!_

But just to be sure, she did tell the nurse that Noémie was pregnant, and she wanted to make sure that being in the hospital would not affect the baby.

 _“Oh, we already know. She tried to donate blood plasma for our CoVid Plasma Bank, but we could not accept because the baby needs her blood more. But she did agree to participate in one of our studies to see if the baby will be born with CoVid antibodies_ ,” the nurse said, then continued, “ _because if he or she is, it can help us understand the virus better and how antibodies can transfer from mother to child. Not all recovered CoVid patients develop antibodies, which is entirely baffling. And most of those who did lose them after a relatively short period of time, usually within a month. Mademoiselle Merlant was infected in March and she still has antibodies – she might belong to the 3 rd group who will most likely remain immune to the virus for life_.”

“ _Fascinating_ ,” Céline was genuinely and pleasantly surprised.

 _“Do you want to speak to Mademoiselle Merlant? I can ask one of the nurses to wake her up and you two can talk through the phone in the window,”_ the nurse asked.

 _“Just like those phones in prison visiting areas, eh?”_ Céline was amused.

 _“Just like those phones in prison visiting areas,”_ the nurse confirmed.

 _“No, let her sleep. When she wakes up, please tell her I came over, and ask her to call me. Wait, what about her food? How would she eat?”_ Céline inquired.

 _“Meals come with the room. Those rooms are pretty nice, and before CoVid, were very popular with visiting families and friends of patients, especially those who lived outside of Paris. They are nicer and safer than a hotel. And cheaper. But with CoVid… they have been mostly empty because we need to keep a large part of the hospital sterile. In fact, Mademoiselle Merlant is our first guest in a few months – she’s the only one who has the antibodies,”_ the nurse chuckled. _“And we have already taken it upon ourselves to consult with our nutritionist to make sure we serve her and her baby healthy but delicious food during their stay.”_

 _“Might as well,”_ Céline said smiling _“…might as well…”_

\-----------------------

By 9am Paris time, **_#AdeleHaenel_** was already the number 1 trend on Twitter and IG. While there were a few assholes who remarked that she deserved what she got, the sentiment was fairly universal: condemnation of the attack, sincere wishes for her recovery, and countless marriage proposals from all over the world, from both men and women. Simpson and Tanner’s office was flooded with messages from celebrities all over Europe who inquired about sending flowers or asking if they could do anything. CAA was also fielding in calls from other thespians, including Cate Blanchett, Kristen Stewart, Nicole Kidman, Meryl Streep, among others, all sending her their best wishes. The Academy posted a notice on their website condemning the attack and praising Adèle’s body of work and social activism.

By 10am Paris time, people had already started flocking to Saint Louis – it’s a mystery how they knew where she was – some were leaving flowers at the lobby, others were lighting votive candles, while others came merely to be there. A crowd had also started gathering at the Belleville Police Station; the older Chinese couple who thwarted the attack would be commended for their bravery during the press conference.

In the age of 24/7 information overflow, it did not take long before Netizens had identified the culprit: Cyril Duchamps, a 25-year old unemployed software programmer, what Americans would call an “Incel” or short for “Involuntary Celibate” – _a group of men characterized by resentment, self-pity, racism, misogyny, misanthropy, and narcissism. Opposition to feminism and women's rights is commonplace, and some posters blame women's liberation for their inability to find a partner_. Before the police could release an official picture, his FB and Twitter profile photos had been posted and reposted. A group of militant lesbians had threatened to cut off his dick, while other fans cursed the pandemic for preventing them from flying to France to be with their beloved idol. Whether to take the threats and paroxysms seriously added an undue burden to the police, and once again affirmed Adèle’s aversion to social media.

That evening, a candlelight vigil would be held in Belleville near where the attack happened, with some hysterical fans crying, although for the most part, the vigil was peaceful.

\------------------ 

Inside the hospital, Adèle was totally unaware of the commotion outside; she was still unconscious, an oxygen mask on her face, and several bags of drugs and antibiotics hanging on the IV stand to deliver medicine directly through her veins. It was a heartbreaking sight for anyone who knew this lively, sometimes all-too-restless girl to see her lying there helplessly but it was enough to bring Noémie down on her knees and cry.

She held Adèle’s bandaged hand as soon as she got there, and had not let go except for the few times when a nurse had to take vitals or change IV bags. At some point, exhaustion and lack of sleep caught up with her and she fell asleep on the chair.

> _She dreamt that they were at Pierre Quiberon, maybe filming Portrait, but they were alone: no Céline or crew or cameras. Just Adèle walking towards her, in regular street clothes and not the bulky 18 th century number they had to wear for the movie. She was waiting at the Grotto, where the first kiss was filmed. But for some reason, Adèle just kept walking towards her but not really getting nearer, so she got out of the Grotto to meet her halfway. They got to within a few meters of each other, and they were stuck in place, not being able to go any nearer._
> 
> _“Adèle! I can’t reach you!” she cried out. But Adèle just looked at her. She kept trying, until finally she got hold of Adèle’s hand, and she brought it to her face to kiss it. She started crying, then Adèle started caressing her face…_

She woke up with tears in her eyes, her head on the bed… she fell asleep holding Adèle’s hand and woke up with that hand caressing her hair and trying to wipe her tears. She looked up and saw that Adèle had regained consciousness, taken her oxygen mask off, and was looking at her with a very faint smile.

 _“Noé…”_ Adèle’s voice was weak and almost imperceptible.

 _“I’m here, I’m here…”_ Noé stood up and kissed Adèle’s cheeks. _“Can I get you anything?”_

Adèle shook her head, not taking her eyes off of Noé, **like she was seeing her for the first time**.

 _“I love you, Noé,”_ Adèle whispered. She was still half-drugged and couldn’t get more words out, but she had said what she wanted to say.

 _“Oh, Adèle, I love you too. I have always loved you. And I am tired of the missed connections and parallel lives. It’s time to come home. And you are my home and I am yours,”_ Noé just blurted out what she had been holding in her heart.

Adèle smiled at her but did not answer, and then closed her eyes again. There would be plenty of time to talk later. In her dream, she thought she saw a glimpse of the little girl with blonde hair and her brother with brown hair and dark hazel eyes like his mother, both smiling at her. But that could just be the Dilaudid.

\-------------------

Adèle’s recovery was short of miraculous, or at least, that’s what the doctors thought. She stayed in the ICU for the night and was transferred to the regular floor around midday. The MRI showed that the stab wound near the aorta had stabilized, which was what worried the doctors the most. The pandemic meant that she could only see her family and Céline through a glass window, but Noé hardly left her side.

By the 2nd day, Adèle was already walking around the floor; in fact, the physical therapist insisted that she did, to let her body get used to motion again. She and Noé had to stay within the sterile area of the hospital which included the atrium.

Her fans were still leaving flowers at the hospital entrance; this sea of flowers was visible from one of the corners of the sitting area.

 _“You’re like Princess Diana, the People’s Princess,”_ Noé teased after they saw the flowers that had piled up.

 _“Shut up,”_ Adèle answered bashfully, but very touched by this show of affection.

 _“Goodbye Montreuil’s rose…”_ Noé started singing, which was met by Adèle’s lips on hers to prevent her from further making any sound. Soon enough, the sight of the two of them walking around the floors - IV drip still attached to Adèle’s right arm, holding hands and sometimes stealing kisses, mostly laughing at each other’s private jokes - had become a familiar scene in the hospital.

\-------------------

 _“I knew that your CoVid would come in handy someday,”_ Adèle told Noé who was packing her stuff; they were at the hospital’s guest suite that Noé had rented. Adèle was going to be discharged the following day, 4 days after the attack.

 _“What, to be your personal nurse?”_ Noé answered but did not even look at Adèle.

 _“No, to be my personal slave,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Is that so? How about you go home to your flat alone? Gisèle could take care of you,”_ Noé deadpanned.

 _“I should ask her to do that. Bring some of her puppets to keep me company,”_ Adèle was being silly.

“ _But seriously, do you want me to stay while you’re still recovering?”_ Noé’s question was genuine.

 _“No, I do not want you to stay with me while I'm recovering,”_ Adèle’s reply caught Noémie off-guard.

“ _I want you to stay with me always,"_ Adèle said in all seriousness.

 _“We have plenty of time to think and talk. Remember, we said we would not jump into anything,”_ Noé reminded her of their earlier conversations about why they should not be together.

_“Woman, I was stabbed. Half a centimeter more and I would have been a goner. I really do not have time to ponder whether or not I should jump. I just would._

_Not unless you do not want to move in with me. And don’t say it’s too soon. We have been on this dance for almost two years. So, what do you say? Would you move in with me and be my personal slave?”_ Adèle said with a twinkle in her eye.

 _“And don’t worry about Gimi. He is the father of your child, and he will be welcome wherever you are. As long as you don’t jump into bed with him again,”_ she added.

 _“You only have one functioning bedroom. We will need one for the nursery,”_ Noé replied.

 _“We have over six months to decide whether to get a new place,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Then yes, I will be your personal slave,”_ Noé sat next to Adèle and kissed her.

 _“Lock the door,”_ Adèle whispered.

 _“You have fresh sutures, so no,”_ Noé declined.

 _“Lock the door,”_ Adèle said more forcefully and Noé capitulated.

 _“Now… where were we…”_ Adèle was back in her bedroom voice while taking Noé’s clothes off. Noé tried to reciprocate, but she was stopped.

 _“I still have fresh sutures, remember? And defensive wounds in both hands. But my tongue is intact,”_ Adèle said mischievously.


	71. Live from Paris!

***** Reader No_body: still waiting to hear from you, girl. Please just drop a note to let me know you're okay. Thanks.**

***** Also, I don't know French family court laws and I'm not sure if baby daddies are on the hook for child support until the kid turns 18  
*** But this is just a fucking fanfic anyway, not a documentary or a historical artifact. So there.   
*** Some people over at [L-Chat](https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/l_anon/noemie-merlant-french-actress-t7145022-s9300.html) have called this fic _lame_ and _mediocre and idiotic._** **I tend to agree with them  
**

_“You know I have not slept with anyone since before the lockdown, I could have been a nun. Maybe a Benedictine,”_ Adèle told Noémie while they were both lying in bed after her master class performance at the pitch’s luscious grass carpet, aided by Noé who scored a few own goals.

 _“I could never have known,”_ Noé replied, still coming down from the zenith where Adèle’s deft maneuvers and dribbling expertise brought her. “ _Even with an IV drip, 2 bandaged hands, and several stents, you are still the best.”_

 _“Well, you helped,”_ Adèle replied which made Noé blush a bright beet red.

 _“I’m hormonal, and that will be my excuse for the next three years,”_ Noé said.

 _“Hormonal, or just plain horny?”_ Adèle quipped mischievously.

 _“They share the first three letters, and that’s all I’m going to say about that topic,”_ Noé couldn’t stop smiling whilst looking at the first girl she had ever slept with.

 _“We’ve wasted so much time, Noé,”_ Adèle was pensive.

 _“All lovers think they have wasted so much time, and when they finally have them, they get bored,”_ Noé was either being philosophical or plain contrarian.

 _“You don’t think we have wasted so much time?”_ Adèle frowned at her.

 _“I wouldn’t say we wasted time, because it was not deliberate. More like the stars were not aligned and we just kept missing each other, metaphorically. Which makes this moment so much sweeter,”_ Noé thoughtfully said.

 _“When I’m out of this,”_ Adèle motioned around, pointing to all her medical accoutrements, _“no more wasting time. I will carpe the fucking diem out of this life, and you will be so tired of all the goals I score that you might as well give me the Ballon d’Or - or should I say Ballon d’Orgasms- now.”_

 _“Then I don’t want to waste any more time either,”_ Noémie replied while caressing Adèle’s face.

\--------------------

The logistics surrounding Adèle’s discharge and homebound recovery was planned with precision. Gino would be staying with Gimi whilst Noémie was staying at Adèle’s. Céline had ordered dozens of thermometers, PPEs, masks, gloves, and hand sanitizers for anyone who would be visiting and decreed that only 2 people at a time were allowed, with maximum occupancy capped at four. People were asked to call in first to ensure that these requirements were met.

Adèle’s flat was deep cleaned and sanitized prior to her discharge. Her mother had also taken care of the pantry and had cooked enough food for the first week. She and Noémie got along well, although Céline would always be her first choice. No, actually the HS boyfriend would be her ultimate choice, but that ship had sailed a very long time ago.

Noémie was scheduled to go to the Cabourg Film Festival in about a week to receive her award for her short film, and it was Adèle’s suggestion to take Gimi with her. Céline would instead be staying with Adèle.

\------------------------

Fans who had been camped at Saint Louis did not know that Adèle was going to be discharged that day. All they hoped for was a glimpse of her, maybe, from a window. To avoid the crowd, the hospital had arranged for an ambulance to take her home, but at the last minute, Adèle decided that she would ride in the SUV with Noémie and Céline so she could stop to see her fans. The police made sure no one got near the vehicle, but Adèle was very grateful for the people who had been keeping vigil at the hospital, and although she could not get out of the car, she put her mask on and rolled down the windows and waved.

 _“I have to find a way to thank them,”_ Adèle later said.

Noémie, who was driving, looked at her through the rearview mirror, and suggested, “ _Why don’t we arrange for an Instagram Live? We could do it through my account.”_

 _“That’s a great idea, Adèle,”_ Céline agreed as she turned to the back seat. _“I would even join the two of you if you want.”_

 _“I was thinking it should only be Adèle and her fans because they are legions,”_ Noémie said.

 _“She would not know what to do with those comments. She would end up just reading them and getting distracted to no end,”_ Céline laughed.

 _“That is true,”_ Adèle acquiesced, _“although I know how to send hearts.”_

 _“Also, Noémie… Adèle using your account… are you sure? Would you rather we do it through mine?”_ Céline asked.

 _“We are not hiding anything. We are not flaunting anything either. The three of us will do the Insta live thingy. The studios should pay us for doing more promotion for the Portrait DVD and BluRay,”_ Adèle chuckled.

 _“To avoid any misunderstanding later… I need to ask now, once and for all: are you two back together?”_ Céline’s question was categorical. “ _And by ‘together’, I mean it’s not one of those half-assed, disposable relationships that one of you would abandon indiscriminately_.”

“ _Yes_ ,” the two girls said in unison. 

_“We’ve grown up a lot,”_ Adèle added.

\---------------------------

Two days after Adèle was discharged, both Noémie and Céline announced a 1-hour IG live at 19:00 Paris time. The post was cryptic - only that the two of them were planning to talk to fans - and the event was very short noticed, barely 12 hours prior. But the fandom was swift and decisive and the news of the IG live was shared prodigiously within an hour of its posting. On the day of the live event, Noémie and Céline had cleaned up the living room, poured themselves some wine, and set up Adèle’s Mac on the coffee table on top of some books so the video camera was at eye level. Except for stents to drain the incision sites and a PICC line for her IV antibiotics, Adèle looked her normal self. 

_“Bon soir, everyone,”_ Céline started the live broadcast. Comments and hearts immediately started appearing on screen, a lot of them asking how Adèle was. The number of viewers immediately went over a thousand within the first few seconds, and just kept growing.

 _“I hope everyone is okay. I’m here with Noémie,”_ as Noémie sidled up to Céline to get within the camera’s view.

 _“Hi, everyone,”_ Noémie said as she waved at the invisible audience.

 _“Let’s see…thank you for all your messages about Adèle. They are very heartwarming,”_ Céline said. Noémie was in charge of reading the messages which were coming in fast and furious, in all languages.

 _“A lot of questions regarding Adèle,”_ Céline continued. _“Noémie, what do you think?”_

Céline moved a little off the couch so Noémie could be in the frame as well.

 _“We both have a glass of wine, and we want to make a toast, first to Adèle for her strength and fortitude, and to all of you for your unwavering love and support,”_ Noémie said as she and Céline raised their wine glasses.

 _“Yeah, sure,”_ Noémie told someone off camera, before addressing the viewers, _“Someone wants to say hello to all of you.”_

 _“They know I can’t drink and they are just doing this to annoy me,”_ Adèle was finally in the frame after Céline switched the video mode to 16:9 HD aspect, followed by a million collective scream heard around the world.

 _“I just want to personally say thank you to all of you. We saw the flowers that you left at the hospital - they were gorgeous. And for those of you who kept vigil from a distance, thank you. I am very humbled, really,”_ Adèle was looking at the screen and not the camera.

 _“As some of you know, I do not have social media, so please thank Noé and Céline for setting this up. Geez, they were right about all the messages! I get dizzy reading them as they scroll up! Who was with me at the hospital? The doctors, and nurses, of course. Yeah, visitors were not really allowed because of CoVid,”_ Adèle was answering the questions that she could read.

_“No, I don’t know the man who attacked me, but he deserves a fair trial and we let the court of law decide. About the play? Obviously, I cannot rehearse at the moment, but I will, when I get a clean bill of health from the doctor. Thank you for the offers to cook and clean for me, but I think we’re good. Oh, you want to marry me? Where are you from? If you’re in the US, probably not. You guys have not flattened the curve. Why am I not wearing a mask? I am at home and these two are CoVid proof. Oh, a few more marriage proposals…”_ Adèle was chuckling. “ _Sorry, but I’m already taken. By whom? Nope, not Julia. Not Céline either – she already tried so hard to get away from me, and I don’t wish me on her again. And no, not Gisèle either. You know, if you were journalists, I would have walked away by now because I don’t really want to discuss my personal life. But I will make an exception in this case, because I think it is important, and when you truly love someone, you want to share it with the world,”_ and a few more million screams were heard when Adèle put her arms around a very surprised Noémie and kissed her on the lips. The way French people kiss. It was another unexpected Haenel move, done without telling anyone, just like at the 2014 César Awards when she declared her love for Céline.

 _“Voilà, I won’t answer anymore questions about my personal life, and I hope you all can respect that and I am asking for your help in guarding my and Noémie’s privacy. I have the best fans in the world, so I am counting on you. Also, I want to address something else tonight,”_ Adèle continued.

“ _The man who attacked me hates women, he declared so in his social media. We are the reason for his misfortunes, and he thinks we should stay at home and be docile and slavish to men. Now there’s nothing wrong with staying at home and being domesticated, if that is what you want. But the important thing is that you choose to do just that, that it was not imposed on you. Remember that you have choices – on what to do with_ _your_ _life and body, whom you choose to love, what you want to believe in – and nothing can take that away from you. From us. So be strong, fight for what you believe in, and always, always, choose to be kind. And now I have to leave you all because I need to lie down,”_ Adèle concluded as she stood up from the couch but not before kissing Céline’s cheeks and Noémie’s lips.

 _“I think we are just about to reach an hour, so thank you all for joining us, and please keep safe,”_ Céline concluded the live as Noémie blew kisses to the camera.

\----------------------------

 _“Did you know she was going to do that?”_ Noémie asked Céline.

 _“Do you ever know in advance what she is going to do? You know she follows her own timeline,”_ Céline laughed.

 _“Let me just check on her,”_ Noémie said as Céline went to the kitchen to heat up some of Mama Haenel’s spaghetti and meatballs.

 _“Hey…”_ Adèle greeted her as she sat next to her. _“I was feeling kinda dizzy, from the meds, from lying and sitting down all day. When do they take out these fucking stents?”_

 _“A few more days,”_ Noémie realized that Adèle’s announcement of their relationship was not a big deal, that it was something that came naturally to her, and she did not care what the world would say. And her blasé attitude comforted Noémie, especially with her camp left totally unaware. She already got a text message with a question mark from her agent and crying emoji from Gimi. But her other friends, even the ones from the Roma community, were supportive.

 _“Are you going to eat dinner with us? Or do you want me to bring your food in here?”_ Noémie asked as she smelled the aroma of honest-to-goodness spaghetti and meatballs, food for the soul.

 _“Sure. Can you help me get up?”_ Adèle asked. Noémie helped her out of the bed and was promptly rewarded by another kiss.

 _“So, who’s on the visitors’ list tomorrow? I don’t think I can take more than 4 people a day. It’s exhausting, I’m still on Vancomycin and painkillers, and I don’t want us to run out of masks and PPEs,”_ Adèle asked as the 3 of them were having dinner.

 _“Let me see…”_ Céline scrolled through the house iPad, then started laughing. _“Gisèle and Julia, 10:30am.”_

 _“PUTAIN! ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO KILL ME?”_ Adèle groaned.

 _“They called almost at the same time – Gisèle called your phone and I answered, and Julia called Noémie’s, we both looked at the time slot, and we both said yes. I swear we did not conspire!”_ Céline said, still laughing, which was so infectious that Noémie started to laugh as well. Adèle was unmoved and just chewed on her meatballs made by Mamma Mia.

\--------------------------

 _“Where are you heading? We can share a cab,”_ Gisèle asked Julia after visiting Adèle.

 _“Why don’t we have coffee? Or maybe lunch. It’s almost noon anyway,”_ Julia answered. _“There a nice bistro a few blocks from here called Martin’s.”_

 _“Oh, I like Martin’s. Yeah, we used to go there for brunch,”_ Gisèle answered.

 _“Putain, I forgot that we both dated her,”_ Julia chuckled.

 _“Maybe you can help me with some of the tracks for the play. If you have time,”_ Gisèle said, always on a different plane of existence.

 _“Sure, I’d be glad to do that,”_ Julia replied.

The two of them got on so well despite their contrasting personalities, and spent the whole day together. And the night together. And then the following night. And had been inseparable ever since.

\----------------------------------

Noémie and Gimi were both on the TGV headed back to Paris from the Cabourg Film Festival where Noémie picked her award for Shakira. It was the red-eye train and they had a rather comfortable, first class compartment. They had both gotten out of their Louis Vuitton gear – Noé asked LVMG for an outfit for Gimi to wear at the awards night – and were comfortably seated on their plush train seats. Their dinner was just cleared from the table by an attendant, and Gimi was just finishing his wine.

 _“Gimi, I need to talk to you about the baby,”_ Noémie opened the discussion, “ _and please listen to me first before you say anything. Can you please relinquish your paternity claim?”_

 _“Da fuck, Noémie, why would I do that?_ ” Gimi was incensed. Family was very important to the Romas and this was his first child.

 _“So Adèle can officially adopt it,”_ Noémie remained calm. “ _Legally, I can leave you out of the birth certificate and you would have to file your claim. I want to avoid that. It doesn’t mean you will not be the baby’s father. Of course, you will always be the father. Nothing can change that. But Adèle cannot adopt it without your consent.”_

Gimi was silent, thinking things over.

 _“And it will release you from financial responsibilities too. You are still young, Gimi. You will find a gorgeous woman and you will have your own kids. Do you want to be saddled with child support of about 250€ a month for the next 18 years?”_ Noe added.

 _“And I can see the baby anytime I want to?”_ Gimi asked.

 _“Of course, as long as we are available, of course. You can even be the godfather,”_ Noémie was encouraged.

 _“And will you let it know that I am its daddy?”_ Gimi wanted to make sure.

 _“Yes, I promise, it will know that you are the father, and Adèle is its other Maman. So, you two better start getting along,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“She’s the one with the mean left hook and wicked combat skills,”_ Gimi replied, sounding like the boy that deep inside, he still was. 

Noémie laughed, stood up and kissed his cheeks, and said, “ _Thank you, Gimi. Really.”_

 _“As long as you ask her not to beat me up, we’re cool,”_ Gimi replied jokingly.

 _“I’ll think about it,”_ Noémie teased as she went back to her seat and soon fell asleep.


	72. Back to Brittany, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am currently on summer break from school and I have already written the outline for all the remaining chapters.  
>   
> I am putting out a challenge to prove that I don't need fake posters - so I am asking you to post a comment, good or bad, after you read the chapter. **Once I get 10 comments, I will start writing the next chapter. That's not too much to ask, is it?**  
>   
>  Thanks!

**_*** HOUSEKEEPING  
*** Please see story summary  
*** If you don't know the song, links to YouTube are in the story  
_** **_*** 10 Comments challenge <\- I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS!_**

**_*** Poster No_body, please appear and let me know you are okay._ **

_“When can we know the sex of the baby?”_ Adèle asked Dr. Bertillon during Noémie’s (late) 12th week checkup.

Dr. Bertillon, ultrasound wand still on hand, looking at the image on the screen from inside Noémie’s womb, took her time answering, _“Usually 18 to 21 weeks. Sometimes, we luck out with the baby’s position and we can determine at 14 weeks. But right now, it’s all conjecture.”_

 _“But the baby is healthy?”_ Noémie asked. She had not told Adèle her cigarette binge whilst waiting for news from the hospital.

 _“Yes, the baby is healthy, strong heartbeat, nice size,”_ Dr. Bertillon answered. Adèle was transfixed on the little white glob on the screen, marveling at how this little plum-sized glob would become a person.

 _“I guess we can start telling people,”_ Noémie looked up at Adèle. _“We’ve made it through the first trimester.”_

 _“I guess we can,”_ Adèle answered, still looking at the screen.  
\------------------------

It seemed that this particular week was spent with doctors – Adèle’s PICC line was finally out, the sutures were healing nicely, she was given a provisional clean bill of health, meaning she still had to take precautions. (Also, she could start having S-E-X!) And then it was time for the OB-Gyn appointment with Céline’s cousin. But they had something to look forward to: the 2-week residency of L’Etang at the National Theater of Brittany in Rennes would start in a couple of weeks and they would go to the Merlant Cottage a week before. The place was only a half-hour drive to Rennes and Adèle could spend every night with Noémie throughout the entire 2 weeks. It was a perfect working vacation.

They spent one night in Nantes to visit Noémie’s parents and also to tell them about the pregnancy in person. Of course, both grandparents-to-be were ecstatic – it was their first grandchild, and it didn’t matter who the father was.

 _“Have you started picking up names?”_ Mama Merlant asked them during dinner.

 _“No, Ma, we don’t even know the sex of the baby,”_ Noémie answered.

 _“Well, you can have 2 lists, one for girls and another for boys,”_ Mama Merlant said.

 _“I think the name chooses the baby. Don’t worry about names for now, when you meet him or her, you would know,”_ Papa Merlant, ever philosophical.

 _“Yes, Noémie’s first name was Zoé and after a week, we realized she was not a Zoé and went with the 5 th name in our list that seemed to fit her more,”_ Mama Merlant replied, then continued, _“Adèle we were so worried about you when you were in the hospital. We got a text from Noémie asking for prayers and I immediately went to church to light a candle for you.”_

 _“Thank you, I think all the good wishes and prayers helped,”_ Adèle answered with a smile.

Adèle was acutely aware that in their last visit to this house, she felt stifled and had to run away. And to be honest, she was apprehensive and she did not want to fuck things up again. But one year had brought so many changes to both of them personally, and to the world as a whole. Adèle basked in the simplicity and love that defined Noémie’s childhood home, a respite from the craziness that seemed to plague the entire planet.

\------------------

The Merlant Cottage was already prepared for their arrival – fresh sheets, heather and lavender everywhere, stocked pantry. And most importantly, it was the week of the ping-pong tournament and there was nothing that would stand in Adèle’s way of defending her title; one of the first things she did without Noé’s knowledge was to walk to the village to sign up.

They took long walks every morning to watch the sunrise. One night, after an easy round of victory for Adèle, they even decided to camp out at the beach – there were tents and sleeping bags in the cottage - and build a fire. 

The flame that illuminated Adèle’s face triggered Noémie‘s many feelings of long ago, in a film set in Melun, when they _– Adèle and Noémie_ \- and their characters - _Héloïse and Marianne_ \- were already past the point of no return. Noémie stared at the fire, mesmerized, and did not notice that Adèle was staring at her, likewise remembering the loving gazes and the bewitching music.

When Noémie turned to look at her, Adèle just had to kiss her. And then kissed her again. And kissed her all over. Why was fire always thematic in their relationship? The light, burning desire and passion, rebirth? They were already naked except for their bath robes because they had been swimming, but those robes came off very easily. Skin against skin – after a year, they had both gained battle wounds, their bodies had been transformed, but it did not matter. Under the moon and the stars, as the fire started turning to embers, they made love like it was the first time – it was full of wonder and uncharacteristic clumsiness (mostly on Adèle’s part) – and it was magical. 

\------------------------

Between the art residency and the nightly ping pong tournament, Noémie started to worry that Adèle might be over-exerting herself. After all, it was barely 6 weeks ago when Adèle hovered between life and death. She drove her to the theatre every day at 10:00am and picked her up every afternoon at 17:00. She usually did not hang around to watch the rehearsals – it was not her place – and she spent the rest of the day going over scripts sent by her agent, writing letters to try to secure funding for Lubita, and reading the complete works of CS Lewis. 

One evening, they had dinner in Rennes with the new couple Julia and Gisèle. Noémie was really a baby lesbian in terms of lesbian habits and cultures, and she found it amusing that 3 of the 4 people sitting on that table had slept with Adèle.

 _“Why don’t you join us this weekend? We have plenty of rooms in the cottage. Might be good to be away from the play for a short period of time,”_ Noémie invited them, to Adèle’s consternation followed by a swift kick to her leg under the table, which emboldened Noémie even more. _“The ping pong tournament championship is on Saturday, and, if Adèle makes it through on Friday, she would defend her title.”_

 _“What do you mean ‘if I make it’? Noé, don’t you know me by now? You know I will kick everyone’s ass and I might even play a set using my right hand. You know I will still win,”_ Adèle was genuinely annoyed at her girlfriend’s lack of faith. Ping pong was serious business.

 _“Sweetheart, what do you say? Should we watch Adèle’s ass get kicked in ping pong,”_ Julia turned to Gisèle, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

 _“We would love to join you in the cottage this weekend,”_ Gisèle replied. _“We could leave after Friday’s rehearsals. We would adjourn early at midday.”_

 _“I will pick all of you up at the usual place,”_ Noémie said. She had been picking Adèle at the train station so as not to call attention to themselves. Those sightings of Adèle walking by her lonesome on the streets of Renne? If only the fans knew that she was on her way to meet Noémie.

\-----------------------

Julia brought her acoustic guitar to the Merlant cottage, perfect for an impromptu concert at the private beach.

 _“This is such a beautiful cottage, like in a fairy tale,”_ Gisèle exclaimed.

 _“Wait till we walk down to the private beach, and you might never want to leave,”_ Adèle replied.

The four of them had local Brittany fare in town for dinner, went to the sports bar to watch Adèle win her semi-finals in exactly 15 minutes, then headed down to the beach. They brought sleeping bags from the cottage, a cooler full of champagne, wine, and Perrier (for Noémie), and firewood. Despite her rock and roll persona, Julia was actually a trained musician and sang some classic songs in French, English, and German. Noémie whispered a request to her, Julia googled the lyrics, and started singing that old Charles Aznavour ballad that Noémie used to play for Adèle.

As soon as Julia started playing the opening chords for the [English version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O040xuq2FR0), Noémie stood up, reached out for Adèle’s hand, and asked, “ _May I have this dance?”_

Adèle put her arms around Noémie’s slowly expanding waist and they danced on the beach, by the fire, watched by the 2 other women who once laid claim to Adèle’s heart.

_She may be the face  
I can't forget  
A trace of pleasure or regret  
May be my treasure  
or the price I have to pay_

_She may be the song that summer sings  
Maybe the chill that autumn brings  
Maybe a hundred different things  
Within the measure of a day_

_She may be the beauty or the beast  
May be the famine or the feast  
May turn each day into a   
Heaven or a Hell_

_She may be the mirror of my dreams  
A smile reflected in a stream  
She may not be what she may seem  
Inside her shell_

_She, who always seems so  
happy in a crowd  
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud  
No one's allowed to see  
them when they cry_

_She may be the love  
that cannot hope to last  
May come to me   
From shadows of the past  
That I remember   
'till the day I die_

_She maybe the reason I survive  
The why and wherefore I'm alive  
The one I'll care for  
through the rough and rainy years_

_Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears  
And make them all my souvenirs  
And where she goes I've got to be  
The meaning of my life is she_

| 

_Elle peut être le visage  
que je ne peux oublier,  
Une trace de plaisir ou de regret,  
Peut être mon trésor ou  
Le prix que je dois payer._

_Elle peut être la chanson que l’été chante,  
Peut être la froideur que l’automne apporte,  
Peut être une centaine de différentes choses  
Dans la durée d’un jour._

_Elle peut être la beauté ou la bête  
Peut-être la famine ou la fête,  
Peut transformer chaque jour en  
Paradis ou en enfer_

_Elle peut être le miroir de mon rêve  
Un sourire reflété dans un ruisseau  
Elle peut ne pas être ce à quoi elle ressemble  
dans sa coquille._

_Elle est celle qui toujours semble si heureuse  
dans une foule  
Dont les yeux peuvent être si secrets et si fiers,  
Personne n’est autorisé à les voir  
Quand ils pleurent._

_Elle peut être l’amour  
qui ne peut espérer durer  
Peut revenir vers moi  
depuis les ombres du passé  
Que je me rappellerai  
jusqu’au jour où je mourrai._

_Elle peut être la raison que je survive,  
Le pour quoi et le pourquoi je suis vivant,  
La seule que je soignerai à travers  
Les rudes et pluvieuses années_

_Moi, je prendrai son rire et ses larmes  
Et ferai d’eux tous mes souvenirs  
Là où elle va je devais y être  
Le sens de ma vie c’est elle, elle, elle._  
  
---|---  
  
Gisèle put her head on Julia’s shoulder and her hands around her and watched as the two danced, in a whole world of their own, and realized how privileged she was to see that her once-lover had finally rested her restless heart. To extend the song, Julia sang the [French](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlavfdtO3fI) and [Italian versions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPLe40UWHlA) as well, and started singing to Gisèle, whose eyes filled with tears because she felt every word touch her heart and overwhelmed that she too had found someone to love from the unlikeliest of places. 

Of course, Adèle successfully defended her ping pong championship the following evening. By then, the locals knew that their home girl and the town's Ping Pong champion were together, and adopted Adèle as one of their own.

\-----------------------------

Back in Paris, Noémie called her agent, stylist, MC, Nicolas Ghesquière, Zoé Wittock, and her set of friends to tell them that she was having a baby. Her agency’s publicist wanted to release a statement, but Adèle was against it.

 _“Clémence Poésy managed to have two kids without the whole world knowing. And she’s more famous worldwide than we are. In the end, it’s nobody’s business,”_ Adèle was resolute, and Noé agreed. _“If you need to show up for red carpet events pregnant, so be it. Let them talk, but we don’t answer.”_

 _“I would be showing when ‘A Good Man’ is released – maybe I should just buzz my hair again and show up pregnant, just like the character,”_ Noé said.

 _“Oh no, no more buzz cut! I loved it, but babe, it’s not you,”_ Adèle gave her a quick kiss. “ _Ready_?”

They were meeting Adèle’s friends from Montreuil for dinner at a nice and high-end Italian restaurant tucked in one of the alleys of the left bank, one that had outdoor sitting. 

_“Annalise, Clothilde, Ben, Jeanne, Ray, Marcel, Pauline, and Madeleine, this is Noémie Merlant, my girlfriend. Noé, this is everybody,”_ Adèle made the introductions _. “Annalise is a teacher, Clothilde is a professor at the Sorbonne, Ben is an architect, Jeanne is a doctor, Ray is a business woman, Pauline is a lawyer, Madeleine is boring and works for a bank, and Marcel is a stage actor and sometimes impersonates Marilyn Monroe,”_ the last introduction made everyone laugh. Marcel, a graduate of the Conservatoire, was a flamboyant gay theatre actor and a classically trained cellist who seemed to change boyfriends at the beginning of every season.

 _“Welcome to the group. We would kiss you on both cheeks, but Dr. Jeanne here insists that we should wear our masks. So virtual hugs and kisses,”_ Clothilde said.

 _“Instead, we do elbow bumps and knee shuffles,”_ Marcel said, while gently doing both.

Soon enough, the group settled and stories from their Montreuil days were shared, to Adèle’s embarrassment.

 _“So Adèle and I dated at the beginning of freshman year,”_ Ben said. _“I thought she was going to be the woman I would marry, until one afternoon, beginning of junior year, I caught Adèle with my sister. In bed.”_ The story was well known among the group and had become the stuff of legend. _“But in all seriousness, she is always going to hold the title of ‘first love’ for me until the day I die.”_

Adèle went up to him and kissed his masked cheeks, _“I love you too, Ben. How’s your sister, by the way? How are the husband and kids?”_ Everyone laughed at the question, because they knew that Ben’s sister was gay and a renowned Women’s Studies scholar and LGBTQ advocate, and had been instrumental in Adèle’s social activism.

 _“When is your documentary coming out?”_ Ray, who had the distinction of being the best friend amongst the best friends, asked. 

“ _I hope it will be ready by November, on the first anniversary of my Mediapart interview,”_ Adèle answered. _“I’m looking at another documentary project and writing about CoVid’s devastation hitting the poorest parts of Paris and the world._ _I am seriously considering quitting acting in front of the camera and focusing on what’s going on behind, maybe directing someday. I think I have had a good run as a movie actress, and now it’s time to explore other options. As I told Noé after the attack, I would do everything I have always wanted to do because life is short. I will carpe that fucking diem!”_ Adèle remarked.

\-------------------------

 _“I like your friends. They’re a good bunch. They have kept you grounded,_ ” Noé said as they waited for the metro to take them to the other side of Île-de-France. _“Was Ben your first?”_

 _“You mean my first sexual partner? Actually, he was. I was still in the ‘this-will-pass’ stage and he was a good boyfriend. But his sister was better in bed, and that was when I realized I’m gay,”_ Adèle laughed.

They got back to the flat early, only after 10pm, and were having a nightcap on the couch. Or rather, Adèle was having a nightcap.

 _“Hey, I have something to tell you,”_ Noé said, _“I had some cigarettes when you were attacked. I was so worried and restless. I got some from Gimi and Julia. Are you mad at me? Does it negate our contract?”_

 _“No, it doesn’t negate our contract. You heard Dr. Bertillon – the baby is healthy. But please don’t do it again,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Please don’t get stabbed again,”_ Noé countered.

 _“Touché,”_ Adèle said, then continued, “ _Since I’m carpe-ing the fuck out of this diem, I need to ask you something. Do you want to get married?”_

 _“Is that a proposal?”_ Noé asked.

 _“Well, yeah,”_ Adèle answered.

 _“And you’re proposing without a ring, or anything,”_ Noé deadpanned.

 _“I didn't plan on proposing... I am just carpe diem-ing,”_ Adèle was bashful.

_“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Adèle, it hasn’t even been two months since we got back together. I am not sure how much you have changed, or if you still come with a warning label. And with the baby, I don’t want you to feel saddled with responsibility that was not in your life plan to begin with._

_“I’m giving you an exit plan, should you need it. I am not going anywhere; I am done jumping into anyone’s arms. When the time is right, maybe we can get married. Who knows? But now is not the time,”_ Noé thoughtfully said.

“ _Are you still hormonal_ ” Adèle asked.

“ _Hello, still pregnant, so yes… why do you ask?”_ Noé replied.

 _“Because I am still carpe diem-ing, and you’re right, a marriage proposal probably was out of scale,”_ Adèle said.

 _“And what does that mean?”_ Noé smiled, because she knew what it was.

 _“SEXY TIME!”_ Adèle started kissing and disrobing Noé, who did the same. And this time, Noé plowed the pitch and Adèle scored some own goals. The game was tied, and during extra time, they both moved to the bedroom. Still tied after 15 minutes which, by FIFA regulations, meant another 15-minutes of extra time. Still tied. Finally, Sexy Time ended with a penalty shootout and two very exhausted but satiated players who both declared themselves winners.


	73. Life Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this, thank you.  
> Apologies in advance because writing about sexy time is not my strength.  
> There will be a lot of time jumps between now and Chapter 77.  
> As my writing dictates, I keep everything in the past tense, like the voice of a story teller looking back. Even if the events are well into the future. Force of habit, I guess.
> 
> Also, keeping the **10 Comments Challenge** : I will start writing the next chapter after 10 comments on this story, good or bad.
> 
> **Please look at word count. Hah!**

***** WARNING: Some R-rated sections**   
***** I promised some sexy time, after all**   
  


Red carpet events during CoVid had been non-existent in the US. In France, a muted version was still held, but how would you do a photo call whilst ensuring that photographers and actors had their masks on and were at least 3 meters apart? Adèle thought that if this were the new normal, she would be all for it – she really did not like this part of the job – enough flash bulbs to trigger a seizure and cat calls that denigrate.

But it was not her night – it was Noémie’s – and she was more than happy to stand on the sidelines while the masked photographers were separated from their object by a plexiglass wall. It was A Good Man’s premiere at the [Festival du Cinéma Américain de Deauville](https://www.festival-deauville.com/en/), _a yearly film festival devoted to American cinema that had taken place since 1975 in Deauville, France_. It was an odd event, given that the American film industry had been at a standstill because of CoVid, and Americans were not allowed to travel to Europe because of the country’s continuing struggle with controlling the pandemic. An American festival without Americans – _too much winning_ , Adèle thought. Her presence though, proved to be a welcome distraction to anyone who by now was aware of their relationship, and Adèle was more than happy to oblige and pose with Noémie after the screening. She was very proud to stand next to this gorgeous woman, whose hands she got to hold all the time and whose lips greeted her every morning.

They would switch roles a month later when Adèle’s play opened in Rennes to mixed reviews but universal praise for the actress. They were also happy to spend an autumn week in Brittany, around the same time when Portrait was filmed. While the beach by the Merlant Cottage could not compare to the majesty of Pierre Quiberon, the beach had its own charms. Autumn would remain their favorite season, when the leaves changed into bright and flaming colors, like nature’s last hurrah.

\----------------------------

 _“Adèle, would you be my best woman?”_ Céline asked Adèle during one of their dinner dates. Despite not being together anymore, the bond between them had remained strong, and it had been a long-standing joke that whoever would date either one of them would get two for the price of one. That was non-negotiable.

 _“CONGRATULATIONS!!! When did this happen? And who proposed to whom?”_ Adèle stood up from her chair and gave Céline a hug.

 _“I proposed. The year 2020 has been shit, and I thought, why not have something good happen?”_ Céline replied.

 _“So when will this be? Where? DETAILS!!!!!!!!!”_ Adèle was giddy like a child.

 _“Judith is keeping some of the details secret from me, but it will be a very low-key event. No more than 25 attendees. We will be wearing bedazzled masks,”_ Céline laughed, _“No, we won’t. I just remember those bedazzler contraption we got from America, and they were the most hideous thing.”_

 _“I remember asking Maman for one, but I never convinced her,”_ Adèle wistfully said.

 _“Back to the wedding… will certainly be before Christmas. By the way, when is the baby due?”_ Céline changed the subject.

 _“February… might even be around mine, the little loser, stealing my birthday,”_ Adèle replied with a smile, already feeling the love for someone she had yet to meet.

 _“Do you know what it is?”_ Céline asked.

 _“It’s a boy! Noé did not want to know, but I did, so I asked your cousin,”_ Adèle laughed.

 _“You seem pretty excited,”_ Céline observed keenly.

 _“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. It grows on you. He’s not even mine, but I feel like he is, that I am his parent, that I will love him no matter what. Does that make sense?”_ Adèle said truthfully.

 _“I understand. Those little brats make their way into your heart and there’s nothing you can do about it,”_ Céline smiled, referring to Étienne, Judith’s son.

 _“We have been talking about getting a new place. My flat is not big enough, my other bedroom is a combination of a gym and a workshop. If we don’t get a new place, the baby will be sleeping in a sock drawer,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Have you started looking?”_ Céline asked.

 _“Noé’s maman is a real estate agent and she still has contacts in Paris. I want to stay in 19ème, Noé still has her place in 15ème, and my head hurts when I think about the logistics. We have 2 places we need to sell if we want a shot at one of those very rare single family homes in Paris,”_ Adèle said.

 _“Well, it is already fall, so the sooner you can find one, the better. It is very hard to sell a place during winter. Nobody wants to buy. But with CoVid, who knows? Don’t worry, things will fall into place,”_ Céline patted her hand.

It was a nice and crisp late autumn night and they decided to walk home. Nothing – not even a life threatening attack – could take away Adèle’s love of walking around Paris. For really, there were very few pleasures in life that could compare to walking in the City of Lights with someone you love.

\--------------------------- 

Adèle stood with a glass of champagne in hand, and tried to get everyone's attention.

> _As some of you may know, Céline and I were together for a while. She was my first serious girlfriend, and I would not be exaggerating if I said that she changed my life. Because she did, she saved me from myself. We grew up together - our age difference was a matter of numbers, because we always met in the middle. As distinguished as she is today, she was not always so. She condescended to my level, because I was one immature bitch when we were together, and I was forced to reach up to her level. I am the person I have become, for better or worse, because of Céline. And I would like to believe that I, in my own weird way, have also shaped the person that she is today._
> 
> _Judith, it takes a special woman to accept that we come as a package deal. Sorry, there is no getting around it, and there is no getting rid of me. But you get it, you get us. And that is one of the reasons why Céline loves you so much, because she knows you will let her be, and you will let her become. I might have been her muse at some point, but you are the love of her life. I hope that someday, Noé and I will have a fraction of the love you share, and it will only take a fraction for us to make it through life._

She continued with her speech, and she could write a book about Céline, but this was not the time. Instead, she regaled the guests with stories, some embarrassing, mostly a testament to the goodness of her best friend.

> _Lastly, Shakespeare's Sonnet 116, found on page 28 of one of my books. Just kidding, I googled it._
> 
> _Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
> _ _Admit impediments. Love is not love  
> _ _Which alters when it alteration finds,  
> _ _Or bends with the remover to remove.  
> _ _O no! it is an ever-fixed mark  
> _ _That looks on tempests and is never shaken;  
> _ _It is the star to every wand'ring bark,  
> _ _Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.  
> _ _Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
> _ _Within his bending sickle's compass come;  
> _ _Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,  
> _ _But bears it out even to the edge of doom.  
> _ _If this be error and upon me prov'd,  
> _ _I never writ, nor no human ever lov'd._
> 
> _Please join me in raising a glass to Judith and Céline. Salut! I love you both._

_“That was a beautiful ceremony,”_ Noé remarked as they drove home from Céline and Judith’s wedding. Adèle was wearing a smart Giorgio Armani tuxedo which accentuated her femininity. She was Best Woman, after all. Noé was in a Louis Vuitton ensemble that accented her pregnancy but not in a vulgar way. Together, the two of them made for a very beautiful couple.

 _“It sure was. What do you think of my speech?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“It’s you. Honest and funny and poignant. You made the brides laugh and cry. All in all, I would say it was a hit,”_ Noé said as she touched Adèle’s face.

\--------------------------

Paris during Christmas was magical – the decorations and lights along Champs-Élysées* might have been its showcase, but every single nook and cranny was festive.

(*Note: Author actually saw Vanessa Paradis turn on the Paris Christmas light display one year. I didn’t know who she was and why everyone was making such a big deal.)

They had been redecorating too. Mme Merlant came through and found a fully rehabbed _monument_ _historique_ single-family home in 19ème, with its own little garden – move-in ready with 4 bedrooms and 4 ½ bathrooms, and a nice, modern kitchen with high end appliances. Adèle felt so grown up when they moved in right around Noé’s birthday. It was their first Christmas together as a couple, and their last Christmas as _just_ a couple, and they were both determined to make it the best. The house, under Noé’s artful eyes, had turned into a tasteful and muted Christmas village.

On Christmas Eve, they both sat looking at the tree, with wrapped gifts piled up for family and friends, but this night was just theirs. Social distancing was still the norm and family gatherings and Christmas parties had been sparse and controlled. Even the New Year’s Eve celebration by the Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe had been downplayed to dissuade the crowds from congregating.

 _“Merry Christmas, babe,”_ Adèle kissed Noé as the clock struck 12. The house was lit only by the ambient light coming from the tree, and a few candles.

 _“Right back at you,”_ Noé replied followed by a kiss.

 _“Sexy time?”_ Adèle whispered while kissing Noé’s neck.

 _“Sexy time, but not on the couch. It’s uncomfortable for me,”_ Noé replied.

Adèle took her time kissing Noé, whose burgeoning belly turned her on to no end. She sucked on each nipple which had gotten bigger with the pregnancy. She kissed her all over, going down where she knew she would elicit all sorts of sounds from Noé, and stayed there as long as she needed. She then moved back up, kissing Noé and letting her taste the ocean where she had just been diving for pearls. Noé kissed her back and kissed her more. Her hands caressed her before it went to where it needed to be. She knew all the spots, how many fingers, how to curl them, how deep to go, and in no time, Adèle was having multiple orgasms while caressing and sucking Noé’s engorged breasts like there’s no tomorrow.

 _“I don’t know if I even want to share these nipples,”_ Adèle said whilst trying to catch her breath.

 _“Well, you just have to share. I hope to have enough milk for the both of you,”_ Noé laughed.

 _“I have a gift for you. Wait…”_ Adèle said as she ran to the tree in the living room and picked up a box. _“Open it.”_

 _“Oh dear…”_ Noé was giggling at the sex toy that Adèle bought for the two of them to enjoy.

 _“I have to wash it thoroughly, but we can use it tomorrow,”_ Adèle mischievously said.

 _“It’s a good thing I’m hormonal, because I need the sexy time and I want you so much,”_ Noé looked Adèle in the eye.

 _“I’m here, babe. I’m not going anywhere,”_ Adèle replied as she put her arms around her lover who fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

\-------------------------------------

It was a joint celebration of Adèle’s birthday and Valentine’s Day with Céline, Judith, Julia, and Gisèle. There was a snowstorm the night before that blanketed Paris, giving it a surreal feel. All that was needed was Lieutenant Kije and his sleigh to complete the winter wonderland.

 _“Adèle, I think my water broke,”_ Noé whispered to her.

 _“WHAT!!!! HER WATER BROKE!!! CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!”_ Adèle’s reaction was short of hysterical.

 _“I will call Marie-Claire to meet us at Necker,”_ Céline said.

 _“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…AND ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!”_ Adèle jumped out of her seat and started hovering. 

_“Honey, calm down. The water just broke. It might be hours,”_ Noé calmly said.

The other three women were attending to her while Adèle was pacing and bouncing around and Céline was trying to get her cousin and calling for the SMUR.

 _“When we get to the hospital, can someone please call Gimi? It is his child too, and I don’t want to deny him the birth of his first child,”_ Noé said.

\---------------------------------------

After a few hours, Dr. Bertillon came out to tell the 4 women and Gimi that the baby was a boy, and both he and the mothers were doing fine. The women all hugged each other while Gimi went in a corner and cried.

Céline went up to him to give him a hug and said, _“Gimi, you will always be this kid’s father, whether or not your name is on the birth certificate. CONGRATULATIONS!"_

 _“I know, I am just so happy, and I already love him even if have not even seen him,”_ Gimi replied, hugging Céline back.

 _“There’s one thing we can be sure of – that this kid will have plenty of love in his life,”_ Céline said whilst patting his back.

Adèle soon came out with the biggest smile – bigger than the smile that could launch a rocket to space – feeling extremely elated and proud. First person she went to was Gimi and hugged him. The two of them, despite their inauspicious start, now have this little guy to bind them.

 _“Do you want to wait for about half an hour? Then you can see him. He looks like Gimi and me. Gimi, where are the cigars?”_ Adèle jokingly said, to which Gimi, puzzled, simply shrugged his shoulders.

 _“Just kidding. I have weed in the house that we can roll,”_ it was not certain if Adèle was joking or not.

 _“What do you know. Our little bitch is now a father,”_ Julia whispered to Gisèle jokingly, although deep down, she was indeed very touched.

 _“Well, there goes my plan of giving the baby one of my puppets to play with as a doll,”_ Gisèle replied, half seriously.

 _“You and your fucking puppets,”_ Julia kissed her. _“I will adopt all of them.”_

Later, when Noé and Adèle were asked what the baby’s name would be, Noé took out the list they had come up with and perused it, but Adèle simply answered, _“Éric, his name will be Éric.”_ She was not sure where the name came from, but it was an overwhelming feeling that would not let go.

 _“Honey, that’s not on our list,”_ Noé was baffled, then added, _“But I like it.”_

 _“The name suits him, don’t you think? He is an Éric,”_ Adèle said. _“What do you want for his 2 nd name?”_

 _“Jacques, the French version of James, after his father,”_ Noé replied after thinking.

 _“Éric Jacques Merlant-Haenel. I like it,”_ Adèle smiled as they both look at the baby sleeping in Noé arms. _“And we even share the same birthday.”_

\---------------------------

Noémie’s parents were adamant that Éric be baptized in the Catholic Church.

 _“But Ma, the sacrament also requires that we raise him up as a Catholic, and the Catholic Church does not believe that two women should be together, much less raise a child,”_ Noé said in protest.

 _“Then I will raise him up a Catholic. Whenever he visits Nantes, we will go to Mass every day,”_ Mama Merlant answered. Noé knew that she could not win the argument and simply sighed. 

She and Adèle chose four godparents, each of whom was more than happy to oblige: Gimi, Adèle’s brother, Céline, and Noémie’s sister.

\---------------------------

_“When do I need to sign the adoption papers?”_ Gimi asked when he came to visit the baby at the house.

 _“No need. I thought I told you that?”_ Noé replied.

 _“Actually, you did, I just wanted an excuse to see him,”_ Gimi bashfully said.

They went to the nursery and Noé picked up the baby and whispered, _“Éric, your papa is here,”_ before handing him over to Gimi. Nicolas Ghesquière tried to send some LV baby clothes, diaper bags and other swag, but Adèle refused them. Noé might still be under contract with LVMG, but Éric was not, and there was no way he would be associated with any brand, especially a luxury one. He would be raised as a normal kid.

 _“Hey, little guy,”_ Gimi held the baby and headed to the living room so he and Noé could sit on the couch.

For a second, Gimi thought that he should be the one living with Noé, raising a child with her. And then he realized that he was not ready for such a responsibility. He still enjoyed going out at night, and he had recently met a gorgeous Spaniard who took his breath away. She was in France for a year through the Erasmus exchange program, studying at the École Polytechnique. Pretty smart girl and way out of his league, but she seemed as taken with Gimi as he was with her.

 _“What’s going on here?”_ Adèle came in to find Gimi with the baby, Noé, with her head on his shoulder, sitting next to him. Noé smiled, and beckoned her to join them. And so she did. She sat on the other side of Gimi and put her head on his shoulder too, while Éric slept like the baby that he was.

***** I know... last scene is shamelessly pilfered from _Call My Agent_**


	74. Notre-Dame de Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end of this long-ass story. So if you have made it this far, **Congratulations!** You are a certified Noele nutjob like I.  
> I am trying to cram the story lines in my head, so pardon the time jumps.  
> Also, tasteful sexy times abound. If you think they are not tasteful, please let me know right away and I will remove them. 
> 
> I am keeping the **10 Comments Challenge** : I will start writing the next chapter after 10 comments on this story, good or bad.

***** WARNING: Sexy times**   
***** For mature readers only**   
***** If you think the sexy times are not tasteful, please let me know ASAP so I can remove them**   
***** Never my intention to disrespect anyone**

Barely 6 weeks after giving birth, Noémie had to go back to work to shoot the Sandrine Bonnaire film which she almost quit because she would need to be in Marseilles, if not for her having committed to the project that was already behind schedule because of her pregnancy. Adèle did not have any active project to work on; she had been very discriminating with the scripts she was sent and keenly aware of the on-going CoVid crisis, especially in America where some of the films were to be filmed.

 _“I am going to miss both of you so much,”_ Noémie told Adèle as they were lying in bed. A car was coming for her the following morning to take her to the set.

 _“But you will be back in a week. We will be okay while you're gone,”_ Adèle tried to reassure her as she was mindlessly running her hand through Noémie’s curls.

 _“The breast milk bottles are in the refrigerator, so just heat them up before you give him some,”_ Noémie put her arms around Adèle, then naughtily said, _“You know, it has been six weeks…”_

 _“Mas oui? Whatever can that mean?”_ Adèle was playing coy.

 _“Do you want your milk before you to bed?”_ Noémie asked mischievously as she pulled off her top while Adèle pulled off the rest.

 _“Oui, maman!”_ Adèle replied as Noémie helped her get out of her oversized shirt and boxer shorts and let her tongue find Adèle’s, who by then had climbed on top of her and had started sucking. This was not the first time that she had some of Noémie’s breast milk, because she would sometimes join when Éric was fed. But this was the first time that she did not have to share the milk source, and she was hungry. Noémie tried to get her off her breasts so she could go down and suck on something else, but Adèle had other ideas. She reached out to her nightstand to get the “toy” that she gave Noémie for Christmas.

 _“Just wait… I want to make sure it’s clean,”_ Adèle said as she hastily went to the bathroom to rinse it with some soap and water. They had not used it since the day before Éric was born and Noémie was all hormones; incidentally, those late pregnancy sexy times might actually had helped deliver Éric on time, relatively easily. Before long, Adèle was back on top of Noémie and started going through the motion.

 _“Hold on…hold on… easy… I have been basically revirginized,”_ Noémie tried to steer Adèle to position. _“Okay… there… “_

They were spent afterwards – it was a successful reentry to sexy times – and Adèle couldn’t be prouder as she lazily sucked some more milk while caressing, no - more like mashing - Noémie’s other breast. They were pretty lucky that Éric was an easy baby and did not wake up at all hours of the night or this sexy time would be over sooner.

 _“If you keep doing that, we might need to start again,”_ Noémie replied, and as Adèle could tell when she looked up at her eyes without letting go of the milk source, Noémie was serious. Easy peasy. They started again. And again… until it was time for Éric’s 3am feeding.

\-----------------------------------------

Adèle was very surprised at how much she had fallen in love with the little man. They went out running in the morning, Éric wearing his tiny baby mask, sleeping in peace in his high-end jogging stroller. Then it was time to get home – she had learned to take very quick showers because she couldn’t leave the baby alone for more than three minutes. Nap time. Feeding time. Walking around the neighborhood time with Éric strapped onto her chest. Feeding time. Nap time. Errand time. Nap time. Dinner time. Bed time. And then it was a new day – at least that’s what the calendar said, but for Adèle, time had been in a loop, and she enjoyed every moment of it. Even the cleaning and changing nappy times, or the waking up at 3am time.

 _“Maman, what would you think if I take a break for a year and just stay with the baby?”_ Adèle said during a phone call.

 _“I think that’s wonderful! I had six months with each of you and I could work part time when you and your brother were growing up. But I wish I had been home more,”_ Maman Haenel replied. “ _What does Noémie think?”_

 _“I have not told her yet. She has projects lined up. After Portrait, she has become such a hot commodity,”_ Adèle was almost sad.

 _“And what, you don’t have any projects lined up? Is it because of Polansky and Ruggia that the industry is blackballing you? If it is, do not make Éric your excuse, because you would resent him later on, and regret how much you gave up for him,”_ Mama Haenel’s remarks were very wise.

 _“No, Ma, I actually have scripts sent to me daily. Éric and I read them during story time, but nothing has really interested me,”_ Adèle explained.

 _“What does Céline say?”_ Mama Haenel asked.

 _“I have not asked her,”_ Adèle said. “ _I will call her after we hang up, while Éric is taking a nap.“_

\---------------------------

_“Do you have enough money to take a break?”_ Céline’s first question was very practical. _“And don’t say that Noémie is earning some, because it’s her money, not yours.”_

 _“Well, yeah. You know that I am a simple girl and I don’t need a lot of things. Most of my earnings have been put in a trust which has done pretty well, even during CoVid. Residuals from the movies, profit from the sale of my flat… I’m in a better position than most people,”_ Adèle ruminated.

 _“But you need to keep your brain active. I know you, and you have a very unquiet mind. If you’re bothered about the Ruggia and Polansky thing, don’t make Éric your excuse to disentangle from the establishment, because sooner or later, you would blame him for what you have given up,”_ Céline said.

 _“That’s exactly what Maman told me,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Let's see... I might have a project for you, and you can work on it from home. I’m writing a screenplay, an original musical, Victor Hugo’s Notre-Dame de Paris,”_ Céline said.

 _“Hello, Disney has already done it. 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame', remember?”_ Adèle reminded her.

 _“No, this is not the Disney version. More like Les Miserables or Phantom of the Opera kind of music and more faithful to Victor Hugo’s vision. It will be something that will touch a viewer’s soul with music that will reverberate through time. It’s pretty ambitious but I already got the greenlight. You can help me write the book,”_ Céline explained.

 _“And what about the music? Who will be your composer and lyricist? They are probably the most important hire for this project,”_ Adèle asked.

 _“That’s one of the things I’m going to ask you to take charge of – you don’t live very far from the Conservatoire. See if you can discover new talent, somewhere between classical and pop. Ask for some of their work. I can call the Dean of the Music Department to tell him to expect you,”_ Céline answered.

 _“Let me think about it,”_ Adèle was already thinking about it.

 _“Well, I will send the contract over if you decide to be part of the project. You will be co-producer and co-screenwriter. But you know that I don’t fuck around when it comes to work. You will need to work very hard. And I will tell Lucien at the Conservatoire that more than likely, you will be bringing a baby with you when you come to visit him. But I want to move fast on the development and start filming sometime this fall, if possible,”_ Céline said.

\--------------------------------

Adèle not only discovered the next Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice duo of France, but she even wrote the lyrics for some of the songs, on top of writing almost 50% of the book. Claude Boulanger and Francois Desplat have known each other since childhood and have staged original musicals together in high school. Francois’ father, multiple César and Academy Award winner Alexandre Desplat had also signed on as the film's musical director.

After auditioning several actresses, Céline chose Noémie for the part of Esmeralda, the main female role, which was sure to test her musical métier. Recording would start towards the end of summer – Claude and Francois worked fast, it’s like the songs were already there in their DNA, just waiting to be unlocked. Filming would start in November in Bretagne, with Cathédrale Saint-Pierre de Vannes as the main stage, to be captured by Claire Mathon’s exquisite cinematography.

\----------------------------------

 _“Éric is growing up too fast,”_ Noé said as she and Adèle walked in the park. It was almost fall, the leaves of some of the trees had started changing colors, and Noé had completed the recording for the first part of the film. Céline had allotted 8 weeks for filming, with Adèle and Éric on set because Adèle was co-producer and co-screen writer.

 _“Babe… I have been thinking, and please tell me if you do not agree, but I want another child,”_ Adèle was looking at Éric who was giggling at her.

 _“Éric is not even a year old,”_ Noé remarked.

 _“I know, but IVF takes a long time. And I do not want those eggs taken from me when I was attacked to languish too long in the freezer,”_ Adèle answered.

 _“Do we have a sperm donor, or would you want it anonymous?”_ Noé asked.

 _“I’ve already asked to Ben. I told him that since he was the one who deflowered me, he should be the father of my child,”_ Adèle laughed absent-mindedly, still making faces at Éric.

 _“I see… how about we discuss this more seriously after the film?”_ Noé replied.

\----------------------------------

CoVid had finally been contained after 2 ½ long years, and life worldwide had slowly begun easing back into “normal”, whatever “normal” meant. _Notre-Dame de Paris_ was in post-production, and Céline sometimes thought that she bit more than she could chew. It was a very ambitious project which she filmed with a string budget (by Hollywood standards) and its international viability was questioned by some because all the songs were in French.

To wit, she would say her standard response: _“Carmen was about an Andalucian woman but was sung in French, and look where it is now.”_ She was almost embarrassed by this retort because it meant comparing herself to the great Georges Bizet (who died before he could savor the success of his opera). But after the first cut, the early focus groups lauded the film and called it a _“love letter to that grand dame of all Gothic Cathedrals.”_

\---------------------------------

It was the 3rd year that Adèle had shared her birthday with Éric, who was turning two. But this was his first birthday with kids, balloon, gifts, and cakes. His entire extended family was there, including his Papa Gimi who had gotten engaged to his Spanish girlfriend, aunts Julia and Gisèle, godmother Céline, and aunt Judith. Kids from his daycare were in abundance, and with Adèle in charge of games and entertainment, the brigade of 2-year old terrors in an _Astérix et les Vikings_ themed party was in for a treat.

Finally, it was time for them to blow the candles. Adèle went first, and made her wish. Éric then did the same and made his wish, which was already coached into him by Adèle.

 _“What was your wish, Éric?”_ Noé asked.

 _“A SISTER!”_ Éric screamed then looked at Adèle who winked at him.

 _“And what was your wish, honey?”_ Noé asked the bigger kid suspiciously.

 _“A DAUGHTER!”_ Adèle screamed then looked at Éric who winked at her.

 _“Gimi is NO LONGER available!”_ Raquel, Gimi’s fiancé jokingly said.

 _“Nope, bank is closed,”_ Gimi replied then gave his woman a kiss.

Noé was left wondering through the rest of the party what the two – Adèle and Éric – were conspiring about. And she got her answer later that evening after Éric had gone to bed and _Sexy Time, Special Birthday Edition_ , was over.

 _“The IVF clinic called today. They have started the process and we will find out soon if we have a fertilized egg,”_ Adèle said as she was absent-mindedly kissing Noé’s bare shoulders.

 _“And I guess I am carrying the baby,”_ Noé replied.

 _“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, although you were very sexy when you were pregnant,”_ Adèle replied, still kissing her shoulders but her hands had also started wandering.

 _“Yes, I will carry the baby. It will be our baby, and it will be a little Adèle inside of me,”_ Noé lovingly said.

 _“How would you want a big Adèle inside of you now, Special Birthday Edition?”_ Adèle replied naughtily.

\-------------------------------------

But it was not easy to get pregnant, as they soon found out. The success rate of implanting an IV-fertilized egg inside a surrogate was only 33%. Meanwhile, the film opened to great fanfare at Cannes, where it won the Palm D’Or and basically swept every category it was nominated for, including best actress for Noémie, best director for Céline, and best screenplay for Céline and Adèle.

A bidding war for _Notre-Dame de Paris_ ensued even before Cannes was over, and it was released as a summer blockbuster around the world. Céline had the great idea to hold a special screening followed by a black tie dinner to benefit the rebuilding of the real Notre-Dame cathedral, which had been a slow and meticulous process. This time, there was no need to show it at film festivals, although premieres were still a necessity. Adèle had been Noémie’s date to all local red carpet events, but she would skip the overseas tour because one of them needed to be home with Éric.

That summer, they also got the news that Noémie was finally pregnant.

\--------------------------------------

Adèle had not appeared in a film since 2020 but she had been busy. She was now a published author with a contract to write 2 more books, focusing on causes close to her heart and written with her characteristic wit. As an executive at Lillies Films, she had taken over some of Céline’s duties in reviewing and greenlighting proposals, and had the foresight to expand the company into a one-stop film production enterprise, soon to be the largest in France. She had also been focusing on writing and producing documentaries, and one of her projects about the Pandemic was bought by Netflix and climbed in the top 10 most watched features within a week.

But she had never forgotten her social activism, and it was something she made sure Éric grew up with. Since she had been working from home, she had become Éric’s primary parent and buddy. They did everything together – Adèle’s new bike was outfitted with a toddler seat – and they explored Paris when Éric was not at daycare and attended rallies whenever they could.

 _“Maman, Papa, we’re here!”_ Adèle called out when they visited Montreuil.

 _“We’re here,”_ Éric repeated. He repeated and copied everything Adèle said and did. And it was an understatement to say that Éric idolized her.

 _“Hello, you two! I hope you did not bike to get here. You have a few things to take home,”_ Mama Haenel said.

Éric’s eyes widened when he saw about 20 boxes waiting for them – vintage Lego sets that her Maman used to play with.

 _“No, Ma, we drove,”_ Adèle replied as she gave her parents a hug. Papa Haenel had already picked up Éric and put him on his shoulders.

 _“Let’s go get some crêpes! What do you say, buddy?”_ Papa Haenel asked as he looked up at Éric. 

_“Yes, let’s go!!!”_ Éric excitedly said.

 _“There’s a new creperie around the corner and your Pa has been wanting to go,”_ Mama Haenel explained to Adèle.

\----------------------------------------

_“Both Broadway and the West End called,”_ Céline told Adèle during one of their dinner dates.

 _“Wow! That’s a big deal! And what did you say?”_ Adèle replied. She always thought the movie was perfect for the stage, and this was one project she was willing to tackle. 

_“I told them we could talk next year. This film has drained me, and I’m not talking financial,”_ Céline sounded weary.

 _“Of course not financial! The movie is the highest grossing French film ever, and the soundtrack has charted all over the world. And you did it without CGIs and green screens! You did it with dignity, honesty, and sangfroid,”_ Adèle exclaimed.

 _“That’s true. So you can understand my hesitation about bringing it to Broadway or the West End,”_ Céline said. “ _I’m not JK Rowling and her Harry Potters. ”_

 _“As you said, you would talk to them next year. After the awards season, the movie will be worth so much more, and we can all retire,”_ Adèle jokingly replied.

 _“How is Noémie? When is the baby due?”_ Céline changed the subject.

 _“Oh, she’s taking a break, deservedly so. Baby is due in the spring, and it’s a girl,”_ Adèle said with a wide smile.

 _“You know, I have never seen you this peaceful,”_ Céline observed.

 _“My life has never this peaceful. I don’t know how I got here or if I deserve to be here, but here I am,”_ Adèle looked into her glass of wine. _“I wish I could say the same thing about the world. I don’t want my children to grow up in a world where justice and equality are still reserved for the few.”_

 _“We do what we can, Adèle. The world has been fucked up for a long time, as long as humans remain humans,”_ Céline sighed.

They walked home – it was a crisp, autumn evening – and the fight for justice and peace in the world could wait while two old friends walked along the Seine.

\----------------------------------------

As expected, Céline’s movie was nominated for best picture and best foreign film by the Academy, and Noémie got a best actress nod. The film already swept every category it was nominated for at the Golden Globes. Unexpected was the nomination of _Pandemic_ , Adèle’s documentary. Repeating the feat achieved only by “Parasite”, _Notre-Dame_ won Best Picture and Best Foreign Film, and 10 out of the 13 awards it was nominated for. A pregnant Noémie became the 2nd French actress after Marion Cotillard to win the Oscar for best actress, but not to be outdone, Adèle won for her documentary as well, bringing her total number of Oscar statues to 3, 2 for _Notre-Dame_ as co-producer and co-screen writer. While Noé returned early to the Beverly Hills Hotel, Céline and Adèle attended as many parties as they could. 

At the Governor's Ball, Adèle and Cate Blanchett got to talking about the story of Romaine Brooks and Ida Rubenstein and discussed bringing it to the big screen, possibly heralding Adèle’s return in front of the camera. By the end of the evening, they had become fast friends and shook hands on possible future collaborations.

Adèle and Céline did not get back to their suite until almost dawn, hauling their newly engraved trophies. The French press was already at the lobby waiting to interview them and Noémie for the morning shows in Paris.

The César Awards nominations were announced shortly after they got back, and _Notre-Dame_ was already the front runner.

On the day of the ceremony, Noé who was almost 9 months pregnant posed proudly with Adèle on the red carpet, along with Céline and the rest of the _Notre Dame_ crew. That evening marked the first time they had attended the César since Adèle walked out a few years ago. But it could have been a lifetime away because the world had changed so much since then. The patriarchy was still trying to cling to power, but a new generation of French actors had been slowly chipping away at its power structure. Adèle’s return was much awaited and framed by the press as an “exoneration”, but from what? She did not need exoneration because she already won the battle the moment she stood up and exclaimed “ _La Honte!_ ”

As expected, Noé won the best actress award, and her speech was more emotional than when she won the Lumières for Portrait, and the Oscars a few weeks ago. The live broadcast showed a split screen of Noé receiving her award and giving her speech, and of a smiling Adèle, watching solemnly, with tears in her eyes and love from within that was shining so brightly for everyone to see.

> _…and lastly, I want to dedicate this award to two very special people. First… to Adèle, thank you for being you and for loving me, and to our son Éric… I hope you are already in bed, sweetheart, but maman is bringing you a new toy. I love you both._

\--------------------------------

As a gestational surrogate, Noé had to take hormones to prepare the body for giving birth. Which made her very libidinous and Adèle very happy, especially when Noé’s breasts started lactating. Adèle loved a pregnant Noé – she thought it was the sexiest thing in the world. And Noé loved her for it. Sexy times had become an almost nightly event, _“for scientific reasons”_ , Adèle always said.

Unlike Éric’s birth which was not planned, this one was scheduled for the 14th of March. _“Einstein’s birthday,”_ Adèle, always a font of trivia, told anyone who would listen. The names had been picked: _Cécile_ , a name that had been in Adèle’s consciousness for a long time and she was not exactly sure why. Noémie picked the middle name: _Adèle_.

Gimi took Éric to stay with him on the day they went to the hospital. Dr. Bertillon had already started inducing the birth, more than likely aided by those marathon “ _scientific times_ ”. Cécile Adèle Merlant-Haenel was born in the early evening of Einstein’s birthday.

 _“Hey, little girl. You look just like your maman,”_ Noémie whispered after the baby had been cleaned and swaddled. Adèle was sitting in bed with her, stroking her hair.

 _“You did so well, babe. Best performance yet,”_ she said before kissing her.

 _“Best trophy in my hands,”_ Noémie replied, before she handed the baby to Adèle, who sat on the chair next to the bed and couldn’t take her eyes off this little human who looked nothing like her brother. She didn’t notice when Noémie started seizing and all sorts of alarms started going off. The nurses came running, Dr. Bertillon was paged, and before Adèle could figure out what was going on, Noémie was being transferred to a gurney and wheeled out of the room.

 _“WHAT’S GOING ON?! PLEASE SOMEONE, TELL ME!!!”_ Adèle ran after the gurney, the baby still in her arms.

 _“We don’t know yet. It can be eclampsia, or a tear somewhere, but she is bleeding internally,”_ a nurse tried to explain to her and asked her to stay, but Adèle ran towards the gurney. Noémie was hardly conscious but looked at her and mouthed _“I love you”._ Another nurse had stopped her from going further, so all she could do was scream, hoping Noé could hear her.

 _“I LOVE YOU!!!!”_ Adèle cried out before she started sobbing, with the baby still in her arms. The nurse led her back to the room, sat her down, and tried to take the baby away.

 _“NO!!!! NO!!!”_ Adèle would not let go of Cécile.

 _“Is there someone we could call for you?”_ the nurse asked her.

 _“On my phone – please call Céline Sciamma,”_ Adèle could hardly say anything. _“Is it bad? Will she make it?”_

 _“Complications like hers are rare, but they can happen. Dr. Bertillon is one of the best obstetric surgeons in the country. She’s in very good hands,”_ the nurse replied.

 _“You didn’t answer my question: Is it bad?”_ Adèle replied, tears streaming down her face.

 _“Yes, it can be bad, depending on where the bleeding is. They have to evacuate the blood first, find the source, and fix it. It’s fortunate that this happened in the hospital and they could attend to her right away,”_ the nurse said.

 _“Do I need to call her parents?”_ Adèle absent-mindedly asked. _“They are in Nantes and her father is on a wheelchair and they won’t make it to Paris right away.”_

 _“Let’s wait a little. I will go in and ask Dr. Bertillon if they are still in surgery after an hour. I will call Madame Sciamma now,”_ the nurse answered. Adele closed her eyes, but she could not keep them closed for long because she needed to be awake for when Noémie came back, which, in her head, would happen within minutes. So they sat in the room together, Adele once again praying the prayer she had memorized by now. 

> _Dear God, please don’t let her die. I’m begging you. I love her, I have always loved her. I just did not know how. Please, God, one more chance. And I promise with everything I’ve got that I will never let her down again._

They sat there for a long time, Adele gently rocking Cécile, before she started talking to her.

 _“Hi mon chéri, welcome to this crazy world. Maman is in surgery right now, that's why you're stuck with me._ _She is the bravest person I have ever known, and you will be just as brave as she is. You have a brother named Éric who has been waiting for you. He can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but just know that he will love you forever._ _Your maman is so gorgeous, she can light up any room when she enters. She has the most beautiful pair of eyes that could look at you and through you, and the most beautiful voice that could make anything sound like a love song. And she is kind and so loving. I immediately liked her when we met, and fell in love with her as I got to know her better. She was like a unicorn, Cécile, pure and rare. I might have messed up her unicorn status a little, but I hope I have made up for it by now._

 _Right now, they are fixing her, that’s why she cannot be here during the first hours of your life. But I’m here, and I promise you that I will always be here. I’m also maman, and you look just like me when I was a baby... we have the same blonde curls. But I hope you will have your other maman’s heart and goodness. I broke her heart so many times because we were both being stupid, but we made it through and now you are here and you and your brother are the best gifts she has ever given me. And I love her and both of you very much,”_ Adele was looking down at the baby sleeping peacefully in her arms, tears falling from her eyes.

Outside, Céline too was crying whilst listening and hurting for her best friend, because she knew that Noémie could die. 


	75. Three Women and a Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters to go after this. Thank you for joining me in this dance.  
> Keeping the **10 Comments Challenge**  
>   
>  i promise expanded Sexy Time in the last 2 chapters  
> 

Céline tried to compose herself before she entered the room. Adèle still had Cécile in her arms but she stood up when she saw Céline who gave them both a hug. No words were needed. Adèle sat back on the chair, while Céline sat on the couch – these hospital rooms (or rooming-ins) had a homey feeling, with a couch, a reclining chair, a little dining area, and full en-suite bathroom. It also had a bassinet to keep the baby near instead of hauling it off to the nursery.

 _“Have you had anything to eat?”_ Céline asked.

 _“I’m not hungry,”_ Adèle answered as she shook her head

 _“What about her?”_ Céline was referring to Cécile.

 _“I don’t know, is she supposed to get fed soon? She’s been sleeping the entire evening,”_ Adèle replied, feeling very lost.

Céline stood up to ask the nurse about Cécile’s first meal. The nurse looked at the chart, then came into the room.

 _“I think Cécile is ready for her first meal,”_ the nurse said as she took the baby from Adèle, who was reluctant to let go.

 _“Her maman should be breastfeeding her, not this formula shit,”_ Adèle exclaimed.

 _“Careful, there is a minor in the room,”_ Céline joked. She could tell that Adèle was weary and worried. She then asked the nurse to stay with the baby while she took Adèle’s hands.

 _“If you don’t want to eat, you can have a cigarette,”_ Céline declared, and to her surprise, Adèle declined.

 _“I don’t really want to leave her alone, Céline. It’s bad enough that her mother is not here. We really should stay,”_ Adèle said while looking at the baby, her heart aching for the little one.

 _“D’accord. I could go for a cigarette, and while I’m downstairs, I’ll get something for us to eat,”_ Céline responded as she was getting her cigarette pack, lighter, and wallet. _“Call me if you hear anything while I’m out.”_

 _“I’ll go to the OR to check,”_ the nurse remembered and walked away. Adèle made a mental note to thank her because she had been the only other person who had been there with her throughout this ordeal.

The nurse came back after 10 minutes and gave an update, “ _They have found the source of the bleeding, and it was still localized, meaning within the uterus. They are repairing it now and also making sure that there’s no leftover debris or placenta. Dr. Bertillon said another hour or so, and she would come by to talk to you. But Madame Merlant will be okay.”_

 _“SHE WILL BE OKAY!!”_ Adèle exclaimed and gave the nurse a hug. _“Thank you, thank you. What is your name?”_

“ _Sabine, and I am a big fan,”_ the nurse replied bashfully. _“Of both of you. I must have seen Portrait at least 50 times, and I still watch it from time to time.”_

 _“It is a very special movie, Sabine. Until what time are you going to be here?”_ Adèle smiled.

 _“I get off at 23:00 and then I come back tomorrow at 15:00. I suspect that you will still be here,”_ Sabine was trying to contain her fan girling, but it was very hard after Adèle flashed her smile. _“By the way, I can order some food for you. I have the menu at the desk – the food comes with the room. The kitchen is open 24/7, but after 22:00, your choices become severely limited. Do you want to see the menu?”_

 _“Not for dinner, but I will order something for breakfast,”_ Adèle smiled again at Sabine.

Several weeks later, Adèle sent Sabine an autographed copy of the Portrait Blu-ray, a Portrait poster signed by both her and Noémie, and an invitation to have dinner at their place. (You would soon see the pictures on Twitter because Sabine would be talking about her experience for a long, long time.)

\-------------------------

Céline came back with champagne, pasta, salad, and pastries and set the table for the two of them. Dr. Bertillon came by soon after.

 _“MC, how is she?”_ Céline asked as she gave her cousin two kisses and a hug.

 _“It was touch and go for a while, because there was too much blood, and we had to be very careful or we might tear something else. But she’s fine, she’s in recovery right now. She’ll be back here in the room… oh… around midnight, maybe? The incision is very small and the surgery was not invasive once we found the source. But she will be on IV pain medication and antibiotics for the next 24 hours, so no breast feeding yet,”_ Dr. Bertillon said.

Adèle came to hug her and whispered, “Thank you.”

 _“How’s the little lady?”_ Dr. Bertillon asked as she went to see Cécile in the bassinet, snug as a bug in a rug, sleeping very peacefully. Every now and then, the little one would smile, but it could just be a reflex. _The angels are tickling her and that’s why she’s smiling,_ Mama Merlant would have said. 

\---------------------------

 _“I will stay with you until they bring Noémie back in,”_ Céline said. _“Take a nap, I will watch over her.”_

 _“I can’t. I know I’m tired, but to be honest, I cannot wait to see Noémie again. My heart is beating so fast, like when I was falling in love with her,”_ Adèle said like a lovelorn teenager, as she put her head on Céline’s shoulders.

 _“Let me guess… 3 rd day at Pierre Quiberon, after you broke up with Julia,”_ Céline smiled.

 _“Uhm… not yet. I was intrigued, yes. I was interested, but did you see her? Who on earth would not fucking fall in love with her? In a way, you are the Wizard of Oz in all this,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“4 th day then,”_ Céline wouldn’t let it go. She was Wizard of Oz, after all.

 _“Definitely before the kiss at the Grotto,”_ Adèle remembered. _“Because I couldn’t sleep the night before, and when I did, my dreams were of her. I woke up that morning and couldn’t wait to get on the set. And when I saw her… my heart was beating so fast, like it was ready to jump out of my chest.”_

 _“I knew you were going to fall in love with her. Because yes, I did see her. I hired her. What I did not anticipate was her falling in love with you,”_ Céline admitted. _“She was married and all that, but I had my suspicions as soon as we got to Pierre Quiberon – that she was already crushing on you. And when the crew told me that you two were napping together in her trailer, after the Grotto scene, I was like ‘Fuck! They will get together’. And I was not wrong, was I?”_

 _“You were right on the money. It was a very confusing time for her, and for me too! I was no home wrecker! But did you know…”_ Adèle’s voice trailed off, as she remembered like it happened yesterday.

 _“On the bus? Yes, I knew. I think the entire bus knew, even the driver!”_ Céline exclaimed, and they both started laughing.

 _“My little nymphomaniac! And then you asked us not to contact each other while we were on break. You were a sadist,”_ Adèle looked at Céline.

 _“And it worked, didn’t it? One has to know that a good steak is cooked over open but controlled flame,”_ Céline said.

 _“I should start writing a book of all your aphorisms. Like Nietzsche’s Menschliches, Allzumenschliches: Ein Buch für freie Geister,”_ Adèle joked.

 _“As long as you do not write it in German. I’m sorry, dear, I know you love the language, but it is a very harsh language. Even ‘Ich Liebe Dich’ sounds like a declaration of war,”_ Céline quipped.

They reminisced about the filming of Portrait, now almost like a lifetime ago. Nietzsche did posit that everything, in retrospect, was good. And they only remembered the good memories.

\---------------------------- 

_“Hey you,”_ Adèle said with a smile when Noémie woke up the following morning. She slept on the chair right next to the bed, holding Noémie’s hand. Just like Noémie did for her when she was attacked and CoVid was ruling the land.

 _“Hey you,”_ Noémie smiled. She always smiled when she saw Adèle smiling. _“How is she?”_

 _“Cécile? She’s been up almost every 3 hours because she’s hungry. She’s going to be a bruiser. We will have problems with this one,”_ Adèle joked.

 _“Just like her maman…”_ Noémie replied as she ran her fingers through Adèle’s hair.

 _“We’re going to be here for another 2 days. They want to make sure you are okay,”_ Adèle was absent-mindedly kissing Noémie’s hand.

 _“Did you call my parents? I hope you didn’t because I don’t want them to worry…”_ Noémie said softly, still weak from the pain medications.

 _“No, I did not tell them about the surgery. But I texted them a picture of Cécile. Your maman asked if we have chosen the godparents yet,”_ Adèle chuckled.

 _“Just like a good Catholic…”_ Noémie was still running her fingers through Adèle’s hair. _“And Éric? Did you tell Gimi that we will be here a little longer?”_

 _“I did. They’re having a good time. Gimi took him to work yesterday and they got to work on cars,”_ Adèle said, her heart so full... _“Babe, I love you. I love you so much.”_

 _“I know,”_ Noé replied, smiling.

 _“I think we should get married,”_ Adèle was nonchalant but deep inside was serious.

 _“And you’re asking again, without a ring or anything. Did you think this over?”_ Noé asked.

 _“No…”_ Adèle was defensive. _“It just came out… that I want to be married to you.”_

 _“Honey, I love you too. But the answer is no. At least, not now. Not when I’m still on pain killers, and we have an infant and a 3-year old to take care of,”_ Noé answered.

 _“Okay…”_ Adèle was visibly hurt and was silent for a while. _“This is the second time I have asked you…”_

But Noé was already back asleep.

\------------------------------

Like her brother, Cécile was baptized in the Catholic Church, per her grandmother’s fervent request. Her godparents were Ben, Adèle’s adopted brother, Ray (Adèle’s high school best friend), and Gisèle. She would have chosen Julia as well, but Julia was not into Church and refused to even enter one.

Éric had very ambivalent feelings about having a sister – he loved her and kissed her a lot, but he did not really want to share either of his Mamans. He would make a scene whenever his sister had to be fed, or if visitors cooed and ahhh’d at her, and started a habit of going to their room in the middle of the night to sleep in their bed. This did not thrill Adèle a bit, especially when they were caught once or twice in the middle of sexy time.

One night, Adèle finally had enough and took the boy back to his room.

 _“You are better than this, Éric,”_ Adèle admonished him. _“Are you afraid of anything? That’s why you keep coming into our room?”_

 _“There’s… a… monster… under… my… bed…”_ Éric said in between sobs.

 _“How about we scare it away? You and I? We can do it!”_ Adèle said as she turned on the flash light that she knew would be her most effective prop. _“Here, you can use it as a light saber, and it will scare the monster away.”_

Éric and Adèle both peeked under the bed and screamed _“BOOH! GO AWAY!”_ together.

 _“I think it’s gone. Good job, Éric! One day, you will have to defend your sister from monsters under the bed, so better keep the light saber on your nightstand,”_ Adèle gave him a high five.

 _“Maman, can you sleep next to me, just tonight?”_ Éric asked innocently, which just about melted her heart. She knew that Éric was still getting used to sharing his mothers, and they had not really gone out on their bonding bike rides together. She kept a mental note that they should, sooner.

 _“Okay, just tonight. But I need to go tell Maman first, okay? I’ll be back,”_ Adèle gave him a kiss on the forehead.

 _“Babe, I’m sleeping next door with Éric. We scared the monster away together, but I think he just needs his maman time,”_ Adèle whispered to a smiling Noémie. _“Are you going to be okay with getting up when the little blonde bruiser screams for her milk?”_

 _“Go, we’ll be okay,”_ Noémie held Adèle’s cheeks and kissed her.

\----------------------------------

While no parent would readily admit that they had a favorite, it was also an unacknowledged fact that they would gravitate more towards one child or the other. It was not a matter of loving one child more, because love was always given fairly and in abundance. It just happened.

Éric, who looked more and more like Noémie – with his dark hazel eyes and dark hair (and darker complexion that he got from his father) – was and would always be Adèle’s. They did everything together. It was not unusual to find both of them in the basement / converted workshop fixing or building things together, or in the park kicking a ball around. Éric had his mother’s temperament: he was mellow and sensitive and artistic. He was Noé’s mini-me. And that was probably one of the reasons why Adèle gravitated towards him – because he was like Noémie.

The same could be said of Cécile: she was an absolute carbon copy of Adèle. There was no denying whose genes she had. And she had Adèle’s temperament, restlessness, precociousness, intelligence, athleticism, and overall _je ne sais quoi_. They even walked like each other, same gait, which amused Noémie to no end. And she was Noémie’s. She was working most of the time when Éric was growing up, and this time, she was resolute that she would be there for Cécile’s first years.

She told her agent that she was taking an extended break, which frustrated him so much because she had just won all the awards that could be won, and she was more in demand than ever. But Noé did not care – they were not filthy rich but were comfortable – and she wanted nothing more than to be there for her girl. _Her little Adèle_.

\--------------------------------

The project that Adèle and Cate Blanchett discussed at the Oscars was finally green lit, with script written by Phyllis Nagy, the same screenwriter for _Carol_. The movie was a joint UK / French production. With Céline’s help, Adèle finally took on her first directing job. The real Ida Rubenstein was an opera singer and ballet dancer and Noémie was cast for the role, her first since _Notre-Dame_. Cate would be playing the American painter Romaine Brooks. But instead of the story being focused on their 3-year tempestuous affair, it was about an imagined story of their mid-life, the period after the 2nd world war. In other words, it was a Real People Fiction (RPF). The movie was a low budget arthouse film that had since achieved cult status, especially amongst gay women.

\--------------------------------

Adèle had just written a book on French race inequality – it was more academic than easy reading, and unlike her first book on #MeToo, did not top the charts at all. But it caught the attention of the _Commission Nationale Consultative Des Droits de L'Homme_ , France’s national human rights commission, which soon after offered her a job as one its directors overseeing race relations _._

 _“One of my brothers is black and my best friend is Chinese. I am rainbow-colored,”_ she used to joke.

 _“It’s a full-time job, babe,”_ Adèle was still evaluating whether she wanted a job that required her to wear a suit and go to the office every day. _“At Lillies, I can work from home and only go to the office when I have to, for auditions and meetings.”_

 _“What do you want to do?”_ Noémie asked her _. “You have been in the film industry since you were 12 years old, but you are multitudes. You were never meant for just one line of work.”_

 _“It doesn’t pay as much as Lillies, though. With you not working as much…”_ Adèle’s voice trailed off.

 _“Honey, when have we ever worried about money? We have enough, not too much, but enough. Notre-Dame paid for the house. We have saved to send the two brats to private school,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“About that… you know I am partial to public school. We both went to public schools and we turned out okay,”_ Adèle said.

 _“I want them to learn English and other languages. I want them to be better than I,”_ Noémie reminded Adèle why she wanted private school. “ _And the International School of Paris is one of the best schools in the world. If there’s one thing that we should never skimp on, it’s on education. We don’t have the fanciest car or a chalet in the Swiss Alps. Our vacation home is owned by my parents. We don’t take fancy trips and we don’t have private jets. We are not living the life of the rich and the famous. We still take the Metro all the time, and our only indulgence is eating out or having friends and family over. We can afford to send them to private school.”_

 _“Are you done?”_ Adèle asked, then held Noémie’s face and kissed her. _“By the way, do you want to get married? Last time I’m asking.”_

 _“I think this job will do you good. And you can do a lot of good for others,”_ Noémie ignored another one of Adèle’s half assed marriage proposals. _“But see if they can be flexible with your work schedule. I just don’t see you fully quitting the film industry. You will not abandon Céline. And I can work whenever I want, I just choose not to. Not before Cécile starts school. She’s two now, so… 2 more years before pre-K? Also, your buddy has turned five and will be going to big boy school this fall. I filled out his application for ISP 2 years ago.”_

 _“And you didn’t tell me,”_ Adèle tried to guilt trip Noémie.

 _“I did not, and I’m proud of it. Because he got in, so there,”_ Noémie replied and stuck her tongue out. Which struck Adèle as extremely cute and she just had to kiss her.

Her cup runneth over, her heart overflowed.

> _Time it was, and what a time it was, it was  
> _ _A time of innocence, A time of confidences  
> _ _Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph  
> _ _Preserve your memories; They're all that's left you  
> _ _('[Bookends',](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sovVYInjHjw) Simon & Garfunkel)_

_\------------------------------------_

> **FLASHBACK ON THE[FAST FORWARD](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24450910/chapters/59810167) (Abridged)**
> 
> _“C’mon, kids, we’ll be late,”_ Adèle called out, before she turned to Noémie. “ _What are they doing?”_
> 
> _“Éric, Cécile!!! Come down here! NOW! Your maman will be late for work, and you will be late for school!”_ Both kids were now enrolled at the International School of Paris. Noémie put on her stern mother voice before winking at Adèle, who grabbed her waist and gave her a quick kiss.
> 
> _“Mama, Maman, look at what Cécile is wearing! It’s cold outside and she thinks it’s still summer!”_ Éric ratted out his sister.
> 
> _“But, but… we are supposed to dress in unicorn colors, and the only purple dress I have is this one,”_ Cécile twirled around wearing a flowery summer dress.
> 
> _“No, Cécile, that won’t do!”_ Noémie said as she took the girl back to her room to change.
> 
> _“Good job, Éric! Your sister is not very smart sometimes,”_ Adèle said as she handed Éric his cereal bowl.
> 
> _“I know Maman. It is hard to be a big brother,”_ he said.
> 
> _“But it is also the best job in the world. Just wait and see,”_ Adèle said as she gave him a quick hug and an unwelcomed kiss on the cheeks. _"If you don't believe me, ask your Uncle Tristan."_
> 
> \---------------
> 
> Aside from a teaching position at the Conservatoire, near their place in 19ème, Adèle was also working as a director at the _Commission Nationale Consultative Des Droits de L'Homme_. While she retired from full time acting in 2020, she had appeared occasionally in theatre and had collaborated with Céline on writing scripts, developing, and directing high quality film projects. Noémie was still an in-demand actress and was never wanting for offers. She had also been pursuing her college degree at La Fémis, Céline's alma mater, focusing on script writing and directing.
> 
> \---------------
> 
> _"Céline, I’m not sure if she’d say yes, but I want to ask her just the same,”_ Noémie told Céline during one of their school walks. Céline was also a professor at La Fémis, not to mention the chairwoman of the school’s Board of Trustees.
> 
> _“You’ll never know until you ask, will you?”_ Céline replied while taking a drag from her ever-present cigarette. _“And what would you do if she said no?”_
> 
> _“I don’t know… nothing, I guess. We have two kids. Maybe marriage is just a formality,”_ Noémie replied.
> 
> _“Then go for the formality,”_ Céline said, smiling.
> 
> \---------------------
> 
> Adèle was back from work and surprised to come home to a quiet house. The kids would usually run to greet her, along with their dog Noodle. Gino was not good with kids and moved in with Gimi shortly after Éric was born. But tonight - only Edit Piaf softly singing, candles all over, and a formally set dinner table with more candles and fresh flowers.
> 
> Noémie came out, fresh from the shower, looking as gorgeous as ever.
> 
> _“You’re early,”_ Noémie said.
> 
> _“I love you too,”_ Adèle said as she gave her a kiss. _“Where are the kids?”_
> 
> _“Gisele has Cécile and Noodle for the night and Éric is with his father,”_ Noémie replied. _“I thought we can have a date night.”_
> 
> _“Oh, is this what this is? A date night? Woman, I would rather play ping pong on our date night,”_ Adèle replied mischievously.
> 
> _“Just change. Dinner has been prepared. And yes, I made them, before you say anything smart ass,”_ Noémie winked at her.
> 
> \---------------------
> 
> The dinner table had been cleaned and they moved to the couch to put their feet up and sipped champagne.
> 
> _“Popcorn and Netflix?”_ Adèle asked.
> 
> _“No, I have something to ask you,”_ Noémie said. And before Adèle could say anything, Noémie was kneeling in front of her with a little box in hand. Inside was the octagonal platinum ring that Adèle had ordered a long time ago, during the Great Lockdown of 2020, from JEM. But it had something added to it: in between the 2 bands was a delicately sculpted and engraved platinum piece in the shape of “P28”, with three diamonds adorning each loop within the letter “P” and the number “8”.
> 
> _“I know you ordered this for me when I had CoVid. You did not come back for it, so Colette called Celine, who paid for it just in case, and later sold it to me. I had it customized a few months ago.”_ Noémie tried to explain to a very surprised Adele.
> 
> _“What is happening?!”_ Adèle finally yelped out.
> 
> _“I am going to ask you to marry me, dumb ass! Why do you think I’m kneeling?”_ Noémie said, before continuing. _“I have a whole speech prepared, so please don’t say anything, don’t interrupt.”_
> 
> _“Okay,”_ Adèle answered absent mindedly.
> 
> “ _You just interrupted! Be quiet! Now, let me…”_ Noémie took a deep breath before continuing.
> 
> _“Adele, I have loved you for as long as I have known you. Your smile takes my breath away. Your heart melts the chill in mine. Your goodness has made me a better person. I know we have taken a very long and winding road to get to where we are now. I know we have walked to hell and back. I know we have hurt each other tremendously. But you… you saved me and Éric and continue to do so. You love Éric as your own, and I love you the more for that._
> 
> _I promise never to go through this life without you ever again. I don’t think I can, even if I tried.”_
> 
> Noémie's voice was now quivering, **_“So Adèle Haenel, will you marry me?”_**
> 
> Adèle looked at Noémie, not knowing what to think or say. She did not grasp everything that was said. And her silence was too much for Noémie to bear.
> 
> _“Are you going to answer or not?”_ Noémie finally asked.
> 
> Adèle was jolted from her trance, cupped Noémie's face and kissed her, before saying, _“Yes, Noémie Merlant. I will marry you. And it’s about time you asked.”_


	76. Their Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to write this, because there was so much story to tell.  
> Longer sexy time. Lots of mediocre and lame writing, but I tried my best.  
> One more chapter to go. It's been a wild ride, so thank you all!

__

_“Wait here…”_ Adèle implored after she accepted Noémie’s proposal and slipped the bespoke JEM engagement ring into her finger. Noémie was left on the couch wondering what this was about. She got her answer when Adèle emerged from the workshop with a little box of her own.

 _“I have proposed to you three times, and three times you turned me down because I didn’t have a ring,”_ Adèle feigned disappointment.

 _“Or maybe because you did not think things over? A proposal for a lifetime commitment made in the spur of the moment?”_ Noémie answered.

 _“Whatever,”_ Adèle ignored Noémie’s justification for turning her down 3x. _“But I finally got a ring and was just waiting for the right time. Éric had some good ideas, but they all involved Lego structures or PSG football games. So, ixnay on his ideas. I guess there is not really a good time. But I can promise you that I have thought it over, I have a ring, I don’t have a speech but I can wing it…”_

And now it was Adèle’s turn to kneel and make her case with a Cartier platinum engagement ring made of a 2-carat ruby stone planked on each side by two ½ carat emerald stones, finished off with diamond baguettes all around. It was beautiful in its simplicity and priceless in its symbolism.

_“Like you, I had a special ring made too. The ruby stone is the color of the dress you wore throughout Portrait, while the emerald stones represent the taffeta dress I wore. I designed it and asked Louis Toussaint to set it. Now… I have no prepared speech, but I don’t really need one. Noémie, you and the kids are my life. They are the most precious gifts I never, ever thought I would ever need or deserve. I love waking up next to you each morning because I know that no matter how shitty the day might be, I am already a winner. And I love that your face is the last I see before I go to sleep at night so I can dream of you. We have grown together, we have built a family together, we belong together. So Noémie, will you marry me?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Of course, I will marry you,”_ Noé replied then teased Adèle, _“That was a pretty good speech, for someone who wings everything, if I may say so.”_

 _“Shut up. I will get the Bollinger we have been saving from the cellar refrigerator,”_ Adèle said. _“This calls for a toast. Then we can make popcorn, put our feet up, drink champagne, and watch Netflix.”_

 _“Very romantic, Haenel. But I get to choose the movie,”_ Noé said. 

\-------------------------

Noé was in charge of the wedding and Adèle of the honeymoon, both of which were very low key. After over 10 years together, it was a “formality”, after all. Within a couple of days, Noé had gotten the license from City Hall and secured the venue at [Le Pavillon du Lac](https://www.lepavillondulac.fr/) inside the [Parc des Buttes Chaumont](https://en.parisinfo.com/paris-museum-monument/71468/Parc-des-Buttes-Chaumont), not very far from their house. It was like having your reception at the [Tavern on the Green](https://www.tavernonthegreen.com/) inside Central Park in New York, except with better food and more parking. Adèle joked that it was a “Shotgun wedding” because of the speed by which it was planned; the event was scheduled about a month after their engagement because Noé wanted it in the afternoon of a crisp autumn day, when the air smelled of cinnamon and pumpkin, the leaves were changing, and the park was a mosaic of red, green, bergamot, and flaming orange trees. When you’re a Cannes, Golden Globe, Oscar, and César award winning actress, venues opened up for you. 

Only their 2 kids and their parents were at the City Hall to witness the wedding. Adèle was in an old blue Armani suit and Noé, although no longer under contract with LV, wore a vintage LV lace bodice with flowers in her hair; Cécile was wearing a custom made replica of the same dress. Éric was smart in matching Armani blue suit with white shirt and white silk tie. There were no horse-drawn carriages or limousines to take them to the reception – just their cars, meandering the short drive to the park. Only close friends, including Céline and Judith, Gisèle and Julia, Gimi and his now-wife, Bénédicte Couvreur and her husband, Claire Mathon, Christel Baras, Aïssa _,_ MCM, Adèle’s coterie of friends from Montreuil, Luàna, Valeria, others from Portrait, and Noé’s close friends from Cours Florent and the Roma community were invited, around 50 people. There were no traditional first dance or father-daughter dance, no cake cutting, or any of those other wedding traditions; just food, wine, laughter, and cinema.

 _“Luàna, Valeria, Bénédicte, Claire, Judith, and I have a gift for you. Everyone, please settle in with your wine, and enjoy,”_ Céline announced after dinner service was done, then signaled one of the attendants to close the blinds, turn off the lights, and start the feature film.

**Noémie’s Story**

_ Mama Merlant _ _: She was shy, and acting was her way of showing herself to the world whilst keeping her true self beyond anyone’s reach. She had one boyfriend in Nantes, Luka, I remember, who was ready to follow her to Paris but stayed behind after he found another girl. Then she met Simon…_

Childhood pictures of Noé flashed on the screen.

_Noé and Simon dated for almost 5 years before they got married. The marriage was short lived, but as they said about doors closing and windows opening… Portrait of a Lady on Fire was opening a door whilst Noé’s window was still partially open. (Behind the scenes pictures at Pierre Quiberon)_

_ Celine _ _: A lot of actresses auditioned for the role of Marianne. First was a table read, then a seminal scene with me standing for Heloïse, then with Adèle. As a director, I was gobsmacked by how they connected with each other, I could almost see the energy flowing between them. It was right there and then when I decided that I would not hold table reads or rehearsals, because even though I’m an awesome director, I was not good enough to fake the way they looked at each other._

The tape of Noémie’s audition with Adèle was then shown for the very first time.

> _Marianne: I can't make you smile. I feel I do it and then it vanishes.  
> _ Noémie stared at Adèle, who stared back at her intently.  
>  _Héloïse: Anger always comes to the fore._
> 
> Noémie softened her tone.
> 
> _Marianne: Definitely with you. I didn't mean to hurt you.  
>  Héloïse: You haven't hurt me.  
> Marianne: I have, I can tell. When you're moved, you do this with your hand.  
> Héloïse: Really?_
> 
> Adèle smiled very slightly.
> 
> Marianne: _Yes. And when you're embarrassed, you bite your lips. And when you're annoyed, you don't blink._
> 
> Noémie did not break her gaze.
> 
> Héloïse: _You know it all.  
> _ Marianne: _Forgive me, I'd hate to be in your place.  
> _ Héloïse: _We're in the same place. Exactly the same place. Come here. Come. Step closer. Look. If you look at me, whom do I look at?_
> 
> Noémie turned towards the imaginary place that Adèle was pointing out. She then slightly touched her forehead, following the script.
> 
> _When you don't know what to say, you touch your forehead. When you lose control, you raise your eyebrows._
> 
> Noémie turned back and was met with those piercing blue-green eyes that just about took her breath away. She unconsciously gasped for air. She was not acting anymore.
> 
> _And when you're troubled, you breathe through your mouth._
> 
> They continued staring at each other, almost like a game of chicken: whoever broke her stare lost.
> 
> “ _And CUT! That was wonderful!”_ Céline said excitedly before turning to Christel and talking in very low voices.
> 
> Noémie looked down, blushing. For a few moments, she was lost in the eyes of Adèle Haenel.

_And then I got a text message from Adèle, who was out with Noémie at that time, asking me to hire her. I think from that moment on, fate has already intervened. And Noémie, please forgive me, but when you signed up for my screen writing class at La Fémis, you also signed a release for your work. So, here it is._

_ Noémie: _ _My name is Noémie Merlant and this video essay is to satisfy one of the requirements of Professor Sciamma’s class. This is the story of how I fell in love with my partner and how we, in spite of ourselves, have our own "happy-middle" ending. ‘Middle ending’ because the story is far from over, and for the few who have known us and have shared our journey, and for our children, I hope the story will never end. I hope they will pass it on to their children and grandchildren to remember that once upon a time, there were 2 stupid kids who fell in love, broke each other, made each other whole, and finally found their way through life together._

_I did not know Adèle personally, but I have seen her films and knew she was a very intense actor. I spent hours watching clips on You Tube to get an idea of who and what she was before my audition with her. Instead, I found myself watching not only Adèle the actress, but Adèle the person. She was incredibly charming and funny. And honest, so honest and ballsy that she came out of the closet during a live broadcast with millions of people watching. I was very apprehensive about meeting her, because she already had 2 Césars and many more nominations, and I was just another French actress in a sea of French actresses. But she put my anxiety to rest when she came in and looked at me. I felt… seen. That she actually saw me, and treated me as her equal. And then she smiled... that smile… dear Lord, that smile. I’m smiling now just thinking of her smile, because after more than 10 years together and more lines on our faces, Adèle’s smile still takes my breath away._

_I still remember the day when I got the part: Bastille Day, and my flat and Lillies’ offices were not far from the Bastille monument in Marais. Somehow, I knew that it was one of the most important and happiest days of my life, and the fireworks that evening seemed like they were lighting the sky for me and telling me that something wonderful was about to happen…_

_ Céline _ _: By the time we started filming at Pierre Quiberon, I already knew that Noémie was crushing on Adèle, and the feeling was very mutual. Which posed a problem for my plan – how could I pass them off as strangers wary of each other’s presence when I could see the passion in their eyes?_

_ Noémie:_ _The first scene we filmed was also the first time I kissed Adèle; it was to tell her that her mother was coming in the following day and our little lovefest would end with her arrival. I was wearing this red wool ensemble and I was running on the sand. I don’t know how many takes it took, but with each take, it seemed like a lead weight was slipped inside my shoes._

Clips of the scene takes were shown on-screen.

 _ Claire_ _: I think by the final take, Noémie was so exhausted and her tears were too real. Marianne held on to Héloïse so tightly because if she didn’t, Noémie would face plant from sheer exhaustion._

 _Noémie_ _: The very first time I kissed Adèle on the very first take, my heart was beating so fast and my hands were clammy. It was not what I expected… it was… so much more. Hold on for a second…_ (Noémie paused to wipe away her tears.) _Yes… kissing Adèle on the very first scene, with the power of the ocean before us and the majesty of the mountains in the distance, I was mesmerized. It was an out-of-body experience and I was a goner. It was different when she was a harmless girl crush from a distance; but now she was real and she breathed life into me, her lips in mine was like magic... I can go on with the metaphors… but maybe this is the most apt one: it felt like the rug was pulled from under me and Adèle's arms were the only ones keeping me from falling down into an abyss. If this were a screenplay, I would judge it as being trite, as just bad dialogue, but it is not a screenplay._

_Would I say that it was when I fell in love with her? I really don’t have the answer to that. But from that moment, I was under her spell. She was bewitching, Pierre Quiberon was magical, and before the ocean and the mountains, I felt so insignificant. But I was married, and I had the ring to remind me that I was, and whatever it was I felt for her had to be discarded once I was away from the camera._

_Julia_ _: Yeah, I went to the set unannounced, and Adèle was pissed! I did not want her to make the film in the first place, because I thought it was just a ruse that Céline concocted to get her back. I wanted to stay with her during filming, which made her even angrier and we threw our engagement rings at each other. Anyone who has ever loved Adèle knew that she was an untamed animal, a free spirit, she was never meant for domesticity._ (Laughing) _And yet, look at where she is now._

_ Noémie _ _: Love would not announce itself when it comes, it just does. It can be an unwanted guest, but there is no denying it when it makes its presence known. In my case, I think love slowly creeped in, manifesting itself in small doses, like an extra 2 second look into her eyes, or an accidental brush of her hands, her unbroken gaze, and whenever she smiled at me, I became undone. My god, her smile. It should come with a warning label. In fact, Adèle at that time should come with a warning label. Like “DANGER! Fall in love at your own risk!” or “"HER SMILE COULD KILL YOU”._

_We were in the most beautiful place on earth, far away from civilization, where, if you looked up at night, you could see millions of stars and the faint clouds of the Milky Way. You could never partake of such a view in Paris because your eyes are trained by artificial lights. But at Pierre Quiberon, the pitch darkness was the only way to see the awesome beauty of the sky. It was a perfect storm that I could have probably weathered eventually, if not for the fact that she felt the same for me. How do I know? Because Adèle’s eyes always betrayed her. If Adèle looked at you with love you would know it, and if she looked at you with disdain, it would pierce you, and if she looked at you with tears, it would break your heart. That was the wonder of her._

_ Claire:_ _I am a painter but instead of a brush and a canvas, I paint with my camera. I look for the best angles and the best light diffusion, and with all the close-ups of them, I could see how they opened up their gaze, a little more intimately each day. It was something to behold. Not to mention the way Adèle made faces at Noémie when she was out of the frame. She said she was throwing balls for Noé to catch, but what I saw was a little puppy eager for affection. It still makes me smile and honored whenever I think of those early days._

Candid clips of them talking on set, walking to their trailers, or stealing glances at each other - practice footage by Claire and her assistant cinematographer - were shown on screen.

 _ Céline:_ _The first kiss in the movie was filmed on our last day in Bretagne. I have been keenly observing the two of them interact every day, and I have already concluded that they were very taken by the other. I lived with Adèle for a long time, in a romantic relationship as some of you are aware of, so I probably knew her more than anyone on that set, and I knew that she was falling for Noémie. She tried to be cool and not show it, but you could see it in her eyes. She looked at Noémie with utter affection. It took many takes to get the kiss right, not because they were acting badly, but because they were not acting at all. The emotions were too real for a controlled environment. And I was to blame for that – I let them define their gazes and their scenes, and they reached out deep within them and found love._

The tape of all the takes was shown on screen.

> _The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes, but Adèle took off her mask too early._
> 
> _Take two._
> 
> _The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes and into each other’s lips before taking off their face masks in synchronicity. They kissed but Adèle got carried away, opened her mouth, and let her tongue wander where it shouldn’t._
> 
> _Noémie had to catch her breath and Adèle shyly laughed like a kid caught stealing cookies from the jar._
> 
> _Take three._
> 
> _The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes and into each other’s lips before taking off their face masks in synchronicity. They kissed but Noémie lingered a little too long and Adèle reciprocated._
> 
> _Take four._
> 
> _“Gaze at each other for 10 seconds, both of you!!! Then pull down your masks. Then another 10 seconds before you break your kiss, you Adèle walk away fast, realizing what just happened, and Noémie, you stay behind and look disoriented!!!” Céline was still as patient as ever._
> 
> _The camera was rolling, and Adèle walked ahead and into the arc formation for Noémie to follow. They faced each other, gazing at each other’s eyes and into each other’s lips before taking off their face masks in synchronicity. They kissed for about 10 seconds before Adèle as Héloïse walked away confused, while Noémie as Marianne stayed behind, looking bewildered at what just happened._
> 
> _“CUT! That was beautiful!’ Céline finally said. “And that’s a wrap! You two can change in your trailers and go back to the hotel if you want, or you can hang out here while we review the footage to see if we need more outdoor shots. Dinner at the usual time tonight.”_

_Noémie_ _: She came to my trailer afterwards, walking and hovering, I did not know what it was she wanted. At the same time, all I wanted to do was to hold her. Again, if these lines were in a real screenplay, I would say that the dialogues are very unrealistic and utterly lame. But it is not a screenplay, it was what really happened. She looked at my hand and not really addressing me, exclaimed that I was so married. Like she was trying to psyche herself out, and I did what I never thought I would do: I admitted to her that I was falling in love with her. It was a bold move and deep down, I knew it would end my marriage, but at that moment, I just really wanted to kiss her again. And we did. Reluctantly. Ferociously. She did not say much afterwards, but we have reached the point of no return. I said “I love you” on the bus on our way back to Paris after_ … Noémie started blushing at the recollection… _after what I cannot talk about on screen._

Footage of behind the scenes at La Chapelle-Gauthier in Seine-et-Marne was shown on screen.

_When we returned to set, she was a stranger. Like Pierre Quiberon did not happen at all. I did not know what to make of it. She avoided me at all cost, but when we filmed our scenes together, her gazes said something else. She was either a really good actress, or she still felt the same. Then one night, she asked me to meet so we could talk and she finally told me that she had been avoiding me because I was married. And what did I do? I took off my clothes and went to her bed. It was cathartic. I had imagined that moment so many times, and when it finally happened, it was still beyond my wildest fantasies._

_ Luàna_ _: They thought they were so smart, hiding it from us, but their actions betrayed them. Adèle would hang on set even if she was not on the call sheet, and if I wanted to know where Noé was, all I needed to do was follow where Adèle’s gaze led to. One night, in between takes, I went outside the chateau to get some fresh air. The set was lit from the outside as well and the crew was arranging and rearranging the lighting, so I walked further away from the house for some peace and quiet. And to smoke weed._

Luàna started laughing at her recollection.

 _It was pitch black. Then I saw two people, one was seated on a stone retaining wall, about 1 ½ meters tall, holding a person standing in front. I couldn’t make out who the person was because they were in street clothes, but I heard some moans, and I knew that it was Adèle – she was the one sitting on the retaining wall. And then I heard her whisper Noémie’s name. They were kissing, and I couldn’t see where Noé’s hands were because she had her back turned. She must have done something really well, because the way Adèle said her name was very breathy. I walked away because I did not want to disturb them. When they came back on set, Adèle’s hair was more disheveled than usual, and she didn't even need to be there_ _._

 _ Valeria: _ _The last scene Adèle filmed at the chateau was her last scene in the film. I could tell that Noémie was really upset because she had no more blood left in her face. We ended that day’s shoot earlier, and we all went back to the hotel. I saw the two of them walking towards the lobby with Adèle’s arms around Noémie protectively. The car service to take Adèle back to Paris was already waiting for her outside the hotel and Adèle very tenderly kissed Noémie before she got in the car._

 _ Noémie _ _: And then she ghosted me. I remained on set for another 4 weeks, and I did not hear from her, not once. I was heartbroken, but there was really nothing I could do. I would probably have done the same if our roles were reversed. The day she left the set was the last day I saw her until the following spring. My marriage was hanging by a thread and I did not know how long I could pretend that nothing happened. Because the truth was, I had fallen in love with Adèle. The even sadder truth was that I cheated on Simon, something I was not proud of. I should have been more honest with him instead of hanging on for as long as I did. That will always be one of my regrets, that I was a coward for not letting him know sooner._

 _Bénédicte_ _: Céline and I were well aware that the two of them had broken up, and we needed to find a way to get them to talk to each other again. Cannes was less than a month away, and a love story that its actors couldn’t sell would fail, no matter how beautifully done it was. So, we put them in the same suite at the country house when we had a weekend movie screening and party for the cast and crew. Were we complicit in restarting the flame? Yeah, maybe we were, but they needed to sort things out. I think they sorted it out too well_. (Laughing)

 _Noémie_ _: I thought we were in a good place after the screening. She told me that she had gotten back with Julia after she dumped Gisèle. It was what it was, and I had to accept that it was impossible to hold on to Adèle for an extended period of time; that we would never have a future together. But we finally became friends. With benefits_. (Laughing). _We also finally admitted that there were forces stronger than our intention to forget. That summer was a maelstrom, lots of push and pull and balancing acts. It was also when my marriage finally ended, although I think it was over long before then. For a few months, I had Adèle to myself. She finally told me she loved me. But deep down, I knew it was fleeting. That I would wake up one day and she would be gone, and my worst fear was realized when she flew to Berlin for a funeral and stayed behind for Gisèle._

_It was a series of missed connections after that. I was angry at her, and when I got pregnant, she was angry at me. But life always found a way to bring us back in each other’s life. When she got stabbed, I felt the knife go through my heart as well. Luckily, I already had CoVid antibodies that allowed me to stay with her in the hospital. I resolved that it was time to fight for her. I was time to make her realize that we were meant for each other. And to my surprise, the first thing she said when she woke up after surgery was ‘I love you Noé’. And all the love I have stored inside of me just breached the dam and flooded into every fiber of my being. And we have been together ever since._

_I know - a series of long and winding roads, confusing and soul-crushing times - but we made it. It was almost fated how all the pieces finally fell into place, like one of those toys where little pieces of metal move to the center where a magnet is hidden._

Clips of her, Adèle, and the two kids were show: goofing around the house and in the park, cycling through the city, riding the metro, capped the end of Noé’s story.

**Adèle’s Story**

_ Mama Haenel _ _: Adèle was born in Montreuil. There was a snowstorm while I was in labor with her, which was portentous of the force of nature this child was going to be. She was so unique and intelligent and precocious, the apple of her older brother’s and father’s eyes. She went through unimaginable things I would not talk about, but that adversity has shaped who she is and what she believes in._

 _ Adèle _ _: Before I met Céline and after I accepted that I am gayer than Gay Gayerdottir, I had lot of girlfriends. I can remember at least 5 semi-serious ones, all before I turned 20. By the time I kissed Céline and she kissed me back and we became a couple, I was ready to "settle down", or whatever a 20-year old's idea of settling down was._ _And for a while, my life was blissful, my career took off, I was a double Césars winner by the time I turned 27. But then my heart started wandering again, and Céline knew it and we broke up. Not long after, I got together with Julia, and for a while, we were even engaged. I was into rock concerts and music._

 _ Céline _ _: Part of Adèle’ virtue and curse is that she always went all in, 120% , when she entered a new world. If you asked her to learn Icelandic, she would not stop until she’s fluent in it. If you challenged her to jujitsu, she would learn from a Master and get her black belt before she fights you. She is a polymath, she is multitudes, she wants to learn everything... and it can be exhausting._

 _ Julia: _ _First, I only knew Adèle as a fan who frequently attended my concerts. And when I met her after one of those concerts, I fell head over heels. She has that effect on people. I even asked her to marry me, and to my surprise, she said yes. But I should have known better… that until one can tame Adèle’s restlessness, one cannot possess her. And maybe that’s what I wanted – to keep her all to myself. It is only in retrospect that I knew it was the fast lane to break up central._

 _ Adèle: _ _Céline is and will always be one of the anchors of my life, a North star to guide me when I am a mariner lost at sea, and I trust her with my life. When I first read the script for Portrait, I was blown away, but I was also apprehensive. Which actress could give justice to the character of Marianne? I wanted to play the part of Marianne, but since Céline was Pygmalion and Marianne’s role was an extension of her, she was adamant that I play her Galatea. The memory of a love lost. An ode to our very own love story._

_By the time she called me to read with the actresses she was considering for the role of Marianne, she and Christel had already winnowed down the candidates to four. I cannot tell you who the other actresses were – BereniceAdèleExStéphane – but Noé... I think I did not breathe for 3 seconds when I first saw her. She was that beautiful. There was a tenderness to her that just tugged at my heart and I had to play it cool. I had a fiancée at home and my ex-girlfriend was directing – I did not have time for this shit. By the time we got to Pierre Quiberon, I was resolved to play it cool, but whatever resolve I had vanished when I saw her again. It’s bad enough that I got so lost when I looked into her eyes, she was also a genuinely nice person. There’s an innocence in her that made me want to just hold her and never let her go. For sure, I was already beyond interested._

_When did I fall in love with her? I honestly can’t say if there’s an exact moment. It seemed like I was already in the middle by the time I realized it. It’s just the little things… the way she would bashfully look down when I gazed at her for an extended period of time, the way she would hold my hand when we were walking up to the trailer, how she could sit so still on the beach while looking at the ocean, wearing her heavy wool garment, unencumbered. It’s the way she spoke, her voice so gentle it could make me cry. She was nothing like anyone I have ever met. Little by little, I found myself staring at her, marveling at how this creature could be so unaffected and unaware of her effect on people. Little by little, my heart started beating faster and faster whenever I saw her. Her laughter was so sweet and I wanted so much to make her laugh at all cost, so I would make faces at her when I knew I wasn’t on the frame. Sometimes it would be a distraction and she would very gently pinch me before the next take. But by the time we filmed the kissing scene at the grotto, I was already in love with her. More than I allowed myself to be, because it was a very tenuous situation – she was still married. But I guess at the back of my mind, I knew she felt the same. I went to her trailer after we filmed the kissing scene because I wanted to see her, feel her, be in her presence. And we kissed. And then the following day, she told me she loved me._

_I decided I was too cool for her when we started filming in Melun, but in the presence of Noémie, one can only act cool for so long, before she unmasks you and you’re back to being in love with her. The feeling was so strong that I believe there was really nothing we could do to fight it. I hang around the set like a puppy so we could go back to the hotel together. We tried to be together as much as we could. Also, I couldn’t keep my hands off her._

_ Luàna:_ _I can confirm. They tried to act cool, but I knew. I think a lot of people knew. What they shared was infectious and infuriatingly sweet._

 _ Adèle:_ _And then it was time to go back to Paris. I wasn’t the most reliable girlfriend, as 3 of my ex-girlfriends who are in the room could attest to. I did not know what Noé and I had. I did not really know her – what food or music she liked, her favorite film or artist – I knew nothing about her. I did what I usually do: I ghosted her. I met Gisèle and her work intrigued me so much. I wanted to learn about puppetry and her unique approach to the stage._

 _ Gisèle_ _: When I met Adèle, she was hungry to learn new things, and she impressed me so much when we were planning on staging L’Etang. She kissed me and I kissed her back, and then we were inseparable. It was like she was on a mission to get me to bed, only to dump me on New Year’s Day._

 _ Julia _ _: Adèle called me a few minutes after the clock struck 12 and asked if she could come over. I said why not, I was single, and I did not know that she had my current girlfriend in her bed at that very moment. Typical. We got back together that evening and did not leave the bedroom until shortly before La fête des Rois. We were back together but she did not want to get engaged again. We kept separate flats. We went to the César ceremony together – it was her way of telling the world that I was her girlfriend and she was mine. We had some fun, we even made a mock video of getting married, but there was always that empty space that I knew I could never fill. And when I met Noé, I understood._

 _ Adèle_ _: I was a mess – I got back with Noé while I was still with Julia. By that summer, Julia and Simon were out of the picture, Noé and I were living together, and it was too much for me. Gisèle and I got back together and I did not even have the courage to formally break up with Noé. It was only in retrospect that I now realized what an asshole I was. Through it all, I never stopped loving Noémie. Through CoVid, through Gimi… she never left my heart, and I was too lost to admit it. I even tried to get her back during the lockdown even though Gisèle and I had not broken up and Noé had the good sense to turn me down. It took a pandemic to quiet my mind, and an attack to make me realize that I have always loved her. And that I would never let her go again._ _She has given me the most precious gifts I did not even know I wanted: our two kids. And now I cannot imagine my life without them. Babe, I will grow old with you until the stars fall from the sky and the sun hurls towards earth. And even after that, I will still love you._

END

There was not a dry eye in the room after the film, and Céline signaled the DJ to start playing music so whoever wanted to dance could dance. And after the wedding party started winding down around 21:00, the newlyweds announced that the party would continue at their house. Éric and Cécile stayed with their grandparents in Montreuil, while M and MMe Merlant retired to the hotel nearby. Julia played a mini concert and Noé sang a few songs on the piano. There were champagne and an open bar, more catered food, games and dancing, and breakfast for the select few who stayed to watch the sunrise from the rooftop garden.

\------------------------------

 _“You did well, babe, I think everyone had a great time at the wedding,”_ Adèle said as they were preparing to go to their honeymoon.

 _“I know I did. Now let’s see if the honeymoon you planned will live up to how great the wedding was,”_ Noé asked.

 _“PRESSURE! You know I don’t respond to pressure very well,”_ Adèle replied while Noé put her arms around Adèle to reassure her.

 _“Honey, it doesn’t matter where we go. We could stay here for all I care, as long as I am with you,”_ Noé whispered.

 _“Babe, that is so corny. Was that in one of your screenplays? Because I would suggest you delete that line,”_ Adèle teased.

 _"You are such an asshole sometimes,"_ Noé feigned anger as she pulled Adèle's hair playfully. 

“ _Aw! That hurts! I didn’t ask you to get our passports out, so you know we will not leave France. But I am sure you will love it where we’re going, and we’re even minimizing our carbon footprint by driving our electric car instead of flying.”_

\--------------------------------

Adèle had rented a villa for the week right above the cliffs of Pierre Quiberon's shore. It was not cheap, but she couldn’t think of any other place that meant as much to both of them as the ocean and the rock formations and the memories of where it all began.

 _“Well, Madame Haenel, what do you think?”_ Adèle asked Noé as they entered the villa, which had an infinity pool, a private stretch of the beach, maid and butler service, and a private chef.

 _“OMG! It’s gorgeous, Madame Merlant! But we could have brought the kids! There are plenty of rooms,”_ Noé was wide-eyed at the grandeur of the place.

 _“They have school, remember? And the last thing I want is to get interrupted while I make mad love to my wife,”_ Adèle replied as she pulled Noémie towards her and kissed her deeply.

 _"Are you going to carry me over the threshold?"_ Noémie teased Adèle who then lifted her over her shoulder, like a caveman. It was not romantic at all and they laughed at the absurdity of the tradition. 

They freshened before they walked along the beach to watch the sunset. There was a gate to go to the public area where the rock formations were. The grotto was only about a kilometer away and they decided that they would visit the following day because it was getting late. They walked hand in hand back to the villa, where the private chef had prepared a sumptuous dinner for them, with wine pairing and a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon to toast the beginning of the rest of their lives together.

Marie Antoinette would have been jealous of the honeymoon suite – it was gorgeous! An eclectic room with a 4-poster Louis XV king size bed and mid-century sitting area with Barcelona and Le Corbusier chairs. There were flowers all over. Another chilled bottle of Dom Perignon was by the jacuzzi tub with rose petals scattered throughout.

 _“These petals can clog the jets,”_ Adèle grumbly said as she fished them all out before she popped the champagne and poured a glass for her and Noémie, who was already in the tub. Adèle joined her and sat in front and leaned back to give her a kiss.

 _“Cheers, honey,”_ Noémie said as they kissed more and raised their glasses to the future. It was a relaxing bath and smelled of fresh roses and lavender. Noémie soon started kissing the back of Adèle’s neck while her hands wandered around what’s in front of her: first she delicately touched Adèle’s breasts, making circles around her nipples, then her hand started wandering far down. Slowly, delicately, while she continued kissing Adèle’s neck then shoulders. Adèle could feel the heat from Noémie breathing behind her, and she held her hands, gliding along with it as it mapped her body, until she couldn’t take it anymore and guided Noé’s hand to where she wanted it to be.

 _“Sshhh… not yet,”_ Noémie whispered, as she kept kissing Adèle’s neck and caressing her whole body. Unable to bear it any longer, Adèle turned around to face her tormentor, and kissed her very deeply. They moved closer, not letting go of their kisses, until their thighs were right against each other. Under the water, the friction was muted, but they tried anyway. They moved in tandem, inner thigh against inner thigh, one body raised a little, lips and tongues entwined, until they stopped, gasping for air, smiling at each other.

They were in bed unable to break each other’s gaze. After all these years, after all the sexy times… tonight was different. Tonight was special. They _were_ married.

 _“I didn’t think being married was going to be a big deal, but it just feels… so… different,”_ Noémie said, smiling.

 _“I’m glad you said ‘yes’ on my fourth marriage proposal,”_ Adèle replied, jokingly.

 _“The other three don’t count, you were just carpe dieming,”_ Noémie reminded her.

 _“Well, yeah, but I made up for it on the fourth one,”_ Adèle defended herself.

 _“You sure did,”_ Noémie started running her hands through Adèle’s hair. _“Honey…”_

 _“Yeah?”_ Adèle whispered.

 _“I have to ask you something. Throughout this week, no sex toys, please,”_ Noémie was embarrassed by her request. _“I just want to feel you, just you, all of you.”_

Adèle nodded and kissed her lightly. Then kissed her more deeply, and Noémie turned on her back and tried to get Adèle to go on top of her so they could look into each other’s eyes. They kept kissing, just lingering in each other’s mouth, breathing each other’s air.

 _“I love you,”_ Adèle said in between kisses.

 _“I love you,”_ Noémie said as she ran her hands throughout Adèle’s back, trying to pull her as close to her as possible. Their bare skin was soft and cool and burning against each other. Adèle started kissing her ears, her eyes, then focused on her neck. Noémie pulled her head back as the kisses became more ferocious and Adèle moved from her neck to her collarbone, and then to Adèle’s favorite place – Noé's breasts. Adèle took her time with each nipple, sucking lightly and sucking hard and kissing everything in between, while her other hand was caressing the other breast. Noémie started breathing more heavily as she burrowed her hand onto Adèle’s scalp. She didn’t know what to do as Adèle’s kisses moved further and further down, until she was between her thighs, kissing the inside of her legs, and then it was onto Adèle’s second favorite place. The kisses started very lightly, which frustrated Noémie because she was by then very consumed with desire. And then Adèle’s tongue became more unruly, two fingers slowly going in and out, while the most sensitive part of her was under the spell of Adèle’s mouth. Noémie started moving in rhythm, slightly lifting herself for more friction, one of her hands firmly keeping Adèle’s head into position while the other was grabbing the sheets for dear life.

There were very few things that could give Adèle more satisfaction than bringing Noémie to orgasm. But tonight, what she was doing was infinitely more special, because she’s doing it to _her wife_ , the woman she would spend the rest of her life with, the woman who said _‘I do’_ when asked about loving her ‘ _for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, till death do them part’_ and her heart was bursting with love. She wanted to give Noémie as much pleasure as she could, and she could tell she had succeeded when Noémie started calling her name, over and over. But Adèle didn’t stop, she continued as Noémie started convulsing several times, until Noé stilled her hand and let out a big sigh when Adèle delicately pulled her fingers out. And when she came up to kiss her, she noticed the tears, the soft cry.

 _“Ssshhh… I’m here,”_ Adèle reassured her. But the soft cry gave way to sobs whilst Noémie kept kissing her and grabbing her back.

 _“I am so happy, I never thought I could be this happy,”_ Noémie finally said.

Adèle climbed back down and held Noémie a little longer, and with a mischievous glint, later said, _“You can be happier by giving me multiple orgasms.”_ Adèle was very turned on and very ready.

With tears still in her eyes, Noémie started laughing and got on top of Adèle.

 _“You want multiple orgasms, I will give you multiple orgasms,”_ Noémie joked before she started making love to _her wife_. Before long, she had Adèle squirming and shaking and calling her name.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms before waking up several times during the night to start again, each time feeling like the first time, each time so full of love, each time more intense than when they first started.


	77. C'est Fini

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First, thank you for riding along on this journey. I hope you've had as much fun reading it as I did writing. But now it's time to end it and let this fanfic rest in the cache of history and fade away.  
>   
> I couldn't decide on how to end this crazy story, so I came up with 3 endings.  
>   
>  **PLEASE do me a big favor and let me know what you think and which ending you would choose. I would appreciate it very much.**

_At the final moment, I cried_   
[ _I always cry at endings_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-aB4wtWiYI)

**Ending 1**

**Portrait of a Lady Reborn  
** **(Or** **_They lived happily ever after…_ )**

“ _Babe, Éric and I have been talking about getting a ping pong table_ ,” Adèle told Noémie during dinner.

 _“And where do you guys think we should put it? We don’t have a lot of space as it is_ ,” Noémie replied.

“ _We have been looking on-line, Maman, and we will get one that can be folded when we’re not playing_ ,” Éric answered.

“ _We can put it in the basement, clear the workshop some, organize, right buddy?_ ” Adèle turned to Éric.

“ _Yes, we will build shelves so we can store all kinds of stuff out of the way_ ,” Éric confirmed.

“ _Okay, show me later what you’re planning to get_ ,” Noémie felt like she was being double teamed, while Adèle and Éric gave each other a high five.

“ _Maman, I want to learn ping pong too,_ ” Cécile interjected.

“ _You are still too little. When you’re as tall as I am, you can play with us_ ,” Éric said.

“ _Don’t worry, Cécile, I will teach you how to play tennis,_ ” Noémie answered. _“Or I can talk to one of the coaches at the school, see if they have a program for little kids.”_

 _“I’m going to learn real tennis and I will play at Roland Garros,”_ Cécile felt invincible and stuck her tongue at her brother, who just rolled his eyes.

\-------------------

 _“I just want to go back to Pierre Quiberon where it’s peaceful and quiet. Let’s put up the kids for adoption. They’re exhausting,”_ Adèle was lying in bed while Noémie was propped up reading the script for her next movie. She put the script down and looked at Adèle. 

_“Let’s. Do you think we can get good money for them? They got great genes, anyone would be lucky to have them,”_ Noémie played along, then said more solemnly, “ _I really loved our honeymoon. You did a great job with planning and keeping it secret from me.”_

 _“I loved it too, but I missed the brats very much, I have to admit,”_ Adèle said, looking up at the ceiling. _“I don’t know how you can bear to be away from them when you’re filming.”_

 _“I know… believe me, sometimes I just want to walk away, but I’m an actor and I’m lucky that I can pick and choose the films that I think will make a difference. I’m actually more baffled that you walked away from it,”_ Noémie replied.

 _“The industry gave me so much – you, Céline, Aïssa – but it also gave me Ruggia. He got a slap on the wrist for everything he did to me. Probation? What a fucking joke,”_ Adèle bitterly said.

 _“Honey, let it go. You have already changed the world for the better. I’m exhibit #1. I am directing this next film with the backing of a major studio that is not Lillies. That would not have happened 10 years ago. You have spoken at the parliament to decry racism, sexism, all kinds of isms,”_ Noémie answered while running her fingers through Adèle’s hair, still messy after all these years.

 _“But don’t you miss it? Acting? A lot of people ask me why you haven’t made a film in so long,”_ Noémie continued.

 _“When the right project comes along, I won’t mind. Meanwhile, I still have a job at the Commission, gigs at the Conservatoire and at Lillies... I’m not exactly slacking here, babe,”_ Adèle replied.

\----------------------------------

_“You won’t believe what I’ve been writing, and it’s meant to be my real wedding gift to you and Noé,”_ Céline said during one of their dinner dates. They still met for dinner at least once every 2 weeks, more often if they had time.

 _“Do I want to know?”_ Adèle answered. Céline was being mysterious.

 _“I’m writing a sequel to Portrait. It’s time,”_ Céline said as she lit a cigarette.

 _“Please don’t tell me it starts where the first one ended. I don’t think I can be in the same headspace to portray Heloïse whilst she’s listening to four seasons,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“No, it’s a few more years after that. Heloïse and Marianne will be the same age as you and Noé are, so early 40s. Marianne has made a name for herself and has become a sought-after portraitist based in Paris. And Heloïse has obtained an annulment from her Milanese aristocrat on grounds of his adultery. She gets the kid, she gets a settlement, and she moves back to France,”_ Céline just summarized the plot of the story.

 _“But that will put them smack in the middle of the revolution,”_ Adèle knew her history.

 _“I know, and that’s why Heloïse moves back to the old villa, away from the turmoil in Paris. She sends for Marianne to paint her portrait. But the dynamics have changed. Heloïse is now more worldly and sophisticated; she renovates the villa and installs a library. Her daughter has been sent to the nuns for her education. Heloïse has traveled the continent and is more confident of who she is. But Marianne’s status has also been elevated – she is famous in the art world, considered a true painter by both the dwindling aristocracy and the proletariats,”_ Céline continued.

“ _And the countess? What does she think of the broken marriage?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“I have to kill the countess. But Sophie is now Heloïse’s secretary. Heloïse does well with the settlement she got from her husband, invests it in land and other opportunities. A silent industrialist, pulling the strings from an island in Bretagne,”_ Céline explained.

 _“And their feelings? For each other?”_ Adèle was now more curious.

 _“This time, Orpheus and Eurydice win,_ ” Céline smiled. _“Will you be interested in working with the old gang? Bénédicte has already green lit the project. Lillies, thanks to you and the innovations you brought to the business model, has secured funding. We don’t even need a grant from the Ministry.”_

 _“Have you told Noé?”_ Adèle asked.

 _“Well, I’m not supposed to tell you, but Noé is writing parts of the screenplay. Of course she’s on board!”_ Céline said.

Fall was giving way to winter, but Paris weather remained balmy, and two old friends discussed the virtues of the French revolution as they walked along the Seine.

\-------------------------------

 _“Portrait of a Lady Reborn”_ got a 20 minute standing ovation at Cannes, 10 more minutes than the first movie. And this time, the jury headed by Kristen Stewart, awarded the movie the Palme d'Or. In fact, the movie swept all categories, including a best actress for Adèle and best director for Céline.

Like Notre-Dame, the bidding for international distribution started even before the end of the festival. People had not forgotten the impact of the first one, and like an old lover, the movie’s return was welcomed by many who never got over how the first one ended.

It also affirmed Céline as one of the greatest directors to come out of France and being hailed as Truffaut’s successor. The movie swept the Golden Globes, the Oscars, and the César, including Best Director for Céline and Best Actress for Adèle.

\--------------------------

Adèle did not go back to full-time acting, but still made occasional films and appeared on theatre. The French public had now realized the contributions Adèle made to society, and on her 50th birthday, she was recognized as a Chevalier of the Légion d'Honneur, France’s highest civilian honor. From thereon, Noé would try to salute whenever Adèle walked into the house. Éric would sing La Marseillaise before he kissed his Maman, but would always get a kick before he could implore that _bloody standard be raised._ Cécile called her “Lieutenant General Maman” and kept asking when she would get the Grand Croix. _Hopefully_ , _before I die_ was Adèle’s standard response.

Time went by fast.

Soon, Éric left to get his own place and attended the Conservatoire, but still had dinner at home every Sunday followed by a best-of-3 ping pong game with Adèle. Éric had a good singing voice and acting chops – he was indeed Noémie’s son. When he started out, he did not want to use his family name which came with so much responsibility and expectations, bearing the names of 2 of France’s greatest living actors. He wanted to make it on his own and went by Éric Grimaud, after the classical pianist that his Maman adored and eventually met and became friends with. But there was no denying the fact that he was Noémie’s son. He looked just like her character Benjamin in “A Good Man”, made before he was even conceived, and he soon changed back to his real name, Éric Merlant-Haenel. He would have made it on his own anyway, no matter who his mothers were. 

Cécile was still at home, but she had chosen a different path – she wanted to be a doctor and change the world. She excelled in the sciences and sports. She was Adèle’s daughter, after all. She’s still in high school but had already decided to sit for the exams at Oxbridge. _She would get in_ , Noémie would always say. _But do we want her to leave_ , Adèle would always reply. In the end, they both agreed that it was Cécile’s decision, not theirs.

\----------------------------

_“Happy anniversary, ma femme,”_ Adèle said as she raised her glass to the both of them. Cécile was by then reading chemistry and biology at Newham College in Cambridge, alma mater of Dr. Jane Goodall and one of the few remaining all-women colleges in the Oxbridge system.

 _“Twenty five years together! Who would have thought?”_ Noémie replied as she too raised her glass. _“Here’s to us!”_ They celebrated both the day they moved in together for good, which was when Adèle was released from the hospital on July 28, and another anniversary in the fall, on October 28, when they got married 10 years later. For some reason, 28 had always been an important number for both of them.

 _“Did you get me a gift? Because I got you one,”_ Adèle, at 56, was still a child at heart.

 _“Of course I got you a gift. This is an important anniversary,”_ Noémie replied as she put a red Cartier jewelry box on the table. _“Open it.”_

Adèle excitedly did and picked the platinum bracelet engraved inside with the number “ _28”_ and _“With love from N E C”_.

 _“I love it!”_ Adèle exclaimed as Noémie helped her put in on. _“And I have something for you too!”_

Adèle gave her a wrapped box. Inside was the napkin rules that Adèle wrote when she decided to help Noémie while she was pregnant with Éric, in a Tiffany silver frame. Noémie’s eyes filled with tears at this much unexpected gift.

 _“I love it. I love it so much, honey,”_ Noémie said as she kissed Adèle across the dinner table.

 _“Éric said he would take us to dinner this weekend, maybe introduce his new girlfriend,”_ Adèle said.

 _“And just who is this new girl? Another model? Another César Young Actress?”_ Noémie replied with a smirk. Through the years, Éric had had a string of girlfriends, none of whom lasted more than six months, so much so that it distressed Noémie and Adèle had to ask him not to introduce anyone to his maman unless he was serious. Adèle didn’t mind, and without Noémie’s knowledge, she regularly had coffee with Éric and his girlfriend-du-jour. She perfectly understood that he had to sow his oats; she was also a player in her younger days.

 _“Now, now, babe. He would not introduce her to us unless he’s serious,”_ Adèle placated her.

 _“Cécile is taking the Eurostar on Friday and I’ll pick her up at Gare du Nord. She wants to take us to breakfast on Saturday,”_ Noémie casually said.

 _“PUTAIN! Full house this weekend!”_ Adèle exclaimed. _“No sexy time!”_

 _“Why full house? Éric has his own place,”_ Noémie was confused.

 _“He wanted to come home for the weekend too, just him. We will meet Eliza on Sunday,”_ Adèle replied.

 _“Eliza… you’re on a first name basis with his new girlfriend already?”_ Noémie raised one of her eyebrows.

 _“Well… you were on set in Lyon and I had time, so we met for coffee. She’s lovely,”_ Adèle was busted.

 _“Uh-hmmm… you and Éric, still conspiring behind my back,”_ Noémie quipped.

 _“And I did not know that Cécile is coming home, so we’re even,”_ Adèle pointed to the obvious.

 _“Touché,”_ Noémie declared a truce.

\-------------------------------

Matured sex – was it still an enticing proposition? Not to young lovers with taut bodies and perfect forms. In fact, the image it conjured could be downright ghastly to them. Unspeakable horror.

But for Noémie and Adèle, age had nothing to do with sex – despite diminishing hormones, surgical scars, and altered bodies, they too had remained in healthy form; their skin might have lost some of the suppleness of youth but the hands that touch had gained a sense of familiarity and unity that could overlook, even deny, the visceral changes of time.

 _“Making love to you is one of my most favorite things in the world,”_ Adèle whispered as they writhed under the covers, legs and tongues entwined, taking one or both into other-worldly dimensions.

 _“Mine too,”_ Noémie whispered afterwards, her fingers and mouth still nimble as she grabbed and traveled down Adèle’s legs - those legs, those beloved feet. _“And I will never tire of doing this,”_ she continued her explorations into secret places where she knew she could elicit that musical gasp from Adèle.

\---------------------------------

There was no such thing as a _happily ever after_ , at least, not on this earth. Life was hard and marriage was a lot of work. Adèle and Noémie worked hard at it until they had finally gotten into a rhythm when they started finishing each other’s sentences and communicated wordlessly. There was no secret, no formulas to follow, no self-help books to read, just love. A lot of love. It all started with a gaze: the stars aligned when they first met, the stars guided them back to each other when they got lost, and now it’s their turn to look up at the stars and give thanks.

They bought a modest (but bigger than the Merlant Cottage which Noémie had ceded to her sister) chateau near Pierre Quiberon where they planned to spend their twilight years, welcome grandchildren during summers, enjoy the company of family and friends, and remember friends who had already gone before them.

They went on hikes on the cliffs and discovered new places in the village. They went to the beach at the end of the day and sat on their chairs to watch the sunset, still holding hands, still kissing each other. One day, one of them would leave this earth sooner, and it would be heart breaking.

But they had already promised to welcome the other to the real “happily ever after”.

Just around the corner.

\---------------------------------

**Ending 2**

**Never the Twain Shall Meet  
(Or _T_ _hat Absolutely Mediocre Fan_ _fic_ )**

**Present Day**

Noémie just got home from her all-girls-holiday when she receives a text:

> _Adèle:  
>  Hey Stranger – been thinking about you. If you’re back in Paris, let’s grab dinner._
> 
> _Noémie:  
>  I just got back. How about tomorrow? Meet you at Perchoir? Or do you have another place in mind?_
> 
> _Adèle:  
>  Let’s make it day after tomorrow, at 19:00? In the meantime, if you have time, I want you to read this crazy fanfic about us. I want to talk to you about it. _
> 
> _Noémie:  
>  I have time. How long is it?_
> 
> _Adèle:  
>  Long. 76 Chapters, in English, but it’s an easy read. Or you can turn on Google Translate if you want._
> 
> _Noémie:  
>  Now, I’m intrigued. _

They have not been seen together in public since the César. In private, they met in early summer during one of the protests, but only to say hello. Other than that, they have been doing their own thing. Noémie is not sure what prompted the invitation from Adèle, but she welcomes it. It will be nice to catch up. It seems like a lifetime ago when they filmed Portrait. Noémie knows that the movie is one of the seminal moments in her life – it has propelled her to international acclaim, scripts have been constantly sent over, call backs are more frequent. Her international fans are loyal almost to the point of being scary, but she doesn’t mind. She is grateful for the admiration and amused at being called a lesbian icon because of the movie. That she was part of such a masterpiece that is way ahead of its time, she thinks is simply sublime. There are drawbacks to fame, of course – for one, she has had to create private social media accounts just for her family and friends because the social media universe is not all that safe, as she has seen over and over. She's been hounded - from BLM to playing a female-to-male trans.

But being in Paris and its citizens’ libertine attitude, she still enjoys a certain level of freedom and anonymity. She can still go to public places without the paparazzi chasing her, and she and countless other French celebrities have the late Princess Diana to thank because France has one of most stringent privacy laws in Europe. It’s tragic that it took her death to put the mob in its place. But social media is another story, and she has become wary of some of her friends who have posted videos of their holiday whilst tagging her, because her fans jump on every single one of them, to her consternation. As amazing as it may sound, she is still the girl from Nantes who has had a love-hate relationship with publicity: she modeled to put herself through school; she has been in the front row of many fashion shows all because she has an existing contract with LV. It’s a secure source of income while she pursues her other projects, including the 2 films she directed about the Roma community. The short film was released to good reviews, and the movie, which she co-wrote with former _mec_ Gimi, is in post-production. Her life, all in all, is good.

\------------------------------

Adèle has always had a secret Twitter and IG account and despite her protestations that she does not use the internet, well, she does. She reads message boards and sometimes checks Twitter and IG but is turned off by the stans and cringes at all the girls who joke about dying for her or marrying her. Believe it or not, she knows where the term “stan” comes from – yes, she likes Eminem – and the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQRmA2v2D9s) that inspired the term is very grim indeed. She knows about the _Noéle fans_ and she finds the whole thing, at most, amusing. She’d choose the _Noéles_ vs. the _stans_ who send her messages on Twitter and IG every day, so much so that she stopped checking anything that might have tagged or hash-tagged her name. Now she only goes to see what’s trending, because nothing spreads news faster. Sure, she has to filter the junk out, but every now and then, she goes through the rabbit hole – the last one was on Chadwick Boseman. She loves Black Panther.

In one of the boards, a poster shared a link and asked the _Noéles_ to read a fanfic, which was promptly panned by Noémie’s fans but politely ignored by hers – and it piqued her attention. She reads the first part… and before she knows it, she has bookmarked the page and would read it when she’s on the Metro around Paris or on the train to Rennes.

First, Adèle was amused; she would start laughing at the author’s lame attempts at literature and trite dialogues. But other times, she was taken by the story and would second-guess herself if something really happened or if she really felt that way. Because _déjà vu_. Reading the fanfic, she thought, is like watching a train wreck – maybe not the best analogy if she’s on a train – but she cannot stop reading it. There are parts that she swears really describe how she felt at certain moments. Sometimes, the _mediocre_ writing (as concluded by the Noémie _stans_ ) was not very far from the truth – especially how infatuated she was when they were filming Portrait.

She never told Noémie how she felt – she couldn’t. They were both in exclusive relationships, and Noémie was married, for fuck’s sake! The excerpt from the study that the fanfic author posted regarding prolonged gazes – she too has read it, the entire paper, actually – and can confirm that it is empirically true. Because she fell for Noé; she just did not act on it. And after filming was over, her infatuation simply faded away because real life was more demanding. She had the Mediapart story, she had two other films, and life simply went on.

Those feelings came back during the North American tour where she could hardly contain herself. She was trying her best to keep calm, with amusing results because she was the opposite of calm. Noémie was still married, they didn’t talk about their personal lives, and they were put in a confined situation where, if not for Céline, whom she has always called The Adèle Whisperer, she probably would have done something she was not supposed to do.

But Time heals everything, even fervent crushes. Which is why she can now talk to Noémie about the fanfic freely, because she has entirely gotten over whatever she felt.

\--------------------------

Noémie starts reading the fanfic and gulps when she realizes that the author got her more than she ever wanted to be revealed. She did have a crush on Adèle – she knew of very few people who didn’t – even her very straight girlfriends crushed on Adèle – but she had to temper it once they started filming. Except the gazes were far too real for comfort, and she couldn’t begin to count how many times she blushed upon seeing Adèle looking at her. Simply looking at her. But like the fanfic said, movie making is like Christmas – the lights are taken down when the holidays are over. She had a crush, then it was on to the next projects, and crushes fade in the process. That’s just life.

Still, she found the story amusing but she cannot judge its literary bona fide – whether it’s mediocre, as her fans on a certain chat site claimed – or whether it’s good - she was not a literary critic. There were parts that captivated her, and if only the author knew how close to reality the Gimi arc was…

Noémie has always been whimsical, subject to flights of fancy, and she finds herself thinking of what a life with Adèle could have been… They are so different on the surface and it would never work, but maybe, they have a lot more in common than what separates them. Just for tonight, she allows her imagination to run wild because tomorrow, she will need to get back to reality. 

\--------------------------------

Adèle is already inside when Noémie walks in. They kiss each other on the cheeks before they are seated in the outdoor area – it is a nice summer evening with light west wind breeze. 

_“Well, did you read it?”_ Adèle asks.

 _“I did, and no Google Translate,”_ Noé says proudly.

 _“You go girl! What did you think?”_ Adèle follows up.

 _“You first – what did you think? It’s your story as much as mine,”_ Noé has wised up.

 _“I read it in English, so I can say that some parts are just entirely lame, some are clever, but all in all, I give it a C+ or a B,”_ Adèle says.

 _“If it’s a C+ / B story, then why did you ask me to read it? And why do you want to discuss it?”_ Noé 1, Adèle 0

 _“Do I need a reason to invite you to dinner? I know… I know… lame,”_ Adèle looks into her wine glass.

 _“It is nice to see you, Adèle. It is always nice to see and hear from you,”_ Noé says, which made Adèle blush.

 _“Can you believe it? This author actually wrote 76 chapters of what our lives could have been? You and I, together? Don’t you find it funny?”_ Adèle laughs.

 _“Now, you are just being an ass. Like being with me is a joke to you? Have you always thought so little of me?”_ Noé is not in the mood to indulge Adèle.

 _“That’s not what I meant… but the thought that you and I can build a life together… because you are so straight, Noé. That’s what I find funny,”_ Adèle tries to wiggle out.

 _“That part is true. But I am single right now. How about you?”_ Noé smiles.

 _“I am single too… wait… are you flirting with me?”_ Adèle asks.

 _“Maybe… kinda… just want to see your reaction,”_ Noé nervously laughs.

They talk about the fanfic from appetizer to main course. By dessert, they have started talking about their projects, just two friends catching up with one another, unaware of the impact their movie has had on so many people and continues to do so. By the third glass of wine, Adèle tries the old staring game, and is very relieved that she can still make Noé break her gaze. By the fourth glass, Adèle is ready to bare her soul.

 _“I did have a crush on you when we were filming,”_ she admits.

 _“Ditto,”_ Noé utters very softly, almost like a whisper.

Silence.

“ _You’re not blinking,_ ” Adèle says.

“ _Not your line, and no, I am not annoyed. It’s actually the opposite,_ ” Noé replies bashfully.

 _“Now you’re touching your forehead,”_ Adèle is halfway drunk and being a brat.

 _“But I haven't lost control,”_ Noé is still on her 3rd glass, so not as inebriated as her dinner companion.

 _“That ship has sailed, hasn’t it?”_ Adèle said sadly. “ _After tonight, when will we meet again? You have your premieres and films in the works, I’m still working on this fucking play. You hang out with your friends and I hang out with mine.”_

 _“Never the twain shall meet,”_ Noé says in English then asks the waiter for a 4th glass of wine.

 _“When did you start reading Rudyard Kipling?”_ Adèle is impressed.

 _“I read a lot more than you think. I’ve been trying to improve my English,”_ Noé replies. _“But yes, that ship has sailed. Let me just remind you that you ghosted me._ Y _ou did not return any of my messages. The fanfic got that part right,"_ Noé said with a hint of bitterness.

 _"I know, but you have always been a better person than I. Maybe I took it for granted that we could always pick up where we left off, and you would still be as accepting as you always have been,"_ Adèle replies.

 _"You've always taken a lot of things for granted,"_ Noé says matter-of-factly. " _But it doesn’t mean we cannot have dinner more often. I have enjoyed tonight. Because you are right, I am a better person than you."_

 _"Arrogance does not suit you, babe,"_ Adèle replies teasingly.

\--------------------------------------

 _“I’m going to walk home,”_ Adèle tells Noé. _“I had a great time. We should do this more often.”_

 _“We should,”_ Noé replies. _“I’m taking a cab – I’m on the other side of the Seine. And it’s almost 23:00.”_

 _“Take care. Text me anytime,”_ Adèle says as she heads for home.

Noé does not hail the first cab, or the second cab, or the third. Instead, she watches as Adèle walks away, with that distinct gait which she has always found charming. After about 50 meters, Adèle turns around and runs back when she sees that Noé is still there.

 _“Did you forget anything?”_ Noé asks as Adèle, catching her breath, stops in front of her, cups her hands on her cheeks, then kisses her the way French people kiss.

 _“Too bad never the twain shall meet,”_ Adèle says in English, tacitly admitting that they need to both get on with their lives. She kisses Noé one last time, then leaves with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

Noé watches her again as she walks away, but this time, Adèle does not turn back. Still, Noé watches until she is out of her sight before she hails the next cab.

She smiles all the way home.

\---------------------------------

**Ending 3**

**Love in Time of CoVid  
(Or _[I Have A Dream...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GxkfRD9nns)_ )**

**Present Day**

Adèle has been sleeping, interrupted only by occasional trips to the bathroom and eating soup that she cannot taste left on her doorstep by friends. She is on her 1st week of quarantine after she tested positive for CoVid. She gets text messages but has turned off her phone because all she wants to do is sleep. All she needs is sleep, according to the doctors. Mama Haenel, in full PPE, comes in every other day or so to check up on her, but otherwise, quarantine is quarantine. 

It is a known side effect that CoVid induces vivid dreams. Some may call them disturbing, even nightmarish, but Adèle’s dreams have been… surprisingly pleasant and unbroken. She sleep-walks to the bathroom and sleep-eats her tasteless soup and when she goes back to sleep, the dream continues, like she paused her BluRay only to hit play again. In her dream, she and Noé fell love in Pierre Quiberon, went through some drama primarily because of her… maybe this is an extension of her subconscious… but who knows? Dreams are dreams. They got back again, then broke up again because of… Gisèle? Or because of her? Finally, she dreams that she was stabbed and traveled to Heaven then woke up with Noé on her side. They build a life together - why is Gimi even in her dream? – and Gisèle and Julia hooked up? She’s laughing in her sleep. And she and Noé have 2 kids named Éric and Cécile. _My God, these dreams are so real_ … they got married? And she quit acting? _Not a bad idea, come to think of it._ But the life they had together… Adèle never wants to wake up. It is so comforting, and dreams are all she has to get her through CoVid. The sexy times are a bonus.

Finally, her symptoms abated before the 2nd week of quarantine, but for some reason, she wakes up each morning half expecting to see Noé beside her, and their 2 kids running in to wake them up. For a split second, Adèle is still living her dream, before reality sets in and she realizes she’s in her flat alone.

_“Ma, I had the strangest dream… it was unbroken and just went on and on,”_ Adèle tells her mother.

 _“Good or bad?”_ Mama Haenel asks.

 _“For the most part, good. I dreamt about Noémie, and that we got together, had 2 kids, got married, and lived happily ever after,”_ Adèle confesses.

 _“That’s not possible, right? Noé is straight and married?”_ Mama Haenel is behind on current events.

 _“Ma, Noé got divorced last year, before we flew to America for awards season,”_ Adèle replies. _“But yes, she is straight.”_

 _“You know what they say – dreams are a window to our soul, portentous of what is to come, or extensions of our psyche,”_ Mama Haenel replies. _“People have been dreaming and writing about it for thousands of years, and yet even now, dreams are still a mystery. Maybe at the bottom of your deepest subconscious, that is what you have always wanted, and Noé just happens to be the woman in the dream. She's a place holder?”_

 _“I have not seen or talked to Noé in months. She is definitely not in my short-term memory,”_ Adèle says.

 _“Well, it’s just a dream, as I always told you when you were a kid and you would wake up screaming,”_ Mama Haenel assures her.

 _“Ma, every time I wake up, for a split second, I expect Noé to be beside me and those 2 kids to bounce in,”_ Adèle is wistful.

 _“Then, take it for what it is. A mystery. The great unknown. A window to your soul. Why don’t you call her? What do you have to lose? You are single. Is she?”_ Mama Haenel replies.

 _“That’s what I don’t know, but I guess I can ask Céline. They regularly talk to each other,”_ Adèle sighed.

\-------------------------------

 _“How are you feeling? We’ve been worried about you!”_ Céline exclaims on the phone.

 _“Better, taste and smell are coming back. My head is still foggy, but clearing up each day,”_ Adèle answers.

“ _I was on the soup supply schedule that your Maman sent to all your friends,”_ Céline says.

 _“Thank you. I would say they’re delicious, but I would be lying because I had no sense of taste,”_ Adèle replies.

 _“Is there anything I can do? Anything you need?”_ Céline asks, concerned.

“ _Thank you. But I have a question…“_ Adèle hesitates before she continues, “ _Is Noémie currently single?”_

 _“She is, as far as I know. Her friends have been posting videos and pictures of their all-girls summer holiday. Why do you ask?”_ Céline was baffled at the question.

 _“It’s a long story, but I can blame CoVid. One of these days, I will tell you,”_ Adèle answers.

\-------------------------------

Adèle doesn’t want to forget and she has started writing down what she remembers of her dream. Sometimes, the recollection comes at the most inopportune time – e.g., shower – and she hurries back to her desk to write everything down. Before long, she has almost filled a notebook – anachronistic and apocryphal vignettes of scenes flashing in the back of her head – and she reads them at night to see if they make sense. But they don’t fully make sense because dreams seldom do and she has only written bits and pieces with a lot of holes to fill. Some dreams dissipate in the morning when real life takes control, but others linger. An unshakeable stream of paroxysm that takes its place amongst reality. Maybe it’s one of the neurological effects of CoVid. Or maybe it is indeed a window to her soul – she has always had a very unquiet mind – and it took a virus to calm her neurons and let her mind wander to parts unknown.

She’s lying in bed reading her notebook when her phone rings. It’s Noémie.

> _A: Hey, you.  
> _ _N: Céline told me you got CoVid. How are you?  
> _ _A: Better, but the first week was a sonofabitch. I slept through most of it.  
> _ _N: Welcome to the club. I’m here to give you your toaster. (Laughs). Seriously, is there anything I can do?  
> _ _A: Where are you?  
> _ _N: I’m in Paris, then it’s on to Deauville in about two weeks. Why?  
> _ _A: I’m hoping to see you, but I’m still under quarantine.  
> _ _N: I can wear my mask. Do you want me to come over?_  
>  _A: Can you? I’ll text you my address.  
> _ _N: I’ll be over tomorrow and I’ll bring dinner. Anything in particular, aside from your favorite corn on the cob?  
> _ _A: Thank you. No, I don't need anything. Just you._

Just like that, no questions asked. That's one of things she likes about Noémie - she does not ask a lot of questions, not because she's pliable. It's because she's trusting and takes things for what they are - no hidden agenda, no need to interpret in _between the lines_. What you see is what you get. After all this time, she's till the same. _Please don't ever change, Noé,_ she silently said to no one.

\--------------------------------

_“Nice mask,”_ Adèle tells Noémie, who is wearing a purple unicorn mask that matches her shorts, which reminds Adèle of Cécile.

“ _Yeah, I got it in Marseilles. If you had told me, I could have gotten you one,_ ” Noémie replies.

 _“Uhm… we don’t really talk on the phone or text, remember?”_ Adèle reminds her of the state of their friendship.

 _“Probably because you didn’t reply to the last few text messages I sent you after César?”_ Noémie counters.

 _“I know… that was bad, but please remember that the merde hit the fan around that time,”_ Adèle defends herself.

Uncomfortable silence.

 _“I’ll set the table. No corn on the cob, but I got us some salad, chateaubriand – maybe not as good because it’s takeout – potato au gratin, pastries, and… voilà, red wine,”_ Noémie informs her like a waitress reciting the specials of the day. Adèle smiles… this was one of the vignettes of her dreams.

Adèle was apprehensive and excited before Noé arrived. She took a shower, changed from her PJs to her jeans, and put on her chain necklace. She even blow dried her hair and put lipstick and perfume on. _What the fuck are you doing, Haenel,_ she asks herself, and then she laughs: _it’s only Noé, calm down!_.

 _“Nice dinner for two old friends,”_ Noémie excitedly says after she sets the table and lights a candle set in the middle.

 _“C’est merveilleux, Merlant!”_ Adèle smiles as she takes a seat. Noémie has always loved Adèle's smile. It used to brighten up the gray Bretagne days and two years later, it still has the power to make her smile.

At some point, it’s apparent that one bottle of wine is not enough, so Adèle goes to her stash and picks up a bottle she brought from Pierre Quiberon two years ago, an ‘89 Grand Cru.

 _“Let’s finish our dessert on the couch. I’ll uncork the bottle and air it out,”_ Noé tells her.

 _“You know… I’ve been trying to look for this vintage, '89 Quiberon, ever since we got back from filming Portrait,”_ Adèle says to no one in particular.

 _“What’s so special about it?”_ Noé asks.

 _“89 was the year I was born, so it’s as old as I, and I bought it when we were filming in Bretagne. The 1989 harvest was also very good,”_ Adèle answers, still looking at her glass.

 _“Well, here’s to you being born, and here’s to Pierre Quiberon being the backdrop of us,”_ Noémie raises her glass. _"_

 _"Cheers!"_ Adèle replies before she starts swirling her glass. " _I have to talk to you, that’s why I asked if you could come over. And I need the peace and quiet so you can listen and tell me if I’m crazy."_

_“Okay…”_ Noémie is not sure where this is headed. Adèle stands up to get her notebook from the bedroom.

 _“Last week, at the height of my CoVid, I slept a lot, I think I told you. And I had a continuous dream sequence… meaning if I went to the bathroom or eat something, I go back to sleep and the dream resumes with the same plot. It was like watching a movie, except this was a very long dream. Or maybe a series of interconnected dreams, I'm not sure. I have started writing down what I can remember,"_ Adèle says as an introduction.

_“And…”_ Noémie is now very interested and does not want to interrupt Adèle.

 _“I know I might sound like Nicholas Cage in ‘[Family Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpaYYnNEDug)’ when he yelled ‘WE HAVE A HOUSE IN JERSEY!’, but Noé, WE HAVE TWO KIDS NAMED ÉRIC AND CÉCILE!”_ Adèle just lets it out.

 _“And we fell in love on the set but I was an asshole and you were still married, and we went to your parents’ beach house…”_ Adèle is now reliving her dream.

 _“Wait, where is the house?”_ Noémie asks, perplexed.

 _“In Bretagne, north of Nantes, and 30 minutes from Rennes,”_ Adèle is not certain how she can remember all the trivial details. But then she sees Noémie’s very surprised face.

 _“Is it in Vannes? It’s more like an hour and a half to Rennes, but my parents do own a place there,”_ Noémie says.

 _“I don’t know, we just called it The Merlant Cottage in my dream, and there’s a private beach…”_ Adèle replies. Noémie does not answer, because they do indeed call it _The Cottage_ and it does have its own private beach.

Adèle continues, _“And we were living together here, in my flat, because you and Simon separated, then I left you for Gisèle. But throughout the dream, I was still pining for you, then I even saw you and Simon after you signed your divorce papers….”_

 _“Please don’t tell me you saw us in the Latin Quarters… because this is getting really weird,”_ Noémie interrupts.

 _“Yes, as a matter of fact, it was in the Latin Quarters, the place has an extensive wine selection,”_ Adèle answers and she sees Noémie shaking her head in disbelief but not saying anything.

Adele proceeds to tell her about CoVid, the lockdown, and trying to get her back.

 _“Wait, hon, I’ll put the kettle on for some tea,”_ Noémie says as she goes to the kitchen. This is going to be a long night, she can tell.

 _“YOU ALSO CALLED ME HONEY IN MY DREAM!!! And putting on the kettle for tea!!! This is full on déjà vu!!! Look, I even wrote it down!”_ Adèle says as she holds up her notebook.

Noémie comes back with 2 cups of tea with honey and sits back again next to Adèle, who continues the story with more details, as they are all coming back now.

_“I broke up with Gisèle after the lockdown, which is not really far from the truth, although my dreams have some dramatic license. And then you and Gimi got together and were having so much sex, you got pregnant, and you asked me to help you because you two broke up. I grudgingly agreed, but I got stabbed and tripped out in what I could only deduce as Heaven and you dreamed I died, kinda like the movie Inception, and when I woke up, you were next to me and I told you I loved you, and we have been together since. We have a son named Éric, born on my birthday, and then you starred in Céline’s musical and won all sorts of awards for it. And we wanted another kid and we used my egg but you were the surrogate, and we had a girl named Cécile, who looks just like me. We moved to a house and we were happy. Then you proposed to me, and not to be outdone, I proposed to you too, and we got married and went to Pierre Quiberon for our honeymoon…”_ Adèle’s words just spill out.

 _“Then what happens?”_ Noémie is now very intrigued with the story.

 _“This part was a fast forward… Céline wrote a sequel to Portrait and you co-wrote the script, and everyone loved it. Éric grows up and looks just like you in ‘A Good Man’, he attends the Conservatoire while Cécile goes to Cambridge in the UK and becomes a doctor. We buy a house near Pierre Quiberon and we retire there…”_ Adèle finishes the cliff notes version.

 _“And we lived happily ever after?”_ Noé asks with a smile, very touched by the story.

 _“We are very happy,”_ Adèle says, finally aware that she switches back and forth between past and present tense. _“And each morning over the last few days, for a split second after I wake up, I look for you beside me and I wait for the 2 kids to come into our room… before I realize it was only a dream and I feel really sad.”_

Noémie reaches out to hold Adèle’s hand and puts her head on her shoulders.

 _“It is a really weird dream… weird in that some of the details are correct, like my parents’ cottage and Simon and I going to the Latin Quarters after we finalized our divorce, and Gimi… he almost got me pregnant. Story for another day,”_ Noémie says wistfully, before asking softly, " _Tell me about_ _Éric and Cécile. I would like to meet them someday.”_

Adèle smiles at the recollection, _"Éric, he looks just like you, with dark hair and dark hazel eyes. He is artistic and sensitive and he can beat me at ping pong. Not often, but he can. He is very sweet, and we're buddies. Cécile looks just like me with her blonde hair and curls, and she is always hungry. You're very amused because we walk the same way. She's a lot more forceful than her brother. You can tell that her head is always working, the wheels are always spinning, and she's smart. And you and she are very close... she's your girl."_

Noémie smiles as she hears about their theoretical children. Adèle turns around to face her and looks at her intently. 

_“I don’t know why I never told you… and half of the time, I don’t know why I do the things I do… but my God... I never stopped loving you,”_ Adèle is taken aback by this realization. " _I know we could go our separate ways and we would both be okay. I know it's just a dream... maybe it was just CoVid or some Freudian mind trip. **But I swear nothing has ever felt more real**. Noé, I have seen what we could become. We would have to make sacrifices and it would not be all heart emojis all the time, but at least we would be together, and it would be awesome. Please, tell me that you're with me and we can give this dream a chance to come to life. " _

_“That is so trite and literal, Adèle,”_ Noé laughs, before solemnly declaring, _“Somehow, I believe your dream, and we can have a go at it because I might actually be feeling the same way, but minus the part where you’re an asshole and I’m a sex addict.”_

 _“I cannot promise I can stop being an asshole overnight…_ Adèle says, then almost whispers, _“Noé…_ _I want to kiss you… is that okay? I might still have CoVid…”_

 _“I don’t care if you have a bomb in your mouth…”_ Noémie says as she kisses Adèle.

 _"Can you stay for the night?"_ Adèle asks in the most charming Adèle fashion. 

_“I didn’t bring anything with me…”_ Noé protests.

 _“I can give you a brand-new toothbrush. You don’t need anything else,”_ Adèle smiles her million-dollar smile, then very softly and mischievously says with a wink, _“I intend to keep you naked."_

 _“I will like that very much,”_ Noémie answers, not letting go of Adèle’s hand, not breaking their gaze, and seeing their future together reflected in those blue-green eyes.

Adèle pours the remaining ‘89 Quiberon and they both raise their glass to make a toast: " _“Here’s to new beginnings."_

**C'est Fini**

****


End file.
